Summary: Lambo, bestowed with the most inextricable power, which we often fail to concede. Should there be equivocal opinions apart from his puerile mien being a nuisance?
This is good. And this is different. And I reallyreally like that a lot, and appreciate it so much. Lambo is Lambo, but it's so refreshing to see a new take on him, and especially on such a long ago battle. I love the way you break it all down like this.
That being said, it was a bit of a difficult read, even for someone with a vocabulary like mine. There were a lot of points in the story where I felt you could have used simpler words and achieved a better effect. For example, two things from the very beginning of the fic:
In the distance, a strike of thunder split a banyan tree asunder. Taking a gander at the arena, icy-blue probes were erected in four corners of the battlefield, each beckoning the thunder."Asunder" is an awesome word and I love it. But it seems almost too...fancy? for this context. "In two" might've been the better choice. Also, "gander" is another fabulous word, but it sticks out a lot in this narrative because of the connotations of casualness and unwariness it has. Especially seeing as you're obviously going
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Well, I concede your point that some words might be a bit much for fanfic and the contexts of certain words might be discrepant. Thanks for your very elaborate comment:)
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That being said, it was a bit of a difficult read, even for someone with a vocabulary like mine. There were a lot of points in the story where I felt you could have used simpler words and achieved a better effect. For example, two things from the very beginning of the fic:
In the distance, a strike of thunder split a banyan tree asunder. Taking a gander at the arena, icy-blue probes were erected in four corners of the battlefield, each beckoning the thunder."Asunder" is an awesome word and I love it. But it seems almost too...fancy? for this context. "In two" might've been the better choice. Also, "gander" is another fabulous word, but it sticks out a lot in this narrative because of the connotations of casualness and unwariness it has. Especially seeing as you're obviously going ( ... )
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