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[seasonalkat]

Yesterday I had several email exchanges with E's teacher, still more of the same. I picked him up from afterschool care and the director made a point in introducing himself and talking about how E resorts to hitting when frustrated and how they're working with that. I'm noticing this behavior more and more, if anyone encroaches into his physical

Comments

[merlyn4401]

FWIW, I went through a very similar experience with Jamie. From about age 4 to about 5.5, he acted very much like you describe E acting. And I didn't like him much. :/ We never sought help for it - I assumed it was a stage. As he has grow and matured, the negative behavior is really decreasing (although his brothers are still the fav target).

[seasonalkat]

E has been acting this way for roughly two years now, and yes, don't like him very much at the moment. I hope the behavior will decrease as this is just not good. All around not good.

[ladyvonkulp]

I don't think it's 'drastic'. Kicking people and abusing animals is drastic. It sounds as though he's more confused than outright mean, regardless of the behavior. Sullen is a great term for this. After a shoving incident, is he remorseful and realises what he did was wrong? That was Paul's issue, so what he was doing was clearly related to impulse control.

[seasonalkat]

He is not remorseful and realizing it was wrong, more often he is even more sullen and angry looking. It's like he's trying to make himself feel better by letting some of the anger out, but it's not helping and he is getting more angry because it isn't helping. Clearly E has issues with impulse control, but it felt like before when he was acting out, there was no _intent_ behind it. Now it feels different. It feels like he MEANS to do what he's doing, he just can't stop himself from doing it. So yeah, I may WANT to push someone but I don't. For him he WANTS to do it AND HE DOES IT. The intent is what is troubling me most of all.

[rdhdsnippet]

"So yeah, I may WANT to push someone but I don't. For him he WANTS to do it AND HE DOES IT. The intent is what is troubling me most of all."

If I may suggest something? If you feel like his feeling a certain way is a problem, he probably does too. And honestly? It's not. You want to push and hit people too, but you know not to do it. It's what he does about his thoughts that matter and are innapropriate, not the thoughts and feelings behind them. I guess what I'm saying is that it's probably not only counterproductive for him to feel bad about how he feels, but if he's internalizing his feelings as "bad", that may well be contributing to the angry sullenness, because then HE becomes bad, not just his actions.

Just a thought.

[seasonalkat]

Hmm...that's an excellent point. I don't want him internalizing his feelings as bad. I just hate to see the intent in it, but you're right, we all have intent SOMETIMES. This parenting thing, it's not an easy gig. Thank you.

[slfisher]

Even if it is "your fault" for your genes or whatever, there's not anything you can do about that aspect now. What matters is what can be done moving forward.

Good luck with it. It sounds awful.

[fearfuloptimist]

I am sending you so much love and support. Oh honey, hang on tight. There is love out here for you and your son and your family. We care.

Stay well

[tanya7774]

I feel the same way about my genes. Always wondering when the mental health stuff will effect me and in turn, Justus. I have been seeking treatment for anxiety and figure "here we go." Justus has issues with tantrums and I know it's normal for a 2yr old, but I am starting to research HSC (high sensitive children). As much as I do not want to label him, if it will help me parent him better then it's a good thing. I have considered putting him into Karate in a year or so as a good outlet for anger and to learn disapline. Try to stay well and I hope you figure this out for the both of you. :)