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Character: Wanda Lehnsherr ( The Scarlet Witch )
Series: The Ultimates, Ultimate X-Men
Character Age: Late twenties, or so
Job: Trust Exercise Counselor
Canon: Ultimate Marvel Universe is a lot like normal Marvel Universe. There are humans (homo sapiens) and there are mutants (homo superior) and they clash. Some humans want the mutants gone, some mutants want the humans gone. And some people just want everyone to chill out, hold hands and sing kumbaya together. Wanda Lehnsherr is not on Team Peace. In fact, she was once on Team Terrorist, which was run by her father and all of his grand dreams of making a mutant utopia. Since Team Terrorist kept getting defeated Wanda and her brother have switched sides, becoming operatives of the government organization called S.H.I.E.L.D. - on the black ops team.
It seems a bit of an odd combination at first. The Lehnsherrs are kind of like swanky old money types in their own minds, complete with superiority complexes and incestuous undertones. Both Wanda and her brother have the oh so bad habit of referring to humans in less than flattering manners (homo inferior, primates), taking after their father in that respect. Wanda is never one to hide her disdain, but her speech can very quickly fall into lofty mocking of those she finds beneath her. On the other hand, Wanda is also perfectly capable of being polite and tactful when she feels like it. She's a fair weather ally, emphasizing the division between mutants and humans when it suits her and ignoring them when she wants. She and her brother approach their job mostly flippantly, with no real concerns about government secrecy or national pride. And while a temper isn't usually a pervading trait of hers, Wanda's wrath can be roused unpredictably and usually the results aren't very pretty. This is mostly due to her mutant power, which is probability and reality warping.
Sample Post:
Summer camp, really? A children's summer camp, at that. Of all the backwater primate infested places to get sent. The big boys in Washington must really be running out of ideas, calling this "urgent." Just what kind of people am I associating with these days, really? Take a look at this place. I haven't seen a place so overrun with things that were supposed to be dead since that whole Nazi debacle. And that was certainly trying. Not to mention hardly worth my time. Oh, my apologies dear, were you listening this whole time? My bad, I didn't mean to offend your delicate and somewhat putrid, homo sapien sensibilities. It's just so hard to give a damn about a man who looks like a corpse.
Not to say that we're all about appearances, of course. As one of your new counselors, even if it's reluctantly so, I'm here to encourage you. It's what is on the inside that matters, after all. Some of us just have better insides than others. Mm, while you are rather eager to show me just how happy you are to see me, I am well aware that the leg bone attaches to the hip bone. And I'm not talking about those insides, I'm talking about breeding. Some people are cattle and others are prize bulls, you understand? Don't moan so much dear, it's unbecoming, and doesn't help your crude case at all. It's nothing to go on and on about, I'm quite sure one of your other little rotting friends will appreciate how your hips don't lie. And somewhere deep inside that chest cavity of yours you'll start to feel that I'm right. Yes, darling, you're very special. Just like everyone else.
Now, let's see, I'm your Trust Exercise Counselor. I'm sure someone found that very funny. Judging from the looks of things here, they could have just said "Government Operative Who Assesses Threat Level of Children's Summer Camp in Case it Needs to be Nuked" and no one would notice - though I suppose that's another one of those state secrets we're not given liberty to talk about. Trust Exercise Counselor it is.
What's one of those inane games children like to play...? Oh, yes. Let's do a telephone game. It will go like this. I'll whisper one of those naughty little secrets into your ear and you go tell someone else. Only in whispers, of course, that's the trust exercise part. We're trusting each other with something, you see? What to start off with. . . ah, I've got it.
- Let me tell you this, rotting excuse for a homo inferior. Touch me again and I will find a reality out there where you are a deformed three legged anteater getting mauled by several beefy men with clubs. And then I'm going to bring it here.
The question is, are you smart enough to unhand me?
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