Baby Steps Chapter 5
Title: Baby Steps
Rating: pg-13
Pairing: future Kurtofksy. situational Klaine
Disclaimer: not mine
Summary: School starts and Dave and Kurt start the McKinley GSA. Here’s to baby steps.
Notes: proxydialogue and raving_liberal are the best!
Chapter 4
The week went downhill from there. Dave got home from practice to find his parents fighting over something. Dave didn’t know what they were fighting about, he never did when they went at it with a slow simmer like this; not yelling, not throwing things, just silently hating at each other from across the dinner table.
Dave excused himself as soon as he could and hid in his room. About an hour later, the yelling started, and he winced when he heard something shatter. He put on his headphones and turned the volume up. They did this every couple months; it was best just to keep his head down and ride it out.
Then, Wednesday, he failed the pop quiz in History, because he hadn’t done his homework the night before, hiding from the crazy downstairs.
Thursday the battery in his truck died. He was late to school and missed homeroom and first period.
Friday, he twisted his ankle on the field; nothing serious, but enough to keep him benched for the rest of the game.
Saturday, Dave sat down at his desk, and his computer chair collapsed underneath him.
“Fuck this noise,” Dave said, grabbed his copy of Captain Blood, and went to the Lima Bean. If anyone asked, it was for school.
He wasn’t surprised, really, when he saw Kurt there. He was surprised that Kurt was by himself, laptop open in front of him. Dave stopped by his table. “Hey.”
Kurt looked up, startled, and smiled. “Dave. Hi! What’re you doing here?”
Dave shrugged. “Had to get out of the house.”
“Oh, I understand that,” Kurt said. “Rachel came over, and was trying to talk Finn into--I don’t even know. I didn’t stick around.” Kurt gestured to the empty chair. “You want to sit?”
“Sure,” Dave said. “Lemmie get a drink.”
Kurt smiled, and Dave went to get coffee. The perky barista (too many free samples, Dave thought), asked if Dave wanted a flavor shot in his drink. On a whim, as it seemed to be the day for it, Dave asked if they had butterscotch. They did, and Dave took his drink to the table, breathing in the sweet coffee scent.
He stopped when he someone in a Dalton blazer talking to Kurt. Popped-Collar. Sebastian. What kinda douchey school was it, that it catered to jerks with weird names, anyway. Kurt looked bored, but there was a tension there that betrayed something, either hurt or anger, Dave wasn’t sure, but it wasn’t good.
In less than a thought, Dave was there, looming behind Sebastian, using his greater mass to take up as much space as possible. Dave felt a twinge, he wasn’t really used to intimidation anymore, but dammit if he wasn’t going to use his skills for good, now. He knew the minute Sebastian registered his presence, because he froze, just for a minute, like a rabbit in a trap.
Sebastian relaxed his shoulders. “Cubby. I should have known you’d be dancing bear at the end of Gay Face’s leash.”
“I think you should leave,” Dave said, and Dr. Burns-call-me-George would be proud. He didn’t raise his voice at all.
Sebastian scoffed, addressing Kurt. “You going to let this behemoth bully me?”
“Dave’s not the bully here, Sebastian. You are,” Kurt said. Dave resisted the urge to smile. Wasn’t this a turn up for the books.
“At least let me say what I came to say,” he said.
Dave raised an eye at Kurt, who nodded after a minute. “Fine,” he said, and Dave slid into the seat across from Kurt. “I’ve been encouraging Dave’s growing avoidance to violence, but I reserve the right to ask him to beat you bloody.”
Dave grinned, showing his teeth. It felt good to play like this, to not be too afraid to mention his physicality, to let himself be just a little bit rough without having everyone run for the hills, or for his therapist.
Sebastian blinked for a moment, as if surprised at the display. Either Sebastian was better at reading people than Dave thought, and knew Dave couldn’t really hurt him, or Dave was scarier than he thought. Then, Sebastian sighed.
“I heard Blaine called it off between you, and I wanted you to know I had nothing to do with it.”
Kurt raised an eyebrow. “And why should I believe you?”
“Because,” Sebastian said. “Cubby here can vouch for me, I don’t do commitment.”
“That’s true enough,” Dave said. “You do have a reputation.”
“Thank you,” Sebastian said, as if it was something to be proud of. “But now that he’s not with you, he’s been sniffing around me, and honestly, it’s annoying as fuck. Especially since I can tell he’s only doing it because I’m a threat to his monopoly on solos.”
There was an odd smile on Kurt’s face. “Yes, that is his MO, isn’t it? But why tell me?”
“Because I’m not going to let him win,” Sebastian said. “I’m getting solos, one way or another, and I’d like an ally. The recently wronged boyfriend seemed like the ideal person to ask.”
Kurt snorted. “Can you be any more passive aggressive?”
“Does that mean ‘no?’”
“Hell, no. I’m in,” Kurt said. “We’re going to make sure that Hobbit wishes he had never messed around with one Kurt E Hummel.”
Sebastian held out a hand, and Kurt shook, sealing the deal. Sebastian left after that, walking away with a jaunty salute and a sing-songed “I’ll be in touch.”
As soon as he was out of earshot, Dave said: “Why do I feel like an extra in a Gay production of Faust?”
Kurt waved Dave off. “Please. I hardly think Sebastian has that kind of power.”
“Lets hope not,” Dave said. “I mean, nobody has said that he has a tail, and with the number of people who’ve seen him naked, you’d think somebody would have talked.”
“David!” Kurt giggled. “That was positively catty. Watch out. You’ll be tripple-snapping soon.”
Dave snorted. “Only if the doctors don’t catch it in time. You can ask for that now, you know--gay screening. I hear they have a vaccine and everything.”
“Oh, I know,” Kurt said. “I get my boosters every six months. None of that gay stuff for me.”
“I can tell,” Dave said. “It’s really working. Just be careful that you don’t relapse. I hear you end up even gayer, like LIberace meets Sigfried and Roy’s tigers gay.”
Kurt broke, laughing out loud and pressing fingers to his eyes for the tears. “You’re terrible, Dave,” he said, and Dave grinned, opening his book in victory.
Before he could start reading, Dave heard his name called, and when he looked, he saw Az, Strando, and their kicker, Thompson, looking at him.
“Shit,” Dave said under his breath as he raised a hand in greeting. How much did they hear? Could they hear him? Was this it? Did he finally slip up? He felt the fear, but now, also, a strange anticipation. He almost hoped this was it. At least then the waiting would be over.
Kurt had gone quiet next to him, not quite sure which way to act, waiting for Dave’s cue.
And Dave decided not to do anything. It was it, or not; time or not. Dave would deal, one way or the other.
That didn’t mean Dave didn’t start shaking with relief when they left after getting their drinks. Dave heaved a sigh, and laid his head on his arm.
“You okay?” Kurt asked quietly--he knew how close that was.
“Yeah,” Dave said to the table, then again to Kurt’s face when he raised his head. “Yeah, I’m okay.” And more--he knew what his secret would be.
***
This time, instead of a real postcard, Dave found a 6x8 index card. He searched the web, the image he wanted clear in his mind, if only he could find it and--there--a painting of Pandora weeping over an empty box, with hope like a white fairy touching her shoulder. Perfect. He fiddled with the size, printing it at 6x8, with his secret typed out in the white space below the image. Carefully, Dave cut the secret into its separate words. He glued the picture to the card, then the words to the picture, weaving them around the central image. Once the glue was dry, he stuck it in a envelope and put it in his backpack.
Ms. P’s office was empty when he dropped it off, which was good, because he didn’t think he could have otherwise.
The secrets went up Tuesday morning. Dave asked for a bathroom pass during his free period, and went to check out the board.
The secrets had been tastefully clustered at three points, creating a piece of art in and of itself. Down at the bottom, in the corner, Ms. P had stapled several pamphlets (“Eating is Fun!” “So You Eat Your Feelings” “Sometimes, I Cut Myself”), which made Dave shake his head. But she had also listed several self-help numbers, so Dave counted it as a win.
Finally, Dave let himself look at the secrets. There were a few almost lighthearted secrets (“I actually like the mystery meat in the cafeteria”, “I still check my closet for monsters before bed,” I can’t pee if I can see myself in a mirror,”), and a few that he was sure had Ms P concerned (“Sometimes, I think I am the reason for my parent’s divorce,” “I wish I had said no,” “I’m worried my Cheerio diet is leading me to an eating disorder,”). One was obviously Puckerman’s (“I exaggerate the number of people I’ve slept with to avoid about the freaky stuff I’ve done, and liked”), and another Kurt’s (“I can overhaul and engine in less than 30 minutes and nobody believes me because I can do it and keep my manicure perfect,”).
And there, like it wasn’t Earth-shattering, was Dave’s. “Even though I want to come out, some days I feel less like I’m opening my closet door and more like the walls are falling down around me. I have never been more happy or more terrified.”
Kurt appeared next him, Dave didn’t know how long later. “I know that feeling,” Kurt said, quietly. Dave wasn’t surprised Kurt knew which secret was Dave’s.
“Even this is a risk,” Dave said, quietly. “Every time I--” do something brave, “I think about my parents. If they--” found out, “I don’t know.” Dave swallowed.
“You deal,” Kurt said, after a moment. “With the help of the people who love you and accept you for who you are.” Kurt nudged him. “That includes me, you know.”
Dave smiled. “Thanks, Kurt.”
“You’re welcome, Dave.”
They stood together for a moment in silence.
“Can you really overhaul and engine?” Dave asked, at last. “Because my truck keeps knocking and my dad only thinks he’s a mechanic.”
Kurt snorted. “Yes, Dave. I’ll take a look after the meeting.”
“Awesome,” Dave said.
Rating: pg-13
Pairing: future Kurtofksy. situational Klaine
Disclaimer: not mine
Summary: School starts and Dave and Kurt start the McKinley GSA. Here’s to baby steps.
Notes: proxydialogue and raving_liberal are the best!
Chapter 4
The week went downhill from there. Dave got home from practice to find his parents fighting over something. Dave didn’t know what they were fighting about, he never did when they went at it with a slow simmer like this; not yelling, not throwing things, just silently hating at each other from across the dinner table.
Dave excused himself as soon as he could and hid in his room. About an hour later, the yelling started, and he winced when he heard something shatter. He put on his headphones and turned the volume up. They did this every couple months; it was best just to keep his head down and ride it out.
Then, Wednesday, he failed the pop quiz in History, because he hadn’t done his homework the night before, hiding from the crazy downstairs.
Thursday the battery in his truck died. He was late to school and missed homeroom and first period.
Friday, he twisted his ankle on the field; nothing serious, but enough to keep him benched for the rest of the game.
Saturday, Dave sat down at his desk, and his computer chair collapsed underneath him.
“Fuck this noise,” Dave said, grabbed his copy of Captain Blood, and went to the Lima Bean. If anyone asked, it was for school.
He wasn’t surprised, really, when he saw Kurt there. He was surprised that Kurt was by himself, laptop open in front of him. Dave stopped by his table. “Hey.”
Kurt looked up, startled, and smiled. “Dave. Hi! What’re you doing here?”
Dave shrugged. “Had to get out of the house.”
“Oh, I understand that,” Kurt said. “Rachel came over, and was trying to talk Finn into--I don’t even know. I didn’t stick around.” Kurt gestured to the empty chair. “You want to sit?”
“Sure,” Dave said. “Lemmie get a drink.”
Kurt smiled, and Dave went to get coffee. The perky barista (too many free samples, Dave thought), asked if Dave wanted a flavor shot in his drink. On a whim, as it seemed to be the day for it, Dave asked if they had butterscotch. They did, and Dave took his drink to the table, breathing in the sweet coffee scent.
He stopped when he someone in a Dalton blazer talking to Kurt. Popped-Collar. Sebastian. What kinda douchey school was it, that it catered to jerks with weird names, anyway. Kurt looked bored, but there was a tension there that betrayed something, either hurt or anger, Dave wasn’t sure, but it wasn’t good.
In less than a thought, Dave was there, looming behind Sebastian, using his greater mass to take up as much space as possible. Dave felt a twinge, he wasn’t really used to intimidation anymore, but dammit if he wasn’t going to use his skills for good, now. He knew the minute Sebastian registered his presence, because he froze, just for a minute, like a rabbit in a trap.
Sebastian relaxed his shoulders. “Cubby. I should have known you’d be dancing bear at the end of Gay Face’s leash.”
“I think you should leave,” Dave said, and Dr. Burns-call-me-George would be proud. He didn’t raise his voice at all.
Sebastian scoffed, addressing Kurt. “You going to let this behemoth bully me?”
“Dave’s not the bully here, Sebastian. You are,” Kurt said. Dave resisted the urge to smile. Wasn’t this a turn up for the books.
“At least let me say what I came to say,” he said.
Dave raised an eye at Kurt, who nodded after a minute. “Fine,” he said, and Dave slid into the seat across from Kurt. “I’ve been encouraging Dave’s growing avoidance to violence, but I reserve the right to ask him to beat you bloody.”
Dave grinned, showing his teeth. It felt good to play like this, to not be too afraid to mention his physicality, to let himself be just a little bit rough without having everyone run for the hills, or for his therapist.
Sebastian blinked for a moment, as if surprised at the display. Either Sebastian was better at reading people than Dave thought, and knew Dave couldn’t really hurt him, or Dave was scarier than he thought. Then, Sebastian sighed.
“I heard Blaine called it off between you, and I wanted you to know I had nothing to do with it.”
Kurt raised an eyebrow. “And why should I believe you?”
“Because,” Sebastian said. “Cubby here can vouch for me, I don’t do commitment.”
“That’s true enough,” Dave said. “You do have a reputation.”
“Thank you,” Sebastian said, as if it was something to be proud of. “But now that he’s not with you, he’s been sniffing around me, and honestly, it’s annoying as fuck. Especially since I can tell he’s only doing it because I’m a threat to his monopoly on solos.”
There was an odd smile on Kurt’s face. “Yes, that is his MO, isn’t it? But why tell me?”
“Because I’m not going to let him win,” Sebastian said. “I’m getting solos, one way or another, and I’d like an ally. The recently wronged boyfriend seemed like the ideal person to ask.”
Kurt snorted. “Can you be any more passive aggressive?”
“Does that mean ‘no?’”
“Hell, no. I’m in,” Kurt said. “We’re going to make sure that Hobbit wishes he had never messed around with one Kurt E Hummel.”
Sebastian held out a hand, and Kurt shook, sealing the deal. Sebastian left after that, walking away with a jaunty salute and a sing-songed “I’ll be in touch.”
As soon as he was out of earshot, Dave said: “Why do I feel like an extra in a Gay production of Faust?”
Kurt waved Dave off. “Please. I hardly think Sebastian has that kind of power.”
“Lets hope not,” Dave said. “I mean, nobody has said that he has a tail, and with the number of people who’ve seen him naked, you’d think somebody would have talked.”
“David!” Kurt giggled. “That was positively catty. Watch out. You’ll be tripple-snapping soon.”
Dave snorted. “Only if the doctors don’t catch it in time. You can ask for that now, you know--gay screening. I hear they have a vaccine and everything.”
“Oh, I know,” Kurt said. “I get my boosters every six months. None of that gay stuff for me.”
“I can tell,” Dave said. “It’s really working. Just be careful that you don’t relapse. I hear you end up even gayer, like LIberace meets Sigfried and Roy’s tigers gay.”
Kurt broke, laughing out loud and pressing fingers to his eyes for the tears. “You’re terrible, Dave,” he said, and Dave grinned, opening his book in victory.
Before he could start reading, Dave heard his name called, and when he looked, he saw Az, Strando, and their kicker, Thompson, looking at him.
“Shit,” Dave said under his breath as he raised a hand in greeting. How much did they hear? Could they hear him? Was this it? Did he finally slip up? He felt the fear, but now, also, a strange anticipation. He almost hoped this was it. At least then the waiting would be over.
Kurt had gone quiet next to him, not quite sure which way to act, waiting for Dave’s cue.
And Dave decided not to do anything. It was it, or not; time or not. Dave would deal, one way or the other.
That didn’t mean Dave didn’t start shaking with relief when they left after getting their drinks. Dave heaved a sigh, and laid his head on his arm.
“You okay?” Kurt asked quietly--he knew how close that was.
“Yeah,” Dave said to the table, then again to Kurt’s face when he raised his head. “Yeah, I’m okay.” And more--he knew what his secret would be.
***
This time, instead of a real postcard, Dave found a 6x8 index card. He searched the web, the image he wanted clear in his mind, if only he could find it and--there--a painting of Pandora weeping over an empty box, with hope like a white fairy touching her shoulder. Perfect. He fiddled with the size, printing it at 6x8, with his secret typed out in the white space below the image. Carefully, Dave cut the secret into its separate words. He glued the picture to the card, then the words to the picture, weaving them around the central image. Once the glue was dry, he stuck it in a envelope and put it in his backpack.
Ms. P’s office was empty when he dropped it off, which was good, because he didn’t think he could have otherwise.
The secrets went up Tuesday morning. Dave asked for a bathroom pass during his free period, and went to check out the board.
The secrets had been tastefully clustered at three points, creating a piece of art in and of itself. Down at the bottom, in the corner, Ms. P had stapled several pamphlets (“Eating is Fun!” “So You Eat Your Feelings” “Sometimes, I Cut Myself”), which made Dave shake his head. But she had also listed several self-help numbers, so Dave counted it as a win.
Finally, Dave let himself look at the secrets. There were a few almost lighthearted secrets (“I actually like the mystery meat in the cafeteria”, “I still check my closet for monsters before bed,” I can’t pee if I can see myself in a mirror,”), and a few that he was sure had Ms P concerned (“Sometimes, I think I am the reason for my parent’s divorce,” “I wish I had said no,” “I’m worried my Cheerio diet is leading me to an eating disorder,”). One was obviously Puckerman’s (“I exaggerate the number of people I’ve slept with to avoid about the freaky stuff I’ve done, and liked”), and another Kurt’s (“I can overhaul and engine in less than 30 minutes and nobody believes me because I can do it and keep my manicure perfect,”).
And there, like it wasn’t Earth-shattering, was Dave’s. “Even though I want to come out, some days I feel less like I’m opening my closet door and more like the walls are falling down around me. I have never been more happy or more terrified.”
Kurt appeared next him, Dave didn’t know how long later. “I know that feeling,” Kurt said, quietly. Dave wasn’t surprised Kurt knew which secret was Dave’s.
“Even this is a risk,” Dave said, quietly. “Every time I--” do something brave, “I think about my parents. If they--” found out, “I don’t know.” Dave swallowed.
“You deal,” Kurt said, after a moment. “With the help of the people who love you and accept you for who you are.” Kurt nudged him. “That includes me, you know.”
Dave smiled. “Thanks, Kurt.”
“You’re welcome, Dave.”
They stood together for a moment in silence.
“Can you really overhaul and engine?” Dave asked, at last. “Because my truck keeps knocking and my dad only thinks he’s a mechanic.”
Kurt snorted. “Yes, Dave. I’ll take a look after the meeting.”
“Awesome,” Dave said.