heart it races.
YAY, IT'S BAWWW TIME! :3
I just... I don't know. I'm feeling so sad right now, like my heart's been ripped out. Getting this out will help me, so let me spill.
I want people to stop ignoring me. I want friends, even online. I want to be able to talk to people without feeling awkward (and this happens to even the people I once considered myself closest to -- I don't have their sense of humor, we aren't interested in the same things, blahblah, a number of reasons just make talking difficult). I want to be able to IM people first. I want to matter. I want people to actually remember my birthday and me be able to wish other people the same without feeling odd about it, like I'm not close enough to them to. I want to actually come first, just once, before other things for someone.
I just want someone to share the same fandom(s) as me. To roleplay with me and joke around with me. I want to be able to approach people on the internet and strike up a conversation. I want to get over this awkward social anxiety that makes even internet interaction so damn difficult for me.
I want to find a group roleplay that I don't end up hating because of various reasons. I want to be able to say I've stayed in a place for more than a year. I want to be able to make a roleplaysecret saying I have an amazing cast that's irreplaceable.
I don't want to wake up happy for a few seconds from a dream where I made plans to do not very nice things that would end up pretty fatal to ourselves as the Main Character from Persona 4 with Yosuke. He went along with it so happily, it was... Very surreal. After joking around, he jumped on my back and we walked to his house like that for a bit. So weird... And mostly why I ended up feeling this way. Hm. I don't know why I wrote this down, as the dream was so OOC choice wise and yet so in character, it was kind of scary.
I know these things won't fall in my lap. It's up to me. I just need to take a breath, suck it up, and make some friends, while strengthening other friendships. I need to stop ending up being the most difficult person in the world to talk to over IM (I've had too many people tell me this to my face). It's going to be difficult, but. I'm tired of being alone these days.
OH GOD, IMING PEOPLE FIRST. D:
God give me strength!
I just... I don't know. I'm feeling so sad right now, like my heart's been ripped out. Getting this out will help me, so let me spill.
I want people to stop ignoring me. I want friends, even online. I want to be able to talk to people without feeling awkward (and this happens to even the people I once considered myself closest to -- I don't have their sense of humor, we aren't interested in the same things, blahblah, a number of reasons just make talking difficult). I want to be able to IM people first. I want to matter. I want people to actually remember my birthday and me be able to wish other people the same without feeling odd about it, like I'm not close enough to them to. I want to actually come first, just once, before other things for someone.
I just want someone to share the same fandom(s) as me. To roleplay with me and joke around with me. I want to be able to approach people on the internet and strike up a conversation. I want to get over this awkward social anxiety that makes even internet interaction so damn difficult for me.
I want to find a group roleplay that I don't end up hating because of various reasons. I want to be able to say I've stayed in a place for more than a year. I want to be able to make a roleplaysecret saying I have an amazing cast that's irreplaceable.
I don't want to wake up happy for a few seconds from a dream where I made plans to do not very nice things that would end up pretty fatal to ourselves as the Main Character from Persona 4 with Yosuke. He went along with it so happily, it was... Very surreal. After joking around, he jumped on my back and we walked to his house like that for a bit. So weird... And mostly why I ended up feeling this way. Hm. I don't know why I wrote this down, as the dream was so OOC choice wise and yet so in character, it was kind of scary.
I know these things won't fall in my lap. It's up to me. I just need to take a breath, suck it up, and make some friends, while strengthening other friendships. I need to stop ending up being the most difficult person in the world to talk to over IM (I've had too many people tell me this to my face). It's going to be difficult, but. I'm tired of being alone these days.
OH GOD, IMING PEOPLE FIRST. D:
God give me strength!