Life Sucks And Then You Die

Dec 03, 2011 20:15

Fandom: Fate, dramadramaduck-verse
Characters: Issei, Zero Lancer
Pairing(s): Issei/Lancer
Genre: Fluffy angst, yo.
Summary: Your name is Servant Lancer, isn't it?

Your name is Servant Lancer, and you are alone on Christmas Eve.

Well, 'alone' doesn't quite describe it. It's true that this may well be the one world in the multiverse in which you don't feel alone. Even in your own realm, there seems to be an impassable distance between yourself and those that should be close to you. The one that should trust you without question regards you with cold remarks and a hateful sneer, all while the one that should love him instead chases you endlessly.

Even by your Master's side, you are alone. But that's alright. This temple, this world is the place where you are always welcomed as an old friend or even as family. But at the moment, you are alone--sitting just outside the door and watching the midnight snow falling from the sky.

It rarely snowed in Ireland--rain was far more likely. And incredibly common, for that matter. You never really liked rain in winter--it was freezing cold, and that was troublesome when one was living as a fugitive. Not that you ever really got sick. Or that the weather bothered you.

Nothing really bothers you. Things are what they are, and you deal with them as they come. Even if those things should hurt terribly, like having to run away with your lord's intended. Or earning the scorn of your Master just by existing.

It's all fine with you. As long as you can find some way to win a purified Grail in the name of Kayneth Archibald El-Melloi, then everything you desire will have been accomplished.

You are so lost in your thoughts that even your perfectly tuned instincts don't sense someone coming up behind you until a blanket's been dropped on your shoulders.

-----

"Aren't you cold?" Issei Ryudo. The master of this temple, your most trusted friend and ally. It feels notably wrong to place more trust in someone from over ten years in the future than in your own Master, but what else can you do? Knowing you are on the same path to betrayal you were in life, how can you give Kayneth-dono the amount of trust he deserves as your Master?

"I don't get cold." Yet you don't shrug off the blanket he placed over your shoulders. It's a gesture of kindness unnecessary to begin with, more so considering Servants are more or less untouched by such hindrances as temperature.

Issei sits down beside you, and for a moment you wonder why. It's late, surely he was asleep mere moments ago. Or should have been, at least. You don't need sleep; it would be troublesome if Servants were susceptible to exhaustion as a human was.

"Diarmuid." He calls you by your given name in a serious tone. It's slightly jarring--Sola-sama is the only other one that goes out of her way to call you 'Diarmuid'. From her you find it slightly unnerving, but from Issei it's an odd measure of reassurance. You think this is part of his insistence that you not focus on being 'Lancer' so much. It's like he wants you to act as a human--impossible, for a knight. For a Servant. You have a duty to perform and there is no place for such self-centered delusions. The first priority is your oath to obtain the Holy Grail for your Master. Everything else--everything is secondary. It took Issei nearly an hour to convince you to even come here overnight.

When you glance over upon hearing your name, Issei continues. "What's wrong?"

What's wrong? Everything. Your Master despises you, his fiancee chases you restlessly, the object of your lord's desire is corrupted, and you will likely die at the hands of the one to whom you swore loyalty. And yet nothing, for you have recieved the second chance you so earnestly wished for. Saying 'I wish it could have been a better chance' would be selfish and ungrateful. You are happy because you are able to live and fight again, and despairing because it has turned out this way.

There is no answer you can give that would not be half a lie. So you say nothing, and Issei seems to understand. How he does, you really can't tell. But he understands, which is more than you can say for anyone else close to you. Kayneth-dono, Sola-sama...they don't understand the heart and honor of a knight, and that breaks you apart from within. Part of you just wants to scream in frustration and berate them until they comprehend the pain the situation is inflicting upon you. But of course you can do no such thing.

You don't need to explain anything here. However he manages to do it, Issei understands your concerns at a glance. He says nothing in response to your silence, merely shifts closer and leans against your shoulder.

No one person can face everything alone. You know that. But you also know that is exactly how you lived. Eighteen months you fled from those you once fought beside, relying only on your skill and blades to protect Grainne as well as yourself. So while no one person can face everything alone, you silently insist that you can face this yourself. The First Knight of the Fianna shouldn't need the support of a human to do what is required of him.

But you do. You know you do, and it is for that reason you wrap an arm over his shoulders and drape the same blanket over both of you.

Servant Lancer doesn't need help. Servant Lancer, ageless heroic spirit and living miracle can do all that his Master requires, even if it means tearing apart the fabric of the world. Or reaching into the Grail itself and pulling out whatever force corrupts it through sheer force of will alone.

But Diarmuid Ua Duibhne, twenty-five, uncertain, and not daring to admit to the fear in the corner of your heart...you know you need someone's support before the cracks in your life spread too far to be repaired. Before everything splits and shatters like glass.

In your heart you know you can't stop that shattering. But if you can put it off for just a little longer...if you can just have a thousand more moments like this one from now until then, perhaps your inevitable end won't be so cold and lonely this time.

see if i care, oh look i can write crack ships too, haters gonna hate, i will go down with this ship, ahooooooy, nice boat

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