'Delusions of Grandeur' - Chapter Ten
A/N: Impulsive, unsupervised teenagers acting like...impulsive, unsupervised teenagers. Weeee!
Chapter Ten - Round and Round It Goes
After the success of the date with Nathan, Haley was practically walking on air. For the first time in what felt like forever, hope wasn’t the only thing that she had to hold onto, the only thing that kept her going. That was so huge for her; the hope was good, but this so much more and so, so much better.
Even busting her butt with work, school, tutoring, cheering, and helping Brooke haven’t done anything to diminish her good mood the last few days. Sure, she’s about as tired as she can ever remember being, but all things considered, she would gladly take that. Nathan was talking to her, flirting with her, and smiling at her, so everything else just seemed to melt away.
She didn’t have much in the way of time to spend with Nathan, but when she did see him he seemed happy to see her and things no longer felt stilted or awkward. She truly felt like one of the huge weights that had been pressing her down had lifted, and it was obvious in her improved mood.
Even Dan had noticed the vast changes in her disposition, but to her unending surprise, his only comment was limited to generic snapping about cheerleading rubbing off on her. He had to know that her mood was a direct result of her date with Nathan since he gave her time off, but he still hadn’t said anything derogatory. It was almost disappointing that he was playing it so cool with her.
That was sort of a problem in general for her, though. Every time she turned around, Dan was doing something to defy her expectations of him which was utterly frustrating to say the least. Not having a decent handle on Dan and what he’d do next was as disconcerting as not knowing exactly where she and Nathan stood. Well, almost anyway.
The thing is, she’s starting to believe in Dan and his sincerity more and more, at least in terms of Luke and Nathan. Oh, he still had more than his share of nasty, rude moments where she wanted to kick him in the teeth, but overall he was beginning to win her over. And yes, she had considered checking herself into a mental hospital when that realization came down.
It was just obvious to her that if nothing else, Dan was committed to this, to winning over both of his sons. Since she was committed to them, too, that meant they had something very huge in common. This wasn’t a great spot for her to be in, all things considered. Luke had so many justified trust issues with Dan that he still had trouble being in the same room with the man, and Nathan flat out hated him and blamed him for a lot of his problems. Everyday she felt like she was being sucked more and more into the middle all because she was beginning to see Dan’s side of things.
Oh, how she wanted to hate him for that.
“Hey, Hales,” Luke calls, chuckling when she jumps a few inches off her chair. “You okay? Your eyes have been completely glazed over for about five minutes now. It was a little creepy, almost Hitchcockian.”
“Thank you for letting it go on that long,” she retorts mildly, shooting him her version of a sweet smile. “Sorry. I guess there are a lot of things on my mind.”
Luke’s eyebrows shoot up into his hairline, ridiculously spiky as it were. “Let me guess: Nathan.” He makes a face of mock surprise when she concedes with a curt nod and a roll of her eyes. “I can hardly believe it!”
She sighs in exasperation. “Well, what do you want from me, Luke? He’s my husband, and for the first time in about nine months, things are starting to look better for us. So yeah, that is on my mind. Sue me.”
“Oh, relax,” he grins, shoving her playfully. “I’m just giving you a bad time, Hales. If things are getting on track for you and Nathan, believe me, no one would be happier for you both than me. You know that, right?”
“Fine,” she grumbles, reluctantly returning his grin when he tugs on a lock of her hair. “Have you tried to talk to him lately? Maybe you should tell him about the heart thing, Luke. I’m sure he’d understand, and really, I think he’d want to know.”
Luke’s eyes dart wildly around, scanning the nearby tables to make sure his mother wasn’t anywhere near them. “Could you maybe be a little quieter about that, or I don’t know, not talk about it here period? I don’t - damn it, you know that no one is supposed to know!”
She sighs in response to his little outburst. “Honestly, Luke, I was barely speaking above a whisper. You are drawing way more attention to us now flapping your arms around like an over-dramatic chicken!”
“Well, you know not to talk about it,” he grumps, not giving an inch on this. “In fact, let’s not talk about it at all, ever again. Sound good? Yeah, for me, too.”
“No, that doesn’t sound good, and it is not okay. Look, Luke, I’m keeping this secret for you despite the fact that every single instinct I have is screaming at me to do otherwise,” she grounds out quietly, her frustration clearly communicated. “You have put me in a truly horrible position, and not only am I potentially risking several extremely important relationship of my own, I’m potentially risking your health and life. And I’m not really okay with that.”
“Those are my decisions,” he argues, refusing to see (or admit to seeing) what she is not only risking, but sacrificing. “No one will ever find out, but if they do, I’ll take the heat, I promise.”
She shakes her head, dismayed by his obtuseness. “No, Luke. If you think that, you’re clueless,” she scoffs. “Honestly, if Nathan or Brooke or your mother found out I knew before something happened, do you think they’d just let me off the hook? Luke, they’d all hate me. They would hate me, and frankly, it’d be pretty damn justified, you know?”
“No one would ever hate you,” he tries to placate her, his eyes still frantically scanning for any sign of his mother. “They’d just be pissed at me.”
“They’d be frustrated with you and your choices, sure, but mostly they’d be concerned and afraid for you,” she snaps out in a whisper, “I won’t get that. Besides, I owe all three of them honesty, and…well, they don’t entirely trust me now as it is.”
Seeming to realize just what Haley has put on the line for him, he slumps down in his seat. “They won’t find out, Hales. And God, if they do, then I’ll never tell them that you already knew, okay? Since no one else knows that you know, it’ll be okay, I promise.”
Deflating as she loses her anger with him, she gives him a grim smile. “That is not a promise you can keep, Luke. There are ways - well, Tree Hill has never been good with secrets, has it? Anyway, I guess it isn’t worth worrying about now.”
“Hey, I wouldn’t let you take the fall for it,” he promises her, his face as serious as hers. “I wouldn’t do that to you, not after all you’ve done for me.”
“That might be out of your control,” she points out with a sigh. To her surprise, who should walk through the door now but Nathan, his mouth widening into a smile when he spots her. It gets a little tight when he spots Luke sitting across from her, but it doesn’t deter his approach.
She stands up as he gets closer, beaming a smile at him. “I didn’t know you were coming by. Oh! How did you know I was here?”
He kisses her on the cheek all the while shooting Luke a wary look. “You have a very blabby roommate, Hales. I stopped by to see if you wanted to hang out, and she told me you were here. With him.”
Haley sighs as Luke rolls his eyes. Trying to make the best out of having them in the same room for a change, she looks up at Nathan as she sits back down. “Well, Luke and I were doing a bit of studying and a lot of hanging out. You are certainly welcome to join us. I’d really like it if you would, actually.”
Raising his eyebrows, both Haley and Luke watch as Nathan’s face shutters over at the suggestion. Resigning himself to what he figures is inevitable, Luke moves to stand. “Hey, you know what? I think you have that math thing down, Hales. I’ll just, um, get out of your way.”
“What? Luke, no!” Haley protests, sighing in exasperation. “We’re hanging out! I don’t want you to leave.” If anything, Nathan’s mouth tightens up even more in an expression of his displeasure. Seeing that, Haley rolls her eyes. “Why can’t we all just hang out?”
“Indeed,” Dan agrees from behind them. Luke and Nathan both quickly turn to look at him, and in a sign of how different the places they are in currently are, Luke is wary while Nathan is just flat-out angry. “I hope you haven’t ordered yet. I’m hungry, and it’ll be nice to eat with all of you.”
Nathan just gapes at Dan, not realizing that this had become something of a common thing around here. Luke, on the other hand, was beginning to grow somewhat used to it, but he still felt like he’d never get comfortable with it. Haley knew from both Dan and Karen that Dan was eating dinner at the café whenever he could. That was the time Luke was likeliest to be around, so that was when he tended to show up.
“What - what the hell are you doing here?” Nathan grounds out, anger mixed in with the pain and confusion over his father’s presence.
“Hello to you, too, Nathan,” Dan greets him with a wry grimace. “And hello Luke, Haley.”
Supremely uncomfortable, Haley can only manage a nod in response. Luke fares slightly better, managing a muttered hello and even a trace of a shy smile.
Nathan’s eyes narrow as he picks up on Luke’s not entirely negative response. Glaring at his half-brother, he demands, “What the hell is going on? Oh, come on! Don’t tell me that you’re dumb enough to fall for the sad sac, puppy dog eyes routine!”
“Nathan!” Haley exclaims, marveling at his ability to take an already awkward situation and dial it up about a thousand notches.
“What?” he barks back, his irritation rising by the half second. “Don’t you dare defend either one of these two to me!”
Looking between his sons, Dan seems to realize the position he is putting all of them in, and while he wants to stay and force the issue, he can’t bring himself to do it. Not when Nathan was looking this angry, and especially not when Lucas was this obviously uncomfortable. Clearing his throat, he nods to himself as he makes a decision. “Maybe this isn’t the best time then,” he notes quietly. “I’ll just go and leave the three of you to your evening.”
To the surprise (or more appropriately abject shock) of them all, Luke lays a hand on Dan’s arm. “No!” he exclaims, startling himself as much as anyone. “I mean, you don’t have to go. You aren’t in the wrong here.”
“Fine,” Nathan huffs, betrayal lancing through him. “I see how it is. Come on, Haley. Let’s go. I’d hate to interrupt father-son time.”
“Nathan, don’t be like that,” she sighs tiredly. “It isn’t like that, and you know it.”
“No, I don’t know that!” he snaps, now including her in his heat-filled glares. “I guess if you’re so into being a Scott, those two are as good as anything, right?”
He gives her one last look, one last second to change her mind and come with him before realizing she isn’t budging on this before he turns to stalk out of the café, the door swinging shut behind him. Seeing the stricken look on his best friend’s face, Luke moves to go after Nathan, but she stops him with a shake of her head.
“No, Luke. Just let him go. I - I can’t pander to him and his expectations when they’re this childish, right?” she points out, the strain of the situation evident in the tight line of her lips. “No one can, and none of us should feel obligated to. Besides, you were right; he is the one acting in the wrong here.”
“He’s going to be pissed,” Luke needlessly points out as Dan watches them with interest. “You can go after him, Hales. I won’t be mad or think you’re crazy if you do.”
She smiles tremulously at him. “I know, and that means a lot to me. I just - I guess I can’t continue to justify it in my head when I keep giving this type of behavior validation.”
While Luke is surprised by the proclamation (of sorts), Dan looks impressed and (gag her) even a little proud.
“Are you sure?” Luke asks doubtfully.
“She’s right,” Dan interrupts quietly, almost as if he’s afraid his speaking will startle Luke off. “He can be angry with me or you or anyone, but he shouldn’t get to act like that. I - well, Deb and I have certainly not given him much to go on in terms of healthy relationships - “
“Or productive conflict resolution,” Haley interrupts with a tiny smirk.
“Or that,” Dan agrees, fighting an indulgent smile. “He is old enough to act a little better than that, though, regardless of the bad habits he has picked up from his parents.”
Sighing, Haley nods. “Well, I’m going to go see if Karen needs any help in the kitchen. I owe her a chat anyway.”
Luke is about to protest but stops when he realizes that she is actually trying to help. Sitting back down, he motions for Dan to do the same. “He’s so cruel to her sometimes,” he sighs as Haley winds her way through the tables, stopping to exchange greetings with some of the regular customers.
Dan nods absently as he settles into his chair, effectively giving his agreement. He’s a little overwhelmed by the unexpected boon of being invited to stay, so he might agree to about anything at the moment.
“I do have to admit that a lot of that is my fault,” Dan notes, for once not shying away from or sugar-coating the truth. “I think you already know this, but you also deserve to know that I recognize it, too. You - you were the lucky one, Lucas. Karen - your mom just knew how to be a good parent. She knew what the important things are, and she didn’t try and teach a bunch of bullshit values that mean nothing like I did with Nathan. You were lucky not to grow up with me.”
Luke’s mouth had fallen open sometime near the beginning of Dan’s little soliloquy, and it takes a minute after he’s done to get it closed. “I never felt lucky,” Luke says quietly, a little flatly.
“Yeah,” Dan agrees earnestly, giving his slightly older son a pained smile. He sort of wishes he hadn’t brought this subject up, here of all places, but he wasn’t going to back down now that it was out on the table. “Luke, I am sorry. If I’ve made a million mistakes in my life, at least 700,000 of them were in regards to you. It has taken me an unforgivably long time to get to the point where I can acknowledge these mistakes, but I’m there now. I’m here now, and maybe that will never be enough, but I want to try.”
“I thought we were trying,” Luke notes wryly, prompting Dan to relax a little. “Look, I won’t pretend it will be easy because it probably won’t. Things between us are tough enough, and when you throw Nathan in, they seem sort of impossible. I guess that really will make things worse, if neither of us can even talk with Nathan right now.”
“No, it won’t,” Dan cuts in, his tone firm. “It won’t because we won’t let it. You and I each clearly have things to work out with Nathan, and maybe some of those overlap, but we don’t have to let that interfere with this. This isn’t about anyone but you and me.”
Luke actually smiles at that even as he shakes his head. “Maybe it shouldn’t be about anyone else, but it doesn’t work like that. Besides, Nathan is not so good about separating things, you know? I’m pretty sure he was mad when he came in just because Haley was here with me.”
Dan nods. “I know, but that’s something that Nathan needs to work through, Luke. He’s angry at a lot of people for a lot of reasons, and a lot of them are justified. Maybe the way he reacts to them isn’t, but the reasons behind it are, and you and I both know that.”
“How long do we have to keep apologizing?” Luke bites out angrily. He sighs then, shaking his head. “Sorry, I know you probably do not want to hear this, but I just hate how he’s treating Haley. She was wrong to leave, but why does he have to take it so far, be so cruel?”
“You’re right,” Dan stuns Luke - and maybe himself a little - by agreeing. “He is ridiculously hard on her. She might deserve some of it, or at least she probably did initially, but he’s holding it over her head now and that isn’t fair.”
Luke frowns. “But…?”
Grinning at having thrown Luke in a positive way for a change, Dan leans back in his chair a little. “There’s no ‘but’, Luke. How he is treating her isn’t fair.” His smile grows as does Luke’s skepticism. “I mean it. There is no reason for you to believe me, but I don’t hate Haley. I resented her for a long time, and now…well, it’s not hard to realize I was jealous of her in a lot of ways. Still am, actually.”
“Jealous? Why would you be jealous of Haley?”
Smiling indulgently, Dan explains, “You and your brother both love and trust her. You’d both do anything for her up to the point of dying, and the damnedest thing is that she earned it. I know she did, and I’m jealous that she has that ability, that she’s the glue that holds the two of you together rather than me.”
Not sure what to say, Luke sort of shrugs. “It’s easy to love and trust someone who reciprocates it. Besides, she’s my friend, and I know she would help me however she could. She actually made me accept the money from you for the doctors and the medications. I - I would’ve refused if she hadn’t talked me into it. Well, sort of blackmailed me, actually, but still.”
“I’m glad she did,” Dan smiles, his sincerity startlingly obvious.
“You’re freaking me out,” Luke blurts out bluntly. “This - I’m sorry, but this is so out of the blue that I guess I don’t really know what to do with it.”
“Sometimes I don’t either,” Dan admits. “We’ll just have to feel our way through things as they come up. I - I don’t expect miracles, not even minor ones. I know that I have never give you a single reason to trust me, or even to want to have a relationship with me. Let’s face it, I am asking for a lot here, and I know that.”
Watching surreptitiously from behind the counter, Haley sighs a little when Luke extends his hand to Dan and they shake. If that gesture wasn’t enough, the slightly goofy smiles both are wearing would be more than enough to convince that something serious - but apparently positive - had just gone down.
“Do you think it is a bad thing?” Karen asks, nodding her head to the table that she was watching even more closely than Haley was.
“No, of course not. It’s odd, but it isn’t bad. I just hope that it stays a not bad thing, you know?” she asks rhetorically. “Plus, I know it is selfish, but I wish Nathan were here for this. I’d feel a lot better about it if they had each other’s backs in this.”
Karen smiles, gazing thoughtfully at her son and his father. “The oddest part in all this is that I actually think Dan is sincere. That is a rather frightening notion in some ways.”
“Yeah,” Haley agrees absently. “How is Deb taking him being here so often? I can’t imagine that she appreciates it much.”
“No, she is not happy about it at all, but since I am staying out of it, she isn’t saying much against it, either.”
Haley glances over at Karen. “Why are you staying out of it, anyway? I don’t think I’ve heard anything on that.”
Laughing, Karen drops an arm over Haley’s shoulders. “Haley, Dan knew - knows where I stand with Lucas. He knows that I would do anything to protect him when necessary. I wanted him to know the same applied to you. Maybe more to the point, what I’ve seen of Dan lately gives me hope.”
“Hope,” Haley repeats dubiously, trying to reconcile the idea. “Dan Scott giving hope to anyone, particularly you, is seriously breaking my brain, Karen.”
Karen grins at that, filling Haley’s mug with coffee from the decaf pot, prompting a pout from the younger woman. “If it is hard for you to reconcile, imagine how I feel! I’ve spent years expecting the worst and only the worst from him - which is usually just what I got - and now he’s battering the defense walls I’ve put up around myself and Luke. You see it, right? The part where he’s sincere in his intentions toward Lucas?”
Watching as Dan says something that seems to surprise a laugh out of Lucas, Haley sighs as she nods. “Yes, I see it. It pains me to admit it, but yes, it’s there. He talks about it sometimes, about how he wants a better relationship with Nathan and to just have one with Luke. I didn’t want to believe it at first because there are a million reasons not to, but now…I don’t know. I tend to find myself giving him the benefit of the doubt.”
“What has Luke said about it?” Karen asks before sighing and abruptly shaking her head. “No, no, don’t answer that. I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t ask those types of questions and put you in that position.” She shakes her head, giving Haley a rueful smile. “I’ve put myself into this position, the one where I am totally and completely clueless in what is going on with my son and his father.”
“Join them,” Haley blurts out, a light blush stealing across her cheeks at her own audacity. “Ugh, sorry, that was so rude and so not how I meant for it to sound. What I meant - well, that is what I meant, just not so rudely, I swear.”
Karen laughs, not at all put off. “You think I should just join them? Go over, sit down and interrupt them?” I don’t know that either would appreciate that much. Besides, wouldn’t it be too cozy? Too ‘happy little family’ or something?”
Haley’s nose crinkles up a little thinking of the interest that she’s seen in both Dan and Karen, but pushes that aside. Because that? Was so not her business. “I don’t think that either of them would be upset if you joined them once in awhile,” she says quietly. “Yes, I’m sure it would be weird, but not more so than any of the rest, right?”
“I - I just don’t know that it would be a good idea,” Karen sighs. “On several levels, it would probably prove to be a completely awful thing, right?”
Shrugging, Haley offers her a small smile. “Then ask Luke what he thinks. He probably thought the same thing, that this was all an unmitigated disaster waiting to happen. I don’t know, it looks okay. And there really isn’t anyone better to talk to about this than you. No one understands better than you, Karen.”
Staring at Haley intently, Karen asks, “What about your husband? I’d have figured that Nathan would be the best person for Lucas to talk to about Dan’s parenting deficiencies.”
“You’d think,” Haley shrugs as a frown darkens her face. “Nathan isn’t really in a ‘sharing is caring’ kind of place right now.”
“He’s still having difficulties with Dan, too?”
Haley’s lips twist in a grimace before Karen even finishes her question. “With Dan, with Deb, with Lucas,” she sighs. “Mostly he has huge difficulties with me a lot of the time.”
“I thought things were improving,” Karen frowns. “Lucas told me that you and Nathan had been spending more and more time together lately. What happened?”
“Yeah, well, I thought they were improving, too,” Haley groans, a sad smile playing over her face. “I can’t keep staying silent when he’s acting out, though. Even if it keeps the peace between me and him. You can imagine how well going against him turns out for me. Maybe I’m doing the wrong thing.”
Karen nods thoughtfully, her gaze sympathetic. “You can only take so much of the blame, Haley. You are not the root cause of each and every problem Nathan has or will have, and you should not keep taking the blame, anger, and frustration for all of them.”
Haley smiles at her. “No, I know that, and more importantly, I think Nathan does, too. That is, aside from when he’s acting like a cornered animal and lashing out at everyone around him.”
“And how much of that is directed at you usually? And Haley, how much are you willing to take from him?”
“I guess that is the question,” Haley sighs, smiling grimly this time. “It does get tiresome and frustrating, but at the same time, I know I deserve a lot of it. If I have to take the punishment he wants to mete out, then okay, I’ll do it. I have to do it if I want a future with him.”
“At what cost?”
That was the question that Haley had been asking herself with more and more frequency of late, but she didn’t really have a good answer for it. “I don’t know,” she admits. “Maybe at any.”
“Oh, Haley,” Karen sighs, discouraged. “Honey, you should not have to spend the rest of your life apologizing and begging for Nathan’s forgiveness over a mistake made at seventeen. That’s not how relationships are supposed to work. I know it isn’t any of my business, but I worry that the two of you are beginning to fall into a pattern where this is always hanging over your head. It shouldn’t be like that.”
“Well, it is,” Haley retorts weakly, her earlier stand already forgotten. “This is what I’ve made things, and even though it sucks and sometimes it doesn’t seem fair and I don’t agree with how he’s acting, what can I do? If I take someone else’s side or disagree with him at all, he storms out. What am I supposed to do?”
Folding her arms over her chest, Karen puts on her best ‘mom’ face as she stares Haley down. “First of all, you drop the guilt. What’s done is done, and you came back, recognized your mistakes, and apologized. Letting Nathan continue to beat you down is not going to do either of you or your relationship any good in the long run.”
When she pauses to take a breath, Haley shrugs, blandly stating, “Well, I guess I have to believe it won’t come to that.”
“You are putting yourself into a dangerous position, Haley. I understand where you are coming from and why you want to take all of this on yourself, but at the same time, I don’t like where I see this going. He can’t punish you forever, and the sooner both of you realize that, the better off you’ll be.”
Folding her arms around herself, Haley sighs. “I want him to forgive me, obviously, but it isn’t exactly something I can force, is it?”
“No, it never is,” Karen concedes. Glancing across the café to where her son sits talking to his estranged father, she knows she has her example. “Let me ask you something; what will it take for Lucas to have a real, healthy relationship with Danny?”
Haley groans, shaking her head. “No, no fair. That’s so different. Things with Nathan and I are so fundamentally diff - “
Karen cuts her off with a shake of her head. “They aren’t. The details are different of course, but the fundamentals are the same. Haley, I won’t tell you what you should do, and I won’t even offer my opinion. Just…be careful, and think. It’s a fine line, honey, and I am so afraid you’re teetering right now.”
“Yeah, of course,” Haley agrees slowly, somewhat unused to someone not at least offering their opinion to her. Or their opinions of her, as the case so often was these days. “I - you know that I am trying, right? I want to get things figured out so they work out for the best for all of us. That is so hugely important to me.”
“I believe that, one hundred percent,” Karen nods, wondering if there is anything that she could say or do that would make Haley understand what she is risking in all this. It was so easy to lose pieces of yourself, and that was the last thing she wanted for this girl. “Be careful. I know I’m not your mother, but I worry about you. I want you to be happy, and well, I - I worry. Do not let Nathan hold this over your head forever. He doesn’t get to do that, and you don’t deserve it.”
“Thank you,” Haley sniffles, giving her a watery smile. “You don’t have to worry, but it means a lot to me that you do. I hope you know that.”
“Of course I do,” Karen acknowledges with a smile, wrapping an arm around the younger girl’s waist. “And you know that I love you, and if you ever need someone to talk to, I am here.”
Slightly bewildered by the pointed reminder, Haley nods. “I love you, too. With my parents gone and practically unreachable sometimes combined with how things are with Nathan, you and Luke really feel like family to me.”
Karen smiles widely at her, blinking away a few tears. “You are family to us, Haley. You always have been, and I know you always will be.”
Haley bites her lip as she gives Karen another hug. She should tell the truth now, let Karen know about Luke’s illness and tell her the story behind her employment with Dan. She knows that she owes Karen more than that, and it is gnawing at her that she can’t tell.
Just as she’s afraid she’s about to crack and spill her guts - and the truth about Luke - he approaches the counter with a smile on his face. “I hate to interrupt girly bonding time, but um, Mom, I - uh, Dan and I were talking, and we both noticed you watching. We thought you might like to join us so you could keep an eye on things.”
“Oh, no, Lucas,” Karen mutters, obviously taken aback by the invitation. “Honey, I do not need to be there. That - those things are between you and Dan, and I - I’m trusting you both to handle things right.”
“You’re trusting Dan?” Luke goggles.
Fighting back a smile, Karen nods. “I have talked to him about things, and I believe that he is sincere. That’s enough for me, Luke, because I trust you to make your own decisions. Does that mean I’m not worried and nervous? Of course not. I do worry and I am nervous, so I’ll probably watch sometimes because that is what mothers do. I still trust you, though, and I am willing to let you go into this without my opinions so you can form your own.”
He looks a little nonplussed by the vote of confidence (in both him and seemingly Dan), and Haley has to bite back a smile of her own at his reaction. “I - well, thanks, Mom. That means a lot, but I’d still like it if you joined us.”
Karen glances at Haley who nods her encouragement. “You should, Kar. I think it’s a great idea for both of you.”
“You’re welcome to join us, Hales,” Luke grins, almost daring her to say no. “Dan was pretty civil to you earlier, don’t you think?”
“He was alright,” she agrees with a roll of her eyes.
Luke’s eyebrows shoot up at that. “He took your side against Nathan. If that isn’t better than alright, I don’t know what is!”
Karen turns a questioning gaze on Haley, who just shrugs. “It isn’t a big deal. I’m not trying to downplay what he did, but it wasn’t exactly some huge thing.”
”Well, it was to me,” Luke retorts quietly. “He’s never agreed with me over Nathan before. That is a pretty huge thing.” Chagrined, Haley nods. “Besides, have you ever known him to agree with you about anything? You’ve never exactly been his favorite person.”
That last comment earns him a jab to the ribs from his mother, but Haley has to smile. “Maybe Dan is finally coming around on a lot of things,” she suggests lightly.
Luke nods thoughtfully. “Yeah, I think he is.” He glances back towards the table where their topic of conversation still sits. “Mom, please come over for a few seconds at least. I want you there, and I think it is important to Dan that you see he really means this.”
“Okay,” Karen agrees, picking up on his nervousness. She doesn’t bother to remind him that she just told him she believed in Dan’s sincerity. “If that’s what you want, of course I’ll go with you. As will Haley, who just finished telling me that you and I are her family.”
“I don’t want to intrude,” Haley interjects hastily, her mind boggling at Karen’s amazingly well-designed attack on her defenses. “This is your thing, and I’d just be in the way.”
Rolling his eyes, Luke grabs her by the hand. “Don’t be dumb,” he reprimands as he tugs her toward the table, Karen following behind. To her surprise, and probably everyone else’s, things are relaxed and actually pleasant. (Yes, she pinched herself once to make sure it was a dream. Okay, twice.) By the time she leaves over an hour later, she realizes she had actually been having fun.
Who knew?
~*~
“No! No way, no how, abso-frigging-lutely not!” Brooke grounds out, teetering on the edge of a full-on temper tantrum to rival any worth-their-salt four year old. “I refuse to have anything to do with that stuck-up, self-righteous, ho bag! Honestly, Haley, I’d rather be kicked out of school than work with her on this!”
Taking a deep and hopefully calming breath, Haley stares at her roommate after exchanging a quick glance with Mouth, who she had recruited to help with their campaign to get Brooke back her school activity positions. “Getting her in on this will only strengthen our case,” Haley reasons, knowing that she is essentially beating her head against a brick wall.
Mouth nods his agreement, taking his cue from Haley. “Plus you have to realize that when they overturn your suspension from student council and cheer, they’ll overturn her suspensions, too. Might as well work with Rachel now and get to that point faster, Brooke.”
After glaring at him for a few seconds, Brooke turns pleading eyes on Haley. “Please,” she drawls out in a long whine, “Please do not make me work with that tramp. She wrecked my life, she’s tried to steal my boyfriend, and…she has a bad dye job!”
“Well, I don’t like her anymore than you do,” Haley concedes with a sigh, “But Mouth is one hundred percent right. Working with Rachel will only help your cause. I’m sorry that it will help hers, too, but that’s just the way it is.”
“What if I can’t do it? It is a distinct possibility that I might actually kill her!” Brooke warns her friends, who just roll their eyes. Groaning in frustration and defeat, Brooke throws her hands up in the air. “Fine! But if I kill, I’m blaming the two of you!”
Mouth grins at Haley before standing up. “Great! I’ll go talk to Rachel. Brooke, I promise you won’t regret this!” he calls over his shoulder as he hurries out of the apartment.
Brooke glances at Haley who gives her a small smile in return as she shrugs. “I’m sure we’ll all regret this sooner than later, but unfortunate though it may be, I do think it is the best way.”
“I guess,” Brooke agrees sullenly. “Why does this have to be so hard? It isn’t fair!”
“Yeah, well, a lot of things aren’t fair,” Haley points out. “Anyway, you sort of brought this on yourself. I know you didn’t intend for things to turn out like this, but Brooke, you knew what would happen.”
“I don’t really need a lecture,” Brooke snaps out half-heartedly. “I know I screwed up, but it isn’t like I’m the one who left their husband to go on a slut tour with Chris Keller, am I?”
Haley’s face pales as she takes a step back, something in her snapping. “You don’t get to do that anymore. No more throwing that in my face. It is a mistake that I have recognized time and again, and I live with it and its consequences every single damn day, okay?” She draws a shaking hand over her face. “God, I can’t do this anymore.”
Brooke stares at her in confusion as Haley walks quietly into the bedroom, stooping to pull a duffel bag out from under the bed. “What are you doing? Haley!”
“What do you think I’m doing?” Haley retorts lamely. “I’m leaving. I can’t be here anymore, and since I don’t have to be, I won’t.”
“No, Haley, you cannot just leave!” Brooke protests, panic seeping in as she realizes this is not an empty threat or a ploy for attention. Not like something she would’ve done. “What am I supposed to do without you?”
“Can and am,” Haley notes grimly, opening drawers and pulling things out as quickly as she can. “I’m just taking a few things now, and I’ll be back for the rest later.”
Brooke stares at her with wide eyes. “You cannot be serious! What the hell are you thinking, Haley?” When Haley fails to answer, Brooke lets out a squeal of frustration as she stomps her foot. “Don’t go! I’m sorry! What I said was uncalled for, and I didn’t even really mean it!”
Finally losing the last thread of her control, Haley rounds on Brooke with a dangerous glint in her eyes. “I’m so tired of this, Brooke. Every time I say or do something that you don’t like, you have to throw my mistake in my face. That’s not fair, and frankly it isn’t your place to do it.”
“Haley, come on,” Brooke pleads, dangerously close to begging as she can feel her last real relationship sipping through her fingers like sand. “Please don’t leave me! Don’t be like Peyton!”
“Don’t you dare compare me to her! Oh, God,” Haley groans, turning away to grab things out of her closet. “Just give it up. I can’t stay here anymore. It was a terrible idea in the first place, and I never should’ve moved in.”
Shaking her head, Brooke follows her down the hall to the bathroom. “Where are you going to go? I don’t think that you can just show up at Nathan’s and expect a warm welcome, Haley! So stay here!”
Ignoring her, Haley grabs all of her bathroom items, dropping them into a plastic bag. Brooke continues to squawk at her, but it is barely even registering at this point. All she wants to do is pack up a few more essentials so she can go cry on Karen’s shoulder.
“Don’t ignore me!” Brooke screeches as full-on panic sets in. “You don’t get to ignore me! You were the one in the wrong! Don’t be mad because I’m not afraid to point it out.”
“Just shut up,” Haley says softly. “Quit talking about things that you know nothing about. It doesn’t work so that you get to throw my mistakes in my face just when I’ve pissed you off. You’re mad, I get it. I did awful, selfish things. I get it. Obviously, this doesn’t work, so I’m leaving.”
As tears fill her eyes, Brooke reaches out and grabs Haley’s arm. “Don’t go! Please, Haley, I will literally beg you if that’s’ what you want. Just…don’t go. Please.”
Haley pulls out of her grasp. “That isn’t what I want. None of this is what I want, Brooke. So I’m just…done. I’m done, and I’m leaving, and there is nothing you can say to stop me.”
“Leaving doesn’t solve the problem!” Brooke explains, completely oblivious to the irony of her saying something like that.
“I never thought it did, but staying isn’t going to fix things either. Let’s face it - this is a time when staying isn’t going to help.” Brooke starts sobbing at that. Resolutely, Haley ignores it, and continues packing. “Brooke, get a grip!”
Brooke stops abruptly, her arms falling to hang limply at her sides. “I don’t want you to leave, Haley. You - you’re my best friend, and I swear, I’m not just saying that because Peyton is gone. This is merit based, I promise.”
Haley places one last thing in her bag before zipping it up. “I’m sorry, but I can’t stay here. You are my friend and I love you, but I don’t like you much right now. I - I just don’t think that this was a good situation for either of us. I’m sorry I put us in this position.”
“I’m sorry, too,” Brooke manages to whisper, looking down at the floor. “I’m sorry I threw the Nathan thing in your face again. You don’t deserve that.”
“You said that last time,” Haley says knowingly as she steps out the door. “I’ll see you around, Brooke.”
She pulls the door shut before Brooke can issue a response. Taking a deep breath, she realizes that this is actually a weight off her shoulders. What should be scary, knowing that she didn’t have a definite place to live, was actually a relief.
It shouldn’t be; she didn’t officially have a place to go. Karen had extended the invitation to her once, but that was when Haley had other arrangements. Maybe it was a courtesy thing. Still, she wasn’t worried and she knew that somehow this particular mess would work itself out.
Chapter Ten - Round and Round It Goes
After the success of the date with Nathan, Haley was practically walking on air. For the first time in what felt like forever, hope wasn’t the only thing that she had to hold onto, the only thing that kept her going. That was so huge for her; the hope was good, but this so much more and so, so much better.
Even busting her butt with work, school, tutoring, cheering, and helping Brooke haven’t done anything to diminish her good mood the last few days. Sure, she’s about as tired as she can ever remember being, but all things considered, she would gladly take that. Nathan was talking to her, flirting with her, and smiling at her, so everything else just seemed to melt away.
She didn’t have much in the way of time to spend with Nathan, but when she did see him he seemed happy to see her and things no longer felt stilted or awkward. She truly felt like one of the huge weights that had been pressing her down had lifted, and it was obvious in her improved mood.
Even Dan had noticed the vast changes in her disposition, but to her unending surprise, his only comment was limited to generic snapping about cheerleading rubbing off on her. He had to know that her mood was a direct result of her date with Nathan since he gave her time off, but he still hadn’t said anything derogatory. It was almost disappointing that he was playing it so cool with her.
That was sort of a problem in general for her, though. Every time she turned around, Dan was doing something to defy her expectations of him which was utterly frustrating to say the least. Not having a decent handle on Dan and what he’d do next was as disconcerting as not knowing exactly where she and Nathan stood. Well, almost anyway.
The thing is, she’s starting to believe in Dan and his sincerity more and more, at least in terms of Luke and Nathan. Oh, he still had more than his share of nasty, rude moments where she wanted to kick him in the teeth, but overall he was beginning to win her over. And yes, she had considered checking herself into a mental hospital when that realization came down.
It was just obvious to her that if nothing else, Dan was committed to this, to winning over both of his sons. Since she was committed to them, too, that meant they had something very huge in common. This wasn’t a great spot for her to be in, all things considered. Luke had so many justified trust issues with Dan that he still had trouble being in the same room with the man, and Nathan flat out hated him and blamed him for a lot of his problems. Everyday she felt like she was being sucked more and more into the middle all because she was beginning to see Dan’s side of things.
Oh, how she wanted to hate him for that.
“Hey, Hales,” Luke calls, chuckling when she jumps a few inches off her chair. “You okay? Your eyes have been completely glazed over for about five minutes now. It was a little creepy, almost Hitchcockian.”
“Thank you for letting it go on that long,” she retorts mildly, shooting him her version of a sweet smile. “Sorry. I guess there are a lot of things on my mind.”
Luke’s eyebrows shoot up into his hairline, ridiculously spiky as it were. “Let me guess: Nathan.” He makes a face of mock surprise when she concedes with a curt nod and a roll of her eyes. “I can hardly believe it!”
She sighs in exasperation. “Well, what do you want from me, Luke? He’s my husband, and for the first time in about nine months, things are starting to look better for us. So yeah, that is on my mind. Sue me.”
“Oh, relax,” he grins, shoving her playfully. “I’m just giving you a bad time, Hales. If things are getting on track for you and Nathan, believe me, no one would be happier for you both than me. You know that, right?”
“Fine,” she grumbles, reluctantly returning his grin when he tugs on a lock of her hair. “Have you tried to talk to him lately? Maybe you should tell him about the heart thing, Luke. I’m sure he’d understand, and really, I think he’d want to know.”
Luke’s eyes dart wildly around, scanning the nearby tables to make sure his mother wasn’t anywhere near them. “Could you maybe be a little quieter about that, or I don’t know, not talk about it here period? I don’t - damn it, you know that no one is supposed to know!”
She sighs in response to his little outburst. “Honestly, Luke, I was barely speaking above a whisper. You are drawing way more attention to us now flapping your arms around like an over-dramatic chicken!”
“Well, you know not to talk about it,” he grumps, not giving an inch on this. “In fact, let’s not talk about it at all, ever again. Sound good? Yeah, for me, too.”
“No, that doesn’t sound good, and it is not okay. Look, Luke, I’m keeping this secret for you despite the fact that every single instinct I have is screaming at me to do otherwise,” she grounds out quietly, her frustration clearly communicated. “You have put me in a truly horrible position, and not only am I potentially risking several extremely important relationship of my own, I’m potentially risking your health and life. And I’m not really okay with that.”
“Those are my decisions,” he argues, refusing to see (or admit to seeing) what she is not only risking, but sacrificing. “No one will ever find out, but if they do, I’ll take the heat, I promise.”
She shakes her head, dismayed by his obtuseness. “No, Luke. If you think that, you’re clueless,” she scoffs. “Honestly, if Nathan or Brooke or your mother found out I knew before something happened, do you think they’d just let me off the hook? Luke, they’d all hate me. They would hate me, and frankly, it’d be pretty damn justified, you know?”
“No one would ever hate you,” he tries to placate her, his eyes still frantically scanning for any sign of his mother. “They’d just be pissed at me.”
“They’d be frustrated with you and your choices, sure, but mostly they’d be concerned and afraid for you,” she snaps out in a whisper, “I won’t get that. Besides, I owe all three of them honesty, and…well, they don’t entirely trust me now as it is.”
Seeming to realize just what Haley has put on the line for him, he slumps down in his seat. “They won’t find out, Hales. And God, if they do, then I’ll never tell them that you already knew, okay? Since no one else knows that you know, it’ll be okay, I promise.”
Deflating as she loses her anger with him, she gives him a grim smile. “That is not a promise you can keep, Luke. There are ways - well, Tree Hill has never been good with secrets, has it? Anyway, I guess it isn’t worth worrying about now.”
“Hey, I wouldn’t let you take the fall for it,” he promises her, his face as serious as hers. “I wouldn’t do that to you, not after all you’ve done for me.”
“That might be out of your control,” she points out with a sigh. To her surprise, who should walk through the door now but Nathan, his mouth widening into a smile when he spots her. It gets a little tight when he spots Luke sitting across from her, but it doesn’t deter his approach.
She stands up as he gets closer, beaming a smile at him. “I didn’t know you were coming by. Oh! How did you know I was here?”
He kisses her on the cheek all the while shooting Luke a wary look. “You have a very blabby roommate, Hales. I stopped by to see if you wanted to hang out, and she told me you were here. With him.”
Haley sighs as Luke rolls his eyes. Trying to make the best out of having them in the same room for a change, she looks up at Nathan as she sits back down. “Well, Luke and I were doing a bit of studying and a lot of hanging out. You are certainly welcome to join us. I’d really like it if you would, actually.”
Raising his eyebrows, both Haley and Luke watch as Nathan’s face shutters over at the suggestion. Resigning himself to what he figures is inevitable, Luke moves to stand. “Hey, you know what? I think you have that math thing down, Hales. I’ll just, um, get out of your way.”
“What? Luke, no!” Haley protests, sighing in exasperation. “We’re hanging out! I don’t want you to leave.” If anything, Nathan’s mouth tightens up even more in an expression of his displeasure. Seeing that, Haley rolls her eyes. “Why can’t we all just hang out?”
“Indeed,” Dan agrees from behind them. Luke and Nathan both quickly turn to look at him, and in a sign of how different the places they are in currently are, Luke is wary while Nathan is just flat-out angry. “I hope you haven’t ordered yet. I’m hungry, and it’ll be nice to eat with all of you.”
Nathan just gapes at Dan, not realizing that this had become something of a common thing around here. Luke, on the other hand, was beginning to grow somewhat used to it, but he still felt like he’d never get comfortable with it. Haley knew from both Dan and Karen that Dan was eating dinner at the café whenever he could. That was the time Luke was likeliest to be around, so that was when he tended to show up.
“What - what the hell are you doing here?” Nathan grounds out, anger mixed in with the pain and confusion over his father’s presence.
“Hello to you, too, Nathan,” Dan greets him with a wry grimace. “And hello Luke, Haley.”
Supremely uncomfortable, Haley can only manage a nod in response. Luke fares slightly better, managing a muttered hello and even a trace of a shy smile.
Nathan’s eyes narrow as he picks up on Luke’s not entirely negative response. Glaring at his half-brother, he demands, “What the hell is going on? Oh, come on! Don’t tell me that you’re dumb enough to fall for the sad sac, puppy dog eyes routine!”
“Nathan!” Haley exclaims, marveling at his ability to take an already awkward situation and dial it up about a thousand notches.
“What?” he barks back, his irritation rising by the half second. “Don’t you dare defend either one of these two to me!”
Looking between his sons, Dan seems to realize the position he is putting all of them in, and while he wants to stay and force the issue, he can’t bring himself to do it. Not when Nathan was looking this angry, and especially not when Lucas was this obviously uncomfortable. Clearing his throat, he nods to himself as he makes a decision. “Maybe this isn’t the best time then,” he notes quietly. “I’ll just go and leave the three of you to your evening.”
To the surprise (or more appropriately abject shock) of them all, Luke lays a hand on Dan’s arm. “No!” he exclaims, startling himself as much as anyone. “I mean, you don’t have to go. You aren’t in the wrong here.”
“Fine,” Nathan huffs, betrayal lancing through him. “I see how it is. Come on, Haley. Let’s go. I’d hate to interrupt father-son time.”
“Nathan, don’t be like that,” she sighs tiredly. “It isn’t like that, and you know it.”
“No, I don’t know that!” he snaps, now including her in his heat-filled glares. “I guess if you’re so into being a Scott, those two are as good as anything, right?”
He gives her one last look, one last second to change her mind and come with him before realizing she isn’t budging on this before he turns to stalk out of the café, the door swinging shut behind him. Seeing the stricken look on his best friend’s face, Luke moves to go after Nathan, but she stops him with a shake of her head.
“No, Luke. Just let him go. I - I can’t pander to him and his expectations when they’re this childish, right?” she points out, the strain of the situation evident in the tight line of her lips. “No one can, and none of us should feel obligated to. Besides, you were right; he is the one acting in the wrong here.”
“He’s going to be pissed,” Luke needlessly points out as Dan watches them with interest. “You can go after him, Hales. I won’t be mad or think you’re crazy if you do.”
She smiles tremulously at him. “I know, and that means a lot to me. I just - I guess I can’t continue to justify it in my head when I keep giving this type of behavior validation.”
While Luke is surprised by the proclamation (of sorts), Dan looks impressed and (gag her) even a little proud.
“Are you sure?” Luke asks doubtfully.
“She’s right,” Dan interrupts quietly, almost as if he’s afraid his speaking will startle Luke off. “He can be angry with me or you or anyone, but he shouldn’t get to act like that. I - well, Deb and I have certainly not given him much to go on in terms of healthy relationships - “
“Or productive conflict resolution,” Haley interrupts with a tiny smirk.
“Or that,” Dan agrees, fighting an indulgent smile. “He is old enough to act a little better than that, though, regardless of the bad habits he has picked up from his parents.”
Sighing, Haley nods. “Well, I’m going to go see if Karen needs any help in the kitchen. I owe her a chat anyway.”
Luke is about to protest but stops when he realizes that she is actually trying to help. Sitting back down, he motions for Dan to do the same. “He’s so cruel to her sometimes,” he sighs as Haley winds her way through the tables, stopping to exchange greetings with some of the regular customers.
Dan nods absently as he settles into his chair, effectively giving his agreement. He’s a little overwhelmed by the unexpected boon of being invited to stay, so he might agree to about anything at the moment.
“I do have to admit that a lot of that is my fault,” Dan notes, for once not shying away from or sugar-coating the truth. “I think you already know this, but you also deserve to know that I recognize it, too. You - you were the lucky one, Lucas. Karen - your mom just knew how to be a good parent. She knew what the important things are, and she didn’t try and teach a bunch of bullshit values that mean nothing like I did with Nathan. You were lucky not to grow up with me.”
Luke’s mouth had fallen open sometime near the beginning of Dan’s little soliloquy, and it takes a minute after he’s done to get it closed. “I never felt lucky,” Luke says quietly, a little flatly.
“Yeah,” Dan agrees earnestly, giving his slightly older son a pained smile. He sort of wishes he hadn’t brought this subject up, here of all places, but he wasn’t going to back down now that it was out on the table. “Luke, I am sorry. If I’ve made a million mistakes in my life, at least 700,000 of them were in regards to you. It has taken me an unforgivably long time to get to the point where I can acknowledge these mistakes, but I’m there now. I’m here now, and maybe that will never be enough, but I want to try.”
“I thought we were trying,” Luke notes wryly, prompting Dan to relax a little. “Look, I won’t pretend it will be easy because it probably won’t. Things between us are tough enough, and when you throw Nathan in, they seem sort of impossible. I guess that really will make things worse, if neither of us can even talk with Nathan right now.”
“No, it won’t,” Dan cuts in, his tone firm. “It won’t because we won’t let it. You and I each clearly have things to work out with Nathan, and maybe some of those overlap, but we don’t have to let that interfere with this. This isn’t about anyone but you and me.”
Luke actually smiles at that even as he shakes his head. “Maybe it shouldn’t be about anyone else, but it doesn’t work like that. Besides, Nathan is not so good about separating things, you know? I’m pretty sure he was mad when he came in just because Haley was here with me.”
Dan nods. “I know, but that’s something that Nathan needs to work through, Luke. He’s angry at a lot of people for a lot of reasons, and a lot of them are justified. Maybe the way he reacts to them isn’t, but the reasons behind it are, and you and I both know that.”
“How long do we have to keep apologizing?” Luke bites out angrily. He sighs then, shaking his head. “Sorry, I know you probably do not want to hear this, but I just hate how he’s treating Haley. She was wrong to leave, but why does he have to take it so far, be so cruel?”
“You’re right,” Dan stuns Luke - and maybe himself a little - by agreeing. “He is ridiculously hard on her. She might deserve some of it, or at least she probably did initially, but he’s holding it over her head now and that isn’t fair.”
Luke frowns. “But…?”
Grinning at having thrown Luke in a positive way for a change, Dan leans back in his chair a little. “There’s no ‘but’, Luke. How he is treating her isn’t fair.” His smile grows as does Luke’s skepticism. “I mean it. There is no reason for you to believe me, but I don’t hate Haley. I resented her for a long time, and now…well, it’s not hard to realize I was jealous of her in a lot of ways. Still am, actually.”
“Jealous? Why would you be jealous of Haley?”
Smiling indulgently, Dan explains, “You and your brother both love and trust her. You’d both do anything for her up to the point of dying, and the damnedest thing is that she earned it. I know she did, and I’m jealous that she has that ability, that she’s the glue that holds the two of you together rather than me.”
Not sure what to say, Luke sort of shrugs. “It’s easy to love and trust someone who reciprocates it. Besides, she’s my friend, and I know she would help me however she could. She actually made me accept the money from you for the doctors and the medications. I - I would’ve refused if she hadn’t talked me into it. Well, sort of blackmailed me, actually, but still.”
“I’m glad she did,” Dan smiles, his sincerity startlingly obvious.
“You’re freaking me out,” Luke blurts out bluntly. “This - I’m sorry, but this is so out of the blue that I guess I don’t really know what to do with it.”
“Sometimes I don’t either,” Dan admits. “We’ll just have to feel our way through things as they come up. I - I don’t expect miracles, not even minor ones. I know that I have never give you a single reason to trust me, or even to want to have a relationship with me. Let’s face it, I am asking for a lot here, and I know that.”
Watching surreptitiously from behind the counter, Haley sighs a little when Luke extends his hand to Dan and they shake. If that gesture wasn’t enough, the slightly goofy smiles both are wearing would be more than enough to convince that something serious - but apparently positive - had just gone down.
“Do you think it is a bad thing?” Karen asks, nodding her head to the table that she was watching even more closely than Haley was.
“No, of course not. It’s odd, but it isn’t bad. I just hope that it stays a not bad thing, you know?” she asks rhetorically. “Plus, I know it is selfish, but I wish Nathan were here for this. I’d feel a lot better about it if they had each other’s backs in this.”
Karen smiles, gazing thoughtfully at her son and his father. “The oddest part in all this is that I actually think Dan is sincere. That is a rather frightening notion in some ways.”
“Yeah,” Haley agrees absently. “How is Deb taking him being here so often? I can’t imagine that she appreciates it much.”
“No, she is not happy about it at all, but since I am staying out of it, she isn’t saying much against it, either.”
Haley glances over at Karen. “Why are you staying out of it, anyway? I don’t think I’ve heard anything on that.”
Laughing, Karen drops an arm over Haley’s shoulders. “Haley, Dan knew - knows where I stand with Lucas. He knows that I would do anything to protect him when necessary. I wanted him to know the same applied to you. Maybe more to the point, what I’ve seen of Dan lately gives me hope.”
“Hope,” Haley repeats dubiously, trying to reconcile the idea. “Dan Scott giving hope to anyone, particularly you, is seriously breaking my brain, Karen.”
Karen grins at that, filling Haley’s mug with coffee from the decaf pot, prompting a pout from the younger woman. “If it is hard for you to reconcile, imagine how I feel! I’ve spent years expecting the worst and only the worst from him - which is usually just what I got - and now he’s battering the defense walls I’ve put up around myself and Luke. You see it, right? The part where he’s sincere in his intentions toward Lucas?”
Watching as Dan says something that seems to surprise a laugh out of Lucas, Haley sighs as she nods. “Yes, I see it. It pains me to admit it, but yes, it’s there. He talks about it sometimes, about how he wants a better relationship with Nathan and to just have one with Luke. I didn’t want to believe it at first because there are a million reasons not to, but now…I don’t know. I tend to find myself giving him the benefit of the doubt.”
“What has Luke said about it?” Karen asks before sighing and abruptly shaking her head. “No, no, don’t answer that. I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t ask those types of questions and put you in that position.” She shakes her head, giving Haley a rueful smile. “I’ve put myself into this position, the one where I am totally and completely clueless in what is going on with my son and his father.”
“Join them,” Haley blurts out, a light blush stealing across her cheeks at her own audacity. “Ugh, sorry, that was so rude and so not how I meant for it to sound. What I meant - well, that is what I meant, just not so rudely, I swear.”
Karen laughs, not at all put off. “You think I should just join them? Go over, sit down and interrupt them?” I don’t know that either would appreciate that much. Besides, wouldn’t it be too cozy? Too ‘happy little family’ or something?”
Haley’s nose crinkles up a little thinking of the interest that she’s seen in both Dan and Karen, but pushes that aside. Because that? Was so not her business. “I don’t think that either of them would be upset if you joined them once in awhile,” she says quietly. “Yes, I’m sure it would be weird, but not more so than any of the rest, right?”
“I - I just don’t know that it would be a good idea,” Karen sighs. “On several levels, it would probably prove to be a completely awful thing, right?”
Shrugging, Haley offers her a small smile. “Then ask Luke what he thinks. He probably thought the same thing, that this was all an unmitigated disaster waiting to happen. I don’t know, it looks okay. And there really isn’t anyone better to talk to about this than you. No one understands better than you, Karen.”
Staring at Haley intently, Karen asks, “What about your husband? I’d have figured that Nathan would be the best person for Lucas to talk to about Dan’s parenting deficiencies.”
“You’d think,” Haley shrugs as a frown darkens her face. “Nathan isn’t really in a ‘sharing is caring’ kind of place right now.”
“He’s still having difficulties with Dan, too?”
Haley’s lips twist in a grimace before Karen even finishes her question. “With Dan, with Deb, with Lucas,” she sighs. “Mostly he has huge difficulties with me a lot of the time.”
“I thought things were improving,” Karen frowns. “Lucas told me that you and Nathan had been spending more and more time together lately. What happened?”
“Yeah, well, I thought they were improving, too,” Haley groans, a sad smile playing over her face. “I can’t keep staying silent when he’s acting out, though. Even if it keeps the peace between me and him. You can imagine how well going against him turns out for me. Maybe I’m doing the wrong thing.”
Karen nods thoughtfully, her gaze sympathetic. “You can only take so much of the blame, Haley. You are not the root cause of each and every problem Nathan has or will have, and you should not keep taking the blame, anger, and frustration for all of them.”
Haley smiles at her. “No, I know that, and more importantly, I think Nathan does, too. That is, aside from when he’s acting like a cornered animal and lashing out at everyone around him.”
“And how much of that is directed at you usually? And Haley, how much are you willing to take from him?”
“I guess that is the question,” Haley sighs, smiling grimly this time. “It does get tiresome and frustrating, but at the same time, I know I deserve a lot of it. If I have to take the punishment he wants to mete out, then okay, I’ll do it. I have to do it if I want a future with him.”
“At what cost?”
That was the question that Haley had been asking herself with more and more frequency of late, but she didn’t really have a good answer for it. “I don’t know,” she admits. “Maybe at any.”
“Oh, Haley,” Karen sighs, discouraged. “Honey, you should not have to spend the rest of your life apologizing and begging for Nathan’s forgiveness over a mistake made at seventeen. That’s not how relationships are supposed to work. I know it isn’t any of my business, but I worry that the two of you are beginning to fall into a pattern where this is always hanging over your head. It shouldn’t be like that.”
“Well, it is,” Haley retorts weakly, her earlier stand already forgotten. “This is what I’ve made things, and even though it sucks and sometimes it doesn’t seem fair and I don’t agree with how he’s acting, what can I do? If I take someone else’s side or disagree with him at all, he storms out. What am I supposed to do?”
Folding her arms over her chest, Karen puts on her best ‘mom’ face as she stares Haley down. “First of all, you drop the guilt. What’s done is done, and you came back, recognized your mistakes, and apologized. Letting Nathan continue to beat you down is not going to do either of you or your relationship any good in the long run.”
When she pauses to take a breath, Haley shrugs, blandly stating, “Well, I guess I have to believe it won’t come to that.”
“You are putting yourself into a dangerous position, Haley. I understand where you are coming from and why you want to take all of this on yourself, but at the same time, I don’t like where I see this going. He can’t punish you forever, and the sooner both of you realize that, the better off you’ll be.”
Folding her arms around herself, Haley sighs. “I want him to forgive me, obviously, but it isn’t exactly something I can force, is it?”
“No, it never is,” Karen concedes. Glancing across the café to where her son sits talking to his estranged father, she knows she has her example. “Let me ask you something; what will it take for Lucas to have a real, healthy relationship with Danny?”
Haley groans, shaking her head. “No, no fair. That’s so different. Things with Nathan and I are so fundamentally diff - “
Karen cuts her off with a shake of her head. “They aren’t. The details are different of course, but the fundamentals are the same. Haley, I won’t tell you what you should do, and I won’t even offer my opinion. Just…be careful, and think. It’s a fine line, honey, and I am so afraid you’re teetering right now.”
“Yeah, of course,” Haley agrees slowly, somewhat unused to someone not at least offering their opinion to her. Or their opinions of her, as the case so often was these days. “I - you know that I am trying, right? I want to get things figured out so they work out for the best for all of us. That is so hugely important to me.”
“I believe that, one hundred percent,” Karen nods, wondering if there is anything that she could say or do that would make Haley understand what she is risking in all this. It was so easy to lose pieces of yourself, and that was the last thing she wanted for this girl. “Be careful. I know I’m not your mother, but I worry about you. I want you to be happy, and well, I - I worry. Do not let Nathan hold this over your head forever. He doesn’t get to do that, and you don’t deserve it.”
“Thank you,” Haley sniffles, giving her a watery smile. “You don’t have to worry, but it means a lot to me that you do. I hope you know that.”
“Of course I do,” Karen acknowledges with a smile, wrapping an arm around the younger girl’s waist. “And you know that I love you, and if you ever need someone to talk to, I am here.”
Slightly bewildered by the pointed reminder, Haley nods. “I love you, too. With my parents gone and practically unreachable sometimes combined with how things are with Nathan, you and Luke really feel like family to me.”
Karen smiles widely at her, blinking away a few tears. “You are family to us, Haley. You always have been, and I know you always will be.”
Haley bites her lip as she gives Karen another hug. She should tell the truth now, let Karen know about Luke’s illness and tell her the story behind her employment with Dan. She knows that she owes Karen more than that, and it is gnawing at her that she can’t tell.
Just as she’s afraid she’s about to crack and spill her guts - and the truth about Luke - he approaches the counter with a smile on his face. “I hate to interrupt girly bonding time, but um, Mom, I - uh, Dan and I were talking, and we both noticed you watching. We thought you might like to join us so you could keep an eye on things.”
“Oh, no, Lucas,” Karen mutters, obviously taken aback by the invitation. “Honey, I do not need to be there. That - those things are between you and Dan, and I - I’m trusting you both to handle things right.”
“You’re trusting Dan?” Luke goggles.
Fighting back a smile, Karen nods. “I have talked to him about things, and I believe that he is sincere. That’s enough for me, Luke, because I trust you to make your own decisions. Does that mean I’m not worried and nervous? Of course not. I do worry and I am nervous, so I’ll probably watch sometimes because that is what mothers do. I still trust you, though, and I am willing to let you go into this without my opinions so you can form your own.”
He looks a little nonplussed by the vote of confidence (in both him and seemingly Dan), and Haley has to bite back a smile of her own at his reaction. “I - well, thanks, Mom. That means a lot, but I’d still like it if you joined us.”
Karen glances at Haley who nods her encouragement. “You should, Kar. I think it’s a great idea for both of you.”
“You’re welcome to join us, Hales,” Luke grins, almost daring her to say no. “Dan was pretty civil to you earlier, don’t you think?”
“He was alright,” she agrees with a roll of her eyes.
Luke’s eyebrows shoot up at that. “He took your side against Nathan. If that isn’t better than alright, I don’t know what is!”
Karen turns a questioning gaze on Haley, who just shrugs. “It isn’t a big deal. I’m not trying to downplay what he did, but it wasn’t exactly some huge thing.”
”Well, it was to me,” Luke retorts quietly. “He’s never agreed with me over Nathan before. That is a pretty huge thing.” Chagrined, Haley nods. “Besides, have you ever known him to agree with you about anything? You’ve never exactly been his favorite person.”
That last comment earns him a jab to the ribs from his mother, but Haley has to smile. “Maybe Dan is finally coming around on a lot of things,” she suggests lightly.
Luke nods thoughtfully. “Yeah, I think he is.” He glances back towards the table where their topic of conversation still sits. “Mom, please come over for a few seconds at least. I want you there, and I think it is important to Dan that you see he really means this.”
“Okay,” Karen agrees, picking up on his nervousness. She doesn’t bother to remind him that she just told him she believed in Dan’s sincerity. “If that’s what you want, of course I’ll go with you. As will Haley, who just finished telling me that you and I are her family.”
“I don’t want to intrude,” Haley interjects hastily, her mind boggling at Karen’s amazingly well-designed attack on her defenses. “This is your thing, and I’d just be in the way.”
Rolling his eyes, Luke grabs her by the hand. “Don’t be dumb,” he reprimands as he tugs her toward the table, Karen following behind. To her surprise, and probably everyone else’s, things are relaxed and actually pleasant. (Yes, she pinched herself once to make sure it was a dream. Okay, twice.) By the time she leaves over an hour later, she realizes she had actually been having fun.
Who knew?
~*~
“No! No way, no how, abso-frigging-lutely not!” Brooke grounds out, teetering on the edge of a full-on temper tantrum to rival any worth-their-salt four year old. “I refuse to have anything to do with that stuck-up, self-righteous, ho bag! Honestly, Haley, I’d rather be kicked out of school than work with her on this!”
Taking a deep and hopefully calming breath, Haley stares at her roommate after exchanging a quick glance with Mouth, who she had recruited to help with their campaign to get Brooke back her school activity positions. “Getting her in on this will only strengthen our case,” Haley reasons, knowing that she is essentially beating her head against a brick wall.
Mouth nods his agreement, taking his cue from Haley. “Plus you have to realize that when they overturn your suspension from student council and cheer, they’ll overturn her suspensions, too. Might as well work with Rachel now and get to that point faster, Brooke.”
After glaring at him for a few seconds, Brooke turns pleading eyes on Haley. “Please,” she drawls out in a long whine, “Please do not make me work with that tramp. She wrecked my life, she’s tried to steal my boyfriend, and…she has a bad dye job!”
“Well, I don’t like her anymore than you do,” Haley concedes with a sigh, “But Mouth is one hundred percent right. Working with Rachel will only help your cause. I’m sorry that it will help hers, too, but that’s just the way it is.”
“What if I can’t do it? It is a distinct possibility that I might actually kill her!” Brooke warns her friends, who just roll their eyes. Groaning in frustration and defeat, Brooke throws her hands up in the air. “Fine! But if I kill, I’m blaming the two of you!”
Mouth grins at Haley before standing up. “Great! I’ll go talk to Rachel. Brooke, I promise you won’t regret this!” he calls over his shoulder as he hurries out of the apartment.
Brooke glances at Haley who gives her a small smile in return as she shrugs. “I’m sure we’ll all regret this sooner than later, but unfortunate though it may be, I do think it is the best way.”
“I guess,” Brooke agrees sullenly. “Why does this have to be so hard? It isn’t fair!”
“Yeah, well, a lot of things aren’t fair,” Haley points out. “Anyway, you sort of brought this on yourself. I know you didn’t intend for things to turn out like this, but Brooke, you knew what would happen.”
“I don’t really need a lecture,” Brooke snaps out half-heartedly. “I know I screwed up, but it isn’t like I’m the one who left their husband to go on a slut tour with Chris Keller, am I?”
Haley’s face pales as she takes a step back, something in her snapping. “You don’t get to do that anymore. No more throwing that in my face. It is a mistake that I have recognized time and again, and I live with it and its consequences every single damn day, okay?” She draws a shaking hand over her face. “God, I can’t do this anymore.”
Brooke stares at her in confusion as Haley walks quietly into the bedroom, stooping to pull a duffel bag out from under the bed. “What are you doing? Haley!”
“What do you think I’m doing?” Haley retorts lamely. “I’m leaving. I can’t be here anymore, and since I don’t have to be, I won’t.”
“No, Haley, you cannot just leave!” Brooke protests, panic seeping in as she realizes this is not an empty threat or a ploy for attention. Not like something she would’ve done. “What am I supposed to do without you?”
“Can and am,” Haley notes grimly, opening drawers and pulling things out as quickly as she can. “I’m just taking a few things now, and I’ll be back for the rest later.”
Brooke stares at her with wide eyes. “You cannot be serious! What the hell are you thinking, Haley?” When Haley fails to answer, Brooke lets out a squeal of frustration as she stomps her foot. “Don’t go! I’m sorry! What I said was uncalled for, and I didn’t even really mean it!”
Finally losing the last thread of her control, Haley rounds on Brooke with a dangerous glint in her eyes. “I’m so tired of this, Brooke. Every time I say or do something that you don’t like, you have to throw my mistake in my face. That’s not fair, and frankly it isn’t your place to do it.”
“Haley, come on,” Brooke pleads, dangerously close to begging as she can feel her last real relationship sipping through her fingers like sand. “Please don’t leave me! Don’t be like Peyton!”
“Don’t you dare compare me to her! Oh, God,” Haley groans, turning away to grab things out of her closet. “Just give it up. I can’t stay here anymore. It was a terrible idea in the first place, and I never should’ve moved in.”
Shaking her head, Brooke follows her down the hall to the bathroom. “Where are you going to go? I don’t think that you can just show up at Nathan’s and expect a warm welcome, Haley! So stay here!”
Ignoring her, Haley grabs all of her bathroom items, dropping them into a plastic bag. Brooke continues to squawk at her, but it is barely even registering at this point. All she wants to do is pack up a few more essentials so she can go cry on Karen’s shoulder.
“Don’t ignore me!” Brooke screeches as full-on panic sets in. “You don’t get to ignore me! You were the one in the wrong! Don’t be mad because I’m not afraid to point it out.”
“Just shut up,” Haley says softly. “Quit talking about things that you know nothing about. It doesn’t work so that you get to throw my mistakes in my face just when I’ve pissed you off. You’re mad, I get it. I did awful, selfish things. I get it. Obviously, this doesn’t work, so I’m leaving.”
As tears fill her eyes, Brooke reaches out and grabs Haley’s arm. “Don’t go! Please, Haley, I will literally beg you if that’s’ what you want. Just…don’t go. Please.”
Haley pulls out of her grasp. “That isn’t what I want. None of this is what I want, Brooke. So I’m just…done. I’m done, and I’m leaving, and there is nothing you can say to stop me.”
“Leaving doesn’t solve the problem!” Brooke explains, completely oblivious to the irony of her saying something like that.
“I never thought it did, but staying isn’t going to fix things either. Let’s face it - this is a time when staying isn’t going to help.” Brooke starts sobbing at that. Resolutely, Haley ignores it, and continues packing. “Brooke, get a grip!”
Brooke stops abruptly, her arms falling to hang limply at her sides. “I don’t want you to leave, Haley. You - you’re my best friend, and I swear, I’m not just saying that because Peyton is gone. This is merit based, I promise.”
Haley places one last thing in her bag before zipping it up. “I’m sorry, but I can’t stay here. You are my friend and I love you, but I don’t like you much right now. I - I just don’t think that this was a good situation for either of us. I’m sorry I put us in this position.”
“I’m sorry, too,” Brooke manages to whisper, looking down at the floor. “I’m sorry I threw the Nathan thing in your face again. You don’t deserve that.”
“You said that last time,” Haley says knowingly as she steps out the door. “I’ll see you around, Brooke.”
She pulls the door shut before Brooke can issue a response. Taking a deep breath, she realizes that this is actually a weight off her shoulders. What should be scary, knowing that she didn’t have a definite place to live, was actually a relief.
It shouldn’t be; she didn’t officially have a place to go. Karen had extended the invitation to her once, but that was when Haley had other arrangements. Maybe it was a courtesy thing. Still, she wasn’t worried and she knew that somehow this particular mess would work itself out.