[drabble] White Horse
Title: White Horse
Author: Luna (dreamweavernyx )
Pairing: anti-Yamachii [Chinen-centric]
Genre: Angst
Notes: Inspired by White Horse (Taylor Swift).
Companion to Fairytale.
~
…Say you’re sorry, that face of an angel…
How long has it been? Days? Months? Years?
How long has it been since he fell for Yamada?
Sometimes, it feels like it’s been forever. As if he can’t remember the first time he’d seen that angelic face and fell for the person it belonged to.
Chinen knows that even now, even despite what’s happened, he’s still falling.
I hate it, he thinks, burying his head deeper into his knees. That I can’t say anything to that face of his. That I can’t tell him the truth because when I see his face I forget everything else.
Because after all, the truth hurts.
In the comforting solitude of his lonely corner in the empty broom closet, he lets go, and his body trembles as the silent sobs force themselves out.
…I honestly believed in you…
It’s been going on for a while now.
“I’m going to talk to Dai-chan now,” he will always say, waving goodbye as they part after reaching the jimusho together. “I’ll be right back.”
He never comes back, and Chinen has no choice but to plop himself on the floor or on someone’s lap and sulk as he watches Yamada laugh with Daiki.
He can tell that Yamada’s different when he’s around Daiki. He smiles more, laughs louder, and looks happier than he is with anyone else.
Why can’t he smile like that when he’s with me? Chinen thinks, his smile often slipping away silently as he contemplates. When he’s with Yamada, they don’t talk, and there is instead an awkward silence. But with Daiki, there’s no silence, only laughter and smiles and happiness.
He doesn’t know why.
Today began just like any other morning, Yamada walking with him to the jimusho with the depressingly familiar thick silence hanging between them.
“See you,” says Yamada when they reach the dressing room, and immediately runs off to where Daiki is. Chinen turns his back, but cannot block out Yamada’s laughter. He doesn’t know why, but today it sounds especially mocking.
Perhaps the bitterness that’s been slowly piling up has finally reached breaking point.
Why, Yama-chan? he wants to know. Friends don’t do this to each other.
Later on, he viciously ignores Daiki’s anguished wail when he grabs the older boy’s entire ration of Pocky and demolishes it all.
Serves him right for stealing Yamada away.
…This ain’t a fairy tale…
Yamada grabs his arm, holding him back as he prepares to head out to the vending machine to buy a drink.
“Chii,” he says quietly, and Chinen turns around to face him. The obsidian pools that face him are filled with confusion.
“What’s up with you and Dai-chan?”
The moment the last syllable falls out of Yamada’s mouth, it’s like the last straw, the last bit of pain on that mountain of sour resentment pressing on his heart.
“What’s with me and Dai-chan?” he flares up. “That’s the wrong question to be asking. What’s with you and Dai-chan? Clinging to him like a barnacle all the time, it’s so annoying!”
Yamada’s face whirls through shock, confusion, misery, and pain, before settling on awkward guiltiness. Chinen feels a spark of pity for his friend somewhere in his heart, but it’s promptly squashed by the weight of the bitterness Yamada’s caused.
“Friends don’t hurt each other like this,” he snarls. “So what am I to you then?”
He doesn’t wait for Yamada’s reply. He doesn’t want to. Instead, he turns on his heel and runs of down the corridor before his heart finishes cracking into a million smithereens.
So he does love Dai-chan after all, he thinks sadly to himself.
Only when he’s reached the security of the broom closet does he let go, the crystal tears leaking out and leaving sticky trails down his cheeks.
…I was a dreamer before you went and let me down…
His world’s been thrown into chaos now. The center of his universe has walked out, never to look back.
His friendship’s destroyed now. He just can’t cope with the bitter resentment any longer.
His heart’s shattered now. The last straw tipped it past breaking point.
His tears lie on the floor, like little crystal shards of his world, of his friendship, of his heart.
Broken beyond repair.
…Now it’s too late for you and your white horse to come around…