(no subject)
from: Me
to Michele, Anne
Subject: polyamory / thoughts / boundries Inbox
Hello loves.
Since everyone seems to be enjoying both themselves and everyone else,
I think it's time we started talking about where our expectations are.
I read the articles that Michele sent to Anne this morning -- and using
their terms I'd describe what I have in mind as a "Multiple Primary
Partners -- Open Model".
What this means to me:
- You two are welcome to have sex with whomever you please. My only
request is that all sex outside of the trio is as protected as can be.
- Finances will be shared. Being the moneybags of the group, I'm more
than happy to pay half of rent/ bills and leave the other half up to
you two. (That is, once we're moved and everyone is employed.)
- The possibility of other people being involved. I'm not opposed to
the idea of someone else joining the three of us are some point --
assuming we can find someone that all three of us like as much as we
like each other. Other partners for individuals would be fine, but
the group recieves top priority as far as time/ attention goes.
Anne needs to give a month's notice before she can move -- at least,
she needs to give a month's notice before she stops paying rent. I do
like the idea of having her around (and her stuff/ kitty wouldn't hurt
the apartment either).
Thoughts? Be sure to hit 'Reply All'.
//dylan
From: Anne
to me, Michele
I agree with pretty much everything Dylan has said. I think the Multiple Primary Parters Open Model would be the best option for what all of us desire. As likely the least sexual of us three, I don't see myself acting on the option of having outside lovers too frequently, but definitely appreciate having the option to do so regardless and see the benefit of both of you being able to seek out other people. And yes, sex outside the three of us should definitely be as safe as absolutely possible. And I agree, that with other people, the three of us remain the primary trio. At some time I will likely be interesting in seekly a fourth person, but for the time being, I think it's best to concentrate on the relationships between the three of us before bringing in another person.
I agree on the finances; I'm willing and able to contribute to 1/3 of household expenses, though if Dylan doesn't mind covering half and that would be best, then I'm also fine doing that.
I suppose I have 2 weeks for us to decide when it would be best for me to move in, be it the beginning of November, or waiting. I would prefer to move in sooner, but don't want to rush things; the two of you should let me know when you're ready and I'll make the arrangements as needed.
Anything else?
--Anne
From: Anne
to me, Michele
I would prefer to move in sooner, but don't want to rush things
That is, beginning of November rather than December or later. :-)
From: Michele
to Anne, me
Look at us, good communicators.
multiple primary open: is the ideal, and we can continue as planned with 'dates' and sufficient alone and together time. and though I am acting a little housebound now, would still like to find extra dick and watch dylan play with a boy/ no hurry.
incorporating others: interesting, agreed, and did you have sex/gender/orientation specifics in mind, Anne? and it is a thing to think about, down the road.... "family" including squirming creatures pushed from a vagina... but this is more a highly theoretical "what do I want out of life when I'm older" discussion.
money: right now, I'm pretty limited on this front. with job, yes certainly sharing/ and fairness says we should third the rent and student loans say it would really help to quarter quarter half expenses.
moving: Anne, will you join us in November? can I ask that now? or in two weeks?
It looks like we're on the same page.
Michele.
From: Anne
to Michele, me
I too am interested in seeing Dylan play with another boy; I probably won't act in it myself just yet, but if it comes up, certainly am okay with it, and wouldn't mind watching if everyone was so inclined. As said, I can play with Daniel if so inclined, but will likely wait until the three of us are a little more settled; you guys certainly should move at your own paces regarding your own secondary lovers.
Personal preference for fourth preference would be a bi guy. I'd also be open to a bi woman, but I am less often attracted to women than me, so it'd be a trickier search. I say bi on either count because currently, all three of us are sexually attracted to the other partners, and I would be concerned about if we had someone who was attracted to just one gender, they would be put into more of an "outside" position.
I definitely want to raise a family at some point, and think that a poly relationship would be a good and nurturing, if non-conventional, environment for a child or children to grow up in. I definitely want to experience being pregnant and raising a family at some point; I'd say ideally no sooner than 5 years from now, and probably no later, at least for starting, than 10 years. But as stated, highly theoretical.
It wouldn't be practical for me to move in two weeks; I'm obliged to give Josh and our landlord 30 days notice and pay rent for October. I could start moving in perhaps mid-month, or at the end of the month, whichever works for you, and we can move the cat over whenever you guys are ready; Kat has him currently and doesn't mind, but she'll also likely be glad to have one less beastie waking her up when he's ready to be fed. Do we need a pet deposit? Are we certain that 3 unmarried people in that apartment will not be a violation of the lease?
--Anne
From: Dylan
to Anne, Michele
I so just lost an email about all this.. le sigh! Let's see..
Sex and other people -- Yes, the option to sleep with others should be available to everyone, although I don't see myself seeking much outside of the relationship. Much more likely in my world is bringing in other people to share with each other.
Since all of us would enjoy such things -- let's find me a boy to play with before too long. And, don't worry Michele-love, you'll get your hands/ mouth/ holes filled with dicks when you're ready for such things.
Love and other people -- If we were to bring someone else into this, I'd imagine that it would be another guy. I'm quite content with having the two of you around and (probably) wouldn't even want to try and bring another woman into the equation. This is very much a down-the-road scenario and I'm going to be very, very picky about who that 'other guy' would be. And I agree with Anne -- someone that I was physically attracted to (and vice-versa) would be best. Someone close to my sexuality, straight but with occasional queer leanings, would be ideal.
Family -- Yes, please.. in 5 to 10 years. I also agree with a polyamorous relationship is a good environment for such things.
Money -- I'm happy to pay damn near everything for the first month of living in the apartment (and possibly longer if need be). I'm fine with playing moneybags for a little while and am thankful to have the opportunity to do so -- as long as I'm able to start saving up before too long.
Apartment -- 3 people in the apartment would be a violation of the lease. Anne, you don't officially live there. It's a large apartment complex, I doubt anyone would ever notice. And yes, there's a pet deposit -- I can cover it.
Moving -- As far as I'm concerned, Anne can move in with us as soon as we move into the apartment and not pay rent/ bills until the beginning of November. This wouldn't be any more of a financial burden on me than it's going to be anyway.
Oooooh -- I'll be the first to say it: I'd like for the three of us to be official. If either of you have any objections, we will wait but it seems like we're all ready for this to happen. Of course, this doesn't mean dating/ etc. has to stop.
I love you both.
//dylan
From: Anne
to me, Michele
> Apartment -- 3 people in the apartment would be a violation of the lease. Anne, you don't officially live there. It's a large apartment complex, I doubt anyone would ever notice. And
> yes, there's a pet deposit -- I can cover it.
That works, as long as you don't think it'll be a problem. I can get a PO Box if you think mail with my name might cause suspision. Thank you for covering the pet deposit. Just let me know when you guys want Sam.
> Moving -- As far as I'm concerned, Anne can move in with us as soon as we move into the apartment and not pay rent/ bills until the beginning of November. This wouldn't be any
> more of a financial burden on me than it's going to be anyway.
That would work, it might be a week or two into October because if possible, I think I'll try to get a small moving truck; I have enough decent sized pieces of furniture it'll be a bit of a pain to move in small pickups like I do when moving across Denton.
Oooooh -- I'll be the first to say it: I'd like for the three of us to be official. If either of you have any objections, we will wait but it seems like we're all ready for this to happen. Of course, this doesn't mean dating/ etc. has to stop.
I'm fine making this official now, if everyone else is okay with that. I need to figure out how to "come out" to my friends, and most of all my family, but we all seem to be ready and want this to happen, so let's do it! Ah, life is crazy and exciting.
Love,
Anne
From: Michele
to Anne, me
It wouldn't be practical for me to move in two weeks;
Miscommunication. Will you join us in November/ can I say this now or can I say it in two weeks/ either way, November as you had planned.
Do we need a pet deposit? Are we certain that 3 unmarried people in that apartment will not be a violation of the lease?
Unmarried persons on the sublease required separate application fees. I'm not inclined to worry about it/ stayed in 2 person apt with 4 people and was just fine. Allowed to have pets certainly, donno about deposit/ dylan?
Michele.