[fic] The Difference Between Love & Marriage (Haruka4)
Title: The Difference Between Love & Marriage
Fandom: Harukanaru Toki no Naka de 4
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Owned by Mizuno-sensei, Koei, and Ruby Party.
Notes: This was a Christmas present for saramichiru, who requested Oshihito and his Hime. She gave me permission to post it for general perusal.
Warning: Set post-Oshihito event on the Gen ending. May contain really vague spoilers.
The Difference Between Love & Marriage
"Oshihito-san, would you be willing to marry me?"
Her general stopped dead in his tracks at her question, so she halted as well and turned to face him. Oshihito's expression, like that of a child startled by a blast of unpleasant noise, answered her long before he could form words. Still, Chihiro held fast to the bit of hope that remained in her heart and waited for a proper response with her face turned up toward his. A long silence passed uncomfortably between them and made Chihiro glad she had decided to ask on one of their infrequent walks together away from the palace rather than surrounded by friends and comrades.
"Your Majesty..." he began slowly, the bewildered look still fixed on his face, "I..." The words stopped there as he searched for something to say.
Chihiro's heart sank. Not only had he reverted to using her title, but she had never known Oshihito to fumble with words so much. While she felt gratitude at his desire to find the right words she also wished he would hurry up and speak his true thoughts. Any reply, good or bad, had to be better than the dread that filled her as she waited.
"I cannot," he answered finally, his eyes lowered so he no longer gazed into her face.
The breath she held froze. Perhaps she had been wrong about the wait for his response, since the rejection felt like a slap in the face. Though her cheeks turned a humiliated shade of red, Chihiro otherwise kept her composure. She forced out the frozen shards caught in her lungs and drew in a much warmer breath. "May I ask why?"
"I am too far below your standing, as you well know."
The blunt explanation combined with the straightforward look he gave her caused a bubble of near-hysteric laughter to rise within her, but Chihiro held it back. "I see." She supposed his reason should hurt less than if he had confessed to feeling nothing special for her, but logic could not soothe away the rawness that rubbed against her heart and the back of her throat.
His expression, now somewhere between wary and worried, indicated he probably thought she would burst into tears at any moment. Chihiro could well imagine how much he would appreciate a breakdown on her part.
"Don't worry," she assured him, not quite able to look him in the eye, "I don't intend to break down and cry." She turned away and looked up the path they had yet to travel before they arrived back at the castle. It seemed unbearably far away.
A sharp sigh left him, and the rustle of fabric from his direction made Chihiro imagine he had crossed his arms. She smiled softly at how easily she could picture him without looking back. "Chihiro," he said quietly, "you know it would be impossible for the two of us to marry. Your advisers would never permit your betrothal to anyone but another prince, or perhaps a member of one of the higher-ranking families that remain."
It hurt to hear him indirectly put himself lower than people she knew had done much less to restore Nakatsu-kuni to its former glory. "You..." She shook her head and faced him once more. "Oshihito-san, you have worked harder and longer than I for the sake of this country."
"But you are the one who rules it," he reminded her firmly. "I neither have the desire nor the ability to deal with the bureaucracy."
Chihiro's lips pressed together tightly to reign in her rising emotions before she spoke. "You have led. You do lead. All those soldiers listen to your every word. Do you not think the civilians of this country would do the same? They all know just what you have done to ensure they have a roof overhead and food on the table."
Oshihito closed his eyes and sighed again, his head lowered as he shook it slowly. "The people would trust me if this were a time of war, but they now embrace peace and do not want a general ruling over them."
"You make it sound like I would push all my duties onto you," Chihiro answered, a little hurt that he would think she could dismiss her position like that.
"Chihiro." She started at the rebuke he put into her name. "I am a soldier. Perhaps one of the best in the country, but still just a soldier. Some civilians see me as nothing more than a killer, and I cannot blame them because I am."
Her anger flared. "So am I! How many men did I kill with this bow?" She raised a hand toward the weapon she kept strapped across her back whenever she left the palace. "How many lives were sacrificed for my sake?"
It wasn't until Oshihito stepped closer and ran a thumb across her cheek with a look of concern that she realized tears had started to stream down her face. Chihiro hung her head. "It's not fair that this is why I can't marry the one I love."
A slight tug pulled her off balance and into Oshihito's arms. His voice came quietly from near her ear. "Unfortunately, there is little either you or I can do to change these unspoken rules."
Chihiro understood then, from the rasp in his tone, that Oshihito not only returned her feelings but wanted to be able to answer her with a 'yes'. She wrapped her arms around his waist tightly and let his clothes absorb her remaining tears. The knowledge that her love for him was returned in kind made his refusal cut less deeply, but she still ached with disappointment. If she could not persuade him to cast aside his beliefs about their difference in rank then she knew he would never marry her.
Once her tears dried and she composed herself the two of them continued back to the palace without a word. Oshihito escorted her to the entrance of her private rooms, then bowed his head and retreated from her sight around a corner. Chihiro pushed the door open wearily and closed it behind her.
* * *
Time passed hurriedly, and Chihiro found no lack of work to occupy her time. Every now and then this adviser or that commented on how quickly she mastered the tasks and responsibilities of her position. She managed to put on a smile for them, and really was grateful for all their assistance, but every evening when she was alone the sad feeling of rejection would return.
She saw Oshihito infrequently now. Her zeal toward her work ensured that her daytime hours stayed full. By the time she finished each day Chihiro was so exhausted she could barely manage to stay awake long enough to eat. She missed him when she thought about it, but she also tried very hard not to think of him when she could avoid it.
If she was honest with herself she would admit that her inability to find a solution to her own problem made her embarrassed to be near Oshihito. As long as she kept some distance between them she could pretend that she was simply waiting for the time when she could propose to him again with enough reasons on her side to override his own.
"Chihiro!" Kazahaya's bright voice broke through her thoughts as she turned down a hallway. She stopped short and looked back in the direction the call had come from, then froze as she saw he was not alone. Oshihito walked at Kazahaya's side, his expression of discomfort likely mirrored on her own face.
Forcing a smile, she greeted them both, then gestured toward the area of the palace where her bed waited. "I'm rather tired from all the meetings today, so I was going to go to sleep early..."
Kazahaya shook his head. "Chihiro, I know your duties are important, but you have to take care of yourself too. If you don't eat properly, and I can tell you haven't been because you've lost weight, then you're going to make yourself sick." He turned to the man beside him for assistance. "Isn't that right, Oshihito?"
The swordsman faltered as if he didn't expect to be called upon for an opinion. "Ah, yes..." he responded haltingly, his eyes only on Chihiro for a second before they moved to the side again. Under ordinary circumstances she would have felt endeared at his awkward reaction, but she could still hear his words of rejection in her mind so her heart twinged painfully at the sound of his voice.
Chihiro addressed Kazahaya directly, though she could see Oshihito in her peripheral vision. "I'm fine, Kazahaya." The confident assurance in her voice surprised even her. "I'll ask someone to bring some food, but right now I want sleep more than anything else."
"Nonsense," Kazahaya returned breezily with a wave of his hand, "you might not wake up if you're that tired. Best to eat now and then get an early night's sleep." He nodded and smiled, the expression so easygoing that Chihiro found herself nodding in response before she could think. "All right, I'm glad you agree." Kazahaya turned to the man next to him and clapped a hand on his shoulder lightly. "I leave that to you, Oshihito."
The dumbfounded look, complete with open-mouthed gaping, was almost comical. "What?" Clearly Oshihito had not read Kazahaya's actions ahead of time.
Stern eyes quieted the swordsman then cut off Chihiro's protests before they could start. "I trust that the both of you can be adults about this. Making sure the Queen remains in good health is one of the more important duties of those of us here in the palace." Kazahaya leaned in closer to Oshihito and said something too quiet for Chihiro to hear, then walked away with a cheerful wave. The subsequent slight flush to the general's cheeks and the way his lips pressed together into an irritated frown made her curiosity rise.
Seconds passed in a silence that stretched out uncomfortably. Chihiro held herself upright and watched Oshihito with what she hoped was a regal kind of expectancy as she waited for him to speak first. He finally moved his gaze from just over her left shoulder to her face. "What do you want to eat?"
After a little consideration, Chihiro shook her head. "I really just want to sleep, Oshihito-san. If you let me go I won't tell Kazahaya."
"I can't do that," he answered without hesitation. "He's sure to ask later what it was you ate."
A short, soft laugh left her, and she felt affection for him throb in her chest. "I've never seen you lie convincingly."
She could have sworn he bristled. "I don't lie."
The slight smile on her face faded slowly. "You do hide the truth sometimes." Her eyes slid away from his with a sigh. "All right, I don't care what I eat as long as it can be prepared quickly."
"Go ahead and wait in your rooms. I'll bring something." She watched Oshihito study her for a few moments. "And don't fall asleep before I get there." The glimmer of something like humor in his eyes caught her off guard.
"All right," she agreed reluctantly. Oshihito took off toward the kitchen without another word, so Chihiro headed to her personal quarters. Since she had no idea how long he would be, only that she hoped he would arrive soon, she waited to change into less burdensome clothes until after she ate.
A knock came a handful of minutes later. Chihiro, whose eyes were already starting to droop sleepily, rose from the chair nearest the door and pulled it open. Oshihito stood on the other side with a covered dish in one hand and a jug in the other. "Come in," she greeted simply as she stepped aside.
Oshihito hesitated, looked around, then entered. A small, ornate table with two chairs sat to one side. He placed the food and drink there, then held out a chair for her to sit. Chihiro sank down into it and reached out to remove the lid from the platter. A small bowl of soup accompanied a grilled fish on rice, and the sight of them made her stomach growl. Oshihito made a soft sound as if to say, "you see?" She picked up the chopsticks with a perfunctory "itadakimasu" and began to eat.
After she finished the first few bites, Oshihito removed the small cup that sat on the jug and poured her some of the rice wine it held. He continued to stand beside the table, and Chihiro could feel his eyes on her. "Why don't you sit down? It's unnerving to eat when you're staring like that."
His boots scuffed against the floor while he moved from one foot to the other, but he eventually he did place himself in the chair across from hers. The strength of his gaze as he watched her did not lessen, but Chihiro kept her eyes on the plate while she finished her meal. As she lifted the cup to her lips again, she remembered her earlier curiosity. "What did Kazahaya say to you earlier?"
Oshihito's brow wrinkled. "When?"
"Right before he left. He said something, but I didn't catch it." It occurred to her that perhaps Kazahaya had spoken quietly on purpose so that only Oshihito could hear.
He looked aside and cleared his throat. "It's not a topic to be discussed in front of you."
Bewildered, Chihiro ran a finger around the rim of the small cup. "Then why did he say it when I was standing right there?" He gave no answer beyond a slight shake of his head. "But Kazahaya had to know that I'd be curious. It's almost as if he wanted me to ask about it..."
Oshihito's narrowed eyes focused on her again. "Is that so?" Even though the question did not seem to ask for an answer Chihiro nodded. A quiet sound of irritation came from him before he stood up. "Excuse me, I have something I must see to."
"Oh..." She did her best not to let her disappointment show and put on what she hoped was a natural-looking smile. "Thank you for bringing me this food. I promise I'll eat it all." The last had to be said while she turned in her chair to follow his movement with her eyes.
The words stopped him just short of the door. "It was nothing." Oshihito left without a backward glance.
Anger flared up within Chihiro for a moment and tempted her to leave the meal unfinished. Instead she tamped down on the emotion and ate the rest as quickly as she could.
Afterward it occurred to her that she might have been better off if she had discreetly followed him on whatever errand he had left to do, but the thought came much too late to actually act on it. In the end she paced around her room until it made her dizzy, then went to bed with her mind still working furiously toward a solution to her problem.
* * *
Two days passed before Chihiro found enough free time to track Kazahaya down. Since Oshihito had not been willing to share what the older man had said, she decided to ask him on her own. Odds were good that he would deftly change the subject and reveal nothing, but she wanted to try.
She found him at the end of a deserted corridor with Iwanaga-hime, the latter gesturing in frustration. Curious, Chihiro neared them as unobtrusively as possible until she could hear their words.
"...been on my case almost every day for the last few months! I swear, Kazahaya, if you can't get him to do something then I'll step in and do it myself, and we both know that won't be pretty for anyone involved."
"But Sensei," Kazahaya returned in a soothing tone, "Chihiro doesn't seem like she's ready. She's only eighteen, and in the world she grew up in that's not even adulthood yet."
Iwanaga-hime shook her head and stood firm. "It's more than old enough here. She's the Queen, Kazahaya. Maybe if she were ruling under ordinary circumstances it wouldn't be a problem, but she's the only one left in the royal family. That old bat and all those who support her have been hounding me about this since her coronation. She needs an heir, plain and simple."
Heir? Chihiro repeated silently, eyes wide. She wasn't even married yet, how could she have an heir?
"Sensei!" A note of desperation had crept into Kazahaya's voice. "Are you saying they'd force an unwanted marriage on Chihiro just to..." The rest of the sentence remained unspoken, but the implications it held hung in the air and clenched Chihiro's heart painfully.
"That's why I told you to talk to him," Iwanaga-hime retorted lowly. "Not only is Oshihito going to lose her if he doesn't stop being an idiot, but she's going to be miserable and trapped with who knows what kind of stuck-up horse's ass."
Chihiro wanted to break into their conversation and tell them about her refused proposal, but she found she could not move.
Kazahaya sighed and hung his head. "Oshihito is too noble for his own good. I've tried to think of a way that they could be together without drawing criticism, but I just haven't come up with anything."
The general gave her student an appraising look. "Then you're not considering all your options," she answered cryptically, then abruptly turned and walked away.
Predictably, Kazahaya responded with dismay. "Sensei!" She gave him neither word nor action to indicate she heard his plea. After a few seconds he made a thoughtful noise and slowly moved in the other direction.
Chihiro waited until both of them passed out of sight then took a deep breath and sheepishly came out of her hiding place behind a pillar. "It's as if Iwanaga-hime was giving Kazahaya some kind of clue," she mused to herself quietly as her feet carried her in the direction of her room, "I just need to figure out what it is." Her heart rose at the thought that there was still a way she could be with Oshihito, and she was determined to discover it.
Mind firmly set on its task, Chihiro hurried along and paid no attention to her surroundings. A short cry of "watch out" broke her from her thoughts, and by the time she looked around she had been grabbed around the waist from behind by a strong arm. Two steps in front of her stood one of her older advisers, his arms full of bamboo scrolls. "Oh!"
"Ah, Your Majesty," he greeted with surprise, "I thought you had retired for the evening. Good work today, as always." He gave her a kind, wrinkled smile that she automatically returned with a nod, then shuffled on his way. Only after the man had crossed the main walkway to another path did Chihiro think to look over her shoulder at the person who had saved her from knocking the old man to the ground.
"One would think you knew the layout of the palace well enough by now that you could watch where you're going," Oshihito commented dryly.
Chihiro flushed and took a step away from him. "Oshihito-san!" The warmth left behind from the hand he had pressed to her abdomen remained even through her layers of formal clothing.
A perfunctory bow of his head signaled his intent to leave. "Take care on your way back," his eyes moved in a quick pass around the area before he added, "Chihiro."
"Wait," she interjected without thought, then wondered what she could say to keep him there.
A few seconds went by before he prompted, "Yes?"
"About that thing we were talking about the other day," she began in an effort to stall him, her mind working quickly to come up with the solution that still eluded her.
Oshihito's brow furrowed. "You'll have to be more specific."
"That, uh, thing Kazahaya said that I couldn't hear," Chihiro blurted, at a loss for any other topic to bring up with him. As soon as the words left her mouth the entire situation clicked into place. She knew with almost perfect certainty that Kazahaya must have been talking to him about the officials who wanted an heir. Not only that, but she finally understood just what Iwanaga-hime meant with her parting comment.
"I told you, that subject is not one I am at liberty to discuss with you." Had Chihiro not known just what he tried to keep from her she might have felt hurt at the sharp tone Oshihito used. Instead, she could see the other signs of his discomfort, how his fists clenched at his sides and his cheeks colored ever so slightly.
After a moment's deliberation she decided to go through with a gamble. "Even though it concerns me? And my future?"
The absolutely dumbfounded look on Oshihito's face was priceless. If not for the tension between them Chihiro would have laughed. "How did you..?"
"I wouldn't underestimate your Queen if I were you," Chihiro answered with a faint smile. It felt good to have the upper hand in a battle of wits with him. "Not only do I fully understand the situation, but I also have a solution to it."
A wary expression returned to his face. "Perhaps this is a discussion best had elsewhere."
With a carefree nod, Chihiro agreed. "Yes, come to my room." Oshihito started at the invitation, then slowly bowed his head again. She noticed that he followed a respectful two paces behind her the whole way and looked for all the world like a bodyguard on duty. For the first time since their return from Tokoyo she found she did not mind it so much.
The door opened under her hand, and Chihiro went in first before she ushered Oshihito inside. He looked back down the hallway then entered. "I have a training session shortly," he told her without preamble once the door closed behind him, "so this will have to be quick."
"Of course," Chihiro assured him with a smile. He looked befuddled in return, and this time she did allow herself a soft giggle.
"I fail to see what is so amusing." The tone of his voice rose at the end as if the statement was supposed to be a question.
Chihiro carefully made herself look more serious. "Oshihito-san, you said before that you couldn't marry me because of the differences in our positions."
He nodded. "Yes, exactly. I-"
Cutting him off with a wave of her hand, Chihiro continued, "And what if I asked you for something other than marriage?"
Puzzlement covered his features. "Something... other than marriage..?"
A deep breath gave Chihiro the courage to press forward in a rush. "Please be my lover!"
The silence that followed hung heavier than when she had first proposed to him. "Chihiro," he began hesitantly, but she would not let him refuse again.
"If we're not married then Sai-no-Kimi and her supporters can't criticize us. It's not like I absolutely have to be married to have children, and all they want is an heir." In the back of her mind Chihiro thanked Iwanaga-hime. Trust her to be the one to find the unconventional loophole to the situation.
Oshihito shook his head. "Your children would be considered illegitimate," he protested. "No one would be happy with this kind of solution."
"So we'll tell them that Tooya cast a spell on me and I became pregnant," Chihiro improvised with the first idea that came to mind.
The frown on his face deepened considerably. "Ridiculous! The people would panic if they thought your children were begotten in such a way!" From the anger in his voice Chihiro could tell he was thinking not of Tooya but of another Tsuchigumo.
Desperate for his approval of the idea, she blurted, "Then we'll say the Ryuujin did it! Wouldn't that make the people happy, if they thought I had so much favor with him that he gave me a child?"
A deep sigh made his shoulders rise and fall. "And if this child ended up looking like me?"
Maybe she imagined the resigned tone, but hope rose in her and she stepped toward him to take one of his hands in hers. "Then I guess we'd have to marry at that point, but it would be too late for anyone to complain." With a bright smile she looked him in the eye and shook her head. "I won't accept anyone but you, Oshihito-san. If you won't have me then the royal bloodline will end with me."
She could see the emotions warring within him behind his eyes before he lowered his head. "I couldn't live with myself if you spent your life unhappy because of me."
Triumphant, she grinned and teased, "You mean Kazahaya wouldn't give you any peace if you didn't agree."
The surprised look returned, though not as strongly as it had before. "How did you..?"
"I have my ways, Oshihito-san," she assured him blithely, her hands still wrapped tightly around his.
He looked down at the smaller fingers weaved around his own much larger ones. "Yes... I suppose you do."
Fandom: Harukanaru Toki no Naka de 4
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Owned by Mizuno-sensei, Koei, and Ruby Party.
Notes: This was a Christmas present for saramichiru, who requested Oshihito and his Hime. She gave me permission to post it for general perusal.
Warning: Set post-Oshihito event on the Gen ending. May contain really vague spoilers.
The Difference Between Love & Marriage
"Oshihito-san, would you be willing to marry me?"
Her general stopped dead in his tracks at her question, so she halted as well and turned to face him. Oshihito's expression, like that of a child startled by a blast of unpleasant noise, answered her long before he could form words. Still, Chihiro held fast to the bit of hope that remained in her heart and waited for a proper response with her face turned up toward his. A long silence passed uncomfortably between them and made Chihiro glad she had decided to ask on one of their infrequent walks together away from the palace rather than surrounded by friends and comrades.
"Your Majesty..." he began slowly, the bewildered look still fixed on his face, "I..." The words stopped there as he searched for something to say.
Chihiro's heart sank. Not only had he reverted to using her title, but she had never known Oshihito to fumble with words so much. While she felt gratitude at his desire to find the right words she also wished he would hurry up and speak his true thoughts. Any reply, good or bad, had to be better than the dread that filled her as she waited.
"I cannot," he answered finally, his eyes lowered so he no longer gazed into her face.
The breath she held froze. Perhaps she had been wrong about the wait for his response, since the rejection felt like a slap in the face. Though her cheeks turned a humiliated shade of red, Chihiro otherwise kept her composure. She forced out the frozen shards caught in her lungs and drew in a much warmer breath. "May I ask why?"
"I am too far below your standing, as you well know."
The blunt explanation combined with the straightforward look he gave her caused a bubble of near-hysteric laughter to rise within her, but Chihiro held it back. "I see." She supposed his reason should hurt less than if he had confessed to feeling nothing special for her, but logic could not soothe away the rawness that rubbed against her heart and the back of her throat.
His expression, now somewhere between wary and worried, indicated he probably thought she would burst into tears at any moment. Chihiro could well imagine how much he would appreciate a breakdown on her part.
"Don't worry," she assured him, not quite able to look him in the eye, "I don't intend to break down and cry." She turned away and looked up the path they had yet to travel before they arrived back at the castle. It seemed unbearably far away.
A sharp sigh left him, and the rustle of fabric from his direction made Chihiro imagine he had crossed his arms. She smiled softly at how easily she could picture him without looking back. "Chihiro," he said quietly, "you know it would be impossible for the two of us to marry. Your advisers would never permit your betrothal to anyone but another prince, or perhaps a member of one of the higher-ranking families that remain."
It hurt to hear him indirectly put himself lower than people she knew had done much less to restore Nakatsu-kuni to its former glory. "You..." She shook her head and faced him once more. "Oshihito-san, you have worked harder and longer than I for the sake of this country."
"But you are the one who rules it," he reminded her firmly. "I neither have the desire nor the ability to deal with the bureaucracy."
Chihiro's lips pressed together tightly to reign in her rising emotions before she spoke. "You have led. You do lead. All those soldiers listen to your every word. Do you not think the civilians of this country would do the same? They all know just what you have done to ensure they have a roof overhead and food on the table."
Oshihito closed his eyes and sighed again, his head lowered as he shook it slowly. "The people would trust me if this were a time of war, but they now embrace peace and do not want a general ruling over them."
"You make it sound like I would push all my duties onto you," Chihiro answered, a little hurt that he would think she could dismiss her position like that.
"Chihiro." She started at the rebuke he put into her name. "I am a soldier. Perhaps one of the best in the country, but still just a soldier. Some civilians see me as nothing more than a killer, and I cannot blame them because I am."
Her anger flared. "So am I! How many men did I kill with this bow?" She raised a hand toward the weapon she kept strapped across her back whenever she left the palace. "How many lives were sacrificed for my sake?"
It wasn't until Oshihito stepped closer and ran a thumb across her cheek with a look of concern that she realized tears had started to stream down her face. Chihiro hung her head. "It's not fair that this is why I can't marry the one I love."
A slight tug pulled her off balance and into Oshihito's arms. His voice came quietly from near her ear. "Unfortunately, there is little either you or I can do to change these unspoken rules."
Chihiro understood then, from the rasp in his tone, that Oshihito not only returned her feelings but wanted to be able to answer her with a 'yes'. She wrapped her arms around his waist tightly and let his clothes absorb her remaining tears. The knowledge that her love for him was returned in kind made his refusal cut less deeply, but she still ached with disappointment. If she could not persuade him to cast aside his beliefs about their difference in rank then she knew he would never marry her.
Once her tears dried and she composed herself the two of them continued back to the palace without a word. Oshihito escorted her to the entrance of her private rooms, then bowed his head and retreated from her sight around a corner. Chihiro pushed the door open wearily and closed it behind her.
* * *
Time passed hurriedly, and Chihiro found no lack of work to occupy her time. Every now and then this adviser or that commented on how quickly she mastered the tasks and responsibilities of her position. She managed to put on a smile for them, and really was grateful for all their assistance, but every evening when she was alone the sad feeling of rejection would return.
She saw Oshihito infrequently now. Her zeal toward her work ensured that her daytime hours stayed full. By the time she finished each day Chihiro was so exhausted she could barely manage to stay awake long enough to eat. She missed him when she thought about it, but she also tried very hard not to think of him when she could avoid it.
If she was honest with herself she would admit that her inability to find a solution to her own problem made her embarrassed to be near Oshihito. As long as she kept some distance between them she could pretend that she was simply waiting for the time when she could propose to him again with enough reasons on her side to override his own.
"Chihiro!" Kazahaya's bright voice broke through her thoughts as she turned down a hallway. She stopped short and looked back in the direction the call had come from, then froze as she saw he was not alone. Oshihito walked at Kazahaya's side, his expression of discomfort likely mirrored on her own face.
Forcing a smile, she greeted them both, then gestured toward the area of the palace where her bed waited. "I'm rather tired from all the meetings today, so I was going to go to sleep early..."
Kazahaya shook his head. "Chihiro, I know your duties are important, but you have to take care of yourself too. If you don't eat properly, and I can tell you haven't been because you've lost weight, then you're going to make yourself sick." He turned to the man beside him for assistance. "Isn't that right, Oshihito?"
The swordsman faltered as if he didn't expect to be called upon for an opinion. "Ah, yes..." he responded haltingly, his eyes only on Chihiro for a second before they moved to the side again. Under ordinary circumstances she would have felt endeared at his awkward reaction, but she could still hear his words of rejection in her mind so her heart twinged painfully at the sound of his voice.
Chihiro addressed Kazahaya directly, though she could see Oshihito in her peripheral vision. "I'm fine, Kazahaya." The confident assurance in her voice surprised even her. "I'll ask someone to bring some food, but right now I want sleep more than anything else."
"Nonsense," Kazahaya returned breezily with a wave of his hand, "you might not wake up if you're that tired. Best to eat now and then get an early night's sleep." He nodded and smiled, the expression so easygoing that Chihiro found herself nodding in response before she could think. "All right, I'm glad you agree." Kazahaya turned to the man next to him and clapped a hand on his shoulder lightly. "I leave that to you, Oshihito."
The dumbfounded look, complete with open-mouthed gaping, was almost comical. "What?" Clearly Oshihito had not read Kazahaya's actions ahead of time.
Stern eyes quieted the swordsman then cut off Chihiro's protests before they could start. "I trust that the both of you can be adults about this. Making sure the Queen remains in good health is one of the more important duties of those of us here in the palace." Kazahaya leaned in closer to Oshihito and said something too quiet for Chihiro to hear, then walked away with a cheerful wave. The subsequent slight flush to the general's cheeks and the way his lips pressed together into an irritated frown made her curiosity rise.
Seconds passed in a silence that stretched out uncomfortably. Chihiro held herself upright and watched Oshihito with what she hoped was a regal kind of expectancy as she waited for him to speak first. He finally moved his gaze from just over her left shoulder to her face. "What do you want to eat?"
After a little consideration, Chihiro shook her head. "I really just want to sleep, Oshihito-san. If you let me go I won't tell Kazahaya."
"I can't do that," he answered without hesitation. "He's sure to ask later what it was you ate."
A short, soft laugh left her, and she felt affection for him throb in her chest. "I've never seen you lie convincingly."
She could have sworn he bristled. "I don't lie."
The slight smile on her face faded slowly. "You do hide the truth sometimes." Her eyes slid away from his with a sigh. "All right, I don't care what I eat as long as it can be prepared quickly."
"Go ahead and wait in your rooms. I'll bring something." She watched Oshihito study her for a few moments. "And don't fall asleep before I get there." The glimmer of something like humor in his eyes caught her off guard.
"All right," she agreed reluctantly. Oshihito took off toward the kitchen without another word, so Chihiro headed to her personal quarters. Since she had no idea how long he would be, only that she hoped he would arrive soon, she waited to change into less burdensome clothes until after she ate.
A knock came a handful of minutes later. Chihiro, whose eyes were already starting to droop sleepily, rose from the chair nearest the door and pulled it open. Oshihito stood on the other side with a covered dish in one hand and a jug in the other. "Come in," she greeted simply as she stepped aside.
Oshihito hesitated, looked around, then entered. A small, ornate table with two chairs sat to one side. He placed the food and drink there, then held out a chair for her to sit. Chihiro sank down into it and reached out to remove the lid from the platter. A small bowl of soup accompanied a grilled fish on rice, and the sight of them made her stomach growl. Oshihito made a soft sound as if to say, "you see?" She picked up the chopsticks with a perfunctory "itadakimasu" and began to eat.
After she finished the first few bites, Oshihito removed the small cup that sat on the jug and poured her some of the rice wine it held. He continued to stand beside the table, and Chihiro could feel his eyes on her. "Why don't you sit down? It's unnerving to eat when you're staring like that."
His boots scuffed against the floor while he moved from one foot to the other, but he eventually he did place himself in the chair across from hers. The strength of his gaze as he watched her did not lessen, but Chihiro kept her eyes on the plate while she finished her meal. As she lifted the cup to her lips again, she remembered her earlier curiosity. "What did Kazahaya say to you earlier?"
Oshihito's brow wrinkled. "When?"
"Right before he left. He said something, but I didn't catch it." It occurred to her that perhaps Kazahaya had spoken quietly on purpose so that only Oshihito could hear.
He looked aside and cleared his throat. "It's not a topic to be discussed in front of you."
Bewildered, Chihiro ran a finger around the rim of the small cup. "Then why did he say it when I was standing right there?" He gave no answer beyond a slight shake of his head. "But Kazahaya had to know that I'd be curious. It's almost as if he wanted me to ask about it..."
Oshihito's narrowed eyes focused on her again. "Is that so?" Even though the question did not seem to ask for an answer Chihiro nodded. A quiet sound of irritation came from him before he stood up. "Excuse me, I have something I must see to."
"Oh..." She did her best not to let her disappointment show and put on what she hoped was a natural-looking smile. "Thank you for bringing me this food. I promise I'll eat it all." The last had to be said while she turned in her chair to follow his movement with her eyes.
The words stopped him just short of the door. "It was nothing." Oshihito left without a backward glance.
Anger flared up within Chihiro for a moment and tempted her to leave the meal unfinished. Instead she tamped down on the emotion and ate the rest as quickly as she could.
Afterward it occurred to her that she might have been better off if she had discreetly followed him on whatever errand he had left to do, but the thought came much too late to actually act on it. In the end she paced around her room until it made her dizzy, then went to bed with her mind still working furiously toward a solution to her problem.
* * *
Two days passed before Chihiro found enough free time to track Kazahaya down. Since Oshihito had not been willing to share what the older man had said, she decided to ask him on her own. Odds were good that he would deftly change the subject and reveal nothing, but she wanted to try.
She found him at the end of a deserted corridor with Iwanaga-hime, the latter gesturing in frustration. Curious, Chihiro neared them as unobtrusively as possible until she could hear their words.
"...been on my case almost every day for the last few months! I swear, Kazahaya, if you can't get him to do something then I'll step in and do it myself, and we both know that won't be pretty for anyone involved."
"But Sensei," Kazahaya returned in a soothing tone, "Chihiro doesn't seem like she's ready. She's only eighteen, and in the world she grew up in that's not even adulthood yet."
Iwanaga-hime shook her head and stood firm. "It's more than old enough here. She's the Queen, Kazahaya. Maybe if she were ruling under ordinary circumstances it wouldn't be a problem, but she's the only one left in the royal family. That old bat and all those who support her have been hounding me about this since her coronation. She needs an heir, plain and simple."
Heir? Chihiro repeated silently, eyes wide. She wasn't even married yet, how could she have an heir?
"Sensei!" A note of desperation had crept into Kazahaya's voice. "Are you saying they'd force an unwanted marriage on Chihiro just to..." The rest of the sentence remained unspoken, but the implications it held hung in the air and clenched Chihiro's heart painfully.
"That's why I told you to talk to him," Iwanaga-hime retorted lowly. "Not only is Oshihito going to lose her if he doesn't stop being an idiot, but she's going to be miserable and trapped with who knows what kind of stuck-up horse's ass."
Chihiro wanted to break into their conversation and tell them about her refused proposal, but she found she could not move.
Kazahaya sighed and hung his head. "Oshihito is too noble for his own good. I've tried to think of a way that they could be together without drawing criticism, but I just haven't come up with anything."
The general gave her student an appraising look. "Then you're not considering all your options," she answered cryptically, then abruptly turned and walked away.
Predictably, Kazahaya responded with dismay. "Sensei!" She gave him neither word nor action to indicate she heard his plea. After a few seconds he made a thoughtful noise and slowly moved in the other direction.
Chihiro waited until both of them passed out of sight then took a deep breath and sheepishly came out of her hiding place behind a pillar. "It's as if Iwanaga-hime was giving Kazahaya some kind of clue," she mused to herself quietly as her feet carried her in the direction of her room, "I just need to figure out what it is." Her heart rose at the thought that there was still a way she could be with Oshihito, and she was determined to discover it.
Mind firmly set on its task, Chihiro hurried along and paid no attention to her surroundings. A short cry of "watch out" broke her from her thoughts, and by the time she looked around she had been grabbed around the waist from behind by a strong arm. Two steps in front of her stood one of her older advisers, his arms full of bamboo scrolls. "Oh!"
"Ah, Your Majesty," he greeted with surprise, "I thought you had retired for the evening. Good work today, as always." He gave her a kind, wrinkled smile that she automatically returned with a nod, then shuffled on his way. Only after the man had crossed the main walkway to another path did Chihiro think to look over her shoulder at the person who had saved her from knocking the old man to the ground.
"One would think you knew the layout of the palace well enough by now that you could watch where you're going," Oshihito commented dryly.
Chihiro flushed and took a step away from him. "Oshihito-san!" The warmth left behind from the hand he had pressed to her abdomen remained even through her layers of formal clothing.
A perfunctory bow of his head signaled his intent to leave. "Take care on your way back," his eyes moved in a quick pass around the area before he added, "Chihiro."
"Wait," she interjected without thought, then wondered what she could say to keep him there.
A few seconds went by before he prompted, "Yes?"
"About that thing we were talking about the other day," she began in an effort to stall him, her mind working quickly to come up with the solution that still eluded her.
Oshihito's brow furrowed. "You'll have to be more specific."
"That, uh, thing Kazahaya said that I couldn't hear," Chihiro blurted, at a loss for any other topic to bring up with him. As soon as the words left her mouth the entire situation clicked into place. She knew with almost perfect certainty that Kazahaya must have been talking to him about the officials who wanted an heir. Not only that, but she finally understood just what Iwanaga-hime meant with her parting comment.
"I told you, that subject is not one I am at liberty to discuss with you." Had Chihiro not known just what he tried to keep from her she might have felt hurt at the sharp tone Oshihito used. Instead, she could see the other signs of his discomfort, how his fists clenched at his sides and his cheeks colored ever so slightly.
After a moment's deliberation she decided to go through with a gamble. "Even though it concerns me? And my future?"
The absolutely dumbfounded look on Oshihito's face was priceless. If not for the tension between them Chihiro would have laughed. "How did you..?"
"I wouldn't underestimate your Queen if I were you," Chihiro answered with a faint smile. It felt good to have the upper hand in a battle of wits with him. "Not only do I fully understand the situation, but I also have a solution to it."
A wary expression returned to his face. "Perhaps this is a discussion best had elsewhere."
With a carefree nod, Chihiro agreed. "Yes, come to my room." Oshihito started at the invitation, then slowly bowed his head again. She noticed that he followed a respectful two paces behind her the whole way and looked for all the world like a bodyguard on duty. For the first time since their return from Tokoyo she found she did not mind it so much.
The door opened under her hand, and Chihiro went in first before she ushered Oshihito inside. He looked back down the hallway then entered. "I have a training session shortly," he told her without preamble once the door closed behind him, "so this will have to be quick."
"Of course," Chihiro assured him with a smile. He looked befuddled in return, and this time she did allow herself a soft giggle.
"I fail to see what is so amusing." The tone of his voice rose at the end as if the statement was supposed to be a question.
Chihiro carefully made herself look more serious. "Oshihito-san, you said before that you couldn't marry me because of the differences in our positions."
He nodded. "Yes, exactly. I-"
Cutting him off with a wave of her hand, Chihiro continued, "And what if I asked you for something other than marriage?"
Puzzlement covered his features. "Something... other than marriage..?"
A deep breath gave Chihiro the courage to press forward in a rush. "Please be my lover!"
The silence that followed hung heavier than when she had first proposed to him. "Chihiro," he began hesitantly, but she would not let him refuse again.
"If we're not married then Sai-no-Kimi and her supporters can't criticize us. It's not like I absolutely have to be married to have children, and all they want is an heir." In the back of her mind Chihiro thanked Iwanaga-hime. Trust her to be the one to find the unconventional loophole to the situation.
Oshihito shook his head. "Your children would be considered illegitimate," he protested. "No one would be happy with this kind of solution."
"So we'll tell them that Tooya cast a spell on me and I became pregnant," Chihiro improvised with the first idea that came to mind.
The frown on his face deepened considerably. "Ridiculous! The people would panic if they thought your children were begotten in such a way!" From the anger in his voice Chihiro could tell he was thinking not of Tooya but of another Tsuchigumo.
Desperate for his approval of the idea, she blurted, "Then we'll say the Ryuujin did it! Wouldn't that make the people happy, if they thought I had so much favor with him that he gave me a child?"
A deep sigh made his shoulders rise and fall. "And if this child ended up looking like me?"
Maybe she imagined the resigned tone, but hope rose in her and she stepped toward him to take one of his hands in hers. "Then I guess we'd have to marry at that point, but it would be too late for anyone to complain." With a bright smile she looked him in the eye and shook her head. "I won't accept anyone but you, Oshihito-san. If you won't have me then the royal bloodline will end with me."
She could see the emotions warring within him behind his eyes before he lowered his head. "I couldn't live with myself if you spent your life unhappy because of me."
Triumphant, she grinned and teased, "You mean Kazahaya wouldn't give you any peace if you didn't agree."
The surprised look returned, though not as strongly as it had before. "How did you..?"
"I have my ways, Oshihito-san," she assured him blithely, her hands still wrapped tightly around his.
He looked down at the smaller fingers weaved around his own much larger ones. "Yes... I suppose you do."