for di and sammy. <3
Uh. I'm on a posting kick, I guess. This is mostly for Sammy, but anyone can read. Unusual pairing, beware.
Yes, I know there are many canon errors in this. I don’t know if people could really just visit someone in Azkaban, maybe they said someone on it about Barty Crouch, Jr., but I don’t feel like looking it up. Let’s say for the sake of the fic that they can. And let’s also say that Alice would have had enough time before being tortured for information. I’m just messing with AU like Diamond did in hers, though this one’s a little different. This time Alice is visiting him.
Halloween would never be a time of joy and laughs to Sirius Black again. If it was possible to lose everything in one moment, he had, the moment Wormtail turned traitor and told Him.
But it was all his fault, he thought again with a groan, pulling at the roots of his hair. This was why people thought Azkaban drove you insane. It was being left with your own thoughts after your worst wrong that really made you mad.
If they hadn’t switched Secret Keepers, if they hadn’t listened to him, if they hadn’t thought Remus was the traitor, they would still be alive and it was all his bloody fault. He would rather have died protecting them, they deserved it, then let this happen. And he couldn’t just die now, as much as he wanted to. Sirius Black was a Gryffindor, never a coward, he’d run away from home in the middle of a storm when he was sixteen, he couldn’t run away from life because his damn pride wouldn’t let him.
Damn Pettigrew, when he saw him ago he would kill the bastard and laugh. When, he decided, he was going to get out sometime, even if it took him twenty years to figure it out. He was going to get out and kill the bastard and laugh as the life left his eyes like it had left his best friend’s only a few days ago.
There was a sharp click and the sound of a dementor passing. There was another click and angry voices in the cells around him, protesting about something or another. What did it even matter anymore? He looked up to yell for them to ‘Shut the hell up’, but his eyes fell on the cause of their commotion. They were probably saying that they weren’t to have visitors, that it wasn’t fair that the new guy got one when they hadn’t seen anyone they had cared about it years.
Alice.
He sat from his position on the thin mattress, his eyes not leaving her wide ones. She looked worried since the dementor had moved to the end of the row, settling down the other inmates. Every few seconds she would look around her, as if she couldn’t believe she had come, and neither could he. She gripped the bars tightly, but he could see her hands shaking, a confused look on her face.
He hadn’t lost everything in one moment. He’d lost her before this, when she married that prat Longbottom. They had a son, he knew, the same age as James and Lily’s little Harry. Thinking of the little boy he had found in the ruins of a house made a fresh wave of guilt flood over him.
“…Sirius?” she finally asked, her voice as quiet and smooth and perfect as he remembered. The last time he had heard her speak, she was saying her vows, promising herself to that prick for as long as she lived. She used the same quiet tone when asking his name, as if she couldn’t believe that this person in front of her was really him.
He could hardly believe what he had become himself. Some stupid rat was all it took to turn his world completely upside down.
“Alice,” his voice answered, scratchy and hard, nothing like the charming teenager he had been in school. Life had hit him too hard for him to be the same and he tried to remember the last time he had actually talked. It hadn’t been since he choked back tears at the sight of their house and handed Harry to Hagrid, telling him to keep him safe for him.
“Oh, Sirius…” she began, glancing around the hall once before returning her eyes to his. “It can’t…” She swallowed. “It couldn’t be you…”
He wasn’t sure what she was exactly referring to. Could he hope that she knew he couldn’t have been the secret keeper? Could she know it was a mistake; that Peter was supposed to be dead, not out there somewhere, trying to find a place to live and thinking only of his own hide. He swallowed instead of answering, only reaching up to brush a few calloused fingers across her smooth cheek.
She didn’t pull away like he expected, telling him that she was married or a mother or anything. Something caught the back of her throat, causing a half-sob sort of sound and he wished more than he should have that he could get through the bars and hold her to his chest. Alice rested one of her small, white hands over his other hand that was gripping the bar between them.
Her touch sent a jolt through him, up his arm, to his shoulder, and down to his toes. She wasn’t supposed to have this kind of hold over him, not after all this time and her marriage and the whole world rejoicing while Sirius was in a hell.
“Alice, I’m sorry, I…” his voice scratched and came out in a loud whisper, his throat constricting at the sight and touch or her, the lack of water, and the tears at the back of his throat not helping things.
Her eyes searched over him again, looking for something though he didn’t know what. “He doesn’t know I’m here,” she confided quickly. “He told me I wasn’t to see you again after…” her voice drifted off and came back again. “But I had to… Oh, Sirius…” She leaned forward, her forehead resting against the two bars that made it impossible for him to be free, that would divide them as long as they lived. Another sob shook her small body, both of her hands clutched around the bars.
“No, no, no…” he mumbled quickly, putting his hands over hers and leaning forward. “Don’t, Ally, you can’t…” He was going to completely lose it if she cried, if she couldn’t even find a way out of it. He was always figuring out how they could sneak around without being caught and now he didn’t even know how to begin. His forehead touched hers through the bars as he ran his thumbs over the skin on the back of her hands.
Her sobs slowed once their foreheads were together to sniffs until she could speak again. “You didn’t…? You didn’t kill them, did you, Sirius? Everyone’s saying…” He could tell she had been fighting it, verbally with her husband and mentally with herself. Alice believed in him enough to know he couldn’t have killed his best friend and his wife.
“Thank Godric for you, Ally,” Sirius answered, his voice getting used to talking now that he had someone beside himself to talk to. “I didn’t, I couldn’t… They’re dead, Ally…” Now it was his turn to have hot tears come to his eyes. Saying it made it even truer, if the prison around him wasn’t enough of a clue that something was horribly wrong.
“Sirius, I know, I know…” her voice reflected some of the pain in his.
What did it matter that the Dark Lord had vanished when his world and Alice’s happiness had along with him?
Without thinking beyond the fact that he needed it, he leaned forward, pressing his lips firmly to hers. He needed to taste her, to know she was still there, to have some part of her that husband couldn’t, try to fool himself into thinking things would be all right again sometime. He needed her, damn it, and she’d been gone for so long. Alice pressed back against him, kissing him back, not like he had expected.
He had expected her to pull away, to look at him sadly and leave, knowing she couldn’t stay there when he felt the way he did about her still. Not when she had a husband and baby at home, wondering where she had run off to so soon after He was gone. Instead she kissed him back with just as much need, as if she needed to memorize him before he was locked away forever. And it was probably the truth.
The thought of never seeing her again, of this being the last time they would see the other made him reach through the bars and tug on the ends of her hair, making her come as close as she could with the bothersome metal in the way. She didn’t object and pulled herself closer to him, tasting like desperation and Alice.
After a few minutes she broke away, her breathing heavy and face so close to his. “Sirius…” she breathed, much like her had back when they could be them and his heart sank, thinking how differently things would have worked out if she hadn’t gotten married, if he was still allowed to put a hand around her waist and call her his. If she was still his.
“I knew you couldn’t have.” The assurance in her voice made him really believe he could get out somehow, that he could make the rat pay for ruining what was left of his life, for the loss of his best friends and his mind, and for making an orphan out of his godson.
“Alice, Alice, Ally, wonderful Ally…” Sirius spoke, running his fingers over her cheeks to remember how smooth they were under his fingers, to try and remember her. The dementor slid past them, as if telling Sirius that he only had a limited amount of time with his precious visitor. “Ally, I’m so…” he leaned forward and kissed her again, wanting to be sure he had her taste exactly right before she left forever. “Thank you,” he choked out finally, his forehead resting against hers and eyes not leaving hers.
Alice nodded, running her fingers over his cheek again. “I love you, Sirius Black.” Her words were certain, strong, just like the Ally he knew. “Remember that for me.” She slid her hand down his arm, pressing a note into his palm.
“I love you, Alice Prewett.” They both seemed to ignore her married name, since she didn’t object to his use of her maiden one.
Then she let go of him, and he had to let her go, watch her square her shoulders and leave the hall, making it seem colder without her presence there and much lonelier. He slid down against the wall, the note still clutched in his hand. After a few minutes to regain his control her open the stationary that still managed to smell like her.
She had crossed off a few lines of words, as if she had expected to write more, but didn’t know what to say.
Sirius,
I’ll always be yours.
Love, Ally
Yes, I know there are many canon errors in this. I don’t know if people could really just visit someone in Azkaban, maybe they said someone on it about Barty Crouch, Jr., but I don’t feel like looking it up. Let’s say for the sake of the fic that they can. And let’s also say that Alice would have had enough time before being tortured for information. I’m just messing with AU like Diamond did in hers, though this one’s a little different. This time Alice is visiting him.
Halloween would never be a time of joy and laughs to Sirius Black again. If it was possible to lose everything in one moment, he had, the moment Wormtail turned traitor and told Him.
But it was all his fault, he thought again with a groan, pulling at the roots of his hair. This was why people thought Azkaban drove you insane. It was being left with your own thoughts after your worst wrong that really made you mad.
If they hadn’t switched Secret Keepers, if they hadn’t listened to him, if they hadn’t thought Remus was the traitor, they would still be alive and it was all his bloody fault. He would rather have died protecting them, they deserved it, then let this happen. And he couldn’t just die now, as much as he wanted to. Sirius Black was a Gryffindor, never a coward, he’d run away from home in the middle of a storm when he was sixteen, he couldn’t run away from life because his damn pride wouldn’t let him.
Damn Pettigrew, when he saw him ago he would kill the bastard and laugh. When, he decided, he was going to get out sometime, even if it took him twenty years to figure it out. He was going to get out and kill the bastard and laugh as the life left his eyes like it had left his best friend’s only a few days ago.
There was a sharp click and the sound of a dementor passing. There was another click and angry voices in the cells around him, protesting about something or another. What did it even matter anymore? He looked up to yell for them to ‘Shut the hell up’, but his eyes fell on the cause of their commotion. They were probably saying that they weren’t to have visitors, that it wasn’t fair that the new guy got one when they hadn’t seen anyone they had cared about it years.
Alice.
He sat from his position on the thin mattress, his eyes not leaving her wide ones. She looked worried since the dementor had moved to the end of the row, settling down the other inmates. Every few seconds she would look around her, as if she couldn’t believe she had come, and neither could he. She gripped the bars tightly, but he could see her hands shaking, a confused look on her face.
He hadn’t lost everything in one moment. He’d lost her before this, when she married that prat Longbottom. They had a son, he knew, the same age as James and Lily’s little Harry. Thinking of the little boy he had found in the ruins of a house made a fresh wave of guilt flood over him.
“…Sirius?” she finally asked, her voice as quiet and smooth and perfect as he remembered. The last time he had heard her speak, she was saying her vows, promising herself to that prick for as long as she lived. She used the same quiet tone when asking his name, as if she couldn’t believe that this person in front of her was really him.
He could hardly believe what he had become himself. Some stupid rat was all it took to turn his world completely upside down.
“Alice,” his voice answered, scratchy and hard, nothing like the charming teenager he had been in school. Life had hit him too hard for him to be the same and he tried to remember the last time he had actually talked. It hadn’t been since he choked back tears at the sight of their house and handed Harry to Hagrid, telling him to keep him safe for him.
“Oh, Sirius…” she began, glancing around the hall once before returning her eyes to his. “It can’t…” She swallowed. “It couldn’t be you…”
He wasn’t sure what she was exactly referring to. Could he hope that she knew he couldn’t have been the secret keeper? Could she know it was a mistake; that Peter was supposed to be dead, not out there somewhere, trying to find a place to live and thinking only of his own hide. He swallowed instead of answering, only reaching up to brush a few calloused fingers across her smooth cheek.
She didn’t pull away like he expected, telling him that she was married or a mother or anything. Something caught the back of her throat, causing a half-sob sort of sound and he wished more than he should have that he could get through the bars and hold her to his chest. Alice rested one of her small, white hands over his other hand that was gripping the bar between them.
Her touch sent a jolt through him, up his arm, to his shoulder, and down to his toes. She wasn’t supposed to have this kind of hold over him, not after all this time and her marriage and the whole world rejoicing while Sirius was in a hell.
“Alice, I’m sorry, I…” his voice scratched and came out in a loud whisper, his throat constricting at the sight and touch or her, the lack of water, and the tears at the back of his throat not helping things.
Her eyes searched over him again, looking for something though he didn’t know what. “He doesn’t know I’m here,” she confided quickly. “He told me I wasn’t to see you again after…” her voice drifted off and came back again. “But I had to… Oh, Sirius…” She leaned forward, her forehead resting against the two bars that made it impossible for him to be free, that would divide them as long as they lived. Another sob shook her small body, both of her hands clutched around the bars.
“No, no, no…” he mumbled quickly, putting his hands over hers and leaning forward. “Don’t, Ally, you can’t…” He was going to completely lose it if she cried, if she couldn’t even find a way out of it. He was always figuring out how they could sneak around without being caught and now he didn’t even know how to begin. His forehead touched hers through the bars as he ran his thumbs over the skin on the back of her hands.
Her sobs slowed once their foreheads were together to sniffs until she could speak again. “You didn’t…? You didn’t kill them, did you, Sirius? Everyone’s saying…” He could tell she had been fighting it, verbally with her husband and mentally with herself. Alice believed in him enough to know he couldn’t have killed his best friend and his wife.
“Thank Godric for you, Ally,” Sirius answered, his voice getting used to talking now that he had someone beside himself to talk to. “I didn’t, I couldn’t… They’re dead, Ally…” Now it was his turn to have hot tears come to his eyes. Saying it made it even truer, if the prison around him wasn’t enough of a clue that something was horribly wrong.
“Sirius, I know, I know…” her voice reflected some of the pain in his.
What did it matter that the Dark Lord had vanished when his world and Alice’s happiness had along with him?
Without thinking beyond the fact that he needed it, he leaned forward, pressing his lips firmly to hers. He needed to taste her, to know she was still there, to have some part of her that husband couldn’t, try to fool himself into thinking things would be all right again sometime. He needed her, damn it, and she’d been gone for so long. Alice pressed back against him, kissing him back, not like he had expected.
He had expected her to pull away, to look at him sadly and leave, knowing she couldn’t stay there when he felt the way he did about her still. Not when she had a husband and baby at home, wondering where she had run off to so soon after He was gone. Instead she kissed him back with just as much need, as if she needed to memorize him before he was locked away forever. And it was probably the truth.
The thought of never seeing her again, of this being the last time they would see the other made him reach through the bars and tug on the ends of her hair, making her come as close as she could with the bothersome metal in the way. She didn’t object and pulled herself closer to him, tasting like desperation and Alice.
After a few minutes she broke away, her breathing heavy and face so close to his. “Sirius…” she breathed, much like her had back when they could be them and his heart sank, thinking how differently things would have worked out if she hadn’t gotten married, if he was still allowed to put a hand around her waist and call her his. If she was still his.
“I knew you couldn’t have.” The assurance in her voice made him really believe he could get out somehow, that he could make the rat pay for ruining what was left of his life, for the loss of his best friends and his mind, and for making an orphan out of his godson.
“Alice, Alice, Ally, wonderful Ally…” Sirius spoke, running his fingers over her cheeks to remember how smooth they were under his fingers, to try and remember her. The dementor slid past them, as if telling Sirius that he only had a limited amount of time with his precious visitor. “Ally, I’m so…” he leaned forward and kissed her again, wanting to be sure he had her taste exactly right before she left forever. “Thank you,” he choked out finally, his forehead resting against hers and eyes not leaving hers.
Alice nodded, running her fingers over his cheek again. “I love you, Sirius Black.” Her words were certain, strong, just like the Ally he knew. “Remember that for me.” She slid her hand down his arm, pressing a note into his palm.
“I love you, Alice Prewett.” They both seemed to ignore her married name, since she didn’t object to his use of her maiden one.
Then she let go of him, and he had to let her go, watch her square her shoulders and leave the hall, making it seem colder without her presence there and much lonelier. He slid down against the wall, the note still clutched in his hand. After a few minutes to regain his control her open the stationary that still managed to smell like her.
She had crossed off a few lines of words, as if she had expected to write more, but didn’t know what to say.
Sirius,
I’ll always be yours.
Love, Ally