French bread has been my food today. Has nourished me through dissappointment, and adventure, amusement and exhaustion. I went to a party and felt more alone among the multitudes than I felt all by myself, identity stipped away a bit to mere survival, and the smoke and smell of alcohol lingered heavily in the air. I tired of the alchemy and ( Read more... )

It is the bitterness of promise that I gave to them ( Read more... )

So did I hope then ( Read more... )

Sometimes it is a dangerous thing to give a voice to hope...I don't usually, out loud at least I keep it quiet, and watchful and wary. Hope is alive for me, but it is a quiet private thing to be savored and sustained alone or not at all. There are moments when hope, or infatuation or wonder strikes me so strongly that I want to scream out loud or ( Read more... )

There are things that you can't learn in kindergarten, that no one can teach you, not parents or teachers or people, that you have to finally learn for yourself. I don't know if its the kind of thing that you really know, or learn, but maybe just one that you believe, just something you will accept, not a thing that is proven or promised. ( Read more... )

Home again, home again.
Jiggity Jog.

As I leaned against the counter my arms and my will grew tired and I felt age. Not the 19 years of my life, not middle age's creeping weariness, nor even the flagging energy of a man at the end of life. I suddenly felt centuries laden on my soul. The familiarity of "the last day" conjured up years and years packed full of experience. Time ( Read more... )

Is it healthy to want to bludgeon to death people that you have never met before ( Read more... )

Standing there with icepicks for arms I wanted to castigate all that I had wandered into. All of the meaningless ridiculousity that cluttered a mind too old for it. How does it paralyze me, what is the logic that a cute boy should suspend my glittering and steel-sheathed mind. Why do I suddenly think of dyeing my hair and changing my world just ( Read more... )

I looked into that screen and I hoped to find companionship, or understanding, or just another voice lifted in a scream to the void to listen to. I looked into that emptiness and I felt the hole in my heart, I knew that all of my thoughts and principles were a lie, that people mattered to me more than I mattered to myself. That for all of my ( Read more... )