There are not words for what I am feeling. . .All I can convey at this time is gratitude that good people still do exist. I have at last found an island in this sea of dispair; a place where there is more than hope for change, it is a certainty. I have discovered a haven in which I feel balanced out, neither sorrowful or joyous. I have found a ( Read more... )

I think my heart is screaming, but I am unable to hear it. I close my eyes and I see dark green and delicate silver of a forest caught in the embrace of night. It brings me a sort of quiet comfort; but, when I open my eyes all I see is a barren wasteland. A part of me knows that I am slipping more into my internal world, but like the tortured ( Read more... )

Of all the things I miss in the world, presently I miss my music the most. I found myself passionately speaking of music with one seldom seen but dearly loved the other night, and since, the notes of lost songs have played constantly in my mind. It haunts me now, it torments me ( Read more... )

I wonder if I have a virus. . .I fancy there is a malignant worm inside my stomach, that it is not despair and emptiness that eats away at me, but only this vicious little worm. I pretend that maybe it has poisoned my system so, it is the reason that for so many years happiness has been a painful experience. I wonder if I am not insane at all, I ( Read more... )

The wind stopped me last night as I was running through the rain, trying to make it to my small apartment without being soaked. Since my earliest recollection the breeze has been my companion, my love, and my strength. Air swirled around me once I had ceased my frantic dash, whispers of sadness and comfort echoed softly as the breeze caressed me ( Read more... )

I talked to Emily today for the first time in two months. Its so hard to speak with anyone who used to know me. . .I cannot lie and I cannot bear for them to see how far I have fallen, to see how I have been weakened. I made plans to see her tomorrow after work, another form of self-abuse I suppose. Missing my old friends eats at me though and ( Read more... )

My entire life I was trying to find a way out of my cage, and when I found the escape route, I was blinded in my exhilaration and quickly leapt into another cage. It is a bigger cage, nicely furnished, but a cage nonetheless. I found the window, the narrow path of escape; but at the critical moment I turned my gaze away and the window slammed ( Read more... )

I am leaving today. . .If I do not back down like a coward, that is. All he did last night is tell me that I was stupid and that I am worthless, that he will finally be happy because I will not be here anymore. Why I am contemplating staying for that? Why do I accept it? T. yelled at me last night for pretending nothing was wrong. . .I suppose ( Read more... )

I woke up today suddenly from an uncomfortable pain in my chest. I laid very still as not to wake the one sleeping beside me, a hand over my mouth to stifle my heavy, aching breaths. From the brutal lessons of the past, I have learned to not tell him of pains, emotional or physical. . .He seems to resent me for being as tragically human as he ( Read more... )

This piece of paper is beside me, confounding me entirely. My eyes shift to it with a suspicious glare and then to my hands which are pretending innocence. A vine of mangled hope is winding its way up my spine, sparking the morbid interest to wait and see if it reaches my heart. I had believed that. . .Poetry had died within me. It is not ( Read more... )