Books are for life (not just for Christmas)
Kamio/Tachibana, PG -- maybe PG-15
Konomi owns all.
moshes-approved. ♥
a/n: Dedicated with much love to Guyton and Hall's Textbook of Medical Physiology (10th Ed.), for the clinical phrases and the inspiration.
The first time Kamio woke up with his sheets sticking to his legs and his brain racing with images of his buchou, he entertained the thought that he might be a little gay.
The first time Kamio nearly came in his pants after Tachibana stripped off his jacket and doused his bare skin with bottled water, he entertained the thought that he might be a lot gay.
By the time Kamio lost a practice match to Tachibana because he imagined kissing him every time he hit the ball, he knew things had got totally out of hand.
He brushed off the startled inquiries of his team mates, who had never before had the chance to see Kamio standing stock still on a tennis court. On his way home he took a detour and bought Gay Sex for Dummies. (Well, the book wasn't actually called that -- he just thought it should have been.)
He locked his bedroom door carefully that night. There was no telling yet if he was gay for just Tachibana or gay for everyone male. Although the thought of touching -- say -- Kirihara from Rikkai or Atobe from Hyotei with anything other than extreme violence repulsed him, he felt he couldn't be too cautious. Until he was sure there was no need to inform the whole world.
Kamio had never been fond of data-style tennis. This was mainly because Inui from Seigaku was its main proponent and Kamio thought Inui was a gigantic freak. However, in this one case Kamio felt it was best not to work either on instinct or with speed. The consequences would surely be much direr than forfeiting at the Nationals, and up till now that had been the direst thing Kamio could imagine.
He ferreted out a highlighter pen that his mother had bought him for use on his schoolbooks. He'd once had some fun colouring Shinji's nose pink with it, but he’d always felt there was something profoundly wrong with people who highlighted textbooks on purpose. Thus he almost expected Gay Sex for Dummies to go up in flames when he touched it with the squishy nib, but all that happened was that he scored a wobbly pink line through the words 'the anus is plentifully supplied with nerve endings.'
The author of Gay Sex for Dummies had thought it was reassuring to describe the anatomy of the male in great and exhaustive detail. By the end of half an hour, Kamio felt very well-informed about his reproductive genitalia, and more than a little sick.
He hadn't had much cause to think about his penis before now. With his head spinning with words like glans, anal epithelium, scrotum, perineum and pudendal nerves, Kamio decided there was a very good reason why not. In biology they were only up to rats. Kamio had a sneaking suspicion that rats never had these sort of problems.
It was after this that the author abandoned the clinical terminology and got on to the good stuff. Kamio knew it was the good stuff because the author had entitled the chapter 'The Good Stuff.'
It was while reading a review of the best lubrication products that Kamio realised he was completely out of his depth. He supposed he'd been hoping for a book that was written something like: Kamio Akira, this is what you do when you find out you're attracted to your buchou, Tachibana Kippei … Failing that, some hints on how to delicately approach the subject with the object of your lust or deal with the fact that he wasn't a girl might have been helpful.
Still, as part of a general gay education the book wasn't the worst. It had large colour plates that left Kamio initially shocked, gradually disbelieving and eventually excited. Kamio doubted that any of them were legal, at least when you were thirteen. Unfortunately the book sort of assumed you already knew how to do boring things like kiss properly, which Kamio didn't, and that you really wanted to know the best way to rim, which Kamio didn't.
He went to bed at three in the morning, after stowing the book in the depths of an ancient and half-rotted kit bag at the top of his wardrobe. Far from solving his problems, Gay Sex for Dummies had tripled and squared them. Not only did he have to worry about embarrassing reactions around Tachibana, he also had to think about whether his body language/walk/hair/voice/eyes/choice of packed lunch were giving out the correct 'Take me now' signals.
In the middle of a thought about how on earth you went about deep-throating on your first try, Kamio fell asleep.
To his surprise, his body seemed to have calmed down overnight. He wondered if all the pictures in the book had temporarily lured it into submission. He ate breakfast while running through the top ten flirting techniques in his mind, and nearly choked on his tea when he realised that number eight kept eluding him.
He didn't have time to go back upstairs and check, so he was in a lather of worry all the way to school. At last he remembered it and severely shocked a group of freshmen at the gate by yelling "Lick your lips while talking!"
Kamio ran into Tachibana An between classes. He barely stopped himself from pumping her about Tachibana's previous or current girlfriends. The book had insisted that forewarned was forearmed. Kamio was guessing that the author was somehow related to Inui, but he didn't dare dismiss anything it said. However, it had also cautioned him to be discreet and everyone knew that An was Tachibana's ear to the masses.
"Hey, An-chan," said Kamio in automatic greeting, before remembering how much she hated that because it rhymed. "Oops, sorry."
The words 'How many of your brother's past girlfriends went down on him and did he think they were any good because I think I want to try' lined up and tried to sneak into his mouth. Kamio clamped his lips shut.
"Morning, Kamio-kun," replied An. "Are you all right? You're wincing."
"Yurbrozerhed," mumbled Kamio.
"Well, that made a lot of sense. Thanks for sharing." An shook her head and went into class.
Kamio nearly collapsed with relief. Sure, An thought he was a raving lunatic, but at least she didn't know he was a raving lunatic who liked her brother.
Tachibana was late for practice that afternoon, so Kamio was able to play against Mori without looking like a total idiot. When he arrived Tachibana made them run laps and do weights training. Although Kamio tripped whenever Tachibana looked his way and gnawed the inside of his cheek raw when he yelled something at him, it wasn't anything worth noticing.
Or so he thought.
"Dismissed!" shouted Tachibana. "You can all go home now. Kamio-kun, come here for a second."
Shinji sent him a pitying look. "Don't worry," he said, in what approximated to a sympathetic voice in Shinji's world. "I'm sure it's nothing bad. If he wanted to kick you off the team he would have told everyone to save time. Maybe you'll just be suspended for a while."
"Thanks, Shinji," Kamio replied through gritted teeth. He crouched down to remove his power ankles and drop them in his bag. The rest of the team trickled away in ones and twos until only Kamio and Tachibana remained -- Kamio still fiddling with his weights, and Tachibana staring through the mesh fence.
Unable to delay it any longer, Kamio straightened up and approached the buchou. Advice from Gay Sex for Dummies raced through his head, tripped over itself and got tangled up. Kamio ended up thinking things like 'stimulation of the perineal areas in general sends signals into the sacral plexus that say I like it rough and hard,' and 'tips for prolonging excitement include liberal application of KY Jelly and chocolate sauce.' Perhaps they even made sense, like maybe to those rats.
"Tachibana-buchou." Kamio bowed. "You wanted me? I mean, you wanted to speak to me?"
The running commentary in his head was interrupted to flash a news item: Oh shit, now you've done it.
"Yes." Tachibana was frowning. Kamio's heart sank. "I've been watching you for a few weeks now and your levels of concentration have sharply decreased. At first I put it down to some minor stress or other, but it's been getting worse. You seemed half-asleep when you played me the other day. I don't want any of you wearing yourselves out to beat each other, but this is just ridiculous."
Kamio hung his head. "Sorry, Tachibana-sama."
"Sorry isn't good enough. Is there something you need to talk about? Are you having problems at home? School? If it's affecting your tennis it must be affecting everything. That's not good, Kamio. I worry about you -- about all of you. You should know that."
"It's not school," sighed Kamio. "I've been having some … personal problems, I guess."
Tachibana pinched his chin between his fingers. "Anything you'd care to expand on?"
Kamio couldn't help himself. He'd been avoiding Tachibana's eyes, knowing that if he met them he'd be lost. But the fretful way that Tachibana was touching his jaw distracted him, and before he knew it he was looking into Tachibana's intense gaze and there was nothing else left in the world.
Every single word from Gay Sex for Dummies flew straight out of his head, which Kamio counted as a dead loss of three thousand yen. Instead, Kamio reached up and carefully pulled Tachibana's hand away from his face. Holding his gaze steady proved much harder than lifting Tachibana's hand to his own cheek and pressing it close.
For a long moment they both just stood there. Then pure unadulterated terror crystallised in Kamio's veins. He tore away from Tachibana and ran, his feet hitting the ground with heavy splats like he'd been body-snatched by a dinosaur.
As soon as he got home he dug Gay Sex for Dummies from his wardrobe and kicked it across the room a couple of times. That made him feel minutely better.
It was probably his own fault anyway. Understanding how to be properly gay most likely took years of practice. He shouldn’t have expected to master it in one night. And so much for flirting or acting ‘sexy’ -- Kamio counted it lucky that he'd managed to reach 'coherent' around Tachibana. Before, of course, he blew it all with the forced face-stroking stunt.
I should have just kissed him, Kamio thought, with the perfect calm that comes before a storm of despair. At least then I'd know what it's like before I'm kicked off the tennis team and shunned for the rest of my life.
"Kamio? Are you in there?"
"Go away, kaasan," called Kamio, before burying his face in the pillow. His mother was well-adapted to cope with teenage boy angst, having weathered it six times with her younger brothers. That was why he was surprised when she opened the door anyway.
"Kamio."
"Shit!" Kamio fell off the bed, fortunately on the opposite side from Tachibana. Tachibana who was standing at the door, holding a bag in one hand, scratching his neck with the other and looking … odd. Looking uncertain. For Tachibana that was very odd indeed.
Kamio peeped over the top of his mattress as Tachibana slowly lowered the bag to the floor.
"You left your bag behind," said Tachibana. "I brought it over for you." He pointed, unnecessarily.
"Thanks," squeaked Kamio.
Tachibana reached up to scratch his neck again.
Kamio closed his eyes and opened his mouth. "Look, I'm sorry. About why I haven't been concentrating. I'm sorry. I think I have, um, got a crush on you. Sorry. I keep thinking about you instead of tennis. You're all I think about, except for food, and probably when I'm sleeping. No, scratch that, when I sleep I … er, anyway." He paused for inspiration, but came up with, "I'm sorry."
"Why are you sorry?" Tachibana sounded genuinely curious. He came and sat on Kamio's bed -- right near where Kamio was crouched behind it -- instead of beating him to a bloody pulp, which struck Kamio as fortunate but a little unexpected.
"Um. Because my playing has been bad because of it?"
"Is that all?"
Kamio stared at him. "Frankly I'd prefer not to have a crush on my male buchou, because it sort of makes life really incredibly hard. Like when I want to kiss you and stuff? But mainly the playing. Yes, the … playing …" He trailed off, because Tachibana had edged closer while he spoke and was now right beside him.
"When do you want to … kiss me?"
Kamio frowned, because he could have sworn Tachibana looked a little flushed. Then again, he'd probably run all the way to Kamio's house.
Kamio considered lying, but it was hard enough getting the words out as it was. "All the time."
"Now?"
Tachibana was very close. In any other situation Kamio might have thought he was angling to kiss him, but that would never happen because why would Tachibana kiss him? Besides, what did Kamio know? He’d never kissed anyone in his life.
"Sort of," hedged Kamio. He sprang up from the floor and bounced on to the bed instead, putting a safe distance between him and Tachibana.
Tachibana was frowning. Kamio took a deep breath. "I understand if you don't want me on the team any more. I mean, what with you taking your shirt off after practice and everything. Wait, I didn't mean that how it sounded --"
"Kamio, come here," Tachibana ground out.
Kamio automatically obeyed. Tachibana grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him right up close, so that their knees banged and their chests touched and Tachibana's cold nose brushed Kamio's cheek and then his lips --
Kissing, thought Kamio, his mouth crushed against Tachibana's. We're kissing. Funny. I thought they'd be more flashing lights and coloured stars.
What he got instead was a mouthful of Tachibana's tongue. Kamio had always thought that making out sounded kind of disgusting, and it was. But it was also kind of great as well. In between the harsh breathing, the way his leg was going to sleep, and the smell of stale sweat coming from their dirty uniforms, was something warm and almost wonderful.
That was why, when Tachibana's tongue slipped back between his lips, Kamio's followed it. His teeth got in the way but he didn’t stop. His hands found the feathery hair at the back of Tachibana's neck. Tachibana panted into his mouth and Kamio wondered how he could be that puffed out -- then he realised he wasn't breathing too well either.
Kamio pulled back. He swiped at his mouth and chin, which were all wet. He glanced at Tachibana, who was doing the same thing.
"Are you still sorry you have a crush on me?" asked a Tachibana who was definitely blushing. Kamio had been thinking that Tachibana was hot for a while now, but it seemed he could also look … cute? In a scary and possibly life-threatening -- certainly if Kamio told anyone -- sort of way.
"You just kissed me," Kamio reminded him. "Why exactly would I be sorry?"
Tachibana shrugged. "Well, I'm not all that good at it, you know."
"No, I don’t know. That was my first." Kamio looked away, because now he was blushing.
Tachibana's knee bumped his again. "I liked it. I liked it a lot. Only, I'm not sure what to do. About the rest of it. I've only ever kissed girls before." He coughed. "Well, a girl."
"Don't worry." Kamio tangled his fingers in Tachibana's. When the buchou looked up, he grinned. "I have a book."
end
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