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[scotticher]

Just wanted to let you all know that I am doing okay. I'm missing my dad more than I can say, since I have come to realize that he was the only person I spent time with, outside of work, for a very long time. He wasn't just my dad, he had become my best friend. And I miss him like fire. This was bad planning on my part, but I don't regret it. The

Comments

[your_new_cuckoo]

Ah, Cheri. You are handling this with such grace.

I don't think a temper tantrum and heel drumming is stupid. I think it is absolutely what anyone else in your position would be doing. I know for a fact I would be on the ground, kicking and screaming.

I am terrified of the day I lose my parents. Heck, they went away on a cruise for Thanksgiving (which I knew they were going to do), but they didn't call me before getting on the ship and I was near tantrum levels (I get so nervous when they go on vacation).

The decision you made to stay with your dad was such a honorable and kind one- and you both benefited more than words can say. I don't think your life now will be "better" because you get to regain your own life. You life was yours before, too. I do think it will be better due to the love and lessons you learned over the last ten years. But your life now isn't a matter of better/worse. It's just different. And it is going to be hard at first, and I know you know that and that you also know it will be okay eventually

[scotticher]

Thank you, darling. Frankly, I don't think I am handling much of ANYTHING with grace these days, but I am happy that it looks that way. I hope that means that I am doing it without realizing that I am doing it. I have my doubts, though.

"I don't think your life now will be "better" because you get to regain your own life. Your life was yours before, too."

Yes, that is exactly IT. My life was my own before as well, and I did with it what I felt I needed, and WANTED, to do. I guess I resent, a bit, being told that I am such a twit that I didn't know what I was doing with my life...that I should have done things differently because I wasn't "having my own life" by making sure that dad was happy and healthy.

I do think it will be better due to the love and lessons you learned over the last ten years.

I think so too. Actually, I KNOW so.

But your life now isn't a matter of better/worse. It's just different.Well, right now it feels worse. But I know that this is not true. My mind knows it, it is just that my heart isn't convinced.

I think grace is your default position, actually.

[your_new_cuckoo]

Well, yes, I agree that right now it feels worse. I guess I mean that in an overall sense- devoting your life to your dad vs. having your life "to yourself".

I would resent the "twit" sentiment, too. It makes it sound like you put your entire life on hold to help this sick man and you didn't get anything out of it. In a way, you didn't technically have a choice- you did what any good daughter would do, but at the same time, you did have a choice as to how involved you became in your dad's life. But you know, if the roles had been reversed, your dad would have done everything he could for you. Heck, that's what parents do anyhow. To say that a parent loses their own life when they have kids is just as ludicrous.

You are going to be okay because you keep putting one foot in front of the other. And you are able to recognize that things will be better someday. It's okay to cry, and it's good to remember your dad.

[calliope427]

I know it's not much, but you've always said it to me when I was hurting and it always gave me great comfort:

I love you, Roomie-baby.

Be well. We're thinking about you.

[scotticher]

Thank you, sweetheart. If I had a daughter, I'd want her to be just like you.

I love you.

[xo_kizzy_xo]

I understand the "temper tantrum" thing all too well -- heck, I'm doing it while Mom's still here.

I knew your dad was sick and that he died -- if you don't mind me asking, what did he have?

I think you're handling all this with as much grace as possible. See, you might feel like screaming and drumming your heels, but you're not because you know your mind and heart are still in flux. That's OK, they're supposed to be at this point. You're still going through the grieving process. That's OK too. It does fade with time, but I don't think people ever stop grieving in their own way, whether it's watching the Seahawks or having a good cry.

I still grieve for my dad 30+ years after his death. Although I barely remember him now, it's his essence that I grieve because I'm now the only one in the world who carries aspects of her personality as well as likes/dislikes. It's very unsettling knowing that.

*hugs*

[scotticher]

Thank you, darlin'.

Well, the short story and I don't have much of a "short story" gene, so go get some tea or something. MY kind of a "short story" is someone else's idea of a novel is that I lost my mom 9 1/2 years ago. My parents were like two parts of a same person. They were very individual as well, with different interests and personalities. They "worked" this marriage thing better than anyone I have ever seen. They were totally complete in-and-of-themselves, but....they also completed each other. When mom died, I was concerned that we would lose dad too, in very short order. So I made the decision to make SURE that this didn't happen. It would take entirely too long to continue this explanation here, so could I have your email address, and I'll email you the full text of what I wrote for the Memorial service

[scotticher]

Truth is, dad could have gone home that night. But, given this long journey, we were leery of getting him home right away, until we were sure he could get rid of that awful catheter...and the attendant "bag." He hated that catheter/bag with the burning passion of a thousand suns.... and so did I.....but he was so sweet and patient about it

[scotticher]

In my mind, I have no problem with that. Dad is in Heaven, with the love of his life...my mom. He is with the Lord, and he is happy. I truly believe that God holds our hours and minutes in His hands. It was dad's time to go. He is happy. He is walking around Heaven, holding hands with my mom....just like they always used to do. Up until the time she got so sick. He is running up and down the "basement stairs" in Heaven....without ME fretting about it. Heaven is perfect, and doesn't need anything "fixed." But I believe that God has created dad's own personal place of broken stuff...just so dad can "fix" things. His joy, taking care of what needs to be taken care of. He LOVED that. Taking care of the people he loved

[davew0071]

There isn't anything I can say to make the situation better for you, darling. I wish there were, because I'd say it immediately, and keep repeating it.

But just know that, though miles separate us, we all are here for you. And if there's anything we can do for you, please let us know.

[scotticher]

Thank you, my heart.

There really isn't anything anyone can do...

I'll get through this. It is just a matter of working through it, and time.

My father (and my mother) didn't raise a wimp. Well, not in this sort of situation anyway. I'm not brave. I'm not strong. I used to be, but I had an auto accident, broke my pelvis in three places... and had to quit quit working out. Which is not an excuse anymore, and I'm not saying it is. Truth is, I'd rather read or make cards. Or knit. I'm working on it. Sigh I'm not all that proactive on my own behalf. Neither were they. Their MO in a physical altercation would be to run, and run fast...unless someone else was threatened. In which case they'd have charged in and probably gotten killed. But...they'd have charged in anyway. As would I.

Which probably makes me one more in a long line of nuts.

[tristam]

*hugs*

[scotticher]

Thank you, honey!

I'll be fine, it just takes time.