Three Yakuza and a Baby, Chapter 3 (Asami/Akihito)
Title: Three Yakuza and a Baby, Chapter 3: Akihito's bad day
Author: priestess_grrrl
Series: Viewfinder
Pairing: Asami/Akihito
Rating: This chapter, PG-13
Genre: drama with a side order of crack
Notes: I found this adorable picture surfing the net and I couldn't resist sharing it: click the baby!
Chapter 1 Chapter 2
Chapter 3: Akihito’s bad day
Akihito couldn’t wait till Asami opened that door, so that he could claw his stupid smug Yakuza eyes out!! At this point he was long past irritated and well into seriously pissy. Asami had been gone all day, leaving him to fend for himself with little Kokoro (the name had stuck), a job that he was clearly not at all suited for. Damn him, why is it he’s never around when I need him, but when I don’t want to see him, I can’t get rid of him…?
It had become clear to Akihito after ruining four pairs of boxers (including the ones with the little trains which were his favorite) that in fact, male undergarments could in no way double as baby diapers, no matter how one folded or stuffed them. He had finally managed to convince one of Asami’s guards to go pick up some diapers for him, forgetting of course that the absolute last person who should be in charge of purchasing baby supplies was a big, dumb Yakuza. Kokoro was now in diapers up to her eyeballs. Akihito had to wrap duct tape around her several times just to keep the gigantic things on.
Despite the fact that she now looked like some kind of hybrid mecha-baby, at least she was clean. Akihito had no idea before now of the sheer volume of effluvia one tiny infant could produce. Every time he turned around, Kokoro had made another mess for him to clean up. He learned very quickly the importance of keeping a spit-up towel over his shoulder, after the first time he felt something warm slide right down his back and over his rear end. Surprise! There went another pair of boxer shorts. Had his mother had to put up with all of this from him? This was insane.
Frayed to his last nerve, Akihito had just managed to get the baby to sleep and was desperately trying to make himself some instant ramen (which was all he had in the house), when he heard footsteps at the door. If that’s Asami, I’m so going to give him a piece of my mind! I’ve had it! There’s no way am I going to continue to put up with this! This time, he is going to listen to me…!
Hurrying over to the door, he yanked it open before Asami could put his key in. He was about to yell Where the hell have you been?! at the top of his lungs, but he was tackled before he could even open his mouth.
“AKI-NICHAN!!” Someone half his size was suddenly squeezing him tightly around the middle. Tao?? What the…?
Looking up, Akihito saw the last person he would have expected to see standing in his doorway, wrinkling his delicate nose: Liu Feilong.
“Ach, Takaba, do you honestly live here? It smells like a barnyard; it’s disgusting. To think you complained that I kept you in a cage.” He tossed his long hair haughtily.
“What!? Feilong? What are you…?” Akihito shook his head, trying to clear it. “Damn it, you try keeping a baby clean for a whole day with no decent -”
“Takaba.” Asami had come in right behind Feilong. “I told you not to open this door to anyone who wasn’t one of Ours. What the hell were you doing, yanking it open like that before you knew who was out there? Are you asking to be shot and killed?”
“But - but I -” Damn him…!
“Aki-nichan! Feilong-sama says you have a little sister for me to play with! I want to see her!”
“Yes, yes, let us see the fabled progeny.” Feilong pursed his lips. “Tell me, was she born with a gun in her hand?”
“Feilong.” Asami’s tone was threatening. Akihito looked from one to the other, confused. What the hell was that supposed to mean?
“Only kidding! Come on, Mommy wants to see the little darling.” Feilong was glaring at Asami like he wanted to shoot him dead on the spot. What exactly is going on, here…?
“Look, Kokoro is sleeping right now, and it took me all day to get her to bed, and besides, you guys, come on, this isn’t fair, I - ” Akihito was interrupted again by the loud cries of a newly-woken Kokoro.
“There she is! Come on, Tao.” Feilong pushed Akihito out of the way and in three strides he was in front of Kokoro’s box the middle of the living room. Ignoring Akihito’s cries of protest, he proceeded to scoop the baby up, cradle her against his chest, and nuzzle his nose against hers. Kokoro immediately stopped crying and began grasping at the long strands of Feilong’s hair hanging over her.
“Ku ku ku, there’s a good little Kokoro!” he purred. Akihito stared. Asami crossed his arms, smirking. Tao was jumping up and down, tugging on Feilong’s robe, trying to get a good look at the baby.
“Lemme see her, lemme see little sister Kokoro!” Feilong sat down on the couch (after giving it a dubious glance) and let Tao get a closer look.
“Poor little precious, having to put up with such barbaric company.” Feilong shook his head, which caused Kokoro to laugh in delight and continue to tug at his hair.
“WHAT?? I did the best I could, okay? You are going to lecture me about being barbaric? Are you serious??”
Feilong held Kokoro out as if for inspection. “Duct tape? Is this what passes for childcare in Japan? Not everyone’s as kinky as you, Akihito.”
“I’m the one who’s - ! You - you’re…!” Akihito could not believe how this was going. What the hell was Feilong even doing here…?
“Tao, hand me my brocade bag, I think there’s some talcum powder in it. Honestly, the poor little thing probably has a rash already…”
“Is anyone even listening to me??”
Akihito watched in astonishment as Feilong unfolded the silk handbag Tao handed him into several sections. It seemed to be filled with a variety of different powders, perfumes and hair care products. From his spot against the wall, Asami snorted.
Feilong’s eyes were pure venom. “One word out of you and I am walking out that door, do I make myself clear?”
He tugged at the tightly-wound diaper, but Akihito had taped it down really well after several failed attempts, and it wouldn’t budge. Akihito sighed and went to grab the scissors from the kitchen table. When he turned back, he almost passed out in shock: Feilong had pulled out a wicked looking curved dagger and was about to use it on the baby.
“FEILONG!! What are you doing?! Asami, stop him!” But Asami only continued to smirk from his corner.
Feilong looked up. “What? How else do you expect me to get this monstrosity off of her?”
“You idiot, you don’t use a knife like that around a baby! Here, use scissors! Honestly, what is the matter with you?”
For a moment Akihito was afraid that Feilong wasn’t going to acquiesce, but then he glanced at Tao, who was standing right there, eyes huge and wide. Feilong sighed. “I suppose. I don’t see what the big deal is. I could do it just as well with the knife.”
Akihito said a silent prayer of relief as Feilong took the scissors from him. Kokoro was beginning to fret. “Let me see her, she probably needs to be changed again - ”
“I think not, my little Duct Tape Prince. It looks much better on you. Tao and I will change her. Come along, Tao, this will be a good lesson for you.”
“Wait, Feilong, I don’t trust you…!” Akihito tried to stop him from taking the baby into the bathroom, but he accidentally walked into the coffee table, then stumbled backwards, suddenly dizzy. Asami caught his arm before he fell. Crap, it must be from not eating all day…!
“Akihito.” Asami was holding his arm a little too tightly, which meant he was worried. A part of him wanted to tell Asami he was fine. Another part of him wanted to scream in his face.
“D-damn you!” Akihito felt tears springing to his eyes, which made him even angrier. He pounded Asami’s rock-hard chest uselessly with his fists. “Damn you for leaving me here all day with that baby, to struggle all on my own, and… and now I’m starving! Just… just screw you!!”
Asami pulled Akihito close to his chest with one arm, and pulled out his cell phone with the other. “What do you want?”
“I want you to explain to me what the hell is going on, that’s what I want!” Akihito sniffed against Asami’s perfectly pressed dress shirt.
“For food. What do you want to order?”
Pouting, Akihito tried to think of the most expensive things he could make Asami get for him. “Lobster. And Kobe beef shabu-shabu. And king crab legs. And um, tempura ice cream. Two tempura ice creams. Both for me. None for you.”
He listened as Asami repeated all of those things into the phone, emphasizing two tempura ice creams. Serves him right. Not that it makes a damned difference to him anyway. Then Asami put the phone down and wrapped both his arms around Akihito.
“You could have called for food at any time today, Akihito.”
“You think I like talking to your goons? It was bad enough trying to get them to get diapers for me. You saw how well that worked out.”
“Still. They are at your disposal. You shouldn’t hesitate to ask for anything.”
“Whatever. Just don’t do this to me again.”
“I wont. See, I’ve brought you Feilong.”
“What?” Akihito pulled away, staring. “You brought Feilong here to - ?”
“Ta da! Now who’s a pretty baby?”
Feilong and Tao emerged from the bathroom with a bemused looking Kokoro in tow. She was now wrapped in a cream colored silk scarf that was fastened at the sides with what looked suspiciously like Feilong’s jeweled hairpins.
“Feilong, that’s not going to be sufficient to - ”
“Silence, Takaba. You’d do well to stop disrespecting me, before I decide to make good use of that duct tape. She’ll be fine. I trimmed the giant diapers - with your scissors - and put them on under this nice fashionable scarf, see? Now Kokoro won’t have to be ashamed that her caretaker is a disgrace.”
“Look, Feilong, I’ve had just about enough - ”
“Do you really want to push me, Akihito?”
The look Feilong was giving him was very similar to a panther about to pounce on its prey. Akihito shuddered and moved closer to Asami.
“That’s what I thought. Now then, Kokoro, perhaps we should ask Daddy what the plan is, hmmm? Because if he’s thinking for five minutes that we are going to stay in this hovel, he’s got another thing coming.”
Akihito noticed that Asami’s body tensed ever so slightly when Feilong said Daddy. His feverish brain was starting to put things together, and the picture that was coming out was looking pretty grim. Tell me, was she born with a gun in her hand? Was Feilong trying to say what Akihito thought he was trying to say?
Asami coughed. “Not at all, Feilong. I already have a room booked for you and Tao at the Ritz Carlton. You are free to go there whenever you like. I just thought that first, seeing as you’re so adamant about the baby being dressed properly, that perhaps you’d like to take her shopping.” At this, he pulled out a wad of hundred dollar bills as thick as Akihito’s fist.
“Shopping?” Feilong’s eyes lit up. Akihito could see the wheels turning as he looked at Kokoro, no doubt picturing her in a thousand and one silk brocade outfits. “Wait a minute. I thought you wanted to keep this kid under wraps? Now you want me to take her out? What’s this about?”
“Well, Takaba here deserves a break, don’t you think?”
Akihito was starting to get seriously angry. He didn’t appreciate Asami feigning sympathy for him just to manipulate Feilong. And he didn’t like the idea of Feilong taking off with Kokoro, either. “Asami, I really don’t think this is a good - ”
“Feilong-sama, I’m hungry! Let’s go!” Tao had resumed tugging on Feilong’s robe. He kept looking warily at Asami as if he didn’t trust him. Can’t think why, Akihito thought miserably.
“You want me to draw them out.” Feilong was looking pointedly at Asami.
“My men will be following you. As I assume will yours. You should be in no danger.”
Turning to the baby, Feilong purred. “See, little Kokoro, not even a week old and your mean old daddy is already using you as bait. Isn’t that despicable?”
“That’s enough, Feilong.” Akihito couldn’t believe his ears. Using her as bait? For what? Was Feilong serious?
“Ooh, what are you going to do, send me back to China? Bastard.” Feilong snatched the money out of Asami’s hand. “Fine, I’ll take Kokoro out on the town. But if anything happens to Tao, you are dead by my hand, do you understand me? And your little dog, too." He narrowed his eyes at Akihito.
“Tao will be fine. You’ll be a nice happy family out on a shopping spree.”
“You really are despicable. Akihito, you have my permission to give him hell. I’m sure you’ll do it with relish. Come along, Tao. Ta-ta!”
“But - but wait!” He’s not seriously taking her…?
“Bye, Aki-nichan!” Tao waved as Feilong took his hand and they headed out the door.
“No - wait!” Akihito tried to follow, but Asami grabbed him by the arm.
“Let it be, Akihito.”
Arms encircled him in a tight grip, and suddenly Akihito was furious. As usual, everyone had completely ignored him and did whatever the hell they wanted, including sending a baby into danger. This was not okay with him. No part of this was okay.
Akihito did the only thing he could think of to make Asami listen: he pulled Asami’s gun out of its holster and pointed it straight at him.
“I want to know what the hell is going on, and I want to know now!”
Author: priestess_grrrl
Series: Viewfinder
Pairing: Asami/Akihito
Rating: This chapter, PG-13
Genre: drama with a side order of crack
Notes: I found this adorable picture surfing the net and I couldn't resist sharing it: click the baby!
Chapter 1 Chapter 2
Chapter 3: Akihito’s bad day
Akihito couldn’t wait till Asami opened that door, so that he could claw his stupid smug Yakuza eyes out!! At this point he was long past irritated and well into seriously pissy. Asami had been gone all day, leaving him to fend for himself with little Kokoro (the name had stuck), a job that he was clearly not at all suited for. Damn him, why is it he’s never around when I need him, but when I don’t want to see him, I can’t get rid of him…?
It had become clear to Akihito after ruining four pairs of boxers (including the ones with the little trains which were his favorite) that in fact, male undergarments could in no way double as baby diapers, no matter how one folded or stuffed them. He had finally managed to convince one of Asami’s guards to go pick up some diapers for him, forgetting of course that the absolute last person who should be in charge of purchasing baby supplies was a big, dumb Yakuza. Kokoro was now in diapers up to her eyeballs. Akihito had to wrap duct tape around her several times just to keep the gigantic things on.
Despite the fact that she now looked like some kind of hybrid mecha-baby, at least she was clean. Akihito had no idea before now of the sheer volume of effluvia one tiny infant could produce. Every time he turned around, Kokoro had made another mess for him to clean up. He learned very quickly the importance of keeping a spit-up towel over his shoulder, after the first time he felt something warm slide right down his back and over his rear end. Surprise! There went another pair of boxer shorts. Had his mother had to put up with all of this from him? This was insane.
Frayed to his last nerve, Akihito had just managed to get the baby to sleep and was desperately trying to make himself some instant ramen (which was all he had in the house), when he heard footsteps at the door. If that’s Asami, I’m so going to give him a piece of my mind! I’ve had it! There’s no way am I going to continue to put up with this! This time, he is going to listen to me…!
Hurrying over to the door, he yanked it open before Asami could put his key in. He was about to yell Where the hell have you been?! at the top of his lungs, but he was tackled before he could even open his mouth.
“AKI-NICHAN!!” Someone half his size was suddenly squeezing him tightly around the middle. Tao?? What the…?
Looking up, Akihito saw the last person he would have expected to see standing in his doorway, wrinkling his delicate nose: Liu Feilong.
“Ach, Takaba, do you honestly live here? It smells like a barnyard; it’s disgusting. To think you complained that I kept you in a cage.” He tossed his long hair haughtily.
“What!? Feilong? What are you…?” Akihito shook his head, trying to clear it. “Damn it, you try keeping a baby clean for a whole day with no decent -”
“Takaba.” Asami had come in right behind Feilong. “I told you not to open this door to anyone who wasn’t one of Ours. What the hell were you doing, yanking it open like that before you knew who was out there? Are you asking to be shot and killed?”
“But - but I -” Damn him…!
“Aki-nichan! Feilong-sama says you have a little sister for me to play with! I want to see her!”
“Yes, yes, let us see the fabled progeny.” Feilong pursed his lips. “Tell me, was she born with a gun in her hand?”
“Feilong.” Asami’s tone was threatening. Akihito looked from one to the other, confused. What the hell was that supposed to mean?
“Only kidding! Come on, Mommy wants to see the little darling.” Feilong was glaring at Asami like he wanted to shoot him dead on the spot. What exactly is going on, here…?
“Look, Kokoro is sleeping right now, and it took me all day to get her to bed, and besides, you guys, come on, this isn’t fair, I - ” Akihito was interrupted again by the loud cries of a newly-woken Kokoro.
“There she is! Come on, Tao.” Feilong pushed Akihito out of the way and in three strides he was in front of Kokoro’s box the middle of the living room. Ignoring Akihito’s cries of protest, he proceeded to scoop the baby up, cradle her against his chest, and nuzzle his nose against hers. Kokoro immediately stopped crying and began grasping at the long strands of Feilong’s hair hanging over her.
“Ku ku ku, there’s a good little Kokoro!” he purred. Akihito stared. Asami crossed his arms, smirking. Tao was jumping up and down, tugging on Feilong’s robe, trying to get a good look at the baby.
“Lemme see her, lemme see little sister Kokoro!” Feilong sat down on the couch (after giving it a dubious glance) and let Tao get a closer look.
“Poor little precious, having to put up with such barbaric company.” Feilong shook his head, which caused Kokoro to laugh in delight and continue to tug at his hair.
“WHAT?? I did the best I could, okay? You are going to lecture me about being barbaric? Are you serious??”
Feilong held Kokoro out as if for inspection. “Duct tape? Is this what passes for childcare in Japan? Not everyone’s as kinky as you, Akihito.”
“I’m the one who’s - ! You - you’re…!” Akihito could not believe how this was going. What the hell was Feilong even doing here…?
“Tao, hand me my brocade bag, I think there’s some talcum powder in it. Honestly, the poor little thing probably has a rash already…”
“Is anyone even listening to me??”
Akihito watched in astonishment as Feilong unfolded the silk handbag Tao handed him into several sections. It seemed to be filled with a variety of different powders, perfumes and hair care products. From his spot against the wall, Asami snorted.
Feilong’s eyes were pure venom. “One word out of you and I am walking out that door, do I make myself clear?”
He tugged at the tightly-wound diaper, but Akihito had taped it down really well after several failed attempts, and it wouldn’t budge. Akihito sighed and went to grab the scissors from the kitchen table. When he turned back, he almost passed out in shock: Feilong had pulled out a wicked looking curved dagger and was about to use it on the baby.
“FEILONG!! What are you doing?! Asami, stop him!” But Asami only continued to smirk from his corner.
Feilong looked up. “What? How else do you expect me to get this monstrosity off of her?”
“You idiot, you don’t use a knife like that around a baby! Here, use scissors! Honestly, what is the matter with you?”
For a moment Akihito was afraid that Feilong wasn’t going to acquiesce, but then he glanced at Tao, who was standing right there, eyes huge and wide. Feilong sighed. “I suppose. I don’t see what the big deal is. I could do it just as well with the knife.”
Akihito said a silent prayer of relief as Feilong took the scissors from him. Kokoro was beginning to fret. “Let me see her, she probably needs to be changed again - ”
“I think not, my little Duct Tape Prince. It looks much better on you. Tao and I will change her. Come along, Tao, this will be a good lesson for you.”
“Wait, Feilong, I don’t trust you…!” Akihito tried to stop him from taking the baby into the bathroom, but he accidentally walked into the coffee table, then stumbled backwards, suddenly dizzy. Asami caught his arm before he fell. Crap, it must be from not eating all day…!
“Akihito.” Asami was holding his arm a little too tightly, which meant he was worried. A part of him wanted to tell Asami he was fine. Another part of him wanted to scream in his face.
“D-damn you!” Akihito felt tears springing to his eyes, which made him even angrier. He pounded Asami’s rock-hard chest uselessly with his fists. “Damn you for leaving me here all day with that baby, to struggle all on my own, and… and now I’m starving! Just… just screw you!!”
Asami pulled Akihito close to his chest with one arm, and pulled out his cell phone with the other. “What do you want?”
“I want you to explain to me what the hell is going on, that’s what I want!” Akihito sniffed against Asami’s perfectly pressed dress shirt.
“For food. What do you want to order?”
Pouting, Akihito tried to think of the most expensive things he could make Asami get for him. “Lobster. And Kobe beef shabu-shabu. And king crab legs. And um, tempura ice cream. Two tempura ice creams. Both for me. None for you.”
He listened as Asami repeated all of those things into the phone, emphasizing two tempura ice creams. Serves him right. Not that it makes a damned difference to him anyway. Then Asami put the phone down and wrapped both his arms around Akihito.
“You could have called for food at any time today, Akihito.”
“You think I like talking to your goons? It was bad enough trying to get them to get diapers for me. You saw how well that worked out.”
“Still. They are at your disposal. You shouldn’t hesitate to ask for anything.”
“Whatever. Just don’t do this to me again.”
“I wont. See, I’ve brought you Feilong.”
“What?” Akihito pulled away, staring. “You brought Feilong here to - ?”
“Ta da! Now who’s a pretty baby?”
Feilong and Tao emerged from the bathroom with a bemused looking Kokoro in tow. She was now wrapped in a cream colored silk scarf that was fastened at the sides with what looked suspiciously like Feilong’s jeweled hairpins.
“Feilong, that’s not going to be sufficient to - ”
“Silence, Takaba. You’d do well to stop disrespecting me, before I decide to make good use of that duct tape. She’ll be fine. I trimmed the giant diapers - with your scissors - and put them on under this nice fashionable scarf, see? Now Kokoro won’t have to be ashamed that her caretaker is a disgrace.”
“Look, Feilong, I’ve had just about enough - ”
“Do you really want to push me, Akihito?”
The look Feilong was giving him was very similar to a panther about to pounce on its prey. Akihito shuddered and moved closer to Asami.
“That’s what I thought. Now then, Kokoro, perhaps we should ask Daddy what the plan is, hmmm? Because if he’s thinking for five minutes that we are going to stay in this hovel, he’s got another thing coming.”
Akihito noticed that Asami’s body tensed ever so slightly when Feilong said Daddy. His feverish brain was starting to put things together, and the picture that was coming out was looking pretty grim. Tell me, was she born with a gun in her hand? Was Feilong trying to say what Akihito thought he was trying to say?
Asami coughed. “Not at all, Feilong. I already have a room booked for you and Tao at the Ritz Carlton. You are free to go there whenever you like. I just thought that first, seeing as you’re so adamant about the baby being dressed properly, that perhaps you’d like to take her shopping.” At this, he pulled out a wad of hundred dollar bills as thick as Akihito’s fist.
“Shopping?” Feilong’s eyes lit up. Akihito could see the wheels turning as he looked at Kokoro, no doubt picturing her in a thousand and one silk brocade outfits. “Wait a minute. I thought you wanted to keep this kid under wraps? Now you want me to take her out? What’s this about?”
“Well, Takaba here deserves a break, don’t you think?”
Akihito was starting to get seriously angry. He didn’t appreciate Asami feigning sympathy for him just to manipulate Feilong. And he didn’t like the idea of Feilong taking off with Kokoro, either. “Asami, I really don’t think this is a good - ”
“Feilong-sama, I’m hungry! Let’s go!” Tao had resumed tugging on Feilong’s robe. He kept looking warily at Asami as if he didn’t trust him. Can’t think why, Akihito thought miserably.
“You want me to draw them out.” Feilong was looking pointedly at Asami.
“My men will be following you. As I assume will yours. You should be in no danger.”
Turning to the baby, Feilong purred. “See, little Kokoro, not even a week old and your mean old daddy is already using you as bait. Isn’t that despicable?”
“That’s enough, Feilong.” Akihito couldn’t believe his ears. Using her as bait? For what? Was Feilong serious?
“Ooh, what are you going to do, send me back to China? Bastard.” Feilong snatched the money out of Asami’s hand. “Fine, I’ll take Kokoro out on the town. But if anything happens to Tao, you are dead by my hand, do you understand me? And your little dog, too." He narrowed his eyes at Akihito.
“Tao will be fine. You’ll be a nice happy family out on a shopping spree.”
“You really are despicable. Akihito, you have my permission to give him hell. I’m sure you’ll do it with relish. Come along, Tao. Ta-ta!”
“But - but wait!” He’s not seriously taking her…?
“Bye, Aki-nichan!” Tao waved as Feilong took his hand and they headed out the door.
“No - wait!” Akihito tried to follow, but Asami grabbed him by the arm.
“Let it be, Akihito.”
Arms encircled him in a tight grip, and suddenly Akihito was furious. As usual, everyone had completely ignored him and did whatever the hell they wanted, including sending a baby into danger. This was not okay with him. No part of this was okay.
Akihito did the only thing he could think of to make Asami listen: he pulled Asami’s gun out of its holster and pointed it straight at him.
“I want to know what the hell is going on, and I want to know now!”