A Turn For The Better?
It seems that several people felt the need to have a talk with me today. I could complain, but I won't...
Sakura... I love you so much. I can't stop thinking about you and the baby. Please forgive me. I want to make this work.
Tenten... you're talk meant more to me than you'll know.. thank you..
Gaara... I have a new respect for you. Maybe we can talk again sometime.
OOC: Only warning is Angst and Fluff... also some things that you're not supposed to know.. of course =P
CHAT LOGS:
Sasori trudged up to the old antique shop, hands deep in trench coat pockets. He looked up from the ground to examine the windows and door. He didn't exactly want to be there, but he said he would and he wasn't known for breaking his word. He removed a hand, sighed, and knocked.
Pushing her hair out of her face TenTen sighed once more cursing Dei for being so damn playful all the time as she made her way up the stairs and jumped over the crates that were still littered all over the storefloor before opening the door. "Ah, Sasori." her bright smile instantly dampened and she held the door open for him. "Come in."
He silently walked in, moveing his gaze to the floor, examining the various objects blocking his path. He stepped over a crate and turned to look at Tenten. "You wanted to see me..."
"Yeah. I did, didnt I?" She crossed her arms and leaned back against the door, taking a deep breath before she looked up at him with cold eyes. "Is it true?" No need to beat around the bush she dove head first into what would most likely be one hell of an awkward conversation.
He completely turned around to face her, hands still buried in his pockets and sleeves. "Is what true?" He brow furrowed and a frown firmly placed itself on his lips.
"Is what Temari said true?" Her gaze never wavered as she met his but it wasnt judgemental it was just hollow.
There was a slight flinch in his form when the blonde was mentioned. "It depends on what she said."
"Did you kill them?"
Sasori's face was blank, but his face seemed to drain a little of its color. He didn't say anything as he turned his back to her and walked over to the counter. He rested his hands on the counter, arms extended, his head hung. How dare she ask him such a thing...
"Answer me Sasori. I need to know if I can trust Sakura and her childs life in your hands." She didnt take her eyes off of him as he walked over to the counter. "All I need is a plain yes or no, no explination, no nothing. All I need to know is if you did it."
"No," he sighed. He stood back and turned to walk toward the door makeing his way over the litter. He would have exited without a word but Tenten stood against the door.
Not moving she looked at him with almost sad eyes as she shook her head, if he said it wasnt so then she'd believe him. "Good, but I'm not done with you just yet."
His hand rested on the door and he looked over his arm at her. His face composed from whatever face he had hidden.
"Lets atleast sit down, please? I promise I wont bite your head off or anything." She placed a light hand on his shoulder before walking in behind the counter and disapearing into one of the back rooms.
Sasori seemed to pause for a moment, looking at the place where she touched his shoulder, before turning around and slowly following her into the back room behind the counter.
Well in the upstairs living-room she walked over to the terrarium smiling as she picked Helmut up and out before taking a seat in the couch gently stroking the small creature. "So..." She looked up at him as he entered and gave him a small smile. "Quite a mess everything turned out to be, ne?"
Sasori nodded slowly as he entered the room. He noted the lizard she held. He found himself remembering the time he bought that lizard for Tenten. Was he doing it to impress Sakura? Sakura... he closed his eyes for a moment before opening them and turning his gaze up to meet Tenten's brown eyes. He remained standing.
"I thought you were comfortable around me to atleast sit down when I try and talk to you. Anyway I... I know this really isnt any of my buisness but I worry about you, about her, about the child and belive it or not I know what you're going though." Her smiled died down and she looked down in her lap again.
Sasori looked around the room and sat down in a chair faceing Tenten. He didn't know what to say to her. He leaned back and placed his clasped hands in his lap waiting for her to continue.
"It's chaos, you feel like your world is about to crumble around you, your mind is screaming one thing while your heart another and your body just stops working. Nothing makes sense anymore and nothing matters and all you can do is try and keep from freaking out." her voice was nothing more then a low mumble as she spoke, her eyes never straying from the small green lizard in her lap.
Sasori watched her intently and began to bite the inside of his mouth. Where was she going with this? He pretty much knew, but he decided to continue to listen.
"She needs you more now then ever before and not because of the child, not because of the emotions or the stress or anything like that. She needs you because you push her away. Never mind the baby, never mind what happened or what will happen, what she needs is for you to love her like you say you do. I know it's hard but you need to trust her..." Her eyes are pained and slightly tearbrimmed as she looks up at him, hoping that he would understand what she was trying to say.
scorpianvanity: "I do trust her." His statement was short with a tinge of anger.
"No you dont. She wouldnt be in the state she's in if you did. Sasori, she's a nervous wreak and I dont know what to do any more." Why didnt he understand? Why did he have to be so damn thickheaded?!
"What do you mean..." his pupils narrowed to slits. He was sick of being accused of being the cause of everyone's pain and strife.
Sighing she stood up and walked over to place Helmut back into the terrarium. "I mean that she's miserable because you're feeling down and theres nothing I can do about it, and it's annoying the hell out of me. I hate not being able to help my friends when they need it. Look Sasori I'm not saying it's your fault, trust me it's not. I reacted like you did when I found out I..." She caught herself before she said it and shook her head some more. "She's on the verge of a mental breakdown because she feels so guilty, about the baby, about the way you reacted when you found out, about everything." She sighed and leaned her head against the glass silently wondering why he couldnt understand.
He noted that she seemed to be hiding something, but decided to not ask about it. "What do you think I should do then?" His tone was a mixture of sarcasm and honesty. His eyes began to wander around the room takeing in the decorative weaponry that hung on the walls.
"To not push her away might be a good start. I know the thought of being a father must be scaring the living daylight out of you, but I know you'll make a great dad. All you need is to be able to show her that you love her and trust me, she's as scared as you are, but dont bottle it up. There's no shame in being scared when it comes to something like this, actually I'd like to see the parent who wasnt scared once they found out." Her hand comes up and she traces a light patter on the class door before discreetly wiping a few tears away.
Sasori sank down in his sit irritably and then sat back up looking back and forth between Tenten and some random object he didn't really pay much attention to. "I am not afraid." He kept telling himself this, but was it true? He didn't even truly know. He didn't even see how he was pushing her away... wasn't she running away from him?
"Yes you are, you're just so damn hellbent on denying it that you're blind to what it's doing to her. Sasori, it's okay to scared - this is the kind of thing that changes your whole life and the way you look at it. It terrifies everyone, trust me on that." Shaking her head she walked back and curled up in the couch, clutching a pillow tightly.
He peered at her questioningly. "And how would you know?" He wondered if he was going to dread the answer.
She tensed up and looked away, her features visuably saddening as she clutched the pillow closer. "...cause I've been though it myself."
"Is that so?" He leaned back deeper into the chair.
"Yes and it almost scared me to death when I found out. I didnt know what to do, I didnt know what to think I didnt know anything - I freaked and spend the following ten hours crying my eyes out trying to make my mind up about it." Giving a low sigh she shook her head, why was it so damn hard to talk about it? It wasnt as if it was something that was still a part of her life, right?
He looked at her stomach. "You got rid of it."
"Yeah, I did. I'm not the kind to bring a child up on my own, hell I'm not even the kind to want a child in the next ten years or something like that."
"I'm just not mother material." She sighed and shook her head.
He leaned forward holding his fist to his mouth, eyes closed. "I'm sorry to hear that."
"That I'm not mother material or that I got rid of it? In either case dont be, I'm better off this way - after all it's not like the childs father cared for me., unlike you do Sakura. She's lucky to have you when it all comes down to it..." She looked over to him and gave him a sad smile.
He sighed deeply. "I should go..."
"Or do you have more to say?" He looked up from his fist.
"I have lots more to say but I dont know if any of it will matter. What happens next is up to you, I just hope you take good care of her. She loves you but she's scared out of her mind and thats why she needs you, not for you to be strong for her, but for you to show her what you feel - show her that it scares you too. Because even if you're as hellbent on denying it as you are, deep down, both of us know that you're scared. Dont worry though Sasori, I know you'll do a good job..." her sad smile turned into an honest one as she met his eyes.
He sighed, shook his head, and stood from the chair. "Good bye Tenten."
"Just stop denying it and tell her." She placed the pillow back on the couch as he left the room and walked back over to Helmut, once more opening the glassdoor and picking him out, cuddling the small animal.
Sasori walked downstairs into the main area filled with clutter. As he made his way across the rubble, a post it pad and pen on the counter caught his attention. He stared at it for a moment before walking over and picking up the writing utensil and paper. He silently wrote a small note and then left.
Giving a tired sigh she placed a light kiss on the lizards head as she placed him back. "No use in getting all down now is there? I still have to get rid of all the grease from the walls, unfortunately." Closing the glassdoor she made her way out and down the stairs only to stop in the store area. "Right I got to unpack this crap too..." she sighed as she looked up at the clock. It was late and she was already tired from the long day she'd had. Placing her hand on the counter she noticed that one of the bright-green post-it notes had something written on it, picking it up she read it out loud.
Thank you --Sasori
Smiling she tore the note off the pad and stuck it to her finger as she made her way over the crates and down to the bottomfloor.
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If not for the fact that Haruno was a friend, he wouldn't be here. A frat house. Gaara frowned as he eyed the door. This was important, he told himself and knocked.
Sasori heard the knock from the kitchen. He didn't want guests. Maybe it was for one of the other akatsuki and he could just tell the person to come back another time. He was even half tempted to not answer the door. But for some reason, his steps led him from the kitchen, into the living room, and to the door, which he opened uncerimoniously. When he looked up from his glass of water to see who it was, he paused mid sip and just stared blankly at the red head.
"Sasori." "We need to talk."
He slowly took a step back and removed the glass from his mouth, pulling the door back with him so that Gaara could enter the house, even though this was against Sasori's better judgement. "What could we possibly have to talk about..."
"What else?" he asked as stepped in, gazing up at the taller boy. "Haruno. Sakura." "Oh. Should I remove my shoes?" he added as an afterthought to be polite.
Sasori's pupils narrowed to slits. "Please do..." he motioned to the other shoes by the door and coat rack before closeing the door behind them.
He bent and took off his boots, slowly. "Is there anyone else here?" He finished with one and moved to remove the other. "This is important, of course... But private..."
"We're alone," he spoke as he watched the other in quiet suspicion. Sasori lifted his glass to his lips and took another sip of his water.
He straightened with a sigh. "...Sit and talk?" he requested. It wouldn't do to just stand in front of the door like that.
Sasori made a motion with his head toward the two couches, chair, and coffee table. "Make yourself at home," he almost sneered the words as he walked ahead of Gaara but watched to see where he sat.
Gaara chose to sit on a couch. He sat with his back stiff, wary of the situation. "You... don't like me," he started, "do you." It wasn't a question. He was used to this kind of treatment. He could tell from the start.
"I do not like anyone from Suna," he replied coldly as he moved to sit in the arm chair beside the couch Gaara had chosen. He began to pick at the annoying thread on the arm of the chair.
"But you don't like me because of Sakura," he observed.
"Another point against you, yes." Sasori looked up meeting the eyes of the other.
"I see..." Gaara looked down at his lap, trying to decided on how to start. "I... Sakura... is a very good person..." he started slowly, keeping his face blank. "She befriended me. One of my few friends... " "I'm hated by many. And it's alright if you hate me, but... it's not alright of you to hurt Sakura."
Sasori's breathing changed slightly. "You don't know what hate is." He kept his face calm but the words seemed to pour from his mouth like poison.
"I was hated before I was even born," Gaara said firmly.
Sasori turned his head away from Gaara. He wondered if Gaara even remembered anything that happened. Or if everything he knew was just things poured into his mind by that loud sister of his. His eyes closed and he gritted his teeth.
"You don't believe me..." Though his face was blank, Gaara's heart was beginning to ache again.
"I remember," Sasori spoke almost under his breath. "I was still in Suna when you were born, fool." He still remained looking away from the younger male. He just couldn't look at him without doing something stupid.
"But you weren't there," he whispered, emphasizing the last work. He turned his head up and gazed at Sasori quietly.
Who cared if he was there or not. He remembered all the horrible things said. Those were times when he was actually happy, actually had something. He didn't want to think about it. He shook his head and turned his head back to face Gaara, except his eyes wandered to the candy dish in the middle of the coffee table. Mint flavored chocolate? Must have been something of Deidara's.... "Get to the point..."
Gaara still kept his eyes on the older boy. "A child born... knowing he wasn't wanted... lives a very painful life..."
"Try going from being wanted from being loved to being hated and despised," he snapped. "Knowing what you lost is far more painful than never knowing," his voice hissed the words out. What did this have to do with Sakura?
"Maybe... maybe not." He shrugged. "It's still painful, nonetheless. The difference depends on the person. To grow up believing that you aren't suppose to exist, that you are not wanted, that you aren't meant to be loved, and that you do not deserve it. To me, that's more painful. It's cruel. If you continue as you are, your child will being to think such thoughts, Sasori. Sakura... is alone dealing with this right now. Strong as she is she's scared...."
"Is everyone out to gang up on me today?" He hissed as he stood up from the chair and walked over to the fire place resting one hand on the mantle and the other on his hip. He was fumeing inside.
"It's not about you... It's about what your actions, Sakura, and your child." His eyes narrowed slightly.
He turned around and finally made eye contact with Gaara. "If you think you can do a better job then you take care of her," he said coldly.
"But you love her..."
Sasori's brow furrowed at the words. It was not the comeback he was expecting. "So what if I do? What does love matter when you're not worthy to be a father in anyones eyes." He held his arms out to his side.
"Why should anyone else matter when the person you love believes in you?" he asked quietly. "Sakura wants to keep the child because she believes the two of you can take care of this together. She believes you're good enough to be the father of her child. But lately you're not talking to her... You said you'd stay by her side, but your actions say otherwise. That's why she's scared. Because together it was enought for her. But now she's alon, it seems, without you to support her. You said you love her." he repeated.
Sasori began to pace in front of the coffee table. It was takeing everything in him to control himself. "She would have been happier with you, you know? This should have been your child." He didn't understand what he was saying or thinking. He was avoiding the topic.
"No. Would haves and should haves do not matter. You said you love her."
"Quit... just quit saying that..." he stopped his back to Gaara. Why did the idiot have to keep reminding him.
Intent eyes were on Sasori's back. "Why? It should be easy enough to accept. You love her."
Sasori tried to avoid the feeling creeping into his stomach. "I love her. I love her more than myself." he paused catching his breath. "Is that what you want to here?" He glanced over his shoulder.
He shifted so his eyes met Sasori's. "No. I already know you love her. What will you do about it?"
"I've not planned on leaveing her if that is what you're so worried about..." he didn't flinch this time as he watched Gaara evenly.
"That still leaves the possibility of you leaving her later. You love her. What are you going to do about it?" he asked again.
He turned around completely faceing Gaara. "What the hell do you want from me?"
"An answer."
"I'm not going to leave her." He stared firmly.
"You're not going to leave her. Why are you not talking to her about it then?" He continued, "You say you won't leave her, but why does she feel deserted right now?"
"She talks to you more than me it seems so you tell me," he bit the inside of his mouth. He could feel his self-control stripping.
"She talks to be," he countered, "because you won't let her reach you. What are you thinking?" "Probably something like this right? 'Oh,'" he mimicked mockingly, "'They don't think I'm suited to be a father, so I'm probably not meant to be one. I love Sakura. I want to protect Sakura. From me. I can't be a father. She wants to keep the child. But I can't be a father because 'they' say so. So I'll just avoid the subject. Let's just ignore it. I have to protect Sakura from me. Because I love her. Poor. Little. Fragile. Sakura needs to be protected from me.'"
Sasori looked at Gaara as if he'd just been slapped in the face.
"What do you think? What are you thinking, Sasori?" he murmured.
Sasori bit the inside of his mouth and swallowed. There was actually the slightest hint of tears trying to develop at the corners of his eyes. He turned his head away, "Why ask when you already know..."
"Yes, I do. What are you going to do about it?"
"I don't know..." he wiped at his face and started walking towards the kitchen.
"Do you need help deciding?"
Sasori disappeared into the kitchen without saying anything. Dammit, he felt so cornered. He leaned opened the fridge and stared in thought at the large bottle of vodka lying at the bottom.
Gaara sighed. He was feeling emotionally drained right now, but he had to be firm. He got up and followed Sasori to the kitchen. "Do you need help deciding?"
"I..." He'd never had such a hard time with a decision before. He'd never had such a hard time with life since that time. He'd never felt as lost and afraid as when he outcasted for something he didn't do. His thoughts crowding his mind he slammed his fist against the fridge causeing it to rock. "Dammit!"
"It's not a hard question. Or would you rather I answer it for you again?" He walked up to the older boy. "Isn't it ironic? That the person you're exposing yourself to most is not the person you love? Isn't there something wrong with that situation, Sasori?"
Sasori turned to look at Gaara. "Are you trying to piss me off?"
He shook his head and sighed, his eyes tired. "No. Don't change the subject. Answer."
Sasori sighed shakily. "You're playing a dangerous game." A tear escaped on his cheek, but he didn't notice. Who did this guy think he was? "This is none of your business. You're not even supposed to know."
"What does it matter what I'm supposed to know or that it's any of my business? I know and now I'm invovled. I'm not playing a game. You're the one with the dangerous game, Sasori. I'll answer the question for you. If you need help deciding, there's a special person whose always willing to do so."
"Really now?" he spat sarcastically.
"Yes, really," he answered patiently. "Who do you think it is?"
"You want me to talk to Sakura, huh?" He shrugs and swallows hard to hold back the tears. "Fine." He looks away.
He wanted to reach out and grab his sholder, but he refrained. Instead, he smiled faintly, wryly. "Still think you have to protect her from yourself, Sasori? You know she's stronger than that."
"I'm so afraid of hurting her..." he whispered the words. He didn't want to say them but they tumbled out of their own free will.
Slowly, Gaara let his smile fade. He took on a somber look. "I think... she can stand to be hurt. Sakura is like that. But to lose you... is something that will break her. Even the thought of it."
He slowly slides down to the floor. "She's probably be better off without me. Does she know what she's getting herself into?" he almost seemed to be talking to himself more than Gaara.
"Sakura's not dumb. She knows the realities. She'll probably be indignant that you decided whether or not you were good enough for her, for her."
Sasori sniffled and wiped his nose. His voice was getting a bit hoarse. "I know this," he hissed.
"Okay." He shrugged. "Then act like you do."
Sasori examined the lines in the linolium on the floor of the kitchen. "Do you have anything else you want to say?" He swallowed again.
"Yes. Don't be an idiot anymore. There's no need to run or hide. So," he finished, crouching down so that they were almost at eye level,"do you hate me evn more for doing this?"
Sasori closed his eyes and sighed. "I don't hate you, Gaara." He paused and forced himself to make eye contact. "I can't."
"That's good to know." He smirked and settled himself down so he now sat Indian style, facing Sasori. "I never hated you. I think... you'll be good as a father," he revealed. "So... Should I leave now? Are you better?"
Sasori made a strange face. "You never hated me?" This was the second person to tell him this. It struck him strangely.
Gaara blinked. "No. Why would I?"
"Everyone in Suna hates me. Why did you decide not to?" His head tilted curiously.
Gaara blinked again. He hadn't really thought about this. "I don't know you that well to decide something like that. I've heard the rumors but they're meaningless. Besides, I'm hated in Suna too."
"I hated you before... but not for the reasons they do." He watched Gaara much more composed than before. "I have no reason to hate you now." He held out his hand to Gaara across his knee. "Truce?"
Gaara took it, slightly unsure of why there needed to be a truce, but he accepted it anyway. "Truce," he said quietly.
Sasori nodded seemingly content. "I think I am going to go see Sakura..."
He smiled his faint smile again. "Good. I'm assuming you're better now." He slowly rose to his feet. "Need anything else?"
Sasori shook his head silently and pushed himself off the ground useing the fridge.
"Then I'll take my leave." He started to turn, but stopped, turned back, and studied Sasori again. "You'll be okay," he decided, and reached up to pat the older boy on the head, amusement showing in his eyes. "Well, then. Bye." He turned and left the room.
Sasori made a strange face as he watched the other boy leave. He brushed his hand through his hair in thought before turning to grab his things and head over to see Sakura.
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Sasori stood outside of the Haruno residence and sighed deeply. This was it. He knocked on the door and hoped that Sakura would be the one to answer.
Sakura sighed deeply and walked up to the door and opened it, wondering who it could be this time. Upon seeing Sasori she smiled weakly. "Hi."
Sasori didn't say anything as he reached out and pulled Sakura to him. He leaned into her and kissed her deeply, holding her tightly.
Very surprised she blinked a couple of times but then put her arms around his neck and responded. She stopped kissing him, breathing slightly heavily. "...What's this all about? Not that I complain, but..."
He swallowed before speaking. Where to start? "Sakura, I know that I'm not good at saying things," he paused. "I know it seems like I don't care but..." he touched her face gently. "I really do love you and I don't want to lose you... or the baby." He looked her in the eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm going to try to be a good father.... even though I'm afraid," his eyes watered a little. What was it with him recently? "I promise, to be here for you and to love you."
Sakura put her arms around his waist, tears running down her cheeks. "You have no idea how much I've wanted you to say those words. I love you too, Sasori, and I never ever want to leave you. I need you, and the babt needs its father. I love you, I love you so much..." She hugged him tightly, as if she never wanted to let him go again.
He held her tightly and pulled her face up to kiss her once again. He wanted her to feel his feelings and poured himself into this kiss, running his fingers across her back and in her hair. "I love you Sakura..." he whispered brushing against her lips. A tear fell down his cheek. "I'm so sorry..."
Sakura kissed him back, joy filling her whole body. Her Sasori was finally back! She looked him in the eyes and smiled softly. "It's okay," she said and wiped the tear away. "I love you too. It's okay, everything will be fine now."
He smiled at her and kissed her forehead. "Yeah, it will." He looked up. "Let's go inside, where it's warmer."
She looked up at him and smiled, one of the few genuine smiles she had given the last couple of days. "Sounds like a good idea." She took hold of his hand, walked into the living room and plopped down in the couch; but not until she had let go of him again, of course.
He sat down beside her and gently wrapped his arm around her pulling her close to him. He kissed her cheek, gently. She seemed more lovely to him today than usual. "You're so beautiful," he whispered into her ear as he reached across her and grasped her hand.
She smiled and gave him a light peck on the lips. "Because you are finally back. The Sasori who's been with me the last couple of days wasn't my Sasori." Sakura hugged him tightly once again. "Thank you," she smiled.
--Sasori
Sakura... I love you so much. I can't stop thinking about you and the baby. Please forgive me. I want to make this work.
Tenten... you're talk meant more to me than you'll know.. thank you..
Gaara... I have a new respect for you. Maybe we can talk again sometime.
OOC: Only warning is Angst and Fluff... also some things that you're not supposed to know.. of course =P
CHAT LOGS:
Sasori trudged up to the old antique shop, hands deep in trench coat pockets. He looked up from the ground to examine the windows and door. He didn't exactly want to be there, but he said he would and he wasn't known for breaking his word. He removed a hand, sighed, and knocked.
Pushing her hair out of her face TenTen sighed once more cursing Dei for being so damn playful all the time as she made her way up the stairs and jumped over the crates that were still littered all over the storefloor before opening the door. "Ah, Sasori." her bright smile instantly dampened and she held the door open for him. "Come in."
He silently walked in, moveing his gaze to the floor, examining the various objects blocking his path. He stepped over a crate and turned to look at Tenten. "You wanted to see me..."
"Yeah. I did, didnt I?" She crossed her arms and leaned back against the door, taking a deep breath before she looked up at him with cold eyes. "Is it true?" No need to beat around the bush she dove head first into what would most likely be one hell of an awkward conversation.
He completely turned around to face her, hands still buried in his pockets and sleeves. "Is what true?" He brow furrowed and a frown firmly placed itself on his lips.
"Is what Temari said true?" Her gaze never wavered as she met his but it wasnt judgemental it was just hollow.
There was a slight flinch in his form when the blonde was mentioned. "It depends on what she said."
"Did you kill them?"
Sasori's face was blank, but his face seemed to drain a little of its color. He didn't say anything as he turned his back to her and walked over to the counter. He rested his hands on the counter, arms extended, his head hung. How dare she ask him such a thing...
"Answer me Sasori. I need to know if I can trust Sakura and her childs life in your hands." She didnt take her eyes off of him as he walked over to the counter. "All I need is a plain yes or no, no explination, no nothing. All I need to know is if you did it."
"No," he sighed. He stood back and turned to walk toward the door makeing his way over the litter. He would have exited without a word but Tenten stood against the door.
Not moving she looked at him with almost sad eyes as she shook her head, if he said it wasnt so then she'd believe him. "Good, but I'm not done with you just yet."
His hand rested on the door and he looked over his arm at her. His face composed from whatever face he had hidden.
"Lets atleast sit down, please? I promise I wont bite your head off or anything." She placed a light hand on his shoulder before walking in behind the counter and disapearing into one of the back rooms.
Sasori seemed to pause for a moment, looking at the place where she touched his shoulder, before turning around and slowly following her into the back room behind the counter.
Well in the upstairs living-room she walked over to the terrarium smiling as she picked Helmut up and out before taking a seat in the couch gently stroking the small creature. "So..." She looked up at him as he entered and gave him a small smile. "Quite a mess everything turned out to be, ne?"
Sasori nodded slowly as he entered the room. He noted the lizard she held. He found himself remembering the time he bought that lizard for Tenten. Was he doing it to impress Sakura? Sakura... he closed his eyes for a moment before opening them and turning his gaze up to meet Tenten's brown eyes. He remained standing.
"I thought you were comfortable around me to atleast sit down when I try and talk to you. Anyway I... I know this really isnt any of my buisness but I worry about you, about her, about the child and belive it or not I know what you're going though." Her smiled died down and she looked down in her lap again.
Sasori looked around the room and sat down in a chair faceing Tenten. He didn't know what to say to her. He leaned back and placed his clasped hands in his lap waiting for her to continue.
"It's chaos, you feel like your world is about to crumble around you, your mind is screaming one thing while your heart another and your body just stops working. Nothing makes sense anymore and nothing matters and all you can do is try and keep from freaking out." her voice was nothing more then a low mumble as she spoke, her eyes never straying from the small green lizard in her lap.
Sasori watched her intently and began to bite the inside of his mouth. Where was she going with this? He pretty much knew, but he decided to continue to listen.
"She needs you more now then ever before and not because of the child, not because of the emotions or the stress or anything like that. She needs you because you push her away. Never mind the baby, never mind what happened or what will happen, what she needs is for you to love her like you say you do. I know it's hard but you need to trust her..." Her eyes are pained and slightly tearbrimmed as she looks up at him, hoping that he would understand what she was trying to say.
scorpianvanity: "I do trust her." His statement was short with a tinge of anger.
"No you dont. She wouldnt be in the state she's in if you did. Sasori, she's a nervous wreak and I dont know what to do any more." Why didnt he understand? Why did he have to be so damn thickheaded?!
"What do you mean..." his pupils narrowed to slits. He was sick of being accused of being the cause of everyone's pain and strife.
Sighing she stood up and walked over to place Helmut back into the terrarium. "I mean that she's miserable because you're feeling down and theres nothing I can do about it, and it's annoying the hell out of me. I hate not being able to help my friends when they need it. Look Sasori I'm not saying it's your fault, trust me it's not. I reacted like you did when I found out I..." She caught herself before she said it and shook her head some more. "She's on the verge of a mental breakdown because she feels so guilty, about the baby, about the way you reacted when you found out, about everything." She sighed and leaned her head against the glass silently wondering why he couldnt understand.
He noted that she seemed to be hiding something, but decided to not ask about it. "What do you think I should do then?" His tone was a mixture of sarcasm and honesty. His eyes began to wander around the room takeing in the decorative weaponry that hung on the walls.
"To not push her away might be a good start. I know the thought of being a father must be scaring the living daylight out of you, but I know you'll make a great dad. All you need is to be able to show her that you love her and trust me, she's as scared as you are, but dont bottle it up. There's no shame in being scared when it comes to something like this, actually I'd like to see the parent who wasnt scared once they found out." Her hand comes up and she traces a light patter on the class door before discreetly wiping a few tears away.
Sasori sank down in his sit irritably and then sat back up looking back and forth between Tenten and some random object he didn't really pay much attention to. "I am not afraid." He kept telling himself this, but was it true? He didn't even truly know. He didn't even see how he was pushing her away... wasn't she running away from him?
"Yes you are, you're just so damn hellbent on denying it that you're blind to what it's doing to her. Sasori, it's okay to scared - this is the kind of thing that changes your whole life and the way you look at it. It terrifies everyone, trust me on that." Shaking her head she walked back and curled up in the couch, clutching a pillow tightly.
He peered at her questioningly. "And how would you know?" He wondered if he was going to dread the answer.
She tensed up and looked away, her features visuably saddening as she clutched the pillow closer. "...cause I've been though it myself."
"Is that so?" He leaned back deeper into the chair.
"Yes and it almost scared me to death when I found out. I didnt know what to do, I didnt know what to think I didnt know anything - I freaked and spend the following ten hours crying my eyes out trying to make my mind up about it." Giving a low sigh she shook her head, why was it so damn hard to talk about it? It wasnt as if it was something that was still a part of her life, right?
He looked at her stomach. "You got rid of it."
"Yeah, I did. I'm not the kind to bring a child up on my own, hell I'm not even the kind to want a child in the next ten years or something like that."
"I'm just not mother material." She sighed and shook her head.
He leaned forward holding his fist to his mouth, eyes closed. "I'm sorry to hear that."
"That I'm not mother material or that I got rid of it? In either case dont be, I'm better off this way - after all it's not like the childs father cared for me., unlike you do Sakura. She's lucky to have you when it all comes down to it..." She looked over to him and gave him a sad smile.
He sighed deeply. "I should go..."
"Or do you have more to say?" He looked up from his fist.
"I have lots more to say but I dont know if any of it will matter. What happens next is up to you, I just hope you take good care of her. She loves you but she's scared out of her mind and thats why she needs you, not for you to be strong for her, but for you to show her what you feel - show her that it scares you too. Because even if you're as hellbent on denying it as you are, deep down, both of us know that you're scared. Dont worry though Sasori, I know you'll do a good job..." her sad smile turned into an honest one as she met his eyes.
He sighed, shook his head, and stood from the chair. "Good bye Tenten."
"Just stop denying it and tell her." She placed the pillow back on the couch as he left the room and walked back over to Helmut, once more opening the glassdoor and picking him out, cuddling the small animal.
Sasori walked downstairs into the main area filled with clutter. As he made his way across the rubble, a post it pad and pen on the counter caught his attention. He stared at it for a moment before walking over and picking up the writing utensil and paper. He silently wrote a small note and then left.
Giving a tired sigh she placed a light kiss on the lizards head as she placed him back. "No use in getting all down now is there? I still have to get rid of all the grease from the walls, unfortunately." Closing the glassdoor she made her way out and down the stairs only to stop in the store area. "Right I got to unpack this crap too..." she sighed as she looked up at the clock. It was late and she was already tired from the long day she'd had. Placing her hand on the counter she noticed that one of the bright-green post-it notes had something written on it, picking it up she read it out loud.
Thank you --Sasori
Smiling she tore the note off the pad and stuck it to her finger as she made her way over the crates and down to the bottomfloor.
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If not for the fact that Haruno was a friend, he wouldn't be here. A frat house. Gaara frowned as he eyed the door. This was important, he told himself and knocked.
Sasori heard the knock from the kitchen. He didn't want guests. Maybe it was for one of the other akatsuki and he could just tell the person to come back another time. He was even half tempted to not answer the door. But for some reason, his steps led him from the kitchen, into the living room, and to the door, which he opened uncerimoniously. When he looked up from his glass of water to see who it was, he paused mid sip and just stared blankly at the red head.
"Sasori." "We need to talk."
He slowly took a step back and removed the glass from his mouth, pulling the door back with him so that Gaara could enter the house, even though this was against Sasori's better judgement. "What could we possibly have to talk about..."
"What else?" he asked as stepped in, gazing up at the taller boy. "Haruno. Sakura." "Oh. Should I remove my shoes?" he added as an afterthought to be polite.
Sasori's pupils narrowed to slits. "Please do..." he motioned to the other shoes by the door and coat rack before closeing the door behind them.
He bent and took off his boots, slowly. "Is there anyone else here?" He finished with one and moved to remove the other. "This is important, of course... But private..."
"We're alone," he spoke as he watched the other in quiet suspicion. Sasori lifted his glass to his lips and took another sip of his water.
He straightened with a sigh. "...Sit and talk?" he requested. It wouldn't do to just stand in front of the door like that.
Sasori made a motion with his head toward the two couches, chair, and coffee table. "Make yourself at home," he almost sneered the words as he walked ahead of Gaara but watched to see where he sat.
Gaara chose to sit on a couch. He sat with his back stiff, wary of the situation. "You... don't like me," he started, "do you." It wasn't a question. He was used to this kind of treatment. He could tell from the start.
"I do not like anyone from Suna," he replied coldly as he moved to sit in the arm chair beside the couch Gaara had chosen. He began to pick at the annoying thread on the arm of the chair.
"But you don't like me because of Sakura," he observed.
"Another point against you, yes." Sasori looked up meeting the eyes of the other.
"I see..." Gaara looked down at his lap, trying to decided on how to start. "I... Sakura... is a very good person..." he started slowly, keeping his face blank. "She befriended me. One of my few friends... " "I'm hated by many. And it's alright if you hate me, but... it's not alright of you to hurt Sakura."
Sasori's breathing changed slightly. "You don't know what hate is." He kept his face calm but the words seemed to pour from his mouth like poison.
"I was hated before I was even born," Gaara said firmly.
Sasori turned his head away from Gaara. He wondered if Gaara even remembered anything that happened. Or if everything he knew was just things poured into his mind by that loud sister of his. His eyes closed and he gritted his teeth.
"You don't believe me..." Though his face was blank, Gaara's heart was beginning to ache again.
"I remember," Sasori spoke almost under his breath. "I was still in Suna when you were born, fool." He still remained looking away from the younger male. He just couldn't look at him without doing something stupid.
"But you weren't there," he whispered, emphasizing the last work. He turned his head up and gazed at Sasori quietly.
Who cared if he was there or not. He remembered all the horrible things said. Those were times when he was actually happy, actually had something. He didn't want to think about it. He shook his head and turned his head back to face Gaara, except his eyes wandered to the candy dish in the middle of the coffee table. Mint flavored chocolate? Must have been something of Deidara's.... "Get to the point..."
Gaara still kept his eyes on the older boy. "A child born... knowing he wasn't wanted... lives a very painful life..."
"Try going from being wanted from being loved to being hated and despised," he snapped. "Knowing what you lost is far more painful than never knowing," his voice hissed the words out. What did this have to do with Sakura?
"Maybe... maybe not." He shrugged. "It's still painful, nonetheless. The difference depends on the person. To grow up believing that you aren't suppose to exist, that you are not wanted, that you aren't meant to be loved, and that you do not deserve it. To me, that's more painful. It's cruel. If you continue as you are, your child will being to think such thoughts, Sasori. Sakura... is alone dealing with this right now. Strong as she is she's scared...."
"Is everyone out to gang up on me today?" He hissed as he stood up from the chair and walked over to the fire place resting one hand on the mantle and the other on his hip. He was fumeing inside.
"It's not about you... It's about what your actions, Sakura, and your child." His eyes narrowed slightly.
He turned around and finally made eye contact with Gaara. "If you think you can do a better job then you take care of her," he said coldly.
"But you love her..."
Sasori's brow furrowed at the words. It was not the comeback he was expecting. "So what if I do? What does love matter when you're not worthy to be a father in anyones eyes." He held his arms out to his side.
"Why should anyone else matter when the person you love believes in you?" he asked quietly. "Sakura wants to keep the child because she believes the two of you can take care of this together. She believes you're good enough to be the father of her child. But lately you're not talking to her... You said you'd stay by her side, but your actions say otherwise. That's why she's scared. Because together it was enought for her. But now she's alon, it seems, without you to support her. You said you love her." he repeated.
Sasori began to pace in front of the coffee table. It was takeing everything in him to control himself. "She would have been happier with you, you know? This should have been your child." He didn't understand what he was saying or thinking. He was avoiding the topic.
"No. Would haves and should haves do not matter. You said you love her."
"Quit... just quit saying that..." he stopped his back to Gaara. Why did the idiot have to keep reminding him.
Intent eyes were on Sasori's back. "Why? It should be easy enough to accept. You love her."
Sasori tried to avoid the feeling creeping into his stomach. "I love her. I love her more than myself." he paused catching his breath. "Is that what you want to here?" He glanced over his shoulder.
He shifted so his eyes met Sasori's. "No. I already know you love her. What will you do about it?"
"I've not planned on leaveing her if that is what you're so worried about..." he didn't flinch this time as he watched Gaara evenly.
"That still leaves the possibility of you leaving her later. You love her. What are you going to do about it?" he asked again.
He turned around completely faceing Gaara. "What the hell do you want from me?"
"An answer."
"I'm not going to leave her." He stared firmly.
"You're not going to leave her. Why are you not talking to her about it then?" He continued, "You say you won't leave her, but why does she feel deserted right now?"
"She talks to you more than me it seems so you tell me," he bit the inside of his mouth. He could feel his self-control stripping.
"She talks to be," he countered, "because you won't let her reach you. What are you thinking?" "Probably something like this right? 'Oh,'" he mimicked mockingly, "'They don't think I'm suited to be a father, so I'm probably not meant to be one. I love Sakura. I want to protect Sakura. From me. I can't be a father. She wants to keep the child. But I can't be a father because 'they' say so. So I'll just avoid the subject. Let's just ignore it. I have to protect Sakura from me. Because I love her. Poor. Little. Fragile. Sakura needs to be protected from me.'"
Sasori looked at Gaara as if he'd just been slapped in the face.
"What do you think? What are you thinking, Sasori?" he murmured.
Sasori bit the inside of his mouth and swallowed. There was actually the slightest hint of tears trying to develop at the corners of his eyes. He turned his head away, "Why ask when you already know..."
"Yes, I do. What are you going to do about it?"
"I don't know..." he wiped at his face and started walking towards the kitchen.
"Do you need help deciding?"
Sasori disappeared into the kitchen without saying anything. Dammit, he felt so cornered. He leaned opened the fridge and stared in thought at the large bottle of vodka lying at the bottom.
Gaara sighed. He was feeling emotionally drained right now, but he had to be firm. He got up and followed Sasori to the kitchen. "Do you need help deciding?"
"I..." He'd never had such a hard time with a decision before. He'd never had such a hard time with life since that time. He'd never felt as lost and afraid as when he outcasted for something he didn't do. His thoughts crowding his mind he slammed his fist against the fridge causeing it to rock. "Dammit!"
"It's not a hard question. Or would you rather I answer it for you again?" He walked up to the older boy. "Isn't it ironic? That the person you're exposing yourself to most is not the person you love? Isn't there something wrong with that situation, Sasori?"
Sasori turned to look at Gaara. "Are you trying to piss me off?"
He shook his head and sighed, his eyes tired. "No. Don't change the subject. Answer."
Sasori sighed shakily. "You're playing a dangerous game." A tear escaped on his cheek, but he didn't notice. Who did this guy think he was? "This is none of your business. You're not even supposed to know."
"What does it matter what I'm supposed to know or that it's any of my business? I know and now I'm invovled. I'm not playing a game. You're the one with the dangerous game, Sasori. I'll answer the question for you. If you need help deciding, there's a special person whose always willing to do so."
"Really now?" he spat sarcastically.
"Yes, really," he answered patiently. "Who do you think it is?"
"You want me to talk to Sakura, huh?" He shrugs and swallows hard to hold back the tears. "Fine." He looks away.
He wanted to reach out and grab his sholder, but he refrained. Instead, he smiled faintly, wryly. "Still think you have to protect her from yourself, Sasori? You know she's stronger than that."
"I'm so afraid of hurting her..." he whispered the words. He didn't want to say them but they tumbled out of their own free will.
Slowly, Gaara let his smile fade. He took on a somber look. "I think... she can stand to be hurt. Sakura is like that. But to lose you... is something that will break her. Even the thought of it."
He slowly slides down to the floor. "She's probably be better off without me. Does she know what she's getting herself into?" he almost seemed to be talking to himself more than Gaara.
"Sakura's not dumb. She knows the realities. She'll probably be indignant that you decided whether or not you were good enough for her, for her."
Sasori sniffled and wiped his nose. His voice was getting a bit hoarse. "I know this," he hissed.
"Okay." He shrugged. "Then act like you do."
Sasori examined the lines in the linolium on the floor of the kitchen. "Do you have anything else you want to say?" He swallowed again.
"Yes. Don't be an idiot anymore. There's no need to run or hide. So," he finished, crouching down so that they were almost at eye level,"do you hate me evn more for doing this?"
Sasori closed his eyes and sighed. "I don't hate you, Gaara." He paused and forced himself to make eye contact. "I can't."
"That's good to know." He smirked and settled himself down so he now sat Indian style, facing Sasori. "I never hated you. I think... you'll be good as a father," he revealed. "So... Should I leave now? Are you better?"
Sasori made a strange face. "You never hated me?" This was the second person to tell him this. It struck him strangely.
Gaara blinked. "No. Why would I?"
"Everyone in Suna hates me. Why did you decide not to?" His head tilted curiously.
Gaara blinked again. He hadn't really thought about this. "I don't know you that well to decide something like that. I've heard the rumors but they're meaningless. Besides, I'm hated in Suna too."
"I hated you before... but not for the reasons they do." He watched Gaara much more composed than before. "I have no reason to hate you now." He held out his hand to Gaara across his knee. "Truce?"
Gaara took it, slightly unsure of why there needed to be a truce, but he accepted it anyway. "Truce," he said quietly.
Sasori nodded seemingly content. "I think I am going to go see Sakura..."
He smiled his faint smile again. "Good. I'm assuming you're better now." He slowly rose to his feet. "Need anything else?"
Sasori shook his head silently and pushed himself off the ground useing the fridge.
"Then I'll take my leave." He started to turn, but stopped, turned back, and studied Sasori again. "You'll be okay," he decided, and reached up to pat the older boy on the head, amusement showing in his eyes. "Well, then. Bye." He turned and left the room.
Sasori made a strange face as he watched the other boy leave. He brushed his hand through his hair in thought before turning to grab his things and head over to see Sakura.
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Sasori stood outside of the Haruno residence and sighed deeply. This was it. He knocked on the door and hoped that Sakura would be the one to answer.
Sakura sighed deeply and walked up to the door and opened it, wondering who it could be this time. Upon seeing Sasori she smiled weakly. "Hi."
Sasori didn't say anything as he reached out and pulled Sakura to him. He leaned into her and kissed her deeply, holding her tightly.
Very surprised she blinked a couple of times but then put her arms around his neck and responded. She stopped kissing him, breathing slightly heavily. "...What's this all about? Not that I complain, but..."
He swallowed before speaking. Where to start? "Sakura, I know that I'm not good at saying things," he paused. "I know it seems like I don't care but..." he touched her face gently. "I really do love you and I don't want to lose you... or the baby." He looked her in the eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm going to try to be a good father.... even though I'm afraid," his eyes watered a little. What was it with him recently? "I promise, to be here for you and to love you."
Sakura put her arms around his waist, tears running down her cheeks. "You have no idea how much I've wanted you to say those words. I love you too, Sasori, and I never ever want to leave you. I need you, and the babt needs its father. I love you, I love you so much..." She hugged him tightly, as if she never wanted to let him go again.
He held her tightly and pulled her face up to kiss her once again. He wanted her to feel his feelings and poured himself into this kiss, running his fingers across her back and in her hair. "I love you Sakura..." he whispered brushing against her lips. A tear fell down his cheek. "I'm so sorry..."
Sakura kissed him back, joy filling her whole body. Her Sasori was finally back! She looked him in the eyes and smiled softly. "It's okay," she said and wiped the tear away. "I love you too. It's okay, everything will be fine now."
He smiled at her and kissed her forehead. "Yeah, it will." He looked up. "Let's go inside, where it's warmer."
She looked up at him and smiled, one of the few genuine smiles she had given the last couple of days. "Sounds like a good idea." She took hold of his hand, walked into the living room and plopped down in the couch; but not until she had let go of him again, of course.
He sat down beside her and gently wrapped his arm around her pulling her close to him. He kissed her cheek, gently. She seemed more lovely to him today than usual. "You're so beautiful," he whispered into her ear as he reached across her and grasped her hand.
She smiled and gave him a light peck on the lips. "Because you are finally back. The Sasori who's been with me the last couple of days wasn't my Sasori." Sakura hugged him tightly once again. "Thank you," she smiled.
--Sasori