Chapter Nineteen: Past and Present
Chapter Nineteen: Past and Present
"Hey, Mark?" Roger asked, perched on the smaller boy's desk. "Could you... could you tell me about Jenny?" Mark looked up from the film all over his lap that he was trying to cut together and blinked.
"What?" he asked. Forget the fact that Roger was sitting pretty much where and how Jenny always did.
"Jenny." Roger said self-conciously. "You told me, back at New Years, to ask you about her sometime." he tilted his head. "Who was she?" Mark looked down at the film and sighed a little, setting it aside and hugging a pillow.
"J-jenny was..." Mark closed his eyes and sighed. "Jenny was my girlfriend. Heather's little sister."
"Heather has a little sister?" Roger asked, surprised. "How come I've never seen her?"
"Heather... had a little sister." Mark said softly. Roger's mouth shut with a snap. That was not the answer he was expecting. Mark took a deep breath. "Right before New Years our freshman year, Jenny... Jenny k-killed herself." Mark clutched the pillow and tried to breathe deeply.
"December 30th." Roger realized. Mark nodded slightly.
"I got... r-really depressed and... I..." Roger hopped off the desk and sat down on the bed, opposite Mark.
"You don't have to talk about it." he said firmly. "Forget I asked, okay, Mark?"
"N-no, I... I want to." Mark said weakly. He took a shaky breath. "Um... I t-tried to... to OD on pills... three times." Roger stared, shocked. When he met Mark, he'd noticed he wasn't the happiest guy in the world, but he never had thought it was... like that. "And, um... sp-pring of S-sophomore year, I... I tried to..." Roger noticed Mark was rubbing his wrists without realizing it. Mark glanced up at Roger, then down at his hands and bit his lip. Silently he pushed his sleeves up a little bit and held his wrists out for Roger to see.
"Oh my god..." Roger whispered, shocked.
"It was... j-just really bad." Mark went on slowly. Roger was unable to tear his eyes away from the white scars on his friend's wrists. Mark's skin was so pale anyway, it was no wonder he'd never noticed them. "But it... it got a little better after that." Mark continued, running a thumb over one of the scars. "Got my camera. Went to prom with Heather and Rosa and Molly the next year. Then..." he looked up at Roger, who was still staring at Mark's wrists. Mark smiled slightly. "Then I met you." Roger looked up at him, a strange look on his face.
"I... I had no idea." Roger said finally. Mark shrugged. Roger reached out and grabbed Mark's shoulder. "No, seriously... I had no idea, I'm... I just..."
"It's okay." Mark said quietly. "I'm surprised you didn't hear all the stories at school, though."
"I heard some, but I thought they were..." he trailed off.
"Exaggerations?" Mark asked with a wry smile. "Not so much." Roger looked at him for a moment, then reached over and gave Mark a tight hug. Mark was surprised, but hugged him back. After a moment, Roger let go, and the two of them sat there awkwardly for a moment. "So..." Mark said finally.
"So." Roger smiled at him. "Thanks for telling me." Mark smiled back at him, that kind of shy, lopsided grin that Roger had gotten used to over the past year, and didn't want to have to go without while Mark was at Brown for four years.
"Thanks for... for caring." Mark said seriously. "For being my friend." he added quietly, trying not to blush a little. Roger laughed a little.
"Oh, who wouldn't want to be friends with you, baby boy?"
"Don't call me that!"
"Hey, Mark?" Roger asked, perched on the smaller boy's desk. "Could you... could you tell me about Jenny?" Mark looked up from the film all over his lap that he was trying to cut together and blinked.
"What?" he asked. Forget the fact that Roger was sitting pretty much where and how Jenny always did.
"Jenny." Roger said self-conciously. "You told me, back at New Years, to ask you about her sometime." he tilted his head. "Who was she?" Mark looked down at the film and sighed a little, setting it aside and hugging a pillow.
"J-jenny was..." Mark closed his eyes and sighed. "Jenny was my girlfriend. Heather's little sister."
"Heather has a little sister?" Roger asked, surprised. "How come I've never seen her?"
"Heather... had a little sister." Mark said softly. Roger's mouth shut with a snap. That was not the answer he was expecting. Mark took a deep breath. "Right before New Years our freshman year, Jenny... Jenny k-killed herself." Mark clutched the pillow and tried to breathe deeply.
"December 30th." Roger realized. Mark nodded slightly.
"I got... r-really depressed and... I..." Roger hopped off the desk and sat down on the bed, opposite Mark.
"You don't have to talk about it." he said firmly. "Forget I asked, okay, Mark?"
"N-no, I... I want to." Mark said weakly. He took a shaky breath. "Um... I t-tried to... to OD on pills... three times." Roger stared, shocked. When he met Mark, he'd noticed he wasn't the happiest guy in the world, but he never had thought it was... like that. "And, um... sp-pring of S-sophomore year, I... I tried to..." Roger noticed Mark was rubbing his wrists without realizing it. Mark glanced up at Roger, then down at his hands and bit his lip. Silently he pushed his sleeves up a little bit and held his wrists out for Roger to see.
"Oh my god..." Roger whispered, shocked.
"It was... j-just really bad." Mark went on slowly. Roger was unable to tear his eyes away from the white scars on his friend's wrists. Mark's skin was so pale anyway, it was no wonder he'd never noticed them. "But it... it got a little better after that." Mark continued, running a thumb over one of the scars. "Got my camera. Went to prom with Heather and Rosa and Molly the next year. Then..." he looked up at Roger, who was still staring at Mark's wrists. Mark smiled slightly. "Then I met you." Roger looked up at him, a strange look on his face.
"I... I had no idea." Roger said finally. Mark shrugged. Roger reached out and grabbed Mark's shoulder. "No, seriously... I had no idea, I'm... I just..."
"It's okay." Mark said quietly. "I'm surprised you didn't hear all the stories at school, though."
"I heard some, but I thought they were..." he trailed off.
"Exaggerations?" Mark asked with a wry smile. "Not so much." Roger looked at him for a moment, then reached over and gave Mark a tight hug. Mark was surprised, but hugged him back. After a moment, Roger let go, and the two of them sat there awkwardly for a moment. "So..." Mark said finally.
"So." Roger smiled at him. "Thanks for telling me." Mark smiled back at him, that kind of shy, lopsided grin that Roger had gotten used to over the past year, and didn't want to have to go without while Mark was at Brown for four years.
"Thanks for... for caring." Mark said seriously. "For being my friend." he added quietly, trying not to blush a little. Roger laughed a little.
"Oh, who wouldn't want to be friends with you, baby boy?"
"Don't call me that!"