I'm tired.
I take because I have nothing to give, but I want to participate.
I'm tired of being unemployed
I'm tired of being unemployable
I'm tired of loneliness
I'm tired of being misunderstood
I'm tired of not being taken at face value
I'm tired of giving my all and being just slightly not-good-enough
I'm tired of feeling worthless
I'm tired of not having a purpose
I'm tired of having simple statements I make turned into some kind of argument
I'm tired of having no direction
I'm tired of having no goals to achieve
I'm tired of arbitrarity
I'm tired of needing money
I'm tired of being tired
I'm tired of people making assumptions about me
I'm tired of crying
I'm tired of not knowing any other way to be
I'm tired of my inability to expand beyond myself
I'm tired of failure
I'm tired of sleeplessness
I'm tired of being inconsequential
I'm tired of having to explain myself
I'm tired of the numbness
I'm tired of depression
On the odd occasion that I say something, I try to choose my words very carefully. My intention is for my words to be taken at face value. I try to not make any assumptions about anyone or anything, and on those occasions when I DO make such an assumption, I try to make it known by the words I choose.
I'm quiet because the moment I open my mouth someone will somehow misunderstand, intentionally or not, whatever it is that I may say. So I stopped having anything to say. I hate having to explain myself when the words I've chosen should suffice.
I hate arguing, because in my own personal experience it always results in bad blood. So I keep my mouth shut. I want to keep the precious few friends I have.
Nobody has ever really reached out to me. At this point, if someone were to do so, I would have no clue as to what to do or how to react. I don't know how to be.
Nobody asks me questions of who I am, what I'm about, or what I love in life. So I have no idea what to say. I won't force my life's story on anyone, not that it's interesting to begin with. This is why I have a LiveJournal.
I consider myself to be a stunningly boring individual with nothing to offer anyone beyond the odd snarky remark. "I am not a beautiful and unique snowflake. I am the same decaying organic matter as everyone else."
What good am I? What purpose do I serve? What kind of friend am I to anyone? What kind of person?
There was a time in my life when I somehow knew how to create "fun." That got lost somewhere along the way. Now all I know how to do is keep myself occupied, and I'm not very good at that, either.
I have drifted through my wasted life without any direction.
I have made no real, lasting impact.
I have accomplished nothing beyond failure.
I have grown bitter.
I don't matter.
I'm broken.
I'm tired.
I don't know any other way to be.
And I don't know how to fix it...but I refuse to give up.
Call me stubborn. Call me a total fucking idiot. Whatever.
I'm tired of being unemployed
I'm tired of being unemployable
I'm tired of loneliness
I'm tired of being misunderstood
I'm tired of not being taken at face value
I'm tired of giving my all and being just slightly not-good-enough
I'm tired of feeling worthless
I'm tired of not having a purpose
I'm tired of having simple statements I make turned into some kind of argument
I'm tired of having no direction
I'm tired of having no goals to achieve
I'm tired of arbitrarity
I'm tired of needing money
I'm tired of being tired
I'm tired of people making assumptions about me
I'm tired of crying
I'm tired of not knowing any other way to be
I'm tired of my inability to expand beyond myself
I'm tired of failure
I'm tired of sleeplessness
I'm tired of being inconsequential
I'm tired of having to explain myself
I'm tired of the numbness
I'm tired of depression
On the odd occasion that I say something, I try to choose my words very carefully. My intention is for my words to be taken at face value. I try to not make any assumptions about anyone or anything, and on those occasions when I DO make such an assumption, I try to make it known by the words I choose.
I'm quiet because the moment I open my mouth someone will somehow misunderstand, intentionally or not, whatever it is that I may say. So I stopped having anything to say. I hate having to explain myself when the words I've chosen should suffice.
I hate arguing, because in my own personal experience it always results in bad blood. So I keep my mouth shut. I want to keep the precious few friends I have.
Nobody has ever really reached out to me. At this point, if someone were to do so, I would have no clue as to what to do or how to react. I don't know how to be.
Nobody asks me questions of who I am, what I'm about, or what I love in life. So I have no idea what to say. I won't force my life's story on anyone, not that it's interesting to begin with. This is why I have a LiveJournal.
I consider myself to be a stunningly boring individual with nothing to offer anyone beyond the odd snarky remark. "I am not a beautiful and unique snowflake. I am the same decaying organic matter as everyone else."
What good am I? What purpose do I serve? What kind of friend am I to anyone? What kind of person?
There was a time in my life when I somehow knew how to create "fun." That got lost somewhere along the way. Now all I know how to do is keep myself occupied, and I'm not very good at that, either.
I have drifted through my wasted life without any direction.
I have made no real, lasting impact.
I have accomplished nothing beyond failure.
I have grown bitter.
I don't matter.
I'm broken.
I'm tired.
I don't know any other way to be.
And I don't know how to fix it...but I refuse to give up.
Call me stubborn. Call me a total fucking idiot. Whatever.