[FIC] Win or Lose?
Title: Win or Lose?
Author: sbluesnow
Pairing: Chunglim-centric
Summary: Giving and taking. Pushing and pulling. It's an endless cycle. There isn't an end until someone stops. Who the winner is unpredictable.
A/N: Written as a part of Luminosity Give Away.
-x-
He watches the screen and gives a small smile.
The picture on the screen is lively and alert. The crowd is chanting and screaming for their beloved idols.
He may not be as popular but he's content.
He's happy that he's working solo and not working in a group. He's had to change his image and smile more and practice like crazy. Having band mates would make it harder. It might be easier to have someone to share the same worries but he's not keen on all the skinship.
Generally he wouldn't mind if he knows that person well and are close friends but there's also that possibility of awkwardness that just won't go away.
Like SS501. Youngsaeng sshi and Hyunjoong sshi see each other about 295 days out of 356. They're very awkward towards each other and they've known each other for quite a long time.
In Super Junior it's just crazy. He doesn't even know where to begin with that group. There are so many members. It'd be hard to stand out in one area against the other members and their specialities. The amount of skinship and ridiculously getups they’re given by the cordi noona’s are crazy. It might even rival the time Dong Bang Shin Ki had to wear transparent plastic raincoats with feathers.
He doesn’t mind working with them though. They really do stand out a lot more when their band mates aren’t on the show. Like in Dream Team, Eunhyuk sshi is surprisingly fast and athletic but compared to his members, he doesn’t seem like it.
Sighing, he turns the TV off and turns the CD player back on. The song picks up again. The sound echoes in the practice room. He can feel the vibrations against his skin. His body easily moves on his own in time to the music and the movements are slow and elegant. They slowly transformed to hard and rough, fast and serious. It was no longer soft and peaceful. It became a war.
A war with himself.
As seconds go by, his movements become stronger and harsher. They push and shove until they're fighting against one another. To top the previous move and get better.
He's pushing himself to get better. He's pushing himself to be better. He has to. It's not an choice. It's not an option. It's a given of what he has to do. To succeed and become an idol. To be known and recognized. To be seen and heard. To be loved and talked about.
To be in the spotlight.
The song fades out. They're muted to his ears. He stops and stares at his reflection in the mirror. The reflection of who he is right now. The person he despises the most. He doesn't even know who he is anymore.
"Who are you?"
He lets out a dry laugh. The person in the mirror is someone who's training and training to become better. Who he feels like is a fake. A phony. The person looking back isn't him. It's someone he's become overtime. He's become Chunglim. He's no longer Han Chunglim. He's changed.
He's changed for his dreams. He's changed to live out his dream. He's changed to do what he wants to do with his life.
To sing. To dance. To be on stage and perform.
It's his dream. It still is. He's just wondering if who he is now really him. He's locked his past away and has become who management wants him to be.
The person in the mirror smiles warmly at him as if inviting him to accept the way things are and try harder. He's tempted to take hold of that outstretched hand and run that path. On the other hand he wants to smack that hand away and start over.
"Who's going to win? You or me?"
The end result, he'll have to wait and see for that.
Author: sbluesnow
Pairing: Chunglim-centric
Summary: Giving and taking. Pushing and pulling. It's an endless cycle. There isn't an end until someone stops. Who the winner is unpredictable.
A/N: Written as a part of Luminosity Give Away.
-x-
He watches the screen and gives a small smile.
The picture on the screen is lively and alert. The crowd is chanting and screaming for their beloved idols.
He may not be as popular but he's content.
He's happy that he's working solo and not working in a group. He's had to change his image and smile more and practice like crazy. Having band mates would make it harder. It might be easier to have someone to share the same worries but he's not keen on all the skinship.
Generally he wouldn't mind if he knows that person well and are close friends but there's also that possibility of awkwardness that just won't go away.
Like SS501. Youngsaeng sshi and Hyunjoong sshi see each other about 295 days out of 356. They're very awkward towards each other and they've known each other for quite a long time.
In Super Junior it's just crazy. He doesn't even know where to begin with that group. There are so many members. It'd be hard to stand out in one area against the other members and their specialities. The amount of skinship and ridiculously getups they’re given by the cordi noona’s are crazy. It might even rival the time Dong Bang Shin Ki had to wear transparent plastic raincoats with feathers.
He doesn’t mind working with them though. They really do stand out a lot more when their band mates aren’t on the show. Like in Dream Team, Eunhyuk sshi is surprisingly fast and athletic but compared to his members, he doesn’t seem like it.
Sighing, he turns the TV off and turns the CD player back on. The song picks up again. The sound echoes in the practice room. He can feel the vibrations against his skin. His body easily moves on his own in time to the music and the movements are slow and elegant. They slowly transformed to hard and rough, fast and serious. It was no longer soft and peaceful. It became a war.
A war with himself.
As seconds go by, his movements become stronger and harsher. They push and shove until they're fighting against one another. To top the previous move and get better.
He's pushing himself to get better. He's pushing himself to be better. He has to. It's not an choice. It's not an option. It's a given of what he has to do. To succeed and become an idol. To be known and recognized. To be seen and heard. To be loved and talked about.
To be in the spotlight.
The song fades out. They're muted to his ears. He stops and stares at his reflection in the mirror. The reflection of who he is right now. The person he despises the most. He doesn't even know who he is anymore.
"Who are you?"
He lets out a dry laugh. The person in the mirror is someone who's training and training to become better. Who he feels like is a fake. A phony. The person looking back isn't him. It's someone he's become overtime. He's become Chunglim. He's no longer Han Chunglim. He's changed.
He's changed for his dreams. He's changed to live out his dream. He's changed to do what he wants to do with his life.
To sing. To dance. To be on stage and perform.
It's his dream. It still is. He's just wondering if who he is now really him. He's locked his past away and has become who management wants him to be.
The person in the mirror smiles warmly at him as if inviting him to accept the way things are and try harder. He's tempted to take hold of that outstretched hand and run that path. On the other hand he wants to smack that hand away and start over.
"Who's going to win? You or me?"
The end result, he'll have to wait and see for that.