(no subject)
I really miss talking and hanging out with the people i used to everyday. I hardly see them anymore. And if I do see them, I can hardly talk to them, or even look at them sometimes. I really dont know how i'm going to surrive this school year. My two groups of friends, they dont go. It worries me. Alot.
I have noticed that i've started to become aggravated and frustrated, well you could say, easily, lately. I think I have a clue why though. But its not a topic to talk about on here. The journal that random people read. I'm afriad to talk to the person. I cant bear to talk to them. But yet I still do.
I've started to... well... not trust anyone anymore. Everytime I tell someone something, what you would call a 'secret' or some sort, its not anymore. I guess I cant trust my instinct anymore either. Everytime I discover that i can trust, i'm wrong, and they find me annoying, and then they cant talk anymore. And its just as simple as that.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry that i've been, what you would call 'annoying' lately. Well. my whole life. I'm sorry. It's just so fucking hard for me to live this life. I don't even know why i'm still in it. My life is not normal, but I guess no ones is. But mines as far from anyones. It drives me crazy.
I bear to have people lie to me. And I cant lie to people. Lying is wrong. It hurts. Or better yet, knowing someone for mostly your life, not telling you the most important thing in their life, be over, or just start. Thinking they can't trust you, and dont think its right. Well it is.
I have a spilting headache right now. And i'm about to cry. I'm listening to Matchbox 20 right now. Which is making it worst. I think the only person I can trust right now is Parker. As crazy as it sounds, and as 'cyso' ((pysho)) he can be sometimes, it's true. I really need to talk to him. He's so far the only one who will listen to me, and who can make me feel better. Yes, hes the person who is, god, the werid person on the face of the earth, and confuses the world, and makes stupid mistakes, and doesnt stop taking about one thing that happened a year ago. But that doesnt stop me from talking to him. To listening to him. To having him listen to my life long annoying stories. From him going to camp for a month, and my stealing him for the night he comes back. Which i plan on doing.
My stomach is unsure now. Coughdrop, my dog, burped in my face. It was beautiful. It was gross. Thank you for your pointless time.
To add to your time. I just was attacked by my brothers friends, or my friends brothers. Which ever way you would like to put it. I really hate Raymond Trinkle. God. He thinks hes all tough coming into my house, acting like a shit face, smelling like feet, eating my food, not cleaning up, being a pig, acting like a fuck face. Stupid dyke. God I really hate that kid. And he wanted to hook up with Emily. I found that funny. God. He doesnt know who he is. And he just came down stair to 'use his phone' and im cleaning up his crap and mess that he made. I was like you fucking pig. But that doesn't stop me from being in love with his brother. I love Steven Trinkle. And i'm going tomiss him this school year. On the other hand. Eddie Aller is allowed to do all the things that Raymond Fucker Trinkle isnt. Because I simply like Eddie better then Ray. Because Eddie drives me places, and Eddie is that damn short, and Eddie isnt a fucking stuck up prev like Raymond. And Eddie makes good food, and cleans up. But Eddie throw my cat onto my dog, and my cat flipped out on the dog, like it was her fault, my dogs retard.