Ghosts

[write_rewrite]

Title: Ghosts
Author's name: Hopie
Rating: G
Warnings: None
Disclaimers: None
Fandom: None
Word Count: 746
Summary: When the graveyard is closed, the ghosts come out to play.
Notes: Written for prompt 2, and meant to be way better than it is now. I pictured it a bit funnier, but it turned out more sad and pathetic.

Comments

[insaneboingo]

Sad? Yes. Pathetic? Not at all. I think it's even more of a "punch in the gut" reaction, because it has a very light-hearted atmosphere and characters.

[write_rewrite]

Aw, thank you. I'm glad it's less silly than it reads in my head. xD

[onidoko]

Aw, I like this! It is sad, but in a nice, melancholy way. And I'm especially fond of the imagery in the beginning; very nicely done, I could picture the scene quite easily. :)

(And the reference to Gottfried made me smile. ;D)

Lovely work! ♥ My only critique (and it's not a very important one) is to be careful of rogue past tense verbs; most of this is in present tense, but occasionally a past snuck its way in (the raven cleaned his feathers, May said that the young ones had no respect, etc.) But that's a little editing slip, and not really a big deal. ^^

[write_rewrite]

Aw, thank you. And I'll look out for rogue tenses; I have a terrible habit of switching mid-sentence - vice versa, too.

(It took me a while to figure out what you were referring to. Gottfried is my favourite Germanic name, so it gets a bit... overused. Like Alexander. I love the name Alexander. And a bunch of others.)

[onidoko]

Haha, sorry about that; I should have specified. XD And I know what you mean ~ I have an apparent weakness for three letter names, especially ones which end in 'n'. Though I get myself confused if I reuse the same name twice. XD

[write_rewrite]

Eh, no, I figured it out eventually - I knew the name seemed familiar when I wrote it.

I do that too or, worse, I confuse the people I'm talking to, which leads to conversations about which character I'm using, why they have a similar name, and what's different about them.

[megu]

I love the imagery in this! You really create an atmosphere I can see here. I love May's fan! I don't think this is sad and pathetic at all, it's definitely eerie and yes, a bit sad, but it's lighthearted in a way that only a ghost story could be. So it's a bit silly, in that you feel sorry for the ghosts instead of being terrified by them, but I like that a lot. And the violin ghost! I love it! ♥

[write_rewrite]

Thank you! <3

I have a weakness for violins, I'll have to admit that right off the bat. xD Which is odd, since I play the piano, but a ghost carting an entire piano around would've been a bit much.