The first day of the rest of my life
So, today is that day. Yesterday morning I had my final divorce hearing, so now it's official. Yesterday was an emotional day. I was fine until the judge said the date of our wedding and then I got emotional. I held on to the tears until the hearing was over and we stepped out of the courtroom.
The thing is, if Dale'd shown up and said he'd reconsidered, I still would have gone through with the divorce. The man he's provem himself to be over the last year and a half is not someone I want to be married to. But still, nobody gets married expecting to get divorced. I've likened it more than once to the past year or so being like (in a broad, simplistic sense) watching someone die of a terminal disease. You know the death is coming, but even so, the funeral is hard to get through. And yesterday was the funeral. Those are tough days.
Thank god my best friend glued herself to my side after work, though. My stress and roller-coaster emotions had me in full "Scary Mommy" mode, which entails me being really sharp with the kids and very critical, easily irritated, etc. So Dana stepped in, picked the kids up from church, bathed the little girls, got them through their bedtime routines, cleaning their room, etc. All those things that really tend to put me over the edge when I'm struggling emotionally. Although to give myself a little credit, those times are few and far between nowadays, but being human, it still happens occassionally.
Today is good, though. Trying to be proactive about giving myself some time to cope, I took today and tomorrow off work, so I don't have to do anything other than feed the horde if I don't want to. I was even so decadent as to go back to bed after the kids left for school this morning!!! And today is good. Life is good. The past year and half has been really, really tough, but it has brought too much good to not acknowledge it, though. I'm doing great, my kids are doing great and I have a career that I absolutely adore.
And I'm a stronger person across the board, too. Two years ago I was a SAHM mom who'd dabbled in a career of event planning that was really just an off-shoot of my sorority days. I spent 12 years at home, which I loved, but I also hid from real life in a way. I refused to take any responsibility for paying bills or even knowing what most of the bills were. I'd gone from my father's house to my husband's and was doggedly determined to play a 1950s housewife.
Well, let's just say I've come fully into the present day and I like it. A lot! Turns out I'm much better at handling finances than the ex was, I'm pretty damn brilliant at my job and I'm juggling being the single mother of four without much angst. Pretty damn good, even if I do say so myself. And I will never let a man be that in charge of my life again. I will always have my own money and be aware of life and events to the point that I will never struggle being on my own. It was a hard lesson to learn, but I think I've been a student.
Anyhow, for those of you who haven't heard from my in a year or more, *HUGS*! I'm just one of those people that really pull into themselves when hurting, so about the only people I kept in regular contact with were the ones here who could literally show up on my doorstep and tell me to cut it out and come out of my cave. But, like I said, today is the first day of the rest of my life, so I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!!!!
The thing is, if Dale'd shown up and said he'd reconsidered, I still would have gone through with the divorce. The man he's provem himself to be over the last year and a half is not someone I want to be married to. But still, nobody gets married expecting to get divorced. I've likened it more than once to the past year or so being like (in a broad, simplistic sense) watching someone die of a terminal disease. You know the death is coming, but even so, the funeral is hard to get through. And yesterday was the funeral. Those are tough days.
Thank god my best friend glued herself to my side after work, though. My stress and roller-coaster emotions had me in full "Scary Mommy" mode, which entails me being really sharp with the kids and very critical, easily irritated, etc. So Dana stepped in, picked the kids up from church, bathed the little girls, got them through their bedtime routines, cleaning their room, etc. All those things that really tend to put me over the edge when I'm struggling emotionally. Although to give myself a little credit, those times are few and far between nowadays, but being human, it still happens occassionally.
Today is good, though. Trying to be proactive about giving myself some time to cope, I took today and tomorrow off work, so I don't have to do anything other than feed the horde if I don't want to. I was even so decadent as to go back to bed after the kids left for school this morning!!! And today is good. Life is good. The past year and half has been really, really tough, but it has brought too much good to not acknowledge it, though. I'm doing great, my kids are doing great and I have a career that I absolutely adore.
And I'm a stronger person across the board, too. Two years ago I was a SAHM mom who'd dabbled in a career of event planning that was really just an off-shoot of my sorority days. I spent 12 years at home, which I loved, but I also hid from real life in a way. I refused to take any responsibility for paying bills or even knowing what most of the bills were. I'd gone from my father's house to my husband's and was doggedly determined to play a 1950s housewife.
Well, let's just say I've come fully into the present day and I like it. A lot! Turns out I'm much better at handling finances than the ex was, I'm pretty damn brilliant at my job and I'm juggling being the single mother of four without much angst. Pretty damn good, even if I do say so myself. And I will never let a man be that in charge of my life again. I will always have my own money and be aware of life and events to the point that I will never struggle being on my own. It was a hard lesson to learn, but I think I've been a student.
Anyhow, for those of you who haven't heard from my in a year or more, *HUGS*! I'm just one of those people that really pull into themselves when hurting, so about the only people I kept in regular contact with were the ones here who could literally show up on my doorstep and tell me to cut it out and come out of my cave. But, like I said, today is the first day of the rest of my life, so I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!!!!