The silver spoon . Christmas tribute

[scotianova]

Title: The silver spoon
Author: scotianova
No beta: It's written on a sudden impulse therefore it's not revised and all the mistakes are mine.
Charaters: Reid and Luke
Warnings: Reid is  a grieving widower in the beginning
Language: harmless
Words:about 6000+
Disclaimer: Because we don't own them we can imagine them in so many different ways - just for fun!
Summary: What happens when two men, who pretended to not like each other in former times realize that they are both lonely?
A/N: kccalgal will probably diagnose a broken sappometer :)

1

„Ms. Taylor, would you please stay with him and page me if he shows any signs of waking up? “

“Sure, Dr. Oliver!”

Dr. Oliver was the only doctor calling every member of the staff with their surnames and it was only one of his many antics such as being ridiculously fastidious when it came to treatment-protocols or obeying his orders and requests.

In the beginning her colleagues had called him a pompous ass, and she herself had been terrified countless times when he’d addressed her. But she got used to him finally and what could anybody else say anyway? His outstanding professional qualities convinced most people that Bob Hughes choosing Dr. Reid Oliver for the chief-position of the neuro-wing had been the right thing. And nobody needed to befriend him. He didn’t seem interested in friends anyway, maybe except from Katie and Bob Hughes. She couldn’t suppress a smile thinking of Dr. Oliver’s promotion regarding his nicknames: Meanwhile the staff called him GSL (God’s son-in-law) behind his back.

Reid Oliver had become chief of the neurology wing in autumn 2010 and yet she wasn’t able to figure him out. Well meanwhile everyone knew that he was a widower. The rumor that he was single, although he was wearing a wedding band outsides the operating room, had turned on Memorial’s pimping-market, but so far he hadn’t reacted to anybody’s approach. And a lot of people had tried “to socialize” with him. She chuckled again thinking of some colleagues trying to get his attention, but either he was totally oblivious to them or he’d decided to ignore them deliberately.

Dr. Oliver left the room shortly nodding to ‘Ms. Taylor’, who checked the patient’s temperature once again, looked at the young pale face and sat down. She could need the break; her shift had been exhausting so sitting here, watching over Jamie Williams, from whose brain Dr. Oliver had removed a huge tumor, was nice. Dr. Oliver cared for each of his patients but she could tell some patients affected him more than others. And in his unique way he cared for his staff, too. Jamie Williams was attached to countless machines that controlled his vitals. So there was no need that she had to sit here personally to watch him. Asking her to do it however was his way to make sure she had some rest.

Gretchen was aware of Reid Oliver having a soft spot for her, and she had some assumptions why.

There was a photo on his desk, showing an elder couple framed by a young Reid Oliver and another young man. It was a nice man, a bit taller than Reid with wavy brown hair and huge sky-blue eyes and his smile was contagious. Everyone assumed the three of them being Reid’s parents and his brother. But Gretchen knew better, she’d told him once, watching the photo, while she was waiting for him to sign some papers:

“Your family looks nice. But you and your brother don’t look very similar”

“That’s because Sami and I weren’t brothers, actually we were married. Yah, his name was Sami, Sami Taylor…” He smiled then, at least it was kind of a crooked smile and she smiled back. So this was why Dr. Oliver was a bit friendlier to nurse Taylor than to the other nurses. Since then Gretchen Taylor had never mentioned anything personal to Dr. Oliver. Considering he was still wearing his wedding band she concluded he was still grieving and appreciated not to be bothered with further personal questions.

She never shared her knowledge that Reid Oliver was gay, so at least the attempts of his female admirers were futile.

She smiled, well Reid Oliver was a unique boss.

In less than three hours she’d drive home to Chicago, to spend Christmas break with her family and she wondered how Dr. Oliver would spend the holidays. Probably he would stay in the hospital but he couldn’t be there the entire time, right?

While Gretchen Taylor was lost in thoughts involving her boss, Reid entered his office and furrowed his brow.

In the middle of his desk was an “arrangement” again, he still wasn’t quite sure if he should be irritated or simply pleased: Well, there was the tiniest Christmas tree he’d ever seen, a chocolate-cake powdered with icing sugar, the obligate coffee from Java’s, a snow globe and a card:

“Merry Christmas, Dr. Oliver…

P.S. Maybe it wouldn’t kill you to smile once in a while…you’re unmasked, I have seen you smiling and my advice: Don’t hide it so desperately. Someone, who means well for you!”

As always it was written in block-letters.

It had started the day before Thanksgiving, that he’d found little presents on his desk. Coffee from Java, donuts, cake, a movie ticket for the latest Batman-movie, a burger… The first few times he’d disposed the goodies, not knowing where they came from. But one day he was so hungry and tired, that he wolfed down the delicious cake and the huge cup of coffee. It didn’t matter that the liquid wasn’t as hot as he preferred, it was just what he needed that very moment. All this was really crazy, he’d asked Katie, but why should she hide her name, he’d suspected Gretchen Taylor then, but she had been as surprised as he when he’d asked her: “Maybe it’s one of your patients you’ve saved!” But that didn’t make sense either.

He could have stopped it with locking his door all the time and he’d done this a few times, but then the good folk had left a bag in front of his office. Maybe he should enjoy the unexpected gifts as long as they lasted.

He surely wasn’t spoiled with presents. Since Sami had passed away Reid wasn’t spoiled with anything.

Two days ago a blueberry-cream-cake had waited for him, accompanied with a small silver spoon. Boy oh boy! After sitting down and tasting the cake…delicious, heavenly delicious!...he had chuckled twirling the little spoon between his fingers. And for the split of a second there had been that crazy thought flashing through his head, if possibly Luke Snyder could be the good folk. The silver spoon…it reminded him of his first time here, when he and Mr. Synder didn’t get a long at all. One day he’d snarked at the young rich sprig that not everyone on earth were born with a silver spoon in his mouth and Oakdale’s golden boy had nearly strangled him in return.

Well, their verbal battles were history, shortly after that Mr. Synder rode into the sunset (meaning Los Angeles) with his boyfriend Noah Mayer in tow, or was Mr. Mayer riding with Mr. Snyder in tow? Whatever! It wasn’t his business.

Anyway Mr. Synder came back few months ago, alone and now he was on the Memorial’s board again, but he seemed changed, tamed, hard to say, but yes, Luke Snyder had lost his fighting spirit. The young blond didn’t contradict each statement anymore that came from Reid. And somehow Reid missed their ongoing bantering and bickering from former times. It had been a distraction at least.

Now he sat down and took out the small silver spoon, ready to devour the cake. This spoon, he didn’t know, he couldn’t help but thinking of Luke every time he used that thing. He stared at the small spoon for a while before he told Sami: “I shouldn’t think about him half the time I actually do...! And am I getting delusional? …he is too hot and he’s 10 years younger … probably he takes me for a doter.”

But of course Sami didn’t answer; he only showed his hilarious smile as if he was making fun of him.

“It’s your time, you know!...For weeks you would have moved heaven and earth to get new decoration, the best turkey and the most unique presents ever…”

As for himself - he was never crazy about Christmas, but Sami had shown him the bright sides of family holidays. Only what was someone supposed to do about Christmas if the one person who had softened and opened him up died in the early hours of 25th of December?

“If you wanted me to celebrate Christmas you shouldn’t have done this! You shouldn’t have taken the leave just then!” He knew it was weird that he talked to Sami’s photo that did nothing but smiling even at his accusations anyway. God, sometime he wondered if he was becoming crotchety with only 38.

Reid picked his wedding band out of his pocket and slipped it on again. There had been moments this symbol was the only thing holding him up. It wasn’t only a symbol, it was the promise that he’d given Sami.

“You have to promise me to get over this, to live your life and try to be happy again! You have to, Reid, please…or else I can’t let go and I have to…I am too tired!”

Well, Sami had argued, pleaded, and finally requested Reid uttering the promise that almost killed him too - three years and 364 days ago.

Sami’s death hadn’t been a surprise. They had prepared themselves for this ‘event’ for long months, Felicia, Carl, he and Sami had lived with the possibility that Sami wouldn’t die as an old man for over 16 years. 16 years! Yet when it happened it didn’t hurt less.

Reid pinched the bridge of his nose. This year they wouldn’t visit him. Felicia and Carl had decided to spend their holidays abroad. Felicia wanted to go ‘home’ to Desenzano, Italy. Since she’d lost Sami she seemed to fade away, and maybe going back to her roots, where her family still lived was her way to make herself ready to leave too.

Of course she and Carl had asked him to come with them, to spend the holidays there, but he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to make other doctor’s (with families) step in for him; he didn’t want to fly to Europe the whole stress implied keeping in mind. Imagining Felicia’s huge family and Sami’s countless cousins wasn’t enticing either.

And who knew, maybe it was time to cut the cord to his parents in law - at least a bit. He’d always keep contact, but yeah, sometimes their never ending grief was too much. It wasn’t what Sami wanted for him and for them either. But maybe losing your only child was something else than losing your husband, he didn’t know and he didn’t judge, but yes, he needed a break.

Reid swallowed the last spoonful of cake, and Sami still smiled at him, as if he was approving Reid’s decision to look to the brighter sides of life again. Not that Reid ever had had a sunny disposition generally but yes, he should move on eventually or he would be going to die of mental dehydration.

So whoever the good spirit might be that brought him the delicious surprises, he thanked him and enjoyed them.

Shaking the snow globe he shrugged, all this was surely not coming from Luke Snyder why would he? But then again what’s with the silver spoon? Raking his brain he couldn’t come up with anything else than said encounter leading Reid to annoy Luke more than ever before. Luke had told him, he didn’t mind that his family had money, but Reid could tell, that he was hurt then.

Reid doubted the good folk being a woman, surely his sexual orientation had gotten around by now. He never kept it a secret anyway, not in his former life and not since he lived in Oakdale. The little presents were thoughtful, nice, as if someone really wanted to do something special for him - what wasn’t exactly self-evident, considering his reputation that still wasn’t the best regarding his social interaction abilities. Slipping into good folk-mood, well that suited Luke Snyder. But why would he? Since he was back they hadn’t had more than a few talks, mostly in the hospital and once at Yo’s, when Reid had been in a lousy mood and tried to drown his internal uneasiness in several beers. Suddenly Luke Snyder had slumped into the chair beside him.

“I am saving this for someone!”

“Whom?”

“What?”

“You’re saving the seat for whom?”

“Does it matter?”

“Yeah, because I have been watching you for quite a while and I don’t believe you’re waiting for someone. Probably the only thing you’re waiting for is you to becoming drunk!”

He couldn’t help himself but chuckle at Luke Snyder’s boldness. It had always been what he’d liked most about him.

Back then Luke never backed away, when they had had a fight.

“Wanna join me in getting ‘tipsy’?”

“Nah, not really, getting drunk never has done anything good to me.”

“Well…it’s always about fine-tuning the dose…ancient medical principle!”

Reid had smirked in return lifting his bottle to his lips taking another sip, aware of the younger man’s eyes glued to his Adam’s apple moving up and down. That had confused him since he wasn’t even sure if Luke Snyder knew about him. It never had been a topic between the two of them, particularly since Luke had had only three topics in former times: Noah Mayer, Noah Mayer and Noah Mayer.

And after moving to Oakdale Reid had been oblivious to any other items than the new neuro-wing and his regret that Sami couldn’t see him ruling his own little realm.

“Well, maybe it’s not my principle; I seem to never choose the right dose for anything…”

Luke had smiled but looked a bit melancholic.

“It’s a matter of experience, you’ll learn it someday.”

“Not sure if I want to!”

Since Reid hadn’t been in the mood for existential discussions he’d left it with Luke’s response.

But all in all they had a nice time at Yo’s talking about Luke’s new projects, such as supporting a new pediatric wing, his plans to write again etc. Remembering Luke’s eyes on his Adam’s apple, Reid suddenly felt a familiar but almost forgotten slight rumbling in his lower parts. This couldn’t be happening, right?

Finally he put the snow globe down and reminded himself of the fact that he had some rounds to do. Bob and Katie had asked him to spend the holiday with them. But he still couldn’t do this; he’d only spoil their parties.

He would stay in the hospital until tomorrow, then he’d go for a walk, enjoy a coffee at Java’s afterwards, grab some food at the grocery and then he would cook dinner, nothing fancy, maybe he’d heat up some of Felicia’s ready-cooked dinners he’d tons of in his freezer. Maybe he’d only toast her famous Italian Sunday bread and have some antipasti. It doesn’t matter in the end.

He adjusted the photo and left his office.

Another round, another long night, another lonely holiday was waiting for him, so he wasn’t in a hurry.

Finally leaving the hospital at 8:30 a.m. the following day he stepped out into a cold but bright morning. The sun wasn’t able to warm the day yet, but its light bathed the snowy town and painted it in bizarre, clearly outlined shapes. It was almost too cold to breathe deeply, but he did it nevertheless. The coldness hurt and stung his tubes, but he couldn’t resist inhaling and exhaling several times.

Something happened to him then, he felt as if the cold air cleaned his respiratory organs and he was breathing freely for the first time in years.

“Get over yourself, Oliver, you’re developing esoteric attacks!”

He couldn’t help himself but reach into the snow and form a snowball while grinning like an idiot and he didn’t even know why.

2

What was he thinking?

How could it possibly ever happen that a man of Dr. Reid Oliver’s caliber would consider him to be worth being noticed? NOTICED!

Well of course Reid Oliver noticed him, had painfully noticed him when they had met in the beginning, he’d noticed him in an unmissable way, always having commented on him, “his idiotic ideas”, “his useless suggestions”, endlessly referring to his background, and the doctor had made it very clear that he despised him. And Luke had hated him back and had been upset, angry and hurt. And yet he had been irrationally attracted to the obnoxious doctor!

Anyway he’d always known Reid Oliver was out of his league. Always had been and still was. The doctor was attractive in a disturbing way, he was so smart that Luke felt small and inexperienced and dumb in comparison.

AND Dr. Reid Oliver was absolutely not gay. So why couldn’t he get him out of his mind, his system, neither in the beginning of their acquaintance nor now? His ridiculous and pathetic crush for the older and unavailable man had made him follow Noah to Los Angeles in the first place, although he hadn’t wanted to. But falling for someone he would never end up with had been so frustrating that he did what seemed the cleverest thing to do then, he left. And he left again, Los Angles this time because Noah and he simply didn’t work. Being an ever so lucky guy, coming back to Oakdale the first person he had to run into was Dr. Reid Oliver, berating a taxi driver. Fortunately Luke could pass the unequal gamecocks without being seen by Reid.

Then he didn’t see him for two weeks until Lucinda suggested he should reclaim his position on Memorial’s board.

Watching Reid interacting with the board members and handling them astonishingly well, the only thing he could think of was that Reid still wore his wedding band. He’d never bothered searching the doctor on the internet, but finally he did. Reid Oliver, spouse, Sami Taylor, deceased on the 25.th of December 2008. Sami …maybe her full name was Samantha.  So Reid’s partner died on Christmas day …four years ago. That was horrible! And a sudden wave of sympathy washed over him and he was willing to take Reid’s snarkiness with endless patience from now on. Only Reid wasn’t half as obnoxious as in former times. Well, he still was awkward and a bit socially inept, but he wasn’t rude anymore. They even had some civil talks meanwhile, even had exchanged some jokes, and once Luke had spotted the doctor at Yo’s, drinking beer, exuding loneliness. It had seemed as if Reid had been totally oblivious to his surroundings, stared into nowhere, sipped at his beer and Luke simply wanted him to have some company. So he’d approached and taken a seat - unasked and of course Reid had snarked at him. But since Luke didn’t back down, they’d finally started a nice conversation.

However watching Reid Oliver enjoy his beer, the way his lips closed around the bottleneck and let the liquid flow into his mouth while his Adam’s apple moved in a totally provocative way, Luke had almost wetted his pants. And then the tip of Reid’s tongue had darted out and licked those delicious lips. If Reid was only partially aware of what he was doing to Luke, he was a sadist drinking like that in front of him!

And then, then shortly before Thanksgiving Luke had run into Katie, who was running errands and she’d told him she and Jacob were going to celebrate with her sister’s family.

He didn’t quite remember who mentioned Reid first, however he asked her, why she didn’t spend the holiday with him, since they were friends. And he could tell that his question actually upset her.

“Yeah, well, I would like to. He is really good with Jacob, you know. But his parents-in-law are coming and he says they aren’t in celebrating moods on holidays. …I am not sure, what I am supposed to think about them - each time they paid a visit to him, he is out of sorts for weeks afterwards. As you know Luke, I am familiar with grief, but aren’t the surviving people obligated to live and finally to move on? You know in a particular way Reid has put his life on hold.”

“Well I can’t imagine what it means to lose your partner by death.”

“But I know, and it’s terrible, and I was with Brad a very short time compared with Reid and his husband.”

“Husband?” Luke had almost choked.

“Yes, Reid and Sami married in the Netherlands the very time gay marriage became legal there. It was the first country to legalize gay marriage, as he told me.”

“Well that’s unexpected…”

“What exactly?”

“I didn’t know, that he is gay.”

“Really?”

“No!- It’s not as if he is waving the rainbow flag all the time.”

“No, he isn’t but have you ever seen a single straight man being so uninterested in women?”

“Well, I assumed he was mourning his wife. Still is actually.”

“Yeah, that’s that. Like I said before, I think it’s time for him to face life again and not stick to the past. I mean, he left Boston for a reason …he couldn’t bear anymore to be in the place they lived together.”

“What can I say, people grieve in different ways.”

So he finally learned that Reid Oliver was gay… and then he couldn’t help himself anymore…all he could think of the following time was that Reid was gay, gay, gay and maybe, someday, sometime, he would open up to life again…

There was something heart-wrenching lonely about Reid that Luke hadn’t noticed during their verbal battle-times but coming back home he mostly met Reid alone, a few times in the morning waiting for his coffee before heading to the hospital, a few times buying groceries, twice at the park, where Reid had sat on a bench and read a journal.

Well besides Katie and Bob Hughes he didn’t seem to have social contacts.

Lost in thoughts about how Reid would celebrate the day today, he detected him at one of his favorite places.

It was 9 a.m. and probably he’d come from Memorial to have a coffee before going home. He was so pale and looked so tired although he thoroughly studied the paper.

Still contemplating how he could approach him and start a casual conversation he looked up and found Reid staring at him, a small smirk playing around his lips, his right brow arched:

“Mr. Synder, what are you doing here - alone - on Christmas morning?”

“Uuhm, honestly my parents, siblings and my paternal grandmother are spending Christmas with Grandmother Lucinda in Europe this year. And I wasn’t in the mood to go with them. My cousin invited me to come over but somehow I am not in a very celebrating mood this year.”

“I see…”

“And you, what are you doing today?”

“Nothing fancy, I am going to enjoy the day off and get some rest. I am not a big Christmas fan either.”

“Well I am - normally, but this year, I don’t know…”

“Yeah, I figured…. the boyfriend…”

“Isn’t the boyfriend anymore!”

“Sorry…!”

“Thanks.”

“So, I am going home and get some rest, it was a long shift. Have a good day, Luke!”

With that Reid stood up, smiled at Luke one last time and left the coffee shop.

Luke couldn’t remember Reid Oliver calling him by his first name. That was a first, so Christmas did strange things to people!

“Luke.” He liked the sound of that. Next time he would call him by his first name too!

3.

“Just a second!”

…

“Ups… what are doing here?”

Luke never had seen such a look of surprise on Reid Oliver’s face.

“I wondered if we…”

“If we what?”

“Maybe could spend some time together since we were both alone today. And I have brought turkey, sweet potatoes, peas, - hope you like peas - and cake, spiced cake with thick chocolate-icing, don’t know what’s your Christmas traditions ---huuh…and I hope you haven’t eaten yet!” Luke answered pointing back to his car standing in the driveway “It’s everything in there.”

“You’re babbling!”

“I know…sorry…it’s not as if I am usually disturbing the rest of hard working doctor’s, but…just like I’ve said before, I was thinking…”

“I get it, Luke…you felt lonely and assumed I might mope around too…”

But just as Luke’s heart sank into his boots, Reid Oliver simply stepped aside:

“Well then, I guess I should ask you in!”

Reid lived in a small house in Oakdale’s oldest quarter.

Luke literally jogged back to his car and picked up the basket containing the food and schlepped it to Reid’s house, who still stood at the entrance, not moving, not offering any help, but kept leaning at the frame of his door with his arms crossed and watched Luke fiddling around with the huge basket. Reid didn’t seem so tired anymore and in woolen socks, grey sweatpants, a black sweater and his locks a bit tousled he simply looked adorable.

Entering Reid’s private rooms for the first time Luke felt shy, cautious, hoping this time his sudden inspiration wouldn’t turn into a total flop. He was intruding another person’s privacy without having been asked first, he was invading Reid Oliver’s house on a day he knew that was a very painful date for the doctor.

Standing in the hall looking around where to put the basket, he noticed soft music coming from a room to the right.

A piano was playing, sounding as if an actual player was there in this room sitting at the piano.

Reid passed Luke and opened the door to said room. It was a huge open-plan kitchen-living room. The kitchen unit was to the left, floor-to-ceiling shelves filled with pans and dishes and piles of magazines and a few cookbooks functioned as room divider. The living area had also floor-to-ceiling windows opening a nice view to the back garden. The room was modestly furnished, but surprisingly cozy.

Given the hastily struck back blanket on the comfortable couch in the middle of the room, the crumpled pillows, and an open book lying on the floor luke figured Reid had been reading when he rang the bell.

“What are you reading?” Luke asked as if this was the only thing that mattered right now.

“Umberto Ecco, The Prague Cemetery.” Reid answered calmly also as if it was the most natural thing that Luke Snyder and he talked about literature in the middle of his living room with Luke still holding a ridiculously  oversized basket.

“I am a good eater, you know, but are you sure this isn’t enough food to feed the troops?” He smirked pointing at the basket.

“I’ve read ‘The name of the rose’” Luke replied ignoring Reid’s remark.

“Yeah, that’s his best…”

“What’s this about?”

“It’s about conspiracy theories…but it’s a bit dull, however since I haven’t a lot of alternate books to read right now, I am probably going to finish it.”

“Well, I can’t do this…you know, leaving a book unfinished if I’ve started to read it once. It’s as if I’d make a promise to read it to the end…” Luke smiled shyly.

“Why would you? Why wasting precious time with reading boring or even bad stuff…?”

“I don’t know; it’s simply the way I work…”

“Yeah well, that you’re kind of an ankle-biter when you’ve started something or want something …that didn’t escape my attention back then.”

Reid grinned again and Luke blushed being reminded of their endless discussions and fights shortly after Reid had joined Memorial’s staff and since Reid was the head of the new neuro wing Bob Hughes had forced him to attend the board meetings.

Helplessly looking around, Luke was finally released from the basket:

“Let’s see where to put all this.” Reid tried to relieve the growing tension.

Luke noticed a used plate with breadcrumbs and an empty cup standing beside the sink and half of a loaf lying with the cut end on a wooden board.

“Oh, you’ve already eaten, sorry!”

“Nah, only a few slices of bread. My mother in law has made it, I have at least 10 loafs in the freezer. It’s good, you should try it!”

“You are very close to your parents-in-law?”

“Well Sami and I were together for 16 years and he was very close to his parents. They are good people.”

“Sami…that’s a less often name.”

“His mum, Felicia, has an Italian-Arabic background.”

“Me too- somehow, I mean, my birthfather is from Malta and has Italian roots,… I mean...”

“Ah---that’s where your fury is from” Reid chuckled again.

“Usually I am not choleric at all; it was YOU who seemed to bring that out in me! With all your stubbornness and obnoxiousness.”

“Yah…I clearly wasn’t in the best shape then.” Reid answered calmly plundering the basket and putting its content on the counter.

“I am sorry, I didn’t want…”

“Don’t be sorry, it wasn’t your fault. I only had come to the conclusion to make a cut and leave Boston, to start over in a totally different surrounding, but then I actually questioned my own decision to come to Oakdale of all places. I wanted to escape my hurtful memories but Oakdale was such a dump, that I almost died of boredom and could nothing do but think of my past.”

Leaning at the counter Luke listened intensely and almost didn’t notice that Reid reached out to take Luke’s coat and scarf.

“How long were you married?”

“Let’s see, … we had a private, unofficial commitment ceremony in 1997. And when some European countries changed the law and gay people were able to marry, we were on the plane to the Netherlands and married there - kind of officially, although our marriage wasn’t legal here around yet. That was in 2001. And since Sami died in 2008…”

“Sorry I didn’t want to reopen old sores.”

“You didn’t. RE-open them. But I know they have to heal eventually.”

“May I ask you of what he died?”

“Long story. Do you want a cup of tea? Coffee? Soda? Beer?”

“Coffee would be nice, thanks!”

With hot mugs in their hands they moved to the living area and Reid pointed to a wing chair opposite to his couch.

“Wonderful piano play.”

Reid chuckled again and Luke was relieved he didn’t seem upset because of his questions.

"It’s Bugge Wesseltoft. A Norwegian artist. But his name is a tongue twister.... I like his unpretentiousness.”

Luke lifted the CD cover lying on a small side table.

“’It’s snowing on my piano’…strange title…never heard from.”

Listening to the quiet transposed Christmas songs was soothing, nice, easing the awkwardness of the situation. Luke expected Reid to ignore his question about Sami’s illness. But he was wrong:

“We met in General Hospital Cancer Center. I was 19 and in premed school and earned my living with doing vigils, since my scholarship was barely enough to keep body and soul together. He was 26 and a teacher, literature, and going through his fifth round of chemo that he didn’t tolerate very well. It seemed as if all kinds of byeffects were haunting him. I am really tough but his state affected me. And there wasn’t much I could do to help him.

Somehow we started to connect, I read children’s books to him at night, when he couldn’t sleep - the only stories he could bear at that time. What hit me most was his patience and his dignity, he threw up, was tormented by diarrhea, sometime he couldn’t talk because his mouth was an absolute blister, yet there was something dignified about him that never left.

When I met him he was reduced to a skeleton, only existing in his huge feverish eyes. When we had our ceremony he had regained his original weight and his head was covered with his untamable mane and his smile would have lightened a hall. He’d made it. At least we thought he had. And actually he made it surprisingly long. We had many years together while he was good and healthy. But then suddenly, out of the blue the cancer was back, as it had waited in a hidden spot. And maybe Sami would have conquered it again, but he refused to go through the treatment once again. There was nothing I could do. He accepted only pain medication. This terrible illness needed over a year to wrestle him down. It’s exactly four years now.”

There was nothing left to say. Reid was silent and stared into his cup in the meantime Luke glanced over to the wall where a portrait shot showed a man in his thirties, smiling at the viewer. Sami didn’t look spectacular; he had short, messy brown hair, huge, benevolent children’s eyes, full lips, he was a man you have to look at twice to see his beauty. But it was there, a unique beauty, culminating in his contagious smile. So this was the man Reid had loved so many years, probably still loved. What was Luke supposed to say? He hadn’t Reid Oliver expected to be a devoted and committed lover, committed beyond death. But what did he actually know about this man? Only canned speculations. He’d taken him as an ass, an attractive ass, but nevertheless a pompous ass and yet Reid had simply dealt with the loss of his life back then. Coming back from Los Angeles Luke had noticed the change, Reid wasn’t as snaky as before, but they hadn’t had the opportunity yet to come to know each other better. Detecting the snow globe on a book shelf next to the windows, he shrugged. Reid Oliver kept a snow globe. One year ago he would have answered, that pigs might be able to fly someday too, if anybody would have told him about it. Focusing on Sami’s photo again he wondered what else the sympathetic man’s cryptic widower had in store.

“What happened to Noah and you?”

Startled by Reid’s unexpected question, Luke ripped his eyes off Sami’s ever so present glance.

“Well, I already knew it was wrong to go with him to Los Angeles before I started to pack my things and the time there only proved me right. So I pulled the plug and returned.”

“But back then Noah was your only theme; to me you seemed determined to become ‘gay Bob and Kim’.”

“Well, what can I say? I believed that I loved him - in hindsight I believe I was clinging to something I only had made up in my head.”

After that they were silent again. And neither cared about it; the silence wasn't separating them, it was more as if the good folks were runnning back and forth weaving a very thin but stable tissue connecting them.

“You know, the worst thing was, that I got so angry at him. I couldn’t understand why he refused to get a treatment. He told me, he was thankful for what we had together and I should try to be grateful too. What was this supposed to mean?”

“Maybe he knew, or felt that there was no help and only tried to protect you from seeing him unbearably suffer again.”

Reid didn’t answer but stood up unceremoniously. Well, conversation time was finished obviously.

“Well it’s getting dark already…do you still want to eat your own food with me?”

Luke left Reid’s house at 2 a.m. Neither of them had talked so much at a time ever, neither of them had ever been silent together with another person for such a long time without feeling awkward. Neither of them had smiled so often in the last couple of years, neither of them had felt so comfortable with someone else's presence for hours and hours.

They’d shared childhood-stories, high-school crushes, they’d played several rounds of chess, they’d tidied up together before Luke left, and standing in the entrance, Luke whispered:

“I’d like to give you a hug.”

And they held each other long minutes, they didn’t kiss, they didn’t want to. They simply stood there and enjoyed the presence of another human being who finally turned out to be a good person.

There had been several moments when Luke felt Reid’s eyes on him, when the silence between them turned into something different, something unspoken as if hiding whispers and confessions.

But it was too soon.

Luke got that. Reid surely was still associating romance, love, proximity with Sami. How could he not?

Before Luke started the engine he looked back at Reid’s door and the redhead was still there, gazing after him.

Luke smiled and waved at the man he wanted to see again and again and again - and it felt like a promise.

4.

“Do you believe you’ve done your part?”

“Huhh?”

“Where is my good folks’ gift today?”

So he’d figured it out! Finally! Luke grinned like a Cheshire cat.

“What gave me away?”

“The silver spoon of course.”

“You remember that?”

“I am not senile, you know.”

“What are you doing on New Years’ Eve?”

“Nothing.”

“Would you mind if I’d join you in doing nothing?”

“Not at all.”

They clinked glasses at midnight greeting the New Year and Luke stayed with Reid until New Year’s Day wrapped up in the older man’s arms and a thick blanket covered them both. That man liked it warm at night!

Their first kiss was cautious, shy and very, very tender: “I am not a happy-go-lucky-guy, Luke.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning I take matters of the heart pretty seriously.”

“Me too.”

“And I never thought I would ever be with anyone else than Sami.”

“Same here, I never could imagine being with anyone but Noah.”

“What now?”

“I plan to take you by my hand and make tiny steps at a time. Until you’re ready. I guess I am already ready, have been for quite a while, but I can be hilariously patient and persistent, if you want me.”

Their second kiss was a bit more passionate but neither wanted to go further.

They were scarred men, they knew about the fragility of life and love and vulnerable hearts.

So they took their time, but they enjoyed each and every step.

They married two years later, on the 25th of September.

Luke Snyder’s and Reid Oliver’s marriage became the most relaxed, natural and stable relationship Oakdale ever witnessed.

It had started with an insult, continued with a silver spoon and ended with two platinum wedding bands.

fin