Three Yakuza and a Baby, Chapter 1 (AsamixAkihito)
Title: Three Yakuza and a Baby (Prologue, Chapter 1)
Author: priestess_grrrl
Series: Viewfinder
Pairing: AsamixAkihito
Rating: This chapter, PG-13
Genre: drama with a side order of crack
Notes: Yes, this is the oldest gag in the book, but the plotbunny hit me, and I couldn't resist.
Prologue: Aki’s surprise!
Akihito lay perfectly still, listening carefully, trying to make sure Asami was definitely in the shower before he attempted to get up. The man was too damned perceptive; if he realized that Akihito was awake, he’d likely drag him into the shower with him, and that was something Akihito wanted to avoid this morning at all costs.
Ouch! Wincing, he rolled over gingerly and stumbled out of bed. Has that man even heard of lube? Honestly, maybe he should suggest to Asami that he buy out the KY Jelly corporation so that he’d be more likely to make use of their products. Then again, maybe he’d better not suggest that to Asami.
One of these days, I’m just going to tell him NO, and that’s final! What had Akihito ever done to deserve this kind of treatment? Even now, having to sneak out of his own apartment early in the morning to avoid him…! It was infuriating. He really should put a stop to it. One of these days.
Sighing, he rummaged under his bed for his clothing from the night before. For right now, the easiest thing to do was just to slip out of the apartment unnoticed. He could grab a cup of coffee and a donut at the shop down the street on his way into work. If Asami was up and showering this early, it probably meant he had important business to deal with today, which was fine with Akihito. Leave me alone for a few days, will you, and let me lick my wounds and regain my sanity in peace…!
A minor miracle occurred and he somehow managed to get dressed and locate his keys, his wallet and his backpack without alerting Asami. Now if I can just make it out of here, we’re golden…! Carefully unhooking the chain lock as he silently slid the deadbolt back, Akihito crept out into the hall, his head turned, alert for any sign of Asami coming after him.
He was just congratulating himself on a mission accomplished, when he tripped and fell flat on his face. What the hell…? Something had appeared right in front of his door, something large and heavy… And that something was now screaming at the top of its lungs.
A baby?!? What? Oh my God, I’ve killed it! I killed a baby! Holy shit, I’m a murderer…! Frantic, Akihito scrambled to pick up the infant, who had fallen out of its cardboard box onto the floor. It was wrapped in a pink blanket that was frayed around the edges. Holding it out in front of him, he tried to assess the damage. The baby continued to wail, its scrunched up little face turning very red. How do I tell if it’s hurt? I don’t even know what it’s supposed to look like…!
Not knowing what else to do, Akihito pulled the baby close to his chest and started rocking it back and forth, as he’d seen his mother do. “It’s okay, it’s okay! I didn’t mean to murder you! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Shhh! Shhhhh…!”
A shadow fell over them. Raising his head, Akihito saw Asami standing in the doorway, dripping wet, naked except for a towel and his gun.
“Something you haven’t told me, Takaba?”
***
Chapter 1: Asami’s bad day
The cogs in Asami’s brain were already turning as he scanned the hallway from left to right. A child. What were the possibilities? A prank. A plot. A bid for power. A conspiracy. Who…?
Akihito was babbling louder than the baby. “Asami! Asami, are you listening to me? I think I may have hurt this baby! I didn’t mean to; I tripped over it coming out the door! I don’t know where it came from! What should we do? I don’t know how to tell if it’s all right! We should get it to a hospital or something…!”
Why here? Who knew that they could get to Asami here, at Akihito’s apartment? Had he been underestimating how much danger he put the boy in? What would be the point of leaving a child here? A veiled threat? To whom was it directed? A diversion? From what? What was he missing…?
“A-saaa-mi!! Hello, we have a problem here! What are we gonna do?”
Asami made up his mind. “Get inside. Now.”
“But-”
“I said move, Takaba!”
Akihito made that fighting-tears noise that never failed to jolt Asami, even though he would never in a million years admit it to him. The truth was that the more danger Akihito was in, the harsher Asami became with him. Asami knew that; he just didn’t know how to stop himself from doing it.
After herding the crying baby and the nearly-crying Akihito inside, Asami double checked the hallway one more time. Then he shut the door, locked it, deadbolted it (why hadn’t he insisted on installing an electronic security system for this place?) and immediately reached for his phone.
“Oh… good… call 911…” Akihito sniffed.
Asami resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Yes, because all of the Yakuza are in the habit of dialing 911. “Excuse me, this is an emergency. I’ve just butchered a dozen people. You might want to come pick up the bodies.” He sighed, walking swiftly into the bathroom and shutting the door, leaving Akihito desperately trying to soothe the noisy child.
Hesitating for a brief moment before dialing, Asami decided not to let his men in on this little secret for the time being. “This is Asami speaking. I want all of Our men on full alert as of right now. Any suspicious activity or incident must be reported to me immediately. I want extra guns on Takaba’s apartment, pronto. I want video surveillance up here as soon as possible. No one comes or goes from this building without Our scrutiny. I expect a full report from the guards who were here last night and this morning in my hands within the hour. Dismissed.”
That would be sufficient for the time being. Now, if that child really did need a doctor, procuring one might be troublesome. Strangely, the crying seemed to have stopped. Taking his pressed pants off the hanger on the back of the door and pulling them on, Asami stepped into the main room, toweling his hair. “Akihito…?”
“We’re in here!”
As Asami poked his head into the kitchen, he could hear Akihito making little cooing noises at the baby, whom he was apparently feeding, albeit in an odd manner. “We were just hungry, weren’t we, my little Kokoro? Yes we were! Good girl!” Asami leaned against the doorframe, smirking.
“Are you feeding that baby… with a gun?”
“Tch, it’s a squirt gun! I didn’t have any baby bottles lying around, okay? This is the best I could do on short notice! At least I happened to have some milk! Sheesh! What about you? Did you call 911?”
“No. Let me see the baby.”
Akihito immediately pulled the infant protectively to his chest, eyeing Asami warily. “W-what are you going to do?”
“Eat her for breakfast?”
“ASAMI! Stop kidding around! This is a child’s life we’re talking about, here! She’s been through enough trauma already today, without you… you…”
“Akihito. I just want to check her for broken bones, since you apparently used her as a doormat earlier.” Akihito looked at the floor, his ears turning bright red. “I do have some training in this.”
“Yeah, I bet. How many people’s bones have you broken? Any babies? Or will this be a new record for you -”
Asami was behind him in a flash, his strong fingers gripping Akihito’s upper arm like a vise. “Ouch, stoppit, you’re hurting me…!”
“I said let me see her.”
“All right, all right, just don’t hurt her!”
Having lost her squirt gun bottle, the baby started crying again. Akihito glared at Asami with large, angry eyes as he struggled to get a steady drip of milk into the baby’s mouth. Asami stared back. What do you… take me for? Some kind of monster, no doubt. It’s not far from the truth.
Asami sighed. “Akihito. You can hold her, just let me check her over, okay?”
“Fine.” His tone was ice cold.
Crouching down, Asami began to pat the baby carefully, starting with her head. She seemed ridiculously tiny in Asami’s huge hands. He was nearly finished and was gently pulling her blankets back into place when something fell out onto the kitchen floor.
“What is that? A note…?” Akihito’s curiosity won over his anger, as was often the case.
Asami picked up the folded piece of paper. It felt heavy in his hands, somehow.
“What does it say? Read it!”
Asami read it, refolded it, then turned to exit the kitchen.
“What the hell? What did it say? ASAMI!”
The baby began crying again, and Akihito had his hands full. He doesn’t need to know about this. Not right now.
“Damn it, Asami, tell me what the hell is going on! I refuse to be left in the dark!”
Asami finished dressing quickly and headed for the door before Akihito could protest. Much. “I’m going out. I’ll send some supplies over with one of Our men. Stay here.”
“WHAT?? Are you CRAZY? You’re leaving me here? With this infant?? ASAMI!!”
Asami swore that the pitch of Akihito’s voice when he screeched his name like that caused dogs to come running from every corner of the city. Instead of arguing, he grabbed the back of Akihito’s head and kissed him hard on the mouth.
“A-Asami!”
“Please. Stay here. I need to know that you and this child are safe.”
“But what the… When are you coming back? I’m supposed to go to work…!”
“I’ll call them for you.”
“No! No, don’t you call! I’ll call them. But-”
“Akihito. I’ve got to go. Don’t open this door to anyone who’s not one of Ours.”
“…Asami! Damn you…!”
Shutting the door on Akihito’s stream of expletives, Asami hurried down the stairs to his men outside. Not good. Not good at all.
The hand-written letter had said:
I am the daughter of Asami Ryuichi. Please take very good care of me.
Author: priestess_grrrl
Series: Viewfinder
Pairing: AsamixAkihito
Rating: This chapter, PG-13
Genre: drama with a side order of crack
Notes: Yes, this is the oldest gag in the book, but the plotbunny hit me, and I couldn't resist.
Prologue: Aki’s surprise!
Akihito lay perfectly still, listening carefully, trying to make sure Asami was definitely in the shower before he attempted to get up. The man was too damned perceptive; if he realized that Akihito was awake, he’d likely drag him into the shower with him, and that was something Akihito wanted to avoid this morning at all costs.
Ouch! Wincing, he rolled over gingerly and stumbled out of bed. Has that man even heard of lube? Honestly, maybe he should suggest to Asami that he buy out the KY Jelly corporation so that he’d be more likely to make use of their products. Then again, maybe he’d better not suggest that to Asami.
One of these days, I’m just going to tell him NO, and that’s final! What had Akihito ever done to deserve this kind of treatment? Even now, having to sneak out of his own apartment early in the morning to avoid him…! It was infuriating. He really should put a stop to it. One of these days.
Sighing, he rummaged under his bed for his clothing from the night before. For right now, the easiest thing to do was just to slip out of the apartment unnoticed. He could grab a cup of coffee and a donut at the shop down the street on his way into work. If Asami was up and showering this early, it probably meant he had important business to deal with today, which was fine with Akihito. Leave me alone for a few days, will you, and let me lick my wounds and regain my sanity in peace…!
A minor miracle occurred and he somehow managed to get dressed and locate his keys, his wallet and his backpack without alerting Asami. Now if I can just make it out of here, we’re golden…! Carefully unhooking the chain lock as he silently slid the deadbolt back, Akihito crept out into the hall, his head turned, alert for any sign of Asami coming after him.
He was just congratulating himself on a mission accomplished, when he tripped and fell flat on his face. What the hell…? Something had appeared right in front of his door, something large and heavy… And that something was now screaming at the top of its lungs.
A baby?!? What? Oh my God, I’ve killed it! I killed a baby! Holy shit, I’m a murderer…! Frantic, Akihito scrambled to pick up the infant, who had fallen out of its cardboard box onto the floor. It was wrapped in a pink blanket that was frayed around the edges. Holding it out in front of him, he tried to assess the damage. The baby continued to wail, its scrunched up little face turning very red. How do I tell if it’s hurt? I don’t even know what it’s supposed to look like…!
Not knowing what else to do, Akihito pulled the baby close to his chest and started rocking it back and forth, as he’d seen his mother do. “It’s okay, it’s okay! I didn’t mean to murder you! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Shhh! Shhhhh…!”
A shadow fell over them. Raising his head, Akihito saw Asami standing in the doorway, dripping wet, naked except for a towel and his gun.
“Something you haven’t told me, Takaba?”
***
Chapter 1: Asami’s bad day
The cogs in Asami’s brain were already turning as he scanned the hallway from left to right. A child. What were the possibilities? A prank. A plot. A bid for power. A conspiracy. Who…?
Akihito was babbling louder than the baby. “Asami! Asami, are you listening to me? I think I may have hurt this baby! I didn’t mean to; I tripped over it coming out the door! I don’t know where it came from! What should we do? I don’t know how to tell if it’s all right! We should get it to a hospital or something…!”
Why here? Who knew that they could get to Asami here, at Akihito’s apartment? Had he been underestimating how much danger he put the boy in? What would be the point of leaving a child here? A veiled threat? To whom was it directed? A diversion? From what? What was he missing…?
“A-saaa-mi!! Hello, we have a problem here! What are we gonna do?”
Asami made up his mind. “Get inside. Now.”
“But-”
“I said move, Takaba!”
Akihito made that fighting-tears noise that never failed to jolt Asami, even though he would never in a million years admit it to him. The truth was that the more danger Akihito was in, the harsher Asami became with him. Asami knew that; he just didn’t know how to stop himself from doing it.
After herding the crying baby and the nearly-crying Akihito inside, Asami double checked the hallway one more time. Then he shut the door, locked it, deadbolted it (why hadn’t he insisted on installing an electronic security system for this place?) and immediately reached for his phone.
“Oh… good… call 911…” Akihito sniffed.
Asami resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Yes, because all of the Yakuza are in the habit of dialing 911. “Excuse me, this is an emergency. I’ve just butchered a dozen people. You might want to come pick up the bodies.” He sighed, walking swiftly into the bathroom and shutting the door, leaving Akihito desperately trying to soothe the noisy child.
Hesitating for a brief moment before dialing, Asami decided not to let his men in on this little secret for the time being. “This is Asami speaking. I want all of Our men on full alert as of right now. Any suspicious activity or incident must be reported to me immediately. I want extra guns on Takaba’s apartment, pronto. I want video surveillance up here as soon as possible. No one comes or goes from this building without Our scrutiny. I expect a full report from the guards who were here last night and this morning in my hands within the hour. Dismissed.”
That would be sufficient for the time being. Now, if that child really did need a doctor, procuring one might be troublesome. Strangely, the crying seemed to have stopped. Taking his pressed pants off the hanger on the back of the door and pulling them on, Asami stepped into the main room, toweling his hair. “Akihito…?”
“We’re in here!”
As Asami poked his head into the kitchen, he could hear Akihito making little cooing noises at the baby, whom he was apparently feeding, albeit in an odd manner. “We were just hungry, weren’t we, my little Kokoro? Yes we were! Good girl!” Asami leaned against the doorframe, smirking.
“Are you feeding that baby… with a gun?”
“Tch, it’s a squirt gun! I didn’t have any baby bottles lying around, okay? This is the best I could do on short notice! At least I happened to have some milk! Sheesh! What about you? Did you call 911?”
“No. Let me see the baby.”
Akihito immediately pulled the infant protectively to his chest, eyeing Asami warily. “W-what are you going to do?”
“Eat her for breakfast?”
“ASAMI! Stop kidding around! This is a child’s life we’re talking about, here! She’s been through enough trauma already today, without you… you…”
“Akihito. I just want to check her for broken bones, since you apparently used her as a doormat earlier.” Akihito looked at the floor, his ears turning bright red. “I do have some training in this.”
“Yeah, I bet. How many people’s bones have you broken? Any babies? Or will this be a new record for you -”
Asami was behind him in a flash, his strong fingers gripping Akihito’s upper arm like a vise. “Ouch, stoppit, you’re hurting me…!”
“I said let me see her.”
“All right, all right, just don’t hurt her!”
Having lost her squirt gun bottle, the baby started crying again. Akihito glared at Asami with large, angry eyes as he struggled to get a steady drip of milk into the baby’s mouth. Asami stared back. What do you… take me for? Some kind of monster, no doubt. It’s not far from the truth.
Asami sighed. “Akihito. You can hold her, just let me check her over, okay?”
“Fine.” His tone was ice cold.
Crouching down, Asami began to pat the baby carefully, starting with her head. She seemed ridiculously tiny in Asami’s huge hands. He was nearly finished and was gently pulling her blankets back into place when something fell out onto the kitchen floor.
“What is that? A note…?” Akihito’s curiosity won over his anger, as was often the case.
Asami picked up the folded piece of paper. It felt heavy in his hands, somehow.
“What does it say? Read it!”
Asami read it, refolded it, then turned to exit the kitchen.
“What the hell? What did it say? ASAMI!”
The baby began crying again, and Akihito had his hands full. He doesn’t need to know about this. Not right now.
“Damn it, Asami, tell me what the hell is going on! I refuse to be left in the dark!”
Asami finished dressing quickly and headed for the door before Akihito could protest. Much. “I’m going out. I’ll send some supplies over with one of Our men. Stay here.”
“WHAT?? Are you CRAZY? You’re leaving me here? With this infant?? ASAMI!!”
Asami swore that the pitch of Akihito’s voice when he screeched his name like that caused dogs to come running from every corner of the city. Instead of arguing, he grabbed the back of Akihito’s head and kissed him hard on the mouth.
“A-Asami!”
“Please. Stay here. I need to know that you and this child are safe.”
“But what the… When are you coming back? I’m supposed to go to work…!”
“I’ll call them for you.”
“No! No, don’t you call! I’ll call them. But-”
“Akihito. I’ve got to go. Don’t open this door to anyone who’s not one of Ours.”
“…Asami! Damn you…!”
Shutting the door on Akihito’s stream of expletives, Asami hurried down the stairs to his men outside. Not good. Not good at all.
The hand-written letter had said:
I am the daughter of Asami Ryuichi. Please take very good care of me.