Make me a promise...
zMorbid Childz: hey
zSuicidal Angelz: hello
zSuicidal Angelz: my webcam is fucking up, so i can't get on tonight..
zMorbidChildz: oh
zSuicidal Angelz: Travis said he'll fix it when he gets home from work, though
zMorbidChildz: ok, cool
zMorbidChildz: i read your journal...
zSuicidal Angelz: oh?
zMorbidChildz: the part where that Desiree chick gave you a hickey and then you making out with her at lunch was very interesting..
zSuicidal Angelz: i sense sarcasm
zMorbidChildz: yeah...
zMorbidChildz: you know, i didn't think you were actually serious when you said you were becoming a lesbian until graduation
zSuicidal Angelz: and why not?
zMorbidChildz: i dunno... i just didn't
zMorbidChildz: it really urks me that you all did that though
zSuicidal Angelz: why?
zMorbidChildz: just because... its sick to me
zSuicidal Angelz: what? how the fuck is it sick?
zMorbidChildz: BECAUSE SHE WAS FUCKING SUCKING ON MY FIANCE'S NECK!
zSuicidal Angelz: Robby, we made an agreement
zMorbidChildz: i know.. and personally, i could give a fuck less
zMorbidChildz: i don't want it to be in affect, i just want you to be mine
zMorbidChildz: ..as selfish as that may sound
zSuicidal Angelz: yeah, it does sopund pretty selfish.. and somewhat psychotic
zMorbidChildz: you don't want to be mine?
zSuicidal Angelz: of course i do, i just want to have a little freedom
zSuicidal Angelz: you forget that i'm only fifteen.. while you're seventeen..
zSuicidal Angelz: i have a few more years left in high school that i'd like to experience without saying "oh sorry, i can't.. i have a fiance"
zMorbidChildz: so what.. you're ashamed of being engaged to me? it's some kind of fucking burden?
zSuicidal Angelz: no
zMorbidChildz: then what the fuck is your problem?
zSuicidal Angelz: i told you.. i want to have a little fun without always being bound to one person
zMorbidChildz: so i am a burden to you...
zSuicidal Angelz: no, i didn't say that
zMorbidChildz: be honest, Amanda... you don't love me like you used to...
zMorbidChildz: if you did ever love me
zSuicidal Angelz: thats not true!
zMorbidChildz: then what is?
zMorbidChildz: if i were to die tomorrow.. what would you do?
zSuicidal Angelz: don't talk like that
zMorbidChildz: TELL ME!
zSuicidal Angelz: ...i don't know...
zMorbidChildz: yeah you do.. now say it
zMorbidChildz: and don't lie.. because i always know when you're lying.. you know that
zSuicidal Angelz: i don't want to talk about this
zMorbidChildz: stop fucking closing me out
zMorbidChildz: you have no fucking reason to shut me out
zSuicidal Angelz: i know.. i just don't want to think fo losing you
zSuicidal Angelz: because i knew that if i did.. my whole world would shatter
zMorbidChildz: but what would you do?
zSuicidal Angelz: i don't know...
zMorbidChildz: yes you do
zMorbidChildz: you'd take the shards of your words and end it all.. wouldn't you?
zMorbidChildz: you'd break your promise to me...
zSuicidal Angelz: can we PLEASE change the fucking subject?
zMorbidChildz: unless, of course.. you've already broken your promise
zSuicidal Angelz: ...
zMorbidChildz: i'm right, aren't i?
zSuicidal Angelz: you dont fucking understand what it's like!
zMorbidChildz: what?
zSuicidal Angelz: i don't want to say
zMorbidChildz: stop shutting me out..
zSuicidal Angelz: you don't fucking understand what it's like to feel this way... to be so in love with someone..
zSuicidal Angelz: but they're so far away from your reach.. it's not fucking fair!
zSuicidal Angelz: and you don't want to fuck to take out your lonliness.. because you're so bound that that one person
zSuicidal Angelz: i cut to hurt myself.. because i refuse to hurt you
zMorbidChildz: i love you Amanda.. and i hate knowing that you're in pain because of me
zMorbidChildz: i'll be with you soon.. so you won't have to hurt yourself anymore, i swear
zSuicidal Angelz: for once.. that's just not good enough
zMorbidChildz: i understand.. but please, Amanda.. stop hurting yourself
zSuicidal Angelz: i can't.. it's the only thing that releases my frustration.. it helps me see the dawn of another day
zMorbidChildz: i know, but it's not right... PLEASE promise me you'll stop..
zSuicidal Angelz: i can't make any promises, because i don't want to break any
zSuicidal Angelz: i love you... i'm sorry
She signed off shortly after that.. She won't answer my IMs or my phone calls.. So yeah, I pretty much haven't talked to her since.
I just wanted to tell you that I love you too.. and then some.