I'm seriously debating...

[sbick]

The pros and cons of suicide. I'll feel like such a loser if I fail, again, and that's pretty much what's stopping me. That and then I'll still have all this crazy pressure, and seeing as I feel like a useless bitch right now. I contemplated just 'useless', but really, why bother toning it down

Comments

[katje0711]

I hope one of those cons includes all the lives you'll devastate if you do kill yourself, Shoshana. I already lost one person to suicide recently and I really pray I don't lose another. You are far from a failure, useless or a bitch. {{{{HUGS}}}}

[sbick]

I was beyond caring before; now I'm really trying to pull myself together.

[mmouse15]

Please don't do this. You are not a failure, you are not useless. You do matter, and I know it's hard to believe this, but life does get better.

[sbick]

I'm still honestly considering. More from a logistical point of view - I really am having a hard time getting help beyond, 'hey, go look on the internets which bombards you with 100x the information you need, all of which you are, apparently, unqualified for as far as jobs go'.

So I don't see myself pulling out of this at any point soon that being the case. But I'm trying to be more honest and open about my emotions, and myself.

On a positive note, I've decided I may want to be a tad more religious. Of course, Voodoo speaks to me more than anything else, so I'll be heading there, and no, not the zombie/voodoo dolls stuff like in the movies - which is more New Orleans voodoo and no, the movies don't get it right - but straight up Haitian voodoo.

[katje0711]

Haitian voodoo could be fascinating. So, I guess you gave up on being like a Vulcan?