(no subject)
i'm glad things feel like they're balancing themselves out again.
it's really satisfying to build yourself out of a depression. maybe karma's finally making itself up to me, but i feel like the world is doing me right.
i had a fantastic 3-day halloween weekend. went to a ton of parties and spent a lot of time with the people i love and getting drunk for free. i also got to spend time with ryan and chad, and i don't see either of them very much anymore.
i think the rest of the holiday's this year should be just as fun.
it's great that austin has the schedule he does now, i missed hanging out with him all the time.
i've been playing a lot of magic lately, but it's fun. it's brought steven and i together again really close and we bond a lot now.
crystal and james came over today and brought the hookah. we smoked for a while and then watched the triplets of bellville. that was really really fantastic. it was really bizarre, but the animation was gorgeous and the story great.
andrew from cryptorchid chipmunk called. i'm trying to get a show set up for them this december. i will do anything for them, it just sucks because i don't think i'm going to be able to get it at a normal venue. i'm going to try to do a house show / party for them, maybe at the new barn austin's dad built. that would be fucking INSANE!
i feel like lately i've been trying to get all of my problems worked out and my life in perspective, but one thing i have learned is that i'm too terrified to make any changes. i feel paralyzed sometimes because i can't break my comfort zone. even opening up like this has always been difficult for me, but i'm glad it's getting easier. i think moving forward emotionally like this is going to be a big help to my self-esteem and i'll be able to vent more.
all in all, i feel like i'm at the stage in my life where a lot of ships are setting sail, and i need to decide which ones to let go. my entire life, i've just been so scared of fucking up that i've refused to take any risks. i just can't ever figure out what i want and what i'm capable of, so i prefer to watch things go by because i assume that they won't work out. i don't know if i'll ever be able to overcome that, which is sad because that shortcoming could be the end of me.