[drabble] A Thousand Miles
Title: A Thousand Miles
Author: Luna (dreamweavernyx )
Pairing: Hikanoo
Genre: Angst
Summary: AU. Sometimes, it's just impossible to turn back the clock.
Notes: Rather incoherent. Songfic-of-sorts for A Thousand Miles (Vanessa Carlton).
~
Making my way downtown
“Liar!”
He runs out before the other occupant of the room can yell after him, and the door slams behind him.
His sneakers squeak on the smooth linoleum floor as he halts abruptly to turn a corner. He runs with no destination in mind, no sense of direction - all he knows is that he wants to get away from that place.
That place and the truth it holds, the truth he wants to refuse.
He runs out of the tall building with its many lit windows shining against the white-painted wall in the dark. He’s on the streets now, weaving between hordes of office workers heading home and partygoers heading for the train stations to go to Ginza or Roppongi.
As he runs, he feels the telltale welling up of tears in his eyes, and he blinks furiously as his vision begins to turn into a blur of bright spots and dark shadows. His vision clears, and the tears slide down his face, before they are blown off by the night wind.
Staring blankly ahead
Run.
Run.
That’s the only thought careening through his mind right now, and run he does, ignoring the strange looks he is given as he dashes in and out of the crowd.
Why? he questions suddenly, coming to a halt beneath a street lamp. Why did it come to this?
Making my way, making my way through the crowd
Office workers push past him in droves, and he begins moving again, this time at a slower-paced walk.
“Now what?” he asks aloud. “Where can I go from here?”
The sea of people do not answer, and neither do the silent twinkling stars.
‘Cause everything’s so wrong
“Inoo Kei,” the man had said, but he had not gotten any further before Inoo interrupted.
“Shut up!”
“…Excuse me?”
“Shut up,” he screamed. “Shut up, it’s not true, I don’t want to hear it!”
He was out the door before the man could say anything else.
Living in your precious memories
He remembers the happy days - the days spent with him. Perhaps he can count them among the happiest in his life.
Perhaps.
Every hug, every kiss, every jolt of electricity when their hands touched…
They were good times, good memories. He was sure of that.
But now?
They would be nothing more than memories.
That chapter of his life is over, and he feels as if he’s looking at the words The End embossed in huge letters on the last page of his book, because he has no idea how to begin a new chapter like the way he is now, alone and confused.
“Where can I go from here?” he whispers again.
Is all I can do now hide away in my memories?
‘Cause I need you
“Ne, Hikaru,” he remembers saying, once upon a long time ago. “I love you~”
The boy next to him had grinned his trademark smile.
“I love you even more, Inoo-chan! It’s a promise!”
He had giggled, then.
“How much?” he had teasingly asked, poking the other boy’s cheek.
The other boy thought for a while.
“A thousand miles!” he had cried at last.
“Uwaa~ That’s far!”
And he remembers threading his fingers through those of the other boy’s.
“I’ll love you forever then. For a thousand years!”
“It’s a promise, then~!”
And I miss you
And now?
He drowns himself in memories as his sneakers now scrape along the concrete surface of the pavement, a direct contrast to how they flew not so long ago.
This, he decides, must be what they call heartache.
And now I wonder…
He reaches a less populated dirt path, and at the fork in the path there stands a single cherry tree.
“Ne, Inoo~ look at that sakura tree!”
He turned his head to look.
“It’s blooming!”
Hikaru had smiled nervously, then quickly leaned forward to plant a shy kiss on his lips.
“There,” he said happily. “Our first kiss! Now our love will bloom like the sakura!”
“Weirdo,” Inoo had giggled, but he had been happy.
So, very happy.
If I could fall into the sky
The tree’s sakura had long fallen, the gold and russet and orange of autumn taking over in place of the pale pink it had been in spring.
He strokes the bark gently with his palm.
If I close my eyes…I can still smell sakura.
…Can I go back to that spring if I close my eyes forever?
Do you think time would pass me by
Inhale, exhale.
Inhale.
And suddenly along with the faint sakura scent comes a wave of sorrow.
He remembers the white walls, the cold room, the overflowing sense of dread. He remembers the ice-cold grip on his heart when he took one look at the bed in the room.
He remembers, and he cries anew.
‘Cause you know I’d walk a thousand miles
“Hikaru…” he whispers into the still night air, although there is nobody listening. “I’m sorry…”
But it is only an empty apology, and it melts away into the air.
Empty apologies can never accomplish anything, after all.
If I could just see you
He remembers as well, their last meeting.
“Why did you hide it all from me?”
The other boy had winced.
“I’m sorry?”
“I can’t believe you didn’t trust me!” he had cried, voice steeped with betrayal.
Hikaru had blinked, slightly stupefied.
“That I had a heart problem?”
“Yes!”
“…And that I would have a less than 1% chance of making it past 20?”
“That too! Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I guess…I didn’t want to hurt you,” Hikaru had murmured, turning his head away.
“I’m hurt now.”
Hikaru smiled a sad, sad smile, and walked away, shoulders hunched.
The call came a couple of days later.
Hikaru had collapsed suddenly, and the hospital had dialed the first number on his handphone.
“I’ll be right there,” he had said, heart pounding. “I’ll be right there.”
If I could just hold you…
He had opened the door to see the doctor with a sorrowful face, and the sheets on the bed-like structure in the room pulled up to hide the whole body lying on it.
“We’re sorry,” the doctor had said. “We couldn’t get his heart to start up again, after it stopped suddenly.”
He had frozen in shock and in denial.
“No…” a tiny murmur ghosted out past his numb lips.
“We did all that we could-”
“Liar!”
And his world came crashing down, down, down, the rubble falling all about his feet.
…tonight.
Author: Luna (dreamweavernyx )
Pairing: Hikanoo
Genre: Angst
Summary: AU. Sometimes, it's just impossible to turn back the clock.
Notes: Rather incoherent. Songfic-of-sorts for A Thousand Miles (Vanessa Carlton).
~
Making my way downtown
“Liar!”
He runs out before the other occupant of the room can yell after him, and the door slams behind him.
His sneakers squeak on the smooth linoleum floor as he halts abruptly to turn a corner. He runs with no destination in mind, no sense of direction - all he knows is that he wants to get away from that place.
That place and the truth it holds, the truth he wants to refuse.
He runs out of the tall building with its many lit windows shining against the white-painted wall in the dark. He’s on the streets now, weaving between hordes of office workers heading home and partygoers heading for the train stations to go to Ginza or Roppongi.
As he runs, he feels the telltale welling up of tears in his eyes, and he blinks furiously as his vision begins to turn into a blur of bright spots and dark shadows. His vision clears, and the tears slide down his face, before they are blown off by the night wind.
Staring blankly ahead
Run.
Run.
That’s the only thought careening through his mind right now, and run he does, ignoring the strange looks he is given as he dashes in and out of the crowd.
Why? he questions suddenly, coming to a halt beneath a street lamp. Why did it come to this?
Making my way, making my way through the crowd
Office workers push past him in droves, and he begins moving again, this time at a slower-paced walk.
“Now what?” he asks aloud. “Where can I go from here?”
The sea of people do not answer, and neither do the silent twinkling stars.
‘Cause everything’s so wrong
“Inoo Kei,” the man had said, but he had not gotten any further before Inoo interrupted.
“Shut up!”
“…Excuse me?”
“Shut up,” he screamed. “Shut up, it’s not true, I don’t want to hear it!”
He was out the door before the man could say anything else.
Living in your precious memories
He remembers the happy days - the days spent with him. Perhaps he can count them among the happiest in his life.
Perhaps.
Every hug, every kiss, every jolt of electricity when their hands touched…
They were good times, good memories. He was sure of that.
But now?
They would be nothing more than memories.
That chapter of his life is over, and he feels as if he’s looking at the words The End embossed in huge letters on the last page of his book, because he has no idea how to begin a new chapter like the way he is now, alone and confused.
“Where can I go from here?” he whispers again.
Is all I can do now hide away in my memories?
‘Cause I need you
“Ne, Hikaru,” he remembers saying, once upon a long time ago. “I love you~”
The boy next to him had grinned his trademark smile.
“I love you even more, Inoo-chan! It’s a promise!”
He had giggled, then.
“How much?” he had teasingly asked, poking the other boy’s cheek.
The other boy thought for a while.
“A thousand miles!” he had cried at last.
“Uwaa~ That’s far!”
And he remembers threading his fingers through those of the other boy’s.
“I’ll love you forever then. For a thousand years!”
“It’s a promise, then~!”
And I miss you
And now?
He drowns himself in memories as his sneakers now scrape along the concrete surface of the pavement, a direct contrast to how they flew not so long ago.
This, he decides, must be what they call heartache.
And now I wonder…
He reaches a less populated dirt path, and at the fork in the path there stands a single cherry tree.
“Ne, Inoo~ look at that sakura tree!”
He turned his head to look.
“It’s blooming!”
Hikaru had smiled nervously, then quickly leaned forward to plant a shy kiss on his lips.
“There,” he said happily. “Our first kiss! Now our love will bloom like the sakura!”
“Weirdo,” Inoo had giggled, but he had been happy.
So, very happy.
If I could fall into the sky
The tree’s sakura had long fallen, the gold and russet and orange of autumn taking over in place of the pale pink it had been in spring.
He strokes the bark gently with his palm.
If I close my eyes…I can still smell sakura.
…Can I go back to that spring if I close my eyes forever?
Do you think time would pass me by
Inhale, exhale.
Inhale.
And suddenly along with the faint sakura scent comes a wave of sorrow.
He remembers the white walls, the cold room, the overflowing sense of dread. He remembers the ice-cold grip on his heart when he took one look at the bed in the room.
He remembers, and he cries anew.
‘Cause you know I’d walk a thousand miles
“Hikaru…” he whispers into the still night air, although there is nobody listening. “I’m sorry…”
But it is only an empty apology, and it melts away into the air.
Empty apologies can never accomplish anything, after all.
If I could just see you
He remembers as well, their last meeting.
“Why did you hide it all from me?”
The other boy had winced.
“I’m sorry?”
“I can’t believe you didn’t trust me!” he had cried, voice steeped with betrayal.
Hikaru had blinked, slightly stupefied.
“That I had a heart problem?”
“Yes!”
“…And that I would have a less than 1% chance of making it past 20?”
“That too! Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I guess…I didn’t want to hurt you,” Hikaru had murmured, turning his head away.
“I’m hurt now.”
Hikaru smiled a sad, sad smile, and walked away, shoulders hunched.
The call came a couple of days later.
Hikaru had collapsed suddenly, and the hospital had dialed the first number on his handphone.
“I’ll be right there,” he had said, heart pounding. “I’ll be right there.”
If I could just hold you…
He had opened the door to see the doctor with a sorrowful face, and the sheets on the bed-like structure in the room pulled up to hide the whole body lying on it.
“We’re sorry,” the doctor had said. “We couldn’t get his heart to start up again, after it stopped suddenly.”
He had frozen in shock and in denial.
“No…” a tiny murmur ghosted out past his numb lips.
“We did all that we could-”
“Liar!”
And his world came crashing down, down, down, the rubble falling all about his feet.
…tonight.