my first yaoi xD

[schro23]

so,this is my first fan fic ever,and also first yaoi xD and ofcourse its about the Valentine brothers ^.^ i have no idea how to make those ,,CUT,, thingys so,i posted this in my journal :P

Comments

[schro23]

aww,thank you so very much.
oh and there will be more xD

[goblinbee]

I liked that, as a sex scene it was pretty well played out (also; hot). It might really be work fixing the formating a little though; the punctuation and dialog got really confusing having the commas, periods and quotation marks all awry. I also liked Zorin coming in, that came from nowhere but broke up the scene in a cool way. Overall this is a well-done, just needs to be edited for readability.

[schro23]

thank you so much ^.^ i should definitly stop missing my grammar classes thought>.

[hope_to_last]

Completely agree. It only needs a bit formating makeover.
Really good job for the first fic ;)

[schro23]

thank you very much ^.^ *goes to work some more* xD

[bemybeloved]

Tasty fic! I agree with everyone who mentioned format because it would make it much easier to read - but even so, it was hot!

[schro23]

thank you.i'll work on that :)

Oh Shiiiii)))

[maliceblood]

Ну, я честно говоря немного в шоке былЪ, однако, да)) Неожиданно.

Re: Oh Shiiiii)))

[schro23]

Гм..рада стараццо x)

[maliceblood]

Жжешь)

[schro23]

ну а как же иначе :) я же только из любви x)