Scarlet's Advice on Writing Romantic Relationships
Romantic love is probably the simplest, most universally recognized emotion we know. Yet it's also the single most routinely botched aspect of pretty much any work of fiction. Whether a book or movie, an action, adventure story or a romance novel, it doesn't matter. The writers are bound to screw it up somehow. But, in fairness, romance and relationships are a tricky thing to write about. Creating believable chemistry between two made up people, can be a pretty daunting task for even the most skilled of writers...But, in my opinion at least, it really shouldn't be. So here are my two cents on navigating this great big obstacle course we call romance writing.
Step 1: No More Love Interests
This goes straight back to Vacuum Characters. Do not create a character specifically for one character to fall in love with. It’s problematic for the same reason that creating a jealous rival is. It reduces a character (a potential realized human being) into a glorified plushy that just exists for your main to snuggle and fawn over. There is a reason so many love interests have next to no personality. When you have a character with character; as in an imaginary person that’s realistic enough to give you a good idea of how he/she would think for themselves, you have something that could break from the path you set and disrupt the status quo. Except in this case, the status quo would be happily and repeatedly making sweet, sweet nookie to your protagonist.
So, to negate that threat, many authors settle for making love interests either nonpeople or formulaic caricatures. No personal goals, no interests, no meaningful relationships of their own, not even a hobby, nothing that makes them a character in the real sense. Any traits they do have just exists to enable the romance; like the "tortured, brooding hero" who must be healed by the right woman.
Step 2: Create Characters
This really, really should go without saying, but it's something that constantly proves to be a much bigger issue than it should be. Love is a strictly character-driven emotion. It’s believability relies entirely on the strength of your two lovers’ given personalities, experiences, and desires. If you have thinly written characters, odds are their chemistry will be just as thin and limp. On the other hand, if you have characters that are well rounded and human; characters that are so life-like and well-faceted that they feel like real people, characters that speak to every facet of your humanity…their chemistry will probably still be just as sopping wet as the flat characters’, because some people are still looking up articles to write "good" chemistry.
Step 3: Realize there is no Such thing as the "Right" Chemistry
Romances in pretty much every medium and genre are insultingly formulaic. You can count the clichés: love at first sight or "The Look", paragraphs devoted to describing a love interest’s amazing beauty, soulmates, the held gaze, the misunderstanding that threatens to tear them apart. Even if none of these things factor into a realistic or healthy relationship, these are typically the only things the story has to justify these characters hooking up.
And I feel that even smart writers seeking advice about how to create "realistic chemistry" feed into the same problems as the above cliches. Reducing something as subtle and naturalistic as a relationship into a manufactured cut-and-dry, paint-by-numbers spreadsheet. Here's the main takeaway from this. There is no one way to write a relationship, romantic or otherwise. Love and relationships are purely character-driven. What could make sense in one relationship could probably be disasterous in another given the established personalities involved. This is probably the biggest reason so many relationships between even fleshed out characters feel so forced and out-of-character. The author is trying to push these rigid methods onto the characters under the assumption that it "gives them chemistry" and shoehorns in unnecessary scenes of awkward dialogue and forced interactions just to meet a criteria.
In my own experience I've suffered from the "bantering" idea. Where I thought the only way I could make the characters sound like a "realistic" couple is have them trade jokes even if it completely broke character. All of a sudden I was trying to turn a normally shy, reserved character into a witty smartass just so she could keep up with her more easy-going love-interest. Needless to say, I hate those old iterations now and hated myself for thinking it was a good idea.
Step 4: No Planned Romance
I desperately want more stories where readers honestly can’t tell who will end up with whom. Where even the author may not be sure which characters will end up together by the end of the story. Instead the focus is exclusively devoted to telling a story and developing the characters. Instead of thinking of a given relationship as “two future lovers who have to have the right chemistry ”, think about two different people just interacting; people free to make choices and have opinions that affects how they’d treat each other. And if two character’s development just happens to go in a romantic direction, they’re allowed to take it. On the flipside, if a character’s development leads to the romantic relationship fizzling out and dying, then even better.
I know both this and the above step 1 may sound completely counterintuitive to the Romance genre, but I think it’s something it could especially benefit from. Romances where, instead of just two lovers with no personality, let alone chemistry, you instead have a whole cast of several equally fleshed out characters with different histories, desires and old wounds. You just put them together, and rely on their established personalities to decide who ends up with whom. It may not be practical as far as time and budget, but at least it would offer more to work with.
Bonus Point: Stop Turning Heroines Into Drooling Morons and Doormats
This goes out exclusively to romance writers. Just for once it’d be nice for a YA/Romance heroine to have the hots for a guy and not be compromised by it. For her to not just spontaneously become clumsy just so a guy can catch her when she trips. For her to not to suffer a drop in IQ just so she can make impossibly stupid mistakes so she’ll need rescuing from her perfect hunk. For her not to be reduced to a drooling idiot whenever she catches a glimpse of his glorious pecs.
Ironically a character that actually is supposed to be a shallow, clumsy idiot, that can’t get boys off her mind could make a pretty fun, interesting character. But, since most YA heroines are supposed to be slightly intelligent, self-aware, or “strong”, even asserting that they “shouldn’t feel this way”, instead it feels like annoying, sexist writing.
It’s insanely hard to relate to a character whose first response to witnessing a horrible tragedy is to gawk at the first good-looking guy in sight.
Step 5: Don't Make the Relationship, itself, the Main Conflict
It seems the quickest and surest way to make viewers and writers lose interest in a romance is to have the two lovebirds finally make it “official”. Why? Well it’s over. The conflict, the “Will They or Won’t They?”; that’s all over now that they’ve resolved all their sexual tension and said yes. From that point on you’re given two options: a happy, neat little ending or the inevitable break up.
Most writers know this, which is why if characters hook up, it will only be at the end. But, let’s say you’re not one of those writers. Let’s say that you see your two characters have chemistry, you know they should get together, but this isn’t a romance series. Let’s say it’d be important to both of their development if they hooked up so you decide they should go with it, even if the series’ ending isn’t anywhere in sight. What do you do?
Simple. Nothing. The thing that made them fall in love in the first place, shouldn’t be all that different just because of some proclamation of it. Maybe so much so that it isn’t even worth proclaiming. It just kind of happens and both are cool with it. Maybe falling in love was always the easy part; to the point it isn’t even worthy of a minor subplot.
Now comes the trials of an actual relationship. There is no reason for everything to come to a halt just because your two lovebirds decide to make it official. Even though they’re a couple they’ll still have problems, both out of and within their personal lives. They’ll disagree on certain things. The evil overlord won’t politely bow out just because the characters decided they’re together. The other characters, even the ones ogling the cute couple, will still be going about their tasks, the Empire will still be making it’s advance, the Sun will still rise. If they do come into conflict about the relationship, and just the relationship, it won’t be about whether or not it will happen, it will be about making it work. You know, a lot like real couples.
Bonus Point: Enough With The Misunderstandings
You have your two lovebirds. They’re happy with each other, but rule of drama dictates there needs to be conflict. Well, nothing wrong with that. After all even the most happy, faithful couples will run into problems every now and again. And, in this big fantastical plot, there should be no shortage of harrowing trials that will test their devotion to each other. What? You say you don’t want those boring old noncouple issues?
Instead you need a dumb, half-assed plot device with a painfully obvious, straightforward solution that’s only good for minor tension? Well look no further, dear writers: I present to you the Misunderstanding. The go-to cheat among lazy writers, all you need is a nonproblem like the heroine mistaking her lover making birthday plans with another woman for cheating. Now, instead one of those pesky conversations and communication, all she needs to do is storm off and sulk so we can properly milk the “Will They Or Won’t They” cow and pad out the story. All while the all-important status quo remains intact.
Look, writers. I know it’s tempting to just play it safe and have nonissues that are easy to solve. But, if you expect us to believe these two people can make it together when they can’t even be bothered to clear something up by talking; the single most crucial thing to a successful relationship, you’re really not helping their case. How will they react when something major comes along? When one of them actually does screw up in a big way that no amount of excuses can fix? If they can’t even bother to clear up a minor misunderstanding how can they handle a genuine problem?
Conclusion: And there you have it; my two cents. There is a lot more to be said on this issue that has been said before and better that I do plan on getting to some time in future, but for now I think this covers the bigger issues nawing at me.