Harry Potter/Draco Malfoy - Scared - PG-13
Title: Scared
Author: screaminglungs
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1900
Summary: Same universe as Worry Snuffles and Tickles. In this chapter a frustrated Draco and Harry find themselves fighting more horribly than they have in a long time, they need to bring themselves back.
Draco hadn’t meant it, he really hadn’t. He was just tired and angry and said the first thing that came into his head; which happened to be the most spiteful. It was stupid, like all of their fights. He sometimes thought that they needed fighting as much as they needed sex. It was just another release of tension, but this was a little more serious than him snapping at Harry about not doing the washing up or changing Alex’s nappy.
He didn’t mean it, of course he didn’t but sometimes his tongue really did get away with itself. They were arguing about how best to stop Alex from being so clingy. At the moment he refused to let Harry or Draco out of his sight. If neither of them were in the room he tended to scream until his face turned red. It was beginning to scare his parents, not to mention it was taking its toll on them as the child refused to be left alone with anyone. They hadn’t been out together, just the two of them, in a few weeks and they were both getting a little antsy.
Harry had suggested that they left Alex on his play mat and left the room whether the child liked it or not. they would just sit in the other room until Alex realised they would not come every time he demanded it of them. Draco of course had thought this was a ghastly idea. The thought of leaving their tiny child to cry his eyes out was inhumane and he told Harry so. Yes Alex was exhausting and drove Draco nuts (almost as much as his father), but he absolutely refused to stand by and watch their child in pain when all he would have to do is walk into a room to make him feel better.
They had tried to leave him with Ginny the previous Saturday evening and hadn’t even gotten to their restaurant before she called Harry on their muggle mobile phone to tell them to come back. They could hear Alex screaming in the background. They had gotten the strange device when Alex had been born in case of emergencies, after all Floo was not the most reliable form of communication. Draco had no idea how to use it so he left that to Harry. They had been so looking forward to apparating to the South bank of the River Thames, they wanted to walk in the early summer air and generally spend some quality time together but Alex had cut that short.
They had thought for days afterwards about what to do with Alex and this had led to their argument. Harry had apparently been reading about the subject in one of Hermione’s books. The stupid thing had said that leaving the child for a few moments would not be a bad thing. Draco however (as he had most eloquently informed his partner) didn’t give a flying fuck what some stupid book said when it came to his child. Harry had growled in frustration and insisted that he was only trying to help.
“Nothing I say is right Draco!” Harry cried indignantly while trying to ignore the small child on the floor listening to their angry exchange.
“Well that’s because everything you’ve said is stupid!” Draco growled back.
“I’m his parent too, maybe you could listen to me every once in a while!” Harry slumped back onto the sofa feeling defeated, he looked like a kicked puppy and this just made Draco even angrier. He was far too frustrated to care about hurting Harry’s feelings.
“It’s not like you have any experience, it’s not like you ever had…” Draco didn’t think to stop himself before the spiteful sentence left his mouth. He looked up and met Harry’s gaze and knew immediately he had gone too far. Harry’s eyes were wide and glistening, he looked pale, like he had been slapped.
“Because of what Draco? Because I’ve never had a parent? Is that what you meant to say?” Harry’s voice cracked. He was on his feet now, his fists clenched at his side as he glared at Draco. He looked every bit of those three inches taller. Draco gulped, that had been what he was going to say but it didn’t mean he had meant to say it at all.
“Harry I…” Draco couldn’t form a coherent thought let alone a sentence.
“I can’t believe after everything we’ve been through you would actually think that, let alone…” Harry barked out an awkward laugh and ran his hands through his hair as he began pacing across the small space in front of their sofa. Alex who was sitting at his feet held up his arms to his father in a desperate attempt for attention. Draco could only watch. It was when Harry growled, infuriated, and walked towards the living room door that Draco jumped to his feet and ran after him.
He found Harry in the hall slipping on his jacket, his eyes widened in horror. He couldn’t remember the last time Harry had left during an argument and surely this wasn’t the worst they had had? The worst thing Draco had said?
“Harry wait!” Draco pleaded from the door way and Harry looked back at him, so sadly.
“I’ve got to go for a walk; I’ll be back in a little while,” Draco moved to the hallway and immediately they heard Alex begin to whimper. They stopped for a moment and listened as their son’s cries got louder.
“Please don’t go, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it!” Draco insisted, he reached out to take Harry’s hand and almost cried out when Harry shook him off.
“I’ve got to go,” Harry whimpered much like his son and slipped out of the front door before Draco could grab for him once more.
The sound of the door slamming jolted Draco but he didn’t move. Even the sound of Alex crying failed to move him for a little while longer as he contemplated the fact that he may have seriously fucked up.
It was two hours later and Draco was slumped back on an armchair waiting for Harry. Alex had worked himself into a bit of a state by the time Draco had come back into the room and it had taken a little while to calm him down. He was now asleep on Draco’s shoulder snuffling into his father’s neck from crying too much and Draco felt absolutely wretched. He’d managed to desperately hurt both of his boys in one day.
It was Draco’s turn to cry now, he was feeling really sorry for himself and he clutched Alex more tightly to his chest. What if he lost Harry? What if one stupid flippant comment would make Harry walk away from them? He hated himself for what he'd said; Harry was so desperate to be a good parent. He'd probably spent ages talking to Hermione the other day about how to fix Alex’s problem and all Draco could do was throw it back in his face. All because he was frustrated that he couldn’t find the answer himself. The sound of the key in the door made him jump but he couldn’t move in fear of waking Alex. It had taken him so long to get him to sleep.
Suddenly there he was. There was his Harry standing in the living room door way, he looked flushed and wind swept. He had obviously been down by the river. They seemed to spend a lot of time near the river, Draco thought it was because it reminded them of the lake at Hogwarts and was the next best thing.
Draco sat staring at him in silence, too scared to talk in case Alex woke or in case Harry was simply an apparition.
“Hello,” Harry’s face was an emotionless mask and his voice gave nothing away about how he was feeling. Draco swallowed past the rising lump in his throat and willed the tears away. Harry really was going to leave him.
Harry squinted at Draco in the dim light and with a flick of his wrist lit the candles around the room. He walked into the middle of the living room and stared down at Draco, for the first time noticing the tear stains on his cheeks. Draco damned himself for becoming so emotional since the baby and just stared up at Harry as pitifully as he could.
Harry said nothing as he swept down and took Alex off of Draco’s shoulder and settled him on his own. Draco let out a wounded little sob as he watched them. Why would he have ever said those things to his partner? Harry was a wonderful father. Harry walked out of the room and padded up the stairs with Alex in his arms. He settled him in his cot before walking down stairs once more.
Draco was still where he left him, sitting on the sofa staring into space. Harry had been so angry when he left the house, so pissed off at Draco for saying something so hurtful. He tried didn’t he? He tried to be as good a parent as he could, didn’t it show? It had taken a while for him to realise that he wasn’t the only one scared shitless of fucking everything up. Draco hadn’t had a real family growing up. He had been brought up by a series of Nannies. They were both as clueless as one another and this was Draco’s way of deflecting his own anxieties and lashing out.
Harry stood there in the large door way thinking of what to say.
“I walked from Westminster to the Tower London,” He suddenly blurted making Draco look at him, their eyes meeting for the first time since Harry had come home.
“Harry I’m so…”
“No, just listen. I know you’re sorry but I just need to say this. So, I walked all that way along the river and I realised something. We’re both as fucking scared as each other. We’re both worried that somewhere along the line we’re going to fuck ourselves and Alex up. We still remember how angry we were with our parents at 16 and what if Alex turns out that way? I was angry with them for leaving me, irrational I know but I was and I remember you saying that you hated your father for thinking more of Voldemort than he did of his own son. But we can’t do this to each other, we’re both scared, we both get tired, we both say stupid things in the heat of the moment but we’re a team. You, me and Alex against the world, right? We can’t keep fighting like this, we need to work together or we’ll eventually fall apart,” Harry breathed deeply after his long rant and smiled at the tearful blonde perched on the edge of the sofa.
“I’m so sorry Harry,” Draco’s voice cracked and Harry was there in a moment squeezing himself onto the arm chair next to his mate, wrapping his arm around his shoulders and pulling him to his chest.
“No apology needed. I love you, you love me. I know this,” Harry reassured him as he threaded his fingers through Draco’s hair while the smaller man clutched at his t-shirt. Harry leaned them back on the sofa and they remained that way curled up together until the candles around the room had burned down.
Author: screaminglungs
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1900
Summary: Same universe as Worry Snuffles and Tickles. In this chapter a frustrated Draco and Harry find themselves fighting more horribly than they have in a long time, they need to bring themselves back.
Draco hadn’t meant it, he really hadn’t. He was just tired and angry and said the first thing that came into his head; which happened to be the most spiteful. It was stupid, like all of their fights. He sometimes thought that they needed fighting as much as they needed sex. It was just another release of tension, but this was a little more serious than him snapping at Harry about not doing the washing up or changing Alex’s nappy.
He didn’t mean it, of course he didn’t but sometimes his tongue really did get away with itself. They were arguing about how best to stop Alex from being so clingy. At the moment he refused to let Harry or Draco out of his sight. If neither of them were in the room he tended to scream until his face turned red. It was beginning to scare his parents, not to mention it was taking its toll on them as the child refused to be left alone with anyone. They hadn’t been out together, just the two of them, in a few weeks and they were both getting a little antsy.
Harry had suggested that they left Alex on his play mat and left the room whether the child liked it or not. they would just sit in the other room until Alex realised they would not come every time he demanded it of them. Draco of course had thought this was a ghastly idea. The thought of leaving their tiny child to cry his eyes out was inhumane and he told Harry so. Yes Alex was exhausting and drove Draco nuts (almost as much as his father), but he absolutely refused to stand by and watch their child in pain when all he would have to do is walk into a room to make him feel better.
They had tried to leave him with Ginny the previous Saturday evening and hadn’t even gotten to their restaurant before she called Harry on their muggle mobile phone to tell them to come back. They could hear Alex screaming in the background. They had gotten the strange device when Alex had been born in case of emergencies, after all Floo was not the most reliable form of communication. Draco had no idea how to use it so he left that to Harry. They had been so looking forward to apparating to the South bank of the River Thames, they wanted to walk in the early summer air and generally spend some quality time together but Alex had cut that short.
They had thought for days afterwards about what to do with Alex and this had led to their argument. Harry had apparently been reading about the subject in one of Hermione’s books. The stupid thing had said that leaving the child for a few moments would not be a bad thing. Draco however (as he had most eloquently informed his partner) didn’t give a flying fuck what some stupid book said when it came to his child. Harry had growled in frustration and insisted that he was only trying to help.
“Nothing I say is right Draco!” Harry cried indignantly while trying to ignore the small child on the floor listening to their angry exchange.
“Well that’s because everything you’ve said is stupid!” Draco growled back.
“I’m his parent too, maybe you could listen to me every once in a while!” Harry slumped back onto the sofa feeling defeated, he looked like a kicked puppy and this just made Draco even angrier. He was far too frustrated to care about hurting Harry’s feelings.
“It’s not like you have any experience, it’s not like you ever had…” Draco didn’t think to stop himself before the spiteful sentence left his mouth. He looked up and met Harry’s gaze and knew immediately he had gone too far. Harry’s eyes were wide and glistening, he looked pale, like he had been slapped.
“Because of what Draco? Because I’ve never had a parent? Is that what you meant to say?” Harry’s voice cracked. He was on his feet now, his fists clenched at his side as he glared at Draco. He looked every bit of those three inches taller. Draco gulped, that had been what he was going to say but it didn’t mean he had meant to say it at all.
“Harry I…” Draco couldn’t form a coherent thought let alone a sentence.
“I can’t believe after everything we’ve been through you would actually think that, let alone…” Harry barked out an awkward laugh and ran his hands through his hair as he began pacing across the small space in front of their sofa. Alex who was sitting at his feet held up his arms to his father in a desperate attempt for attention. Draco could only watch. It was when Harry growled, infuriated, and walked towards the living room door that Draco jumped to his feet and ran after him.
He found Harry in the hall slipping on his jacket, his eyes widened in horror. He couldn’t remember the last time Harry had left during an argument and surely this wasn’t the worst they had had? The worst thing Draco had said?
“Harry wait!” Draco pleaded from the door way and Harry looked back at him, so sadly.
“I’ve got to go for a walk; I’ll be back in a little while,” Draco moved to the hallway and immediately they heard Alex begin to whimper. They stopped for a moment and listened as their son’s cries got louder.
“Please don’t go, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it!” Draco insisted, he reached out to take Harry’s hand and almost cried out when Harry shook him off.
“I’ve got to go,” Harry whimpered much like his son and slipped out of the front door before Draco could grab for him once more.
The sound of the door slamming jolted Draco but he didn’t move. Even the sound of Alex crying failed to move him for a little while longer as he contemplated the fact that he may have seriously fucked up.
It was two hours later and Draco was slumped back on an armchair waiting for Harry. Alex had worked himself into a bit of a state by the time Draco had come back into the room and it had taken a little while to calm him down. He was now asleep on Draco’s shoulder snuffling into his father’s neck from crying too much and Draco felt absolutely wretched. He’d managed to desperately hurt both of his boys in one day.
It was Draco’s turn to cry now, he was feeling really sorry for himself and he clutched Alex more tightly to his chest. What if he lost Harry? What if one stupid flippant comment would make Harry walk away from them? He hated himself for what he'd said; Harry was so desperate to be a good parent. He'd probably spent ages talking to Hermione the other day about how to fix Alex’s problem and all Draco could do was throw it back in his face. All because he was frustrated that he couldn’t find the answer himself. The sound of the key in the door made him jump but he couldn’t move in fear of waking Alex. It had taken him so long to get him to sleep.
Suddenly there he was. There was his Harry standing in the living room door way, he looked flushed and wind swept. He had obviously been down by the river. They seemed to spend a lot of time near the river, Draco thought it was because it reminded them of the lake at Hogwarts and was the next best thing.
Draco sat staring at him in silence, too scared to talk in case Alex woke or in case Harry was simply an apparition.
“Hello,” Harry’s face was an emotionless mask and his voice gave nothing away about how he was feeling. Draco swallowed past the rising lump in his throat and willed the tears away. Harry really was going to leave him.
Harry squinted at Draco in the dim light and with a flick of his wrist lit the candles around the room. He walked into the middle of the living room and stared down at Draco, for the first time noticing the tear stains on his cheeks. Draco damned himself for becoming so emotional since the baby and just stared up at Harry as pitifully as he could.
Harry said nothing as he swept down and took Alex off of Draco’s shoulder and settled him on his own. Draco let out a wounded little sob as he watched them. Why would he have ever said those things to his partner? Harry was a wonderful father. Harry walked out of the room and padded up the stairs with Alex in his arms. He settled him in his cot before walking down stairs once more.
Draco was still where he left him, sitting on the sofa staring into space. Harry had been so angry when he left the house, so pissed off at Draco for saying something so hurtful. He tried didn’t he? He tried to be as good a parent as he could, didn’t it show? It had taken a while for him to realise that he wasn’t the only one scared shitless of fucking everything up. Draco hadn’t had a real family growing up. He had been brought up by a series of Nannies. They were both as clueless as one another and this was Draco’s way of deflecting his own anxieties and lashing out.
Harry stood there in the large door way thinking of what to say.
“I walked from Westminster to the Tower London,” He suddenly blurted making Draco look at him, their eyes meeting for the first time since Harry had come home.
“Harry I’m so…”
“No, just listen. I know you’re sorry but I just need to say this. So, I walked all that way along the river and I realised something. We’re both as fucking scared as each other. We’re both worried that somewhere along the line we’re going to fuck ourselves and Alex up. We still remember how angry we were with our parents at 16 and what if Alex turns out that way? I was angry with them for leaving me, irrational I know but I was and I remember you saying that you hated your father for thinking more of Voldemort than he did of his own son. But we can’t do this to each other, we’re both scared, we both get tired, we both say stupid things in the heat of the moment but we’re a team. You, me and Alex against the world, right? We can’t keep fighting like this, we need to work together or we’ll eventually fall apart,” Harry breathed deeply after his long rant and smiled at the tearful blonde perched on the edge of the sofa.
“I’m so sorry Harry,” Draco’s voice cracked and Harry was there in a moment squeezing himself onto the arm chair next to his mate, wrapping his arm around his shoulders and pulling him to his chest.
“No apology needed. I love you, you love me. I know this,” Harry reassured him as he threaded his fingers through Draco’s hair while the smaller man clutched at his t-shirt. Harry leaned them back on the sofa and they remained that way curled up together until the candles around the room had burned down.