Please help.....
I am the annoying kid who talks in class.
I wonder why I’m that way.
I hear them talk about me.
I want to show them who I really am.
I am the annoying kid who talks in class.
I pretend I am something I’m not.
I feel the anger boil up inside me.
I try to touch the hearts of my peers but they ignore me.
I worry that I can’t control my anger.
I cry for the world and all its hate.
I am the annoying kid who talks in class.
I understand that life is tough and I should get over it.
I say what I don’t mean and I’m hated for it.
I dream of being popular but I know I can’t.
I try to be one of them but I never will be.
I am the annoying kid who talks in class.
Please, someone slit my wrist
Before I do.
Please, someone sew up the marks left
Please, before someone finds out my pain.
I am the annoying kid who talks in class.
I knew there was something wrong when I saw him that night crying in his room. I knew there was something going on when he asked me if he could barrow a safety pin. I was looking in My Documents because I had a letter in there that I need to print and saw "I AM" so I opened it wondering what it was doing on my computer. I was sitting here talking to Angie and then all of a sudden want to break down and cry. Reading this makes me feel...helpless. I can't help him all I know is that he wants a memory of our father the father he doesn't remember. I just want to hold him in my arms right now and try to tell him what he was like but I don't remember! I can’t remember things…like the way he smiled. The way his voice sounded. He used to whistle all the time… I can’t remember how it sounded, only the songs. I don’t remember what it was like when he tucked me into bed and sang our song. I miss the way he played the piano. I miss the way he would ask me every morning how I had slept. I can barely remember him… when I wish I didn’t have to remember him at all. I just wish he was here everyday, making memories with us, but instead, all I can do is try to remember the ones we had.I do remember he would tell me about his day and ask about mine. He used to try to play Tetris with me on the Nintendo after dinner. He would clean his shoes and help me with my homework…and he gave us a hug everyday and kiss before we went to bed. I wish there was something I could do to help my brother understand what happend that morning and the days before that. I wish Spence was here to talk to him. How do I bring this up? Do I bring it up? What can I possibly do I can't sit here and watch my brother cry or wake up one morning seeing my brother dead. Gosh I wish M. was here to help right now. Someone! Maybe he won't talk to me because he is scared that he will open a wound that is already closed or because I am his sister....
I feel helpless and worthless....
Edit;
The farther we get the harder it is for me to go anywhere. I keep getting reminded of the times we had and never know how to bring up the fact I miss you more then anything in this world. I miss the laughs, jokes, lunches we spent together. I remember you coming over at 2 in the morning after calling you crying because I just had my heart shattered again. Now whenever I reach for you, your not there anymore. I searched for you today at places I thought you would be but you werent there. Maybe we both have changed and grow in our sperate ways but I won't break my promise to you. No matter how far apart we get you will always be a sister to me and I will always be there with a shoulder to cry on and someone to push you through the rough times. I miss you. I wish things would go back to the way they were in September/October. xoxoxo I love you. Please remember Cort and I will always be there for you and we both miss you and love you dearly.