I'm back everyone
Thursday July 8th, 2004 5:20pm
Mom yells at me cause I over fill dads drink because the foam over filled and it spills on MY pillow and she yells at me about it going on the seat and seat belt....
= 2 minutes of yelling
Talk about unecessary yelling
Too bad I’m sitting in the back seat missing my friends and crying...It’s raining outside... and I have no brother to be with...I’m trying not to make any noise...
My dad was yelling at me because I was asking him if I could fix Akemi’s harness because the attachment to the seat was like 2 inches so I didn’t think she could move.. the whole 45 minutes it took to pick up my mom she was stuck staring at me... So I waited until my mom got here because I knew she’d agree with me on that.. so I toook the chain from around my neck and wrapped it as extra length to it... and now she’s been laying down for the past 3 hours...
I havn’t eaten anything since yesterday at 4pm...and I’ve worked all morning until 2pm to help my dad get ready since it was only me and him working... and my dad can’t really move cause he injured himself again...
Thanks mom for the fucking more pain you’ve given me when I’ve been working my ass off..I’m glad I have long hair to cover my eyes
I wish I was home rather than sitting here having to stare at the back of their heads and trying to sleep when I know I can’t...
Seeing all these open fields and dead trees and areas filled with swamps... and these death machines rolling down the streets..
I hate traveling cause I always feel alone even on airplanes when people are sitting right next to me... I have no one.. and that always sticks in my head....
My mom always asks me if I’m depressed... I never have the guts to say anything... I just look down and ignore it..
I’ll always be in the back seat... alone and empty just sitting back there relaxinig and managing the back stuff... trying to find something to entertain myself with... I wish I could be back here with someone in my arms and fall asleep with them.. holding them...
Someone tell me why I’m always depressed when I’m in cars traveling...
Coldest Lake 7/8/04
You take my hand in the stories
Trying to tell me that I can survive
I try but why can’t I
Hear what I hear
See what I see
You lit the wrong torch light in the street
Decided it was so easy to do
Smiling as you saw it fall
When I’m standing there
Falls into my heart
As I staring telling it that it had made the right decision
And light up my life
Cause I sitting here and the torch lights flare
In the silence from the inside of the car
Tells me how close I am
To living to be gone
I’m trying tonight
But I couldn’t care about my life
Taking a step back
Pretending not to care
Until you’re done
Maybe I should drop all their hands
Nothing I ever have ever lasts
There’s always something to knock me down
They can’t care enough to care about you
When they are in their own distress
Scaring you cause they care more about the prices of their world
Other than something they chose to cause a wake
I know I could have helped it
If I just dug a razor in my chest
All those times last year
No tears be brought to anyone eyes
That I met since this past year
There’s something missing since I was an accident to them
I’m just a missing accident
That ran himself from them
What did they all think that was on his mind
I can’t tell if there’s ever gonna be anything more
Than a empty seat
Trying to impress me with the loneliness of yours
I don’t know how you can stand in this world
They won’t see that they are within your grasp
You’ll just sit there listening to the steps of them walking away
Please someone keep my human spirit alive
Cause took my hand down from reaching for the light
I’m almost there
Cause I sitting here and the torch lights flare
In the silence from the inside of the car
Tells me how close I am
To living to be gone
I’m trying tonight
She just apolagized to me... I pretended not to hear it since I have headphones on... and I told her that I can’t care...and I sat back and pushed the laptop up on my legs so I couldn’t see her... I hate when people apolagize to me... I always start crying....
Dad yells at me because he says I opened the top vent of the trailer in which I didn’t.. and now he’s walking around the van trying to see what I’m typing .... so I’ll write this nice and big for him
FUCK YOU
You know what I find funny my mom just put all this ice in the back right next to me... and ice kept falling out on me and the seat... Oh I see you don’t care when you’re the one doing it.. I know how that is
Now it’s raining... and I think I’m gonna try to sleep again... if not just listen to some music...beh... cya..
Friday July 9th, 2004 1:11pm
We just refilled the tank now, and last night we stopped and set up around Atlanta at a little KOA and tonight we are hoping to get to northern Ohio since the wedding we have to get too is tomorrow at 1 and I really don’t want to go to a wedding looking the way I am I look so horrible... I havn’t been able to wash my hair when expected cause my dad made me help him... so I walked around Akemi this morning for about 30 minutes with my camera and took a few pictures I liked.
this was in the car
Sunrise ^_^
Last night. My mom and I went to get food, we went to Hardees first and apparentally no one was working cause we were at the little speaker thing for about 40 seconds... and then we went to McDonalds and they had one guy working... That place was so dang ghetto it was funny.
When we pulled into our camping spot I had walked around the van to open my mom’s door for her.. and she had her food in her bag between the door and her seat apparentally and her fries fell out.. and I felt really bad since she was really hungry, {I hadn’t eaten all day since dad made me help his sorry ass}
and I had a little trouble sleeping.. cause I missed my pillows which I normally hug and stuff to pretend someones there... it didn’t really work... so I just sat there laying in the bed... for like another hour an a half until I fell asleep.
So this morning arrives and the phone goes off to wake us up at about 7... My parents yell “MORI GET UP” and I get up get dressed in my clothes I wore yesterday since well there’s not much point in wasting clothes like that... so I feel like a grunge ^_^... It took me about 10 minutes to get ready... and my parents took about 45 minutes... and I was urging them to hurry themselves up because seriously I wanted to be at my aunt’s house by tonight... I hate camping cause I always get yelled at even more cause I “do everything wrong”...
Thanks to the lack of my dad not being able to walk straight nor fast he’s cleaning up the camper for readying while I walk Akemi for like 30 minutes... and I come back... two bags were moved... and I couldn’t go in the trailer cause my shoes have clay all over them... so I went to the lake with Akemi which my mom was down there... and she tells me that her goal is to get my father to communicate without yelling... so we have to treat him like a dog when he yells and grab his shirt and tell him “Don’t yell, just talk to me” ... which he won’t listen to me if I say it or he’ll slap me...
*Ahem* so we have ended up leaving at around 9:30am... so we’ve been on the road for awhile and now are in Tennessee heading for Knoxville, so maybe another two hours and then in Kentucky... and then 5 hours into ohio maybe cause I hate the way my parents drive under the speed limit and they won’t let me drive cause they say I’d drive way too fast... which of course if I drove we’d be in Ohio already... and heading for Michigan...
So I’ll update later when I’m not so damned bored...
Thursday July 8th, 2004 10:24am
Well today went by pretty good... I really didn’t get yelled at all that much cause I’ve just been chilling in the back listening to music and watching movies, other than that I’ve been feeling sick... and THANK GOD the rents have decided to pull into my aunts house TONIGHT instead of tomorrow... I’m happy for that, but on the other hand I wish my acne would go away
We pulled into a gas station in tennesse and a number from above us fell off of something up there and it went BANG on the top of the kayaks... I found that funny cause it sounded like the gas pump blowing out of the hole.. which I would have laughed my ass off for...
I FEEL SO DUIRTY ,-_- it’s like shitty feeling out here and I look like a vampire
I hope everyone is having fun back in Florida..and to any of you in different states that are reading this (Texas, Colorado, etc.)
I have watched Shangai Noon and The Lord of The Rings: The Two Towers today along with messing with some pictures trying to make them look cool...
okay so I’m gone again I’ll update whenever the time has it’s oppurtunity..
Wednesday July 14th, 2004
Okay since we got here on Friday night, we went to my cousin Michael and his wife’s, Carrie’s, wedding. Then that night I hung around with my little cousin Angie and Charlotte (Month older than me)..
my cousin is the guy, Michael and the chica is Carrie
Sunday Angie’s mother had a little BBQ over here and me and Charlotte got bored just watching movies so I went over to her house and we just kinda acted like jackasses until her friend came over ::shrug::...
Monday morning Charlotte left at 5:30am on a plane to Colorado for her gymnastics. and the rest of her friends that I have been talking to online get back on Tuesday... So I missed out on meeting them ,-_-... which is what I wanted to do this vacation is hang with them.
Monday um.. We went to a mall somewhere an hour away from here. and I got two new cds and a new shirt. and we ate at the rainforest cafe and walked around and my grandma/angie/mom played glow in the dark golf... and Angie was pissing me off in there... the mall is freagin huge it’s awesome..
So later that night two of my cousins David and Joey were playing softball... they are 28 and 26... and me and Angie were riding bikes around while watching them. When Angie wanted to stop at another game I was waiting and I saw two girls out of the corner of my eye walking behind me to my right and sitting down at a table and then they got up like 3 seconds later and went to the fence of another game to my left... and then they went back to my right and one of them walked in front of me pretending to be watching the game and she turned around and started talking to me and her friend came up... DUDE they had the best phones it was the green goblin and spiderman action figures with walkie talkies in them... they started flirting with me and they invited me back to the older ones car, they were 15 and 17, to listen to Taking Back Sunday’s new cd... the 15 year old was hot and ^_^... and the 17, was okay... They started asking my name and why I was up in Michigan and stuff and they kepting talking to each other through the phones... and I heard her saying that I was cute and she liked the band shirt I had on..then my parents came down and I told them I couldn’t talk because that so me and Ang rode away a little and waited for my parents to go by. me and angie were riding back and we stopped and the girls were like running by me and tackling each other hehe... but they went by and I thought they were gonna stay and they walked away and I couldn’t find them the rest of the night, oh well.. but I got hit on at a baseball game now... woooohooo..
So Tuesday, we went to my aunt cookie’s house and watched the new dogs fetch and other stuff and I almost got pissed on by two of the dogs that apparentally started spazzing around me... then my parents and I went to Ann Arbor {college town hehehe} to see my uncle Rob ^_^.. one of my favorite uncles..he said he might give me one of his old porsches that have over 10,000 dollars worth of new equipment under the hood... but I’d have to replace all the stuff on the inside body because he gutted it because he races his porsches, meaning the roll bar and the racing seat belts all over in there.. heh... he said maybe two more years and he’ll give it to me ^_^_^_^_^__^_... awesome ness... we came back and my younger cousin had a softball game that still wasn’t over when we got back and I went to watch that... she lost both game then we walked home and went swimming.... and then we went up stairs and watched Degrasi and some other things on tv...
Today my cousin’s and aunt is coming over to do something, then later tonight at 5:30 we are going to my Aunt Cathy’s house for dinner and tomorrow we are leaving for the Smokeys with my aunt, uncle, and cousin... and we will be rafting and stuff over there, Tuesday next week {the 19th} we are heading home, maybe only taking us that day. Then hopefully I can still head to Jenelle’s Birthday party.. but I have to tell her first.. on the 20th night.. so that’s it for now... cya
Thursday July 15th 2004 2:32pm
Well we are heading to the Smokeys, and in the middle of Kentucky right now. The rents plan to head to Tennesse, then bank a left and head to North or South Carolina to find the KOA park or something where my aunt, uncle, and cousin have obviously beaten us since they don’t have a trailer and two follow the law parents... whatever... gah.. I’m sick of riding in the back... and I’m looking at old pictures of times I was with friends or just some pictures of some people... I miss them all... I have gotten a little more cheerful, I don’t know why but I have and I’ve been trying not to write as much even though I love to but it doesn’t do ME any good so I’ll write whenever something good goes through my head or maybe I’ll just write for the hell of it when I return home.... pst... I hate camping when I have no friends around..I’ve started wearing my hair in pony tails now trying to find something that looks good. One of the things I wanted to do from anime was pull the left side back into a pony tail except one bang that hangs down, and the right side is just staggered along my face... it’d look like my normal part from the front except the left side... and I’m bored so that’s why I’m saying this.. so yes.. I’ll type in for you all later..
::Mori::
Monday July 19th 2004 2:21pm
For today is the last day I shall be updating in this since we are heading back from the Smoky’s, Me and my family have been Kayaking in white water rapids, and watching my little cousin flip and cry her eyes out while I was swimming from one side of the river to the other to get her kayak back to her and I wore my arms out doing that. But that was fun an all. and after we went to a museum{excuse the spelling for now if any errors occur}
Another day we went hiking through the numerous trails and I got to use my camera for the first time.
Got Water?
Got Potty?
Fam shot, uncle and cousin to left and parents to the right.
A harvester thingy
Another fam shot my mom took this one so my aunt is in it
There’s your little retarded photographer
Me and my annoying cousin
Look more water!!
Yesterday we went horseback riding and that was enjoyful. My horsy was Trigger and he liked to shit everywhere and never ate anything unless I let him buwhwhahahahhah. and my daddy’s horse which was in front of me kept throwing mud on me ,-_-. Followed by walking around the little Cherokee town and looking at things {mainly my family having fun and me trying to find something to sit on or which knives to buy}.
My aunt Rosie
My Uncle Shawn’s back and the tunnel that my horse took a beautiful shit in the water
My cousin on one of those wall thingys
Me thinking those wall things are horrible
I loved the camp ground we were staying at, a bit touristy but very very nice and I would wish to return with some of my friends.
Two girls kept asking me to go over to them 3 of the 5 nights I was there, the first time was on the second night they were on a bridge and I had to walk my cousin back to the camp site. the second time was the 4th where they were sitting at a table in the lobby and I was going to find my uncle. and the last was the 5th morning. yeah okay.
5 of the “Kabins” around me were filled with hicks and crap the first 4 nights and the last night they all left and new people took there places, 4 of them had really hot girls in them and the other was a bunch of hick guys listening to their goddamned country while I sat with my headphones on. All these girls were looking at me as well but of course I don’t have enough motivation to go speak to any of them. the one in the cabin right next to me “kept glancing and looking at me while I turned towards her” -says my uncle and cousin-... *Ahem* GEEK.. ::shrug:: iono don’t ask. and another of the cabins the girls had a southern accent which I won’t go near. One of the ones across the street always watched me whenever I was playing guitar but she stayed her distance, and the other across the street left in the morning so she didn’t hang around all too long. but no worries.
My father yelled at me once and I did the usual, walking away and finding somewhere to relax which happened to be on top of the bridge those girls were at. Then I saw my mom, aunt, father walking down the street next to it and I hid. and then I ran to the camper which they had locked and my dad told my mom that I had a key to it in which I didn’t, oh the fun. so then I walked to the pool and found my cousin. eh..
Every night I walked to one of the rivers on the side that had a damn of rocks and a little rapidy thing. and just skipped rocks and stuff and the last day I laid on the rocks with my feet in the water... that water is the best..
I MADE A ENCOUNTER WITH A WOLF!!! e.e more like a mask on a person that had a howling thing which I jumped on!!! woot... apparentally it was a girl and her friend walking with her was laughing at me, well giggling but STILL IT”S THE SAME SHIT...
The camp ground is in North Carolina and it’s called Big Cove KOA in the Cherokee National Park. There’s a little 2.5 hour drive trail if you are coming from the North through the mountains, very annoying twisty roads. OH and the traffic from 3 towns that are only made for Tourist Traps like DollyWood and they are Pigeon Forge, Sevierelle, and Gatlinvurg. Along with the hours of traffic from all those tourists as well.
So I recommend coming from the southern area much easier.
There is plenty more to speak about but I’d rather be lazy right now and listen to my music. so here I go. bleg.. oh and I had a really nasty dream as well which I wrote in my journal. I don’t know if I want to put it in public so I won’t.
::Mori::
Random song I decided to write part of the lyrics of
Will you still hold me when you see what I have done
Will you still kiss me the same
If you chase the hint of pride
blah woot.. bye
and one of my poems
Origins Of Peaceful Dreams 7/19/04
I watch the wind lift you from the ground
Tell everyone not to let you down
Not even the worst pains in the world
Will ever let me think about the consequences
I watch the falling rain
Splash upon your face
There’s never enough pain in the world
To ever make me think about telling you
That your decision has let you down
My knees are weak and the time is burnt today
When I start to make my way
You are feeling the world around you
Placing you in the circumstances
I should tell you
The poison to your life
Has been falling in your arms for all this time
Dreams that you know are true
Yet your lost in them
Don’t keep me waiting
You know I’m going to injure your innocence
My eternal love is your sleeping poison
Nightmares are the only thing I can keep
Dreams are locked in your eyes forever
I’m still trying to understand what you said
When you lost all hope
You stand in your dire decision to turn
Your picture of me in your mind
To Poison
Don’t keep me waiting
But please keep staying in my reach
After all I’m still trying
Standing in a puddle of failed attempts
A fallen bird came from the sky
He’s only a young one
But he still has a hard time starting out
Don’t keep me waiting
You know I’m going to injure your innocence
My eternal love is your sleeping poison
Nightmares are the only thing I can keep
Dreams are locked in your eyes forever
My dreams are falling from your face
Escaping from my soul and sending all the loving notes to my one and only
Now I can’t understand why I had to let her down
Ruinning everything all too quickly
A familiar taste exhaling from my seconds of the day
Release the falling rain
Cause they are my tears that I let down
I guess this speech I gave
Only heard by one only person
And he couldn’t keep it lasting
Everythings happening all too fast
And nothings happening at all
I watched the sun lift you from your feet
To tell you that poison touch your heart
It’s all my fault
It’s my delivery to ruin the held secrets that forever won’t leave my head
I didn’t think about the consequences
It’s all my fault
My disaster that will never answer me back...