[drabble] I'm Sorry (The Regrets Remix)
Title: I'm Sorry (The Regrets Remix)
Author: Luna (dreamweavernyx )
Pairing: Yamachii (implied) / Ohmiya cameo
Genre: Angst
Notes: This was my remix of this fic for the recent cycle of jentfic_remix . Originally posted here.
I'm sorry I haven't been updating in a while! Currently I do have two oneshots which are half-written but completely planned out, and Ouroboros 6 is in the works as well. I hope I'll be able to finish them up soon and post, so look forward to it! :)
~
The hospital is cold, too cold.
Your feet pound on the cold linoleum floor. Left foot, right foot, left foot, right. You can hear the blood pound in your ears, keeping in time with the rhythmic thumping of your feet against the floor.
Operation room, you tell yourself, look for the operation room.
Ward doors flash by as you sprint down the hallway.
~
It had been a normal start to the day.
You walked into the dressing room, fully expecting to be the first one as usual. Being the first has its advantages, like being able to occupy the sole sofa before anyone else can complain or lay claim to it.
Today, though, you did not get to call dibs on the sofa.
Even from outside, you heard soft melancholy sobs drifting from inside the room. Almost immediately, you recognised the voice.
Chinen.
It hurt, to have Chinen crying like that. It always hurt.
Something must be wrong, you told youself, and with that you allowed yourself to rush in, throw your sling bag into a corner, and kneel down in front of Chinen crying his eyes out on the sofa.
“Chinen,” you called softly.
He whispered your name, voice choked with sobs, and you felt your heart tear itself apart again. Hesitantly, you wrapped your arms around Chinen’s small figure. You knew it was all that you could do, and although you wished to do more to comfort him, you didn’t have the courage to.
Even then, you were scared. Scared to take a step, scared of rejection, scared that your feelings would not be returned.
So you simply kept your arms around Chinen, and listened as he told you the cause of his tears.
Apparently Chinen had arrived early, and on the way to the dressing room had run into Ohno. Not that Ohno had noticed him, because he had been busy kissing Ninomiya.
Bitterness stabbed deep into your heart like a sharp silver needle.
Ohno-kun. It’s always Ohno-kun.
“Please don’t cry,” you said gently, having finally found your voice, “It isn’t worth crying about.”
“But I like Ohno-kun,” Chinen insisted, still hiccupping and sobbing, and your heart clenched.
Words spilled from your mouth before you registered them.
“There’s someone better for you.”
Chinen turned his eyes to you, and the surprise in his eyes mirrored yours at what had rolled off your tongue.
There’s no turning back, you told yourself, and forced yourself to go on.
“Chinen, Ohno-kun is not the only one out there. There are lots of people out there for you.”
Like me, you added silently.
“But I really, really like Ohno-kun,” Chinen repeats.
With a final, resolute crack, you felt your heart shatter beyond breaking point.
“Stop being such a spoilt brat!” you burst out.
Before Chinen could say anything, you ran out of the room, banging into BEST in the process.
Yabu yelped as you bumped into him, but you ignored him and kept running, with no destination in mind. Just running away from heartbreak, away from tears.
Away from Chinen.
~
You ended up in a park a few blocks away from the jimusho.
Sitting down on a swing, you tilted your cap up to gaze at the sky, and suddenly all that righteous fury you’d felt in the dressing room just melted away, to be replaced with regret.
Why did I say all those things to Chinen? you suddenly wondered. I’m such an idiot. He was hurt, and I yelled at him.
You knew that this was not a normal occurrence, because usually you would have been able to keep your cool when Chinen got upset by things he saw.
So why? Why didn’t I keep my feelings to myself? Why did I snap?
In the midst of those swirling thoughts, your keitai vibrated in your hand.
A quick glance at the caller ID told you it was Yuto, and you answered the call.
“Ryo-chan,” Yuto’s voice was scratchy over the phone, “where are you?”
You looked around.
“I’m at-”
“Never mind,” Yuto interrupted, “Just get to Tokyo Hospital immediately.”
“Tokyo Hospital?! What happened?”
Yuto’s voice had been serious, and you knew immediately that this was no joke. Panic fluttered in your heart for a second, and you forced yourself to stay come.
“It’s Chinen,” Yuto said quietly.
And in that instant you felt your heart plummet down, down, down, a cold sense of dread washing over you.
“I’m coming.”
Swiftly ending the call, you shoved it into your pocket and began to run.
~
Now, you round yet another corner, sneakers screeching on the smooth floor.
Sitting on benches outside a room are the rest of JUMP. You take one look, and you know that something is dreadfully wrong. Ryutaro is in tears, Yuto looks grim, and the eyes of BEST are all red and swollen.
“I came as fast as I could,” you say, panting slightly, “So, where’s Chinen? I bet he can’t wait to sit on Takaki-kun’s lap again.”
In your heart you know the answer, but it is an answer you don’t want to accept, and you bury it with words and forced smiles.
Yabu stands up from the bench slowly, and you can see in his eyes that he doesn’t completely buy your act.
“Yamada,” he says slowly, “Chinen-”
That one word confirms your worst fears, and you clap your hands over your ears.
“No!” you shriek, over and over again, falling to your knees as you try to drown away reality with your voice alone.
Yabu kneels down, and gently but firmly pulls your hands away.
“I know this is going to hurt you, Yamada, but you have to accept this.”
You can feel more tears brimming in your eyes, about to spill down your already-wet cheeks, as Yabu gently explains the situation to you.
Chinen is gone.
He had run out of the dressing room after you. In his hurry he had not looked properly at the traffic lights, and the driver of the sports car had not looked properly to see if anyone was crossing the road either.
It had been a hit-and-run, and Chinen had been in a critical state until he finally let go.
Chinen is dead, and you are pretty sure it’s your fault.
You cry for what seems like forever, and the rest of members let you cry in silence. They know how you felt about Chinen, and they know that for you it’s the biggest loss.
“I never got a chance to apologise,” you whisper hoarsely, “‘Stop being a spoilt brat!’. Those were my last words to him.”
“We all have regrets,” Yabu tells you soothingly, “but you can’t dwell on this forever. Move on. I’m sure Chinen would want you to as well.”
“I just wish…” you sniffle, “I just wish I’d told him…”
…I’m sorry, forgive me. I don’t want you to be upset with me…
…because I love you.