Yeah
Yeah, I am getting way to worked up and odssices over this...-head, desk.-
Yeah as I was saying, I am getting way to worked up and odssiced over someone. Its not like were dating. Shit we havn't even gone out on a date. Fuck, I just found out that I could might, maybe, pasbably found myself atcated to someone, a male someone.
Shit, as craig pointed out he's to old for Lij, and if Craig is to fucking old, I am like wwwwwaaaaaaayyyyy to old. I can't belive this. I really can't. I mean, my X makes a comminte and it turns my fucking life upside down.(And yes she could be right, I might be gay or bi or whatever)
And on top of that yeah I kissed Lij. I kissed him more then once, and I liked it, I liked it fucking a lot. Maybe a little to much. But its so fucking much more then that to.
Its not like I want to just fuck him and be done with it. I like speeding time with him. I like talking to him. I like lissoning to him laugh, and giggle. I want to alway hear him do that, not be depparssed. I want to be the one to make him laugh.
And I asked him if maybe I shouldn't get my hopes up that someone might happen with us. And he told me he couldn't say. He wasn't going to tell me, no, but he also wasn't going to tell me yes. So what dose that mean. -head desk.-
What the fuck is wrong with me. Every part of my mind is telling me, to stop this to end it. He's way to young, and I have no fucking bussens liking him to begain with. Then there is a part of me that wants to end it because I could so FUCKING get hurt here, if I am not already. Then there is a part of me that says what if.
Fuck its like I have half a million voice in my head screaming at me. Screaming at me to stop, and this one tiny voice in my head that tells me not to. That I got to keep hoping.
Shit if he was a girl I would already have him tumbled into bed. But I can't do that with Lij. I can't just fuck him and run like I always do. I don't want to hurt him, but I don't also want to be hurt by him.