Flawed Reflection (Young Justic fic)
Title: Flawed Reflection
Author: Schnickledooger
Rating: PG-13/T
Genre: Drama/Angst/Horror/Tragedy
Summary: AU "Earthlings". M'gann won't be alone and abandoned again. She won't. Garfield will always be there for her. And she will always be there for him. Siblings look after each other after all. Dark-fic.
Word Count:2,200+
Fanfiction net link
Disclaimer: I do not own Young Justice. Greg Weisman, Brandon Vietti and Cartoon Network do.
A/N: fill for my own YJ anon meme prompt.
Flawed Reflection
M'gann had long ago thought she had moved on past all her abandonment issues. Growing up with twelve sisters, seventeen brothers, and three hundred cousins, yes, it had been difficult finding any spare time to spend with her parents alone. More often than not, she had been passed over as if she weren't there, sometimes forgotten, but mostly, for the large part outright ignored. It must have an embarrassment to her parents the day she was born, her appearance grotesque, her existence shameful to her family: a White Martian.
She had "overheard" snatches of one of her aunts' telepathic conversation once: "…throwback gene from earlier generations… how unfortunate…" Yes, she was a disgrace to the M'orzz bloodline, an albino abomination among a sea of green. She had always been grateful for the fact that Martians possessed the ability to shape-shift. Needless to say, she had developed her morphing powers at a very early age. She had been so excited the day she had finally mastered her "green form". Now her parents would love her, see her, and she would no longer be shunned.
She hadn't factored in how much her shy, timid personality-a result of doing her best to hide from others' sight before she could shape-shift-would be a handicap. Her brothers and sisters were very out-going, brimming with confidence and determination. They easily over-shadowed her and looking back now, M'gann thinks perhaps she meekly stepped aside took quickly.
Still, growing up on Mars hadn't been all that bad for her. There had been these truly, wonderful transmissions from Earth that she had loved tuning in and watching. Earthlings were funny, bubbly, and bright creatures, a far cry from the stoic, serious Martians that made up the majority. M'gann liked to listen to the Earthlings' voices the best. They did not appear to be able to communicate telepathically from what could see, but they made up for this loss with their mouths, always chattering, crazy body language: rotations of the eyes, excessive hand and arm movements, and multiple facial expressions too numerous to count. Sometimes, after the transmissions were over, she would go stand in front of the mirror in her room and practice their motions and expressions. Sometimes, she would mimic that odd, gurgling sound the Earthlings often emitted from the back of their throats that seemed to rise from deep within their chests and wonder what if meant. A couple of more transmissions later and she learned it was called laughter and Earthlings did it when they were happy.
The first time M'gann recalled laughing for real was when she stowed away in Martian Manhunter's spaceship.
She didn't regret leaving Mars at all. She was headed for Earth, home of transmissions, laughter and "Hello Megan!"
oOo
On Earth, she thinks she has found her place in the world, at least this world. She is part of a team, she has friends, and she has found love. Or at least, she thought she had. Hers and Connor's relationship only lasts a couple of years. She still wasn't completely sure why they have broken up. But it was Superboy who had imitated it, Superboy who was being so frustratingly quiet on the real reason behind it. She can only guess at this point, and the one thing that gives her solace and peace of mind is the fact that Connor had told her once five years ago, it didn't matter what her true appearance looked like, he loved her despite that, loved her because of who she is.
But who is she truly? Fast forward five years and all M'gann can show for it is a personality and life-style mirrored from the main character of her favorite transmission. Is that all she is, she wonders. Just a copy? Had she joined her high school's cheerleading squad because she had truly wanted to or because Megan had done it on the show? When she slaps the palm of her hand to her forehead and recites her catchphrase, isn't she only mimicking Megan? Had she only been drawn towards Superboy and started dating him because he resembled Megan's boyfriend on the show? She likes to think it isn't true, or if it had once been true, the feelings she felt towards Connor had transformed into genuine ones and not the ones of a fangirl meeting a copy of her celebrity crush.
But now she'll never know. She and Superboy are over, he won't give her a straight answer why, and she harbors a terrible fear deep within her that if it isn't so much her outward appearance that is to blame, it must be her personality that has repelled him… and it isn't even hers, is it? Just a mere shroud she has donned from a tv show for five years and now she is finally paying the cost.
It may be strange, but the more time M'gann spends on Earth trying to be human, the more she is beginning to understand and appreciate the complexities of Martian behavior. Humans are fragile creatures, she realizes, so easily broken. The non-meta ones can't shape-shift or density-shift. They can't camouflage themselves almost invisible, fly, or speak and move things with their mind. She can't help being a little bit prideful-even she, an outcast White Martian can do these things.
Humans are fragile creatures whose emotions, when they spin out of control, can be dangerous weaknesses. The day Connor breaks up with her she retreats to her room so no one can see the tears spilling down her cheeks, see how her defenses have shattered, see how vulnerable she has become. How a handful of words could summon her downfall: "I'm sorry, M'gann. This can't continue. Don't ask me why, it's complicated."
Now M'gann understands why her teammates were so leery of telepathy when they had their first contact with it. Telepathy to humans was as disturbing as emotions were to Martians. Emotions mess with your mind. They get inside you and rip you into tiny pieces until you didn't know which way as up or down through the pain. She has never realized how volatile emotions could be until she lifts her head and discovers herself wallowing in feelings of unworthiness and loneliness.
The anger sets in when M'gann wonders if she hadn't tried so hard to be human, hadn't tried her best to live out a fantasy based on her favorite show, would she still be hurting so much right now? Or would there be no pain, no sorrow because there would have been no "Megan"? Would she and Connor still have gotten together? Would they still have been together now? Had M'gann in mirroring her life around her favorite tv character, effectively stolen her own in the process?
She stops saying the annoying catchphrase.
She starts wearing her hair shorter.
She isn't quite so excited and happy-bubbly over everything all the time.
She begins a new relationship with Lagoon Boy.
Her uncle assumes she is "growing up fast" which M'gann thinks is ridiculous. Martians age slower than humans. The only thing that has happened is that perhaps she is not so naïve anymore. Earthlings aren't perfect, aren't as wonderful as she had thought. If you try and copy them, you gain all their flaws.
oOo
Gaining Beast Boy as a little brother was an unexpected bonus that she did not foresee but is delighted to have. The way his eyes sparkle, the look of admiration on his innocent face as he watches her take down foe after foe fills her with joy. The manner in which he showers unadulterated hero-worship upon her slowly stitch her torn heart back together. M'gann is no fool. She knows that part of the reason he does this is because she unwittingly "created" him five years ago with a blood transfusion. He owes his shape-shifting abilities to her and the affection he lavishes on her are in part due to gratitude for this gift she has bestowed upon him. M'gann knows that sometimes when Beast Boy hugs her, he's not really seeing her but his mother whose face she still wears. She doesn't mind though, because Marie Logan isn't there to dish out return hugs and to praise Beast Boy on his accomplishments, she is. She is wanted, she is needed, and that is all she cares about.
She takes great pains in assuring Beast Boy's happiness. She doesn't want him to ever feel alone and abandoned she was growing up, ignored by her family. So whenever his thoughts shift towards his mother and her untimely demise and the sorrow leaks across their telepathic link, M'gann carefully steers his attention elsewhere. Because it is never wise to allow two people's minds thinking upon the same incident but with two entirely different sets of memories to merge.
Even now, M'gann can still vividly recall the roaring of the waterfall, the loud squeal of tires and a woman's voice resounding in her head, dark and amused.
"Aren't you going to try and stop me, hero?"
M'gann blames her emotions. She didn't always used to feel like this, think like this, but she has been living in this carved-out shell she has made for herself for so long, she can't escape them. They worm under her skin, twist through her mind, all angry and accusing and she just wants someone to take responsibility for causing her to doubt the person she is, the person she thinks she is.
If she dies, then M'gann will no longer be living a lie will she? Because there will no longer be the original for people to compare her with, and for the first time, M'gann understands how Connor feels about Superman.
She stands back and watches as the jeep is battered against the trees and crushed upon the rocks. It overturns into the pit of the waterfall with a gigantic splash and the surrounding water laps around its exterior in gentle, crimson waves.
Queen Bee turns towards her and the expression upon her face is both pleasantly surprised and proud. "Perhaps you're not quite as weak as the rest of your teammates. If you ever decide the good side has become too soft for you, give me a call."
M'gann lets her go, doesn't try to stop her. She feels at peace and calm. For the first time in long while, there is no more inner turmoil wreaking havoc on her mind.
She has dealt with her flaw.
Later, she admits she might feel the teeniest bit of remorse, but it wasn't like she had killed Marie Logan, right? She just… hadn't helped her at all, she tried to justify her actions. Besides, now she was reaping all the rewards and this totally cute, little brother who thought the sun set and rose with her sleeping and waking more than enough made up for any regrets.
And now as she kneels with him in front of this waterfall on an alien planet, just a scene from another flawed reflection, she cradles his head to her chest and pets his hair soothingly, as she feels the wetness of his tears sink into her costume, she whispers a honey-coated lie into the recesses of his mind, "Oh Gar, I'm so sorry. I should have been there, done something."
He latches his arms around her and buries his head further into the crook of her neck and M'gann basks deliciously in the feeling of being needed.
M'gann won't be alone and abandoned again. She won't. If the team one day disbands, if La'gann ever decides to leave her like Connor did, Garfield will always be there for her. And she will always be there for him. Siblings look after each other after all.
Just be careful, Beast Boy, she thinks, keeping a tight shield down on her thoughts. Don't copy me, don't idolize me too much. You might gain my flaws.
The End
A/N: Oh, man, I seriously loved this week's ep! M'gann, girl, you toy with my feelings for you so much. I feel like Helga on "Hey, Arnold!" I love you, and yet I hate you! No, I love you! DX Anyhoo, yeah, after watching M'gann completely trash/lobotomize/kill(?) that alien, I HAD to write a dark-fic about her. Personally, I don't believe she has fallen this far yet, but if she keeps it up, yeah, I can see her becoming the character I portrayed here. I mean, remember what she did to Psimon last season? She's dangerous and capable of deadly intent, more so than she or the others realize. This fic was an exploration into her mind for an AU prompt. Please remember, I'm not claiming she actually indirectly killed BB's mom. Everything else though, growing up on Mars, her feelings on SB dumping her, yes, those could be true. The girl has abandonment issues. I don't think she can deal with the idea of people leaving her willingly or not. Remember what happened in "Failsafe" when Artemis "died"? M'gann flipped out. I can't wait to see how S2 develops her. Alright, after this ep, she's back on my fav characters' list!
I hope you have enjoyed reading this! Please review and share your thoughts and favorite scenes. I love hearing what you liked best and it's the only reward a fanfic author gets. I like knowing what my readers think and feel. Thank you!
Author: Schnickledooger
Rating: PG-13/T
Genre: Drama/Angst/Horror/Tragedy
Summary: AU "Earthlings". M'gann won't be alone and abandoned again. She won't. Garfield will always be there for her. And she will always be there for him. Siblings look after each other after all. Dark-fic.
Word Count:2,200+
Fanfiction net link
Disclaimer: I do not own Young Justice. Greg Weisman, Brandon Vietti and Cartoon Network do.
A/N: fill for my own YJ anon meme prompt.
Flawed Reflection
M'gann had long ago thought she had moved on past all her abandonment issues. Growing up with twelve sisters, seventeen brothers, and three hundred cousins, yes, it had been difficult finding any spare time to spend with her parents alone. More often than not, she had been passed over as if she weren't there, sometimes forgotten, but mostly, for the large part outright ignored. It must have an embarrassment to her parents the day she was born, her appearance grotesque, her existence shameful to her family: a White Martian.
She had "overheard" snatches of one of her aunts' telepathic conversation once: "…throwback gene from earlier generations… how unfortunate…" Yes, she was a disgrace to the M'orzz bloodline, an albino abomination among a sea of green. She had always been grateful for the fact that Martians possessed the ability to shape-shift. Needless to say, she had developed her morphing powers at a very early age. She had been so excited the day she had finally mastered her "green form". Now her parents would love her, see her, and she would no longer be shunned.
She hadn't factored in how much her shy, timid personality-a result of doing her best to hide from others' sight before she could shape-shift-would be a handicap. Her brothers and sisters were very out-going, brimming with confidence and determination. They easily over-shadowed her and looking back now, M'gann thinks perhaps she meekly stepped aside took quickly.
Still, growing up on Mars hadn't been all that bad for her. There had been these truly, wonderful transmissions from Earth that she had loved tuning in and watching. Earthlings were funny, bubbly, and bright creatures, a far cry from the stoic, serious Martians that made up the majority. M'gann liked to listen to the Earthlings' voices the best. They did not appear to be able to communicate telepathically from what could see, but they made up for this loss with their mouths, always chattering, crazy body language: rotations of the eyes, excessive hand and arm movements, and multiple facial expressions too numerous to count. Sometimes, after the transmissions were over, she would go stand in front of the mirror in her room and practice their motions and expressions. Sometimes, she would mimic that odd, gurgling sound the Earthlings often emitted from the back of their throats that seemed to rise from deep within their chests and wonder what if meant. A couple of more transmissions later and she learned it was called laughter and Earthlings did it when they were happy.
The first time M'gann recalled laughing for real was when she stowed away in Martian Manhunter's spaceship.
She didn't regret leaving Mars at all. She was headed for Earth, home of transmissions, laughter and "Hello Megan!"
oOo
On Earth, she thinks she has found her place in the world, at least this world. She is part of a team, she has friends, and she has found love. Or at least, she thought she had. Hers and Connor's relationship only lasts a couple of years. She still wasn't completely sure why they have broken up. But it was Superboy who had imitated it, Superboy who was being so frustratingly quiet on the real reason behind it. She can only guess at this point, and the one thing that gives her solace and peace of mind is the fact that Connor had told her once five years ago, it didn't matter what her true appearance looked like, he loved her despite that, loved her because of who she is.
But who is she truly? Fast forward five years and all M'gann can show for it is a personality and life-style mirrored from the main character of her favorite transmission. Is that all she is, she wonders. Just a copy? Had she joined her high school's cheerleading squad because she had truly wanted to or because Megan had done it on the show? When she slaps the palm of her hand to her forehead and recites her catchphrase, isn't she only mimicking Megan? Had she only been drawn towards Superboy and started dating him because he resembled Megan's boyfriend on the show? She likes to think it isn't true, or if it had once been true, the feelings she felt towards Connor had transformed into genuine ones and not the ones of a fangirl meeting a copy of her celebrity crush.
But now she'll never know. She and Superboy are over, he won't give her a straight answer why, and she harbors a terrible fear deep within her that if it isn't so much her outward appearance that is to blame, it must be her personality that has repelled him… and it isn't even hers, is it? Just a mere shroud she has donned from a tv show for five years and now she is finally paying the cost.
It may be strange, but the more time M'gann spends on Earth trying to be human, the more she is beginning to understand and appreciate the complexities of Martian behavior. Humans are fragile creatures, she realizes, so easily broken. The non-meta ones can't shape-shift or density-shift. They can't camouflage themselves almost invisible, fly, or speak and move things with their mind. She can't help being a little bit prideful-even she, an outcast White Martian can do these things.
Humans are fragile creatures whose emotions, when they spin out of control, can be dangerous weaknesses. The day Connor breaks up with her she retreats to her room so no one can see the tears spilling down her cheeks, see how her defenses have shattered, see how vulnerable she has become. How a handful of words could summon her downfall: "I'm sorry, M'gann. This can't continue. Don't ask me why, it's complicated."
Now M'gann understands why her teammates were so leery of telepathy when they had their first contact with it. Telepathy to humans was as disturbing as emotions were to Martians. Emotions mess with your mind. They get inside you and rip you into tiny pieces until you didn't know which way as up or down through the pain. She has never realized how volatile emotions could be until she lifts her head and discovers herself wallowing in feelings of unworthiness and loneliness.
The anger sets in when M'gann wonders if she hadn't tried so hard to be human, hadn't tried her best to live out a fantasy based on her favorite show, would she still be hurting so much right now? Or would there be no pain, no sorrow because there would have been no "Megan"? Would she and Connor still have gotten together? Would they still have been together now? Had M'gann in mirroring her life around her favorite tv character, effectively stolen her own in the process?
She stops saying the annoying catchphrase.
She starts wearing her hair shorter.
She isn't quite so excited and happy-bubbly over everything all the time.
She begins a new relationship with Lagoon Boy.
Her uncle assumes she is "growing up fast" which M'gann thinks is ridiculous. Martians age slower than humans. The only thing that has happened is that perhaps she is not so naïve anymore. Earthlings aren't perfect, aren't as wonderful as she had thought. If you try and copy them, you gain all their flaws.
oOo
Gaining Beast Boy as a little brother was an unexpected bonus that she did not foresee but is delighted to have. The way his eyes sparkle, the look of admiration on his innocent face as he watches her take down foe after foe fills her with joy. The manner in which he showers unadulterated hero-worship upon her slowly stitch her torn heart back together. M'gann is no fool. She knows that part of the reason he does this is because she unwittingly "created" him five years ago with a blood transfusion. He owes his shape-shifting abilities to her and the affection he lavishes on her are in part due to gratitude for this gift she has bestowed upon him. M'gann knows that sometimes when Beast Boy hugs her, he's not really seeing her but his mother whose face she still wears. She doesn't mind though, because Marie Logan isn't there to dish out return hugs and to praise Beast Boy on his accomplishments, she is. She is wanted, she is needed, and that is all she cares about.
She takes great pains in assuring Beast Boy's happiness. She doesn't want him to ever feel alone and abandoned she was growing up, ignored by her family. So whenever his thoughts shift towards his mother and her untimely demise and the sorrow leaks across their telepathic link, M'gann carefully steers his attention elsewhere. Because it is never wise to allow two people's minds thinking upon the same incident but with two entirely different sets of memories to merge.
Even now, M'gann can still vividly recall the roaring of the waterfall, the loud squeal of tires and a woman's voice resounding in her head, dark and amused.
"Aren't you going to try and stop me, hero?"
M'gann blames her emotions. She didn't always used to feel like this, think like this, but she has been living in this carved-out shell she has made for herself for so long, she can't escape them. They worm under her skin, twist through her mind, all angry and accusing and she just wants someone to take responsibility for causing her to doubt the person she is, the person she thinks she is.
If she dies, then M'gann will no longer be living a lie will she? Because there will no longer be the original for people to compare her with, and for the first time, M'gann understands how Connor feels about Superman.
She stands back and watches as the jeep is battered against the trees and crushed upon the rocks. It overturns into the pit of the waterfall with a gigantic splash and the surrounding water laps around its exterior in gentle, crimson waves.
Queen Bee turns towards her and the expression upon her face is both pleasantly surprised and proud. "Perhaps you're not quite as weak as the rest of your teammates. If you ever decide the good side has become too soft for you, give me a call."
M'gann lets her go, doesn't try to stop her. She feels at peace and calm. For the first time in long while, there is no more inner turmoil wreaking havoc on her mind.
She has dealt with her flaw.
Later, she admits she might feel the teeniest bit of remorse, but it wasn't like she had killed Marie Logan, right? She just… hadn't helped her at all, she tried to justify her actions. Besides, now she was reaping all the rewards and this totally cute, little brother who thought the sun set and rose with her sleeping and waking more than enough made up for any regrets.
And now as she kneels with him in front of this waterfall on an alien planet, just a scene from another flawed reflection, she cradles his head to her chest and pets his hair soothingly, as she feels the wetness of his tears sink into her costume, she whispers a honey-coated lie into the recesses of his mind, "Oh Gar, I'm so sorry. I should have been there, done something."
He latches his arms around her and buries his head further into the crook of her neck and M'gann basks deliciously in the feeling of being needed.
M'gann won't be alone and abandoned again. She won't. If the team one day disbands, if La'gann ever decides to leave her like Connor did, Garfield will always be there for her. And she will always be there for him. Siblings look after each other after all.
Just be careful, Beast Boy, she thinks, keeping a tight shield down on her thoughts. Don't copy me, don't idolize me too much. You might gain my flaws.
The End
A/N: Oh, man, I seriously loved this week's ep! M'gann, girl, you toy with my feelings for you so much. I feel like Helga on "Hey, Arnold!" I love you, and yet I hate you! No, I love you! DX Anyhoo, yeah, after watching M'gann completely trash/lobotomize/kill(?) that alien, I HAD to write a dark-fic about her. Personally, I don't believe she has fallen this far yet, but if she keeps it up, yeah, I can see her becoming the character I portrayed here. I mean, remember what she did to Psimon last season? She's dangerous and capable of deadly intent, more so than she or the others realize. This fic was an exploration into her mind for an AU prompt. Please remember, I'm not claiming she actually indirectly killed BB's mom. Everything else though, growing up on Mars, her feelings on SB dumping her, yes, those could be true. The girl has abandonment issues. I don't think she can deal with the idea of people leaving her willingly or not. Remember what happened in "Failsafe" when Artemis "died"? M'gann flipped out. I can't wait to see how S2 develops her. Alright, after this ep, she's back on my fav characters' list!
I hope you have enjoyed reading this! Please review and share your thoughts and favorite scenes. I love hearing what you liked best and it's the only reward a fanfic author gets. I like knowing what my readers think and feel. Thank you!