Welcome Home (Mustang x Havoc)
Title: Welcome Home
Author: SeaweedOtter
Requestor: Zannechaos
Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist
Pairing: Roy Mustang x Jean Havoc
Rating: NC-17
Wordcount: ?
Warnings: Manga Fic- post Chapter 40 (spoilers)
Summary: When Roy visits Havoc at home, he realizes that Havoc is more important to him than he thought.
Disclaimer: The characters so do not belong to me!
A/N: Poor Havoc needs love too! (and I REALLY didnt mean for it to be so damn long, but I wanted to get all the details in and I didnt want to skimp on the story!)
area countryside. That was good news for Jean Havoc...'>
The spring came early, chasing away the winter's bite from the East area countryside. That was good news for Jean Havoc. It meant that the ache in his bones that came with the cold would subside soon. For him, it couldn't be soon enough. Sighing, took a long drag on his cigarette, burning it down to the very last, before throwing it on the ground and rolling his wheelchair over it a couple of times to make sure that it was fully out. Slowly, he rolled back towards his parents' house.
As Havoc rolled into the house, he heard his mother's voice from the kitchen. "Hey,
Jean, the mail came. You got a letter from one of your friends, I think."
"A friend, huh?" he softly asked himself out loud. "Probably Breda again. He loves to tease me with stories of him and his new girlfriend. Bastard." He couldn't help but smile. As much as he hated that his best friend had a girlfriend, he had to admit that he was happy for the big man.
"Thanks." He wheeled himself into the room and took the letter, then rolled back to the makeshift bedroom that they had set up for him on the first floor. It was lucky
that they had an extra room. He rolled into the bedroom and closed the door, then turned the letter over, reading the return address. It was from Central, but not from Breda. It was from Brigadeer General Mustang.
"Mustang? What the hell does he want?" Havoc wondered as he opened it. His eyes scanned the page once, then a second time to make sure that he read it right. Mustang was coming to visit, in a week. Havoc rubbed his temples with his fingers, then slowly rolled back into the kitchen.
"This letter I just got, Ma, it says my former Colonel is coming to visit in a week. I'm sorry he didn't give us more warning, I hope we can find a place for him to sleep-"
"Now Jean," his mother interrupted, "you know we always welcome anyone who comes thru our doors. We'll find a place for him. He can have your room upstairs!"
"Ma! That has all my childhood stuff in it! That would be too embarassing!" Havoc's
cheeks blushed red.
"Well, unless you can think of a better arrangement, then that's the only room that has a spare bed. And don't even think about making your guest sleep on the couch, young man!" She accentuated her point by shaking her vegetable knife at him.
"Yes, Ma." He dejectedly rolled back towards the front door. He needed a cigarette-
or two.
____________________________________________________________________________________
His mind flashed back to that moment.. She was black as the shadows, the stink of burnt flesh still held in the air. There was a soft breeze as her nails pierced thru
the air, and the world stopped when they dug straight thru to the other side of his
body. There was hardly any blood at first, when he nails came back thru him. It was
almost as if his body didn't believe what happened, either, it refused to start bleeding just in case this was all just some sick joke.
Somewhere, from what sounded like a million miles away, he heard his commanding
officer call his name. He wanted to say something, but all that he could spill from
his mouth was how unlucky he was with women.
He hardly felt his head hit the floor. He vaguely felt how cold the floor was, but his chest felt nice and warm, and the warmth was spreading. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew it was blood, but there was little he could do about it.
Havoc heard yelling, but he couldn't make out the words.. They started sounding further and further away. Then for a moment, his colonel was close again, telling him something. He tried to read his lips but his vision started to blur. Mustang was
yelling again.. He couldn't understand anything, untill he yelled his name.
Even if he had wanted to respond, he couldn't. His body was cold, and his mind was
telling him to sleep. Somewhere deep inside he knew that sleep would be a bad idea.
He knew there was a good chance if he went to sleep, he wouldn't wake up. But he
couldn't fight for long. The puddle of red warmth underneath him was gently caressing his cheek, and with a tiny sigh, he decided that maybe a little nap would be ok.
"HAVOC!"
"Colonel!"
He yelled as he awoke with a start. His face was covered in sweat, his spiky hair was plastered to his head. He gasped for breath, his hands gripping the sheets tight. It took him a moment to get his bearings. When he looked around he saw that he was still in his bedroom at his parent's house.
Blinking a couple of times, he looked out the large window. It wasn't quite daybreak
yet, and Mustang's train wouldn't be in for several more hours. He sighed, looking at his wheelchair to the side of his bed. He knew that even though he couldn't feel the urge, he should relieve himself.
Over the past few months, he'd been getting better at maneuvering into his chair. Still, it was tricky at best, and he when didn't make it, he would be rewarded with
a face full of carpet. That prospect didn't thrill him.
By the time he was in the chair and situated, it was almost 10 minutes later, and he
was covered in sweat, so tired that he wanted to crawl back into bed. But it was too
late now. He rolled into the bathroom that was barely big enough to have access to the sink and toilet. He relieved himself, then washed his face and brushed his hair and teeth. At the end, another 10 minutes had passed, and he could already hear the other people in the house start to stir.
"Well, at least if I fall over, someone can come get me." he sighed, wishing he had
the energy to go outside and smoke.
_______________________________________________________________________
"Colonel!" Havoc waved, rolling himself to where Mustang was deboarding the train. As a force of habit, he saluted, and Roy smiled. He saluted back, out of respect.
"You can call me Roy. No need to be formal here. I am just visiting a friend. Let's
get my luggage. I don't have much." He walked towards the baggage car.
"Right, chief!" Havoc smiled, falling back into a familiar routine.
It didn't take long to load everything for the thankfully short and bumpy ride back.
It was Havoc's mother who started the conversation on the way to the house.
"This couldn't have been better timing, Mr. Mustang."
"Just Roy, ma'am."
"Okay, Roy. Anyways, Jean's father and I have wanted to take a few days off, for a
little holiday. I've been too worried since Jean got home to leave him alone. Sometimes he needs help, and right now we can't afford to have anyone stay. I wonder, would you be able to stay with Jean for a few days?
"Oh good, I get to go from one babysitter to another." Havoc griped, rolling his eyes.
"Jean! It's for your own good, and you know it!" his mother snapped. "If you fall and hurt yourself and nobody is here, then what will happen? I almost lost my only son once, I'm not going to have it happen again!" She was almost in tears by the time she was done.
"I'm sorry, Ma."
"I would be happy to Mrs. Havoc."
"Thank you, Mr. Mustang."
"Roy."
"Roy." Mrs. Havoc replied, and smiled.
_________________________________________________________________
"Okay, we will see you in a few days then, Ma! Have fun!" Havoc and Roy both waved as his mother and father rode off. As they faded into the distance, Roy wheeled Havoc back to the house, a smile on his face.
"So, what do you want to do now, Havoc?"
"You can call me Jean if you want. I'm not your lieutenant any more, sir."
"And you don't have to call me sir. I'm not your commanding officer. Call me Roy."
"It's just so wierd, not being a part of the military." Havoc said, suddenly wishing
that he had stopped to smoke a cigarette. "I... miss you guys- Breda, Fuery, Falman,
and even Hawkeye. How... is she?" That caught Roy slightly off guard. He had long
suspected that Havoc had feelings for her, but he had never said anything to anyone.
"She is fine. She has been seeing someone, from another department. I don't think you know him." Havoc's eyes looked like he had just been run through again.
"Oh...er.. okay.. I... thought.. you.. liked her..." he said softly. He *REALLY* needed that cigarette.
"I did.. but she didn't have the same feelings for me. And honestly, I guess that
ended up being alright, because my mind has been on someone else lately." Roy stopped pushing his chair and got very quiet.
Havoc turned his wheelchair to the side a little. He sounded more than just a little
surprised. "Is it someone I know?"
Roy didn't answer for a moment, and he was glad that Havoc didn't seem to understand
why he hesitated. "Yeah, you do."
Neither of them spoke for a second, and Havoc- still seemingly obvlivious, asked "Who? it isnt Schezska, is it?" He got no answer. "I hope it isnt Winry! That'd be wierd, and Ed and Al would kill you!" Still no answer."Well, are you going to answer me?"
"You... don't want to know." Roy hung his head and started to walk towards the kitchen.
"Yes, I do." The gears in Havoc's head finally started to squeak and turn, and he
started to catch on slowly. "Is.. it one of the crew? Breda, or Falman, or Fuery?" He followed Roy towards the kitchen, his mind a jumble.
"No, it isnt one of them."
Havoc smiled and breathed havily. "Oh good. I was beginning to worry. I thought that maybe you had run out of girls in Central and were starting to-"
"It isn't any of them." Roy interrupted and sighed, staring out of the window in the
kitchen. "It... is you, Jean."
Jean didn't have an answer. He opened his mouth, but no words could express the
confusion that he was feeling. He knew he should be disgusted, but he wasn't, and he
couldn't explain why.
"Oh." was all he could come up with.
Roy turned around to face Havoc. "Havoc? Jean? I wish you would say something." Roy
looked for some sort of recognition in his former comrade's face, but it was a blank
mask of confusion and disbelief. He walked a little closer, afraid that he had upset
his friend. "Please, Jean, say something. If you hate me and want me to leave, just
say so."
"No, I don't hate you, Roy." Havoc was as surpised as Roy when he said it. "I can't say it didn't surprise me. I thought you liked girls. I never heard you talk about anything else. I mean.. is this something you have known about? Have you... felt this way about other guys? I just don't get it, this is all so much..." Havoc rambled on until Roy gently layed a hand on his shoulder, making Havoc almost jump.
"Whoa there, one question at a time." Roy smiled softly and sat at the kitchen table. "First off, I do like girls. But there have been some men who have.. made me
take a second look. There has not been any other guy in the office that I had feelings for. How long have I felt like this? I have always thought that you were
handsome. I was never very sure how I felt about you, until that day..." They were
both silent for a few moments. "When I saw you go down, I thought I'd lost you, and
it was such a helpless feeling. I thought you were going to die, and I would've done
anything to get you back."
"R-really?" Havoc asked, his face changing from surprise to a small smile. "I...
heard you yelling. I couldn't say anything. I tried, but I couldn't make myself
speak." He blushed a bit. "But.. you.. anything?"
Roy gently rubbed his hand on Havoc's back, in a comforting way. To Havoc's surprise, he enjoyed it. "Yes. I'd do anything for my team. You guys are my backbone. I'd be nothing without you all. But when you were injured, it was different. Even I'm not sure how." Roy's mind was racing, he wanted to hold this man and tell him how he really felt, like a part of him had died when he fell.
"So.. umm... " Havoc looked like a lost puppy up at Roy, his big blue eyes searching. "Now.. what?" He cocked his head to the side, silently wishing that he
had 10 boxes of cigarettes about now.
Black eyes blinked. He wasn't sure what to say. "I'm honestly not sure, Jean. If you
don't reciprocate these feelings, then there isn't a next. I would never force you
to do anything you didn't want to. I still care for you, but it wouldn't change
anything between us.
Havoc didn't say anything. He looked like he was searching for the words inside his
head, the wheel turning slowly. "I.. honestly don't know how I feel. I haven't ever
thought about having feelings for a man. I have been jealous for your prowess with
women. But I could see how they'd choose the more handsome of us two. " He blushed and looked at his useless lap. "But I guess it doesn't matter any more. I'm out of
commission, in more than one way."
It took Roy just a second to register what he had meant. He was honored that Havoc had been open enough to admit it, but it still begged more questions. "You have... no feeling at all? No movement?"
"Well, it is kinda wierd. I can't feel it, but the blood still gets there, and.. it can still..er.. rise to the occasion, but I can't really control it. If I get excited, it comes to life, but I don't feel it. I still get the same feelings through the rest of my body, the rush of adrenaline."
Roy looked at him, and after a second Havoc realized what Roy was silently asking.
"Yes, it still can... umm. make a mess." Havoc blushed even more. As he looked down,
he was somewhat horrified to see that even talking about this was starting to stir
himself awake. He wished he had a way to hide it, and he hoped that Roy didn't-
"Hmm.. I guess I see what you mean." Roy smiled. Havoc sputtered, but couldn't get
any words out. The dark haired man slowly moved his hand from where it was gently
rubbing his former comrade's upper back, down to his lower back, still rubbing in
small circles. Havoc didn't say anything. His whole body was still tense under Roy's
touch. He could feel the muscles under his thick, calloused fingers. "Please, relax, Jean. I swear I wont hurt you, or do anything you don't want. One word, and I will stop." Havoc just nodded.
Roy moved his hand from Havoc's back to his leg. He knew that he couldn't feel it,
but he could see it, and it seemed to have the desired affect. Havoc's breathing started to quicken, and a tiny bit of sweat formed on his brow. Roy could see how his body was responding in other ways as well. Roy looked at Havoc's face to gauge his reaction. His eyes were shut, and there was a soft moan coming from his lips. Roy smiled.
Roy's hand moved again, digging under Havoc's shirt- his fingers touching the warm,
bare skin of Havoc's lower back for the first time. His skin was so soft, unmarred
by scars or imperfections. It was the skin of the innocent, Roy thought. He thought
about his own skin, scarred, bumped, bruised, so well used for the fairly short time
that he had been alive- like a person who had lived twice as long.
"Mmm." Roy softly smiled. Havoc looked back, a bit confused as to what would be so good about his back, but he still tried to relax. It did feel nice, much better than
the torture that was called rehabilitation. Roy's fingers were expert in thier touch. Havoc was sure that Roy had had plenty of practice, and it showed. Eventualy, Havoc's muscles started to relax, and he let out a soft sigh, sinking a little into his chair.
His hand worked just a little further down, to the base of Havoc's spine. Havoc
leaned forward as much as he could, wishing for not the first time that he could just get out of the damned chair. He wiggled a little, and Roy noticed his figiting. He paused for a moment, but hesitated- afraid of what he was about to say. He sighed
softly, then leaned down and whispered into Havoc's ear "If you.. would feel more
comforatable elsewhere.. in a chair.. or bed.. we... can.."
That was the first time Havoc had ever seen him so nervous. He blushed and smiled,
speaking before he could think about it and talk himself out of such an absurd notion. "Uh... Okay, sir."
"Roy. Remember?"
"Oh, yeah. Roy."
It was a silent and awkward trip back to Havoc's bedroom. Havoc had plenty of practice pulling himself out of his chair and into the bed. It was awkward and slow, but he got up and as comforatable as he could. Roy smiled and piled the pillows behind him, so he was in a sitting up position, and took a seat on the edge of the bed. The mood from the other room had been broken, and he was very unsure of what to do. Thankfully, he didn't have to think about it for long.
Havoc gently patted the top of Roy's hand with his. "Um.. sir.. Roy.. That was nice,
the back rubbing in the other room. It felt good." He awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck, his cheeks deep red. "I'm still not sure how I feel, but so far this has been nice." He gave his former commanding officer a shy, nervous smile.
"I liked it as well, and I will do it again if you want me to, Jean." Roy put his
other hand on top of the one that touching him. With one calloused finger, he traced
a soft line on the back of Havoc's hand and down to his wrist. He paused for the
briefest of moments, then his finger continued up the top of Havoc's arm, around the
rough crook of his elbow- which Roy was pretty sure was the only calloused part of
Havoc- and up his upper arm and to the inside of the sleeve of his t-shirt.
Havoc sank into the pillows a bit, his muscles untensing slowly again. "That feels
good, Roy." Roy smiled, feeling the goosebumps on his arms that formed tiny mountains on his skin, marring its perfect smoothness. His hand wandered south again, inside the v-neck of his shirt to the ridge where his pectoral muscles met, a valley between two plateaus. Slowly he moved his hand to the right, running his calloused thumb over Havoc's sensitive nipple. Havoc hitched his breath, his body going still for a moment. Roy quickly moved his hand to the left, giving the same attention to the other nipple, already stiffening to his touch.
"Why... don't.. um.. we take off the shirt.." Havoc blushed thickly, already starting to tug anxiously at the bottom of the fabric. Roy smiled and pulled his hand away, watching the eager and awkward Havoc disrobe himself. He couldn't help but sneak a peak at the rest of the man in bed, and he saw that his body was indeed reacting to the attention. For a brief second, Roy was jealous that Havoc couldn't feel the painful ache that came with an erection that didn't recieve immediate attention, but the price that he had to pay for it wasn't worth that small bit of comfort, not by a long shot.
It took a second for Roy to realize that he had been staring, and that Havoc had had
his shirt off for several momemts and had been looking back at him. He blinked, shaking his head, his cheeks warm. "Oh... sorry." It was as good as he could do. He
had no real excuse about why he was staring at his former junior officer, other than
he really liked the view, and it was no use lying to Havoc. He already knew it.
Havoc shook his head and smiled. "I'm not a bright man, but I know that it isn't my
chest that you're interested in, Roy Mustang." Roy smiled, never having heard Havoc
call him by his whole name. "I don't really know what I am doing, and I really would
never understand why anyone would be interested in me, especially now that I am like
this.." he swept his arms over his lower body, "But.. I trust you. I've always trusted you..." He trailed off, not exactly sure what to say. Roy understood, another silent consent.
The older man nodded, and surprising to Havoc used the dry, flat palms of his hands
to start massaging at his chest again. For a second, Havoc was confused. He thought
that perhaps Roy had missed what he said, or even worse, had decided that maybe it
wasn't what he wanted. He paused, ready to open his mouth when the hands of the Flame Alchemist started to wander down, over the planes of his stomach, over the slight bumps of his abs, down to the soft, curly trail of sandy blond hair that pointed to regions that had not yet been explored.
"Oh..." was all that Havoc could say, and he closed his mouth again, trying to shut
out the part of his brain that was screaming at him how wrong this all was. He tried
to tell himself that if it was so damn wrong, then why the hell did it feel so good?
And why was his body reacting to it? His body and his brain, as with many times in
his life, were on totally different wavelengths.
Roy reached the waistband of Havoc's sweatpants, and stopped. The older man could
literally see the internal confusion that he was going thru. It was written on the
furrow of his brow. "If.. you want me to stop.. I will." He said softly, trying to
hide the anxious tenor in his voice.
"No, it.. it's okay. It's all so new.. but it feels nice. I want to.. er.. I am
curious about.. Er.. I wonder... " Roy smiled and put a finger to the younger man's
lips. He leaned in, his face an inch away from Havoc's, taking in all the scents of
the man. They were mostly the same as when they had been in the office- the fruity
shampoo, his particular soap. But now he smelt the musk, the sweat that was the essence of Jean Havoc, and it made his knees weak.
Before he could tell himself how bad of an idea this was, Roy leaned in and gave Havoc a short, chaste kiss on the lips. Havoc's eyes went wide, but he didn't pull away- whether from enjoyment, shock, or the lack of movement in some extremeties, neither of them were sure. When it was over, Havoc blinked a couple of times, his eyes still like saucers, his chest heaving with short quick gasps, his cheeks a shade of red that Roy had never seen before.
"Did you like it, Jean?" Roy asked, worry seeping into his question.
"Uh... well.. I.. "
"Dont think about it, just feel. What was the first thought that entered your mind?"
Havoc blushed for a second, then replied. "More."
There was no hesitation, no holding back like before. Roy leaned in and kissed him,
fully, pressing hard into the full red lips of his former solider. Roy had to keep
from smiling. Havoc's kisses were awkward and sloppy, like a teenager with his first
crush. Roy broke the kiss, and concentrated on his hands again.
Giving Havoc one last quick kiss, he repeated himself. "I will not do anything that
you do not wish, Jean. One word from you and I will stop, and we will never speak of
it again." Havoc nodded, rather dumbfoundedly. Deer in the headlights was a good way to describe his look, Roy thought. He hoped this wasn't all too much at once, but they had gone through so much already, and he wanted to show his soldier how much he really meant to him.
Roy gulped, and took a couple of steadying breaths, then tugged lightly at Jean's
waistband. It was tough, seeing as Jean couldn't lift his hips to make it easier for
Roy to pull them down, but between them they managed to tug the pants down far enough to get them out of the way. The boxers proved to be much easier by design, and Roy thanked whatever God he didnt really believe in that they had a fly hole designed into them.
Jean groaned, and Roy paused. He was more than slightly surprised at the size of what he was staring at. Havoc was a few inches taller than him height wise, and it appeared that his tall, skinniness extended to other parts of himself. Roy smiled, trying not to look too agape, but he was pretty sure of the bad job he was doing.
Havoc, on the other hand, had a sheepish grin on his red glowing face. "Is.. it really that good? I never really had many compliments from the girls that I dated.."
"Yes, Jean.. It is wonderful, just like you." Roy managed to stammer. He wasted no
time, moving one hand to the inside of Havoc's thigh, feeling the head that was
radiating from between the man's legs. It took him a moment to remember that this was really doing nothing for Havoc at all. He cursed at himself under his breath, hoping he hadn't embarassed him by forgetting. Havoc looked back at Roy, a curious look on his face, like he didn't understand why Roy had stopped. Roy just smiled, and decided to go straight to the main event.
He gripped his hand softly around Havoc's length, already hard and blushed deep red with desire. His pace was slow at first, more to see how the younger man would react. At first, he didn't. It was surreal. He could see that Roy was at the very core of himself, but he couldn't feel it. His body was still reacting though, not in his crotch but within the rest of him.. Even though it had no feeling, it was still sending signals back, and the rest of him was making up for what that part couldn't feel. He could feel his heartbeat quicken. His body felt clammy, his brow started to moisten.
Roy smiled and held a bit tighter, his pace quickening. Even though it had no feeling, he could tell it was reacting, swelling, engorging. He knew it wouldnt take long, and it urged him on faster. Havoc groaned, his arms gripping at the bed, He could feel pleasure building, but through his whole body, like it took up the slack for his lower half. He closed his eyes. He wasn't sure how it would feel, if he would even feel the orgasm. He hadn't tried anything with himself since the accident. This was a hell of a litmus test, he thought.
Faster, harder... Havoc bit his lip, his eyes rolling back and shutting. His knuckles whitened, his whole body shook. "Yesss.. MMMMrrrffff!" he shouted, arching his back and throwing his head backwards. He couldnt see it, but somehow he just knew without seeing the result.
Roy managed to stifle of sound of surprise at Havoc's reaction, and smile broadly when he saw and felt the man's seed spilling on his hand and down to the sheets below. softly, he stroked a couple more time, milking the last of his essence, then stopped, leaning down to take a quick lick of his hand, tasting the salty sweetness that he had drempt of for many years.
"Havoc... Jean... are.. you okay?" Roy asked softly. The man still had his head back, his eyes closed. He was panting, his chest gasping for air. It seemed like an eternity before Havoc looked at him, with a smile on his face.
"It.. was great, Roy. I.. didnt even think I could feel anything anymore, except pain and reget. You make me feel, whole and loved, even if I can't feel anything below my waist. T-thank you, Roy."
He smiled back at the still panting man and smiled, getting up to use the restroom to the side of the bed. He cleaned his hands, then wet a washcloth and came back. Softly, he gently cleaned Havoc, causing him to groan slightly. When he was done, he went back to the bathroom and washed off the washcloth and hung it up to dry. By the time he came back, Havoc's eyes were closed, and his breathing was soft and steady.
Roy couldn't help but grin at the relaxed smiled that played across the blonde's face. It was the happiest he had seen him since before the incident with Lust.
"Sleep well, handsome. I will let you take a nap and wake you up for dinner." Roy gently brushed some of the spikey mop of hair from his eyes, a soft, loving look on his face. "We'll have alot to talk about later, I am sure." His smile turned to
a slightly painful one. He just hoped with all his heart that Havoc felt the same
way about him when he awoke as he did when he had fallen asleep.
He shook his head and walked out of the room, closing the door softly. He rubbed his
eyes and wondered why he couldnt, just for once in his life, find a love that didn't
come with complications. One more sigh, and he started to look around the kitchen to
see what he could put togeter for dinner.
Author: SeaweedOtter
Requestor: Zannechaos
Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist
Pairing: Roy Mustang x Jean Havoc
Rating: NC-17
Wordcount: ?
Warnings: Manga Fic- post Chapter 40 (spoilers)
Summary: When Roy visits Havoc at home, he realizes that Havoc is more important to him than he thought.
Disclaimer: The characters so do not belong to me!
A/N: Poor Havoc needs love too! (and I REALLY didnt mean for it to be so damn long, but I wanted to get all the details in and I didnt want to skimp on the story!)
area countryside. That was good news for Jean Havoc...'>
The spring came early, chasing away the winter's bite from the East area countryside. That was good news for Jean Havoc. It meant that the ache in his bones that came with the cold would subside soon. For him, it couldn't be soon enough. Sighing, took a long drag on his cigarette, burning it down to the very last, before throwing it on the ground and rolling his wheelchair over it a couple of times to make sure that it was fully out. Slowly, he rolled back towards his parents' house.
As Havoc rolled into the house, he heard his mother's voice from the kitchen. "Hey,
Jean, the mail came. You got a letter from one of your friends, I think."
"A friend, huh?" he softly asked himself out loud. "Probably Breda again. He loves to tease me with stories of him and his new girlfriend. Bastard." He couldn't help but smile. As much as he hated that his best friend had a girlfriend, he had to admit that he was happy for the big man.
"Thanks." He wheeled himself into the room and took the letter, then rolled back to the makeshift bedroom that they had set up for him on the first floor. It was lucky
that they had an extra room. He rolled into the bedroom and closed the door, then turned the letter over, reading the return address. It was from Central, but not from Breda. It was from Brigadeer General Mustang.
"Mustang? What the hell does he want?" Havoc wondered as he opened it. His eyes scanned the page once, then a second time to make sure that he read it right. Mustang was coming to visit, in a week. Havoc rubbed his temples with his fingers, then slowly rolled back into the kitchen.
"This letter I just got, Ma, it says my former Colonel is coming to visit in a week. I'm sorry he didn't give us more warning, I hope we can find a place for him to sleep-"
"Now Jean," his mother interrupted, "you know we always welcome anyone who comes thru our doors. We'll find a place for him. He can have your room upstairs!"
"Ma! That has all my childhood stuff in it! That would be too embarassing!" Havoc's
cheeks blushed red.
"Well, unless you can think of a better arrangement, then that's the only room that has a spare bed. And don't even think about making your guest sleep on the couch, young man!" She accentuated her point by shaking her vegetable knife at him.
"Yes, Ma." He dejectedly rolled back towards the front door. He needed a cigarette-
or two.
____________________________________________________________________________________
His mind flashed back to that moment.. She was black as the shadows, the stink of burnt flesh still held in the air. There was a soft breeze as her nails pierced thru
the air, and the world stopped when they dug straight thru to the other side of his
body. There was hardly any blood at first, when he nails came back thru him. It was
almost as if his body didn't believe what happened, either, it refused to start bleeding just in case this was all just some sick joke.
Somewhere, from what sounded like a million miles away, he heard his commanding
officer call his name. He wanted to say something, but all that he could spill from
his mouth was how unlucky he was with women.
He hardly felt his head hit the floor. He vaguely felt how cold the floor was, but his chest felt nice and warm, and the warmth was spreading. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew it was blood, but there was little he could do about it.
Havoc heard yelling, but he couldn't make out the words.. They started sounding further and further away. Then for a moment, his colonel was close again, telling him something. He tried to read his lips but his vision started to blur. Mustang was
yelling again.. He couldn't understand anything, untill he yelled his name.
Even if he had wanted to respond, he couldn't. His body was cold, and his mind was
telling him to sleep. Somewhere deep inside he knew that sleep would be a bad idea.
He knew there was a good chance if he went to sleep, he wouldn't wake up. But he
couldn't fight for long. The puddle of red warmth underneath him was gently caressing his cheek, and with a tiny sigh, he decided that maybe a little nap would be ok.
"HAVOC!"
"Colonel!"
He yelled as he awoke with a start. His face was covered in sweat, his spiky hair was plastered to his head. He gasped for breath, his hands gripping the sheets tight. It took him a moment to get his bearings. When he looked around he saw that he was still in his bedroom at his parent's house.
Blinking a couple of times, he looked out the large window. It wasn't quite daybreak
yet, and Mustang's train wouldn't be in for several more hours. He sighed, looking at his wheelchair to the side of his bed. He knew that even though he couldn't feel the urge, he should relieve himself.
Over the past few months, he'd been getting better at maneuvering into his chair. Still, it was tricky at best, and he when didn't make it, he would be rewarded with
a face full of carpet. That prospect didn't thrill him.
By the time he was in the chair and situated, it was almost 10 minutes later, and he
was covered in sweat, so tired that he wanted to crawl back into bed. But it was too
late now. He rolled into the bathroom that was barely big enough to have access to the sink and toilet. He relieved himself, then washed his face and brushed his hair and teeth. At the end, another 10 minutes had passed, and he could already hear the other people in the house start to stir.
"Well, at least if I fall over, someone can come get me." he sighed, wishing he had
the energy to go outside and smoke.
_______________________________________________________________________
"Colonel!" Havoc waved, rolling himself to where Mustang was deboarding the train. As a force of habit, he saluted, and Roy smiled. He saluted back, out of respect.
"You can call me Roy. No need to be formal here. I am just visiting a friend. Let's
get my luggage. I don't have much." He walked towards the baggage car.
"Right, chief!" Havoc smiled, falling back into a familiar routine.
It didn't take long to load everything for the thankfully short and bumpy ride back.
It was Havoc's mother who started the conversation on the way to the house.
"This couldn't have been better timing, Mr. Mustang."
"Just Roy, ma'am."
"Okay, Roy. Anyways, Jean's father and I have wanted to take a few days off, for a
little holiday. I've been too worried since Jean got home to leave him alone. Sometimes he needs help, and right now we can't afford to have anyone stay. I wonder, would you be able to stay with Jean for a few days?
"Oh good, I get to go from one babysitter to another." Havoc griped, rolling his eyes.
"Jean! It's for your own good, and you know it!" his mother snapped. "If you fall and hurt yourself and nobody is here, then what will happen? I almost lost my only son once, I'm not going to have it happen again!" She was almost in tears by the time she was done.
"I'm sorry, Ma."
"I would be happy to Mrs. Havoc."
"Thank you, Mr. Mustang."
"Roy."
"Roy." Mrs. Havoc replied, and smiled.
_________________________________________________________________
"Okay, we will see you in a few days then, Ma! Have fun!" Havoc and Roy both waved as his mother and father rode off. As they faded into the distance, Roy wheeled Havoc back to the house, a smile on his face.
"So, what do you want to do now, Havoc?"
"You can call me Jean if you want. I'm not your lieutenant any more, sir."
"And you don't have to call me sir. I'm not your commanding officer. Call me Roy."
"It's just so wierd, not being a part of the military." Havoc said, suddenly wishing
that he had stopped to smoke a cigarette. "I... miss you guys- Breda, Fuery, Falman,
and even Hawkeye. How... is she?" That caught Roy slightly off guard. He had long
suspected that Havoc had feelings for her, but he had never said anything to anyone.
"She is fine. She has been seeing someone, from another department. I don't think you know him." Havoc's eyes looked like he had just been run through again.
"Oh...er.. okay.. I... thought.. you.. liked her..." he said softly. He *REALLY* needed that cigarette.
"I did.. but she didn't have the same feelings for me. And honestly, I guess that
ended up being alright, because my mind has been on someone else lately." Roy stopped pushing his chair and got very quiet.
Havoc turned his wheelchair to the side a little. He sounded more than just a little
surprised. "Is it someone I know?"
Roy didn't answer for a moment, and he was glad that Havoc didn't seem to understand
why he hesitated. "Yeah, you do."
Neither of them spoke for a second, and Havoc- still seemingly obvlivious, asked "Who? it isnt Schezska, is it?" He got no answer. "I hope it isnt Winry! That'd be wierd, and Ed and Al would kill you!" Still no answer."Well, are you going to answer me?"
"You... don't want to know." Roy hung his head and started to walk towards the kitchen.
"Yes, I do." The gears in Havoc's head finally started to squeak and turn, and he
started to catch on slowly. "Is.. it one of the crew? Breda, or Falman, or Fuery?" He followed Roy towards the kitchen, his mind a jumble.
"No, it isnt one of them."
Havoc smiled and breathed havily. "Oh good. I was beginning to worry. I thought that maybe you had run out of girls in Central and were starting to-"
"It isn't any of them." Roy interrupted and sighed, staring out of the window in the
kitchen. "It... is you, Jean."
Jean didn't have an answer. He opened his mouth, but no words could express the
confusion that he was feeling. He knew he should be disgusted, but he wasn't, and he
couldn't explain why.
"Oh." was all he could come up with.
Roy turned around to face Havoc. "Havoc? Jean? I wish you would say something." Roy
looked for some sort of recognition in his former comrade's face, but it was a blank
mask of confusion and disbelief. He walked a little closer, afraid that he had upset
his friend. "Please, Jean, say something. If you hate me and want me to leave, just
say so."
"No, I don't hate you, Roy." Havoc was as surpised as Roy when he said it. "I can't say it didn't surprise me. I thought you liked girls. I never heard you talk about anything else. I mean.. is this something you have known about? Have you... felt this way about other guys? I just don't get it, this is all so much..." Havoc rambled on until Roy gently layed a hand on his shoulder, making Havoc almost jump.
"Whoa there, one question at a time." Roy smiled softly and sat at the kitchen table. "First off, I do like girls. But there have been some men who have.. made me
take a second look. There has not been any other guy in the office that I had feelings for. How long have I felt like this? I have always thought that you were
handsome. I was never very sure how I felt about you, until that day..." They were
both silent for a few moments. "When I saw you go down, I thought I'd lost you, and
it was such a helpless feeling. I thought you were going to die, and I would've done
anything to get you back."
"R-really?" Havoc asked, his face changing from surprise to a small smile. "I...
heard you yelling. I couldn't say anything. I tried, but I couldn't make myself
speak." He blushed a bit. "But.. you.. anything?"
Roy gently rubbed his hand on Havoc's back, in a comforting way. To Havoc's surprise, he enjoyed it. "Yes. I'd do anything for my team. You guys are my backbone. I'd be nothing without you all. But when you were injured, it was different. Even I'm not sure how." Roy's mind was racing, he wanted to hold this man and tell him how he really felt, like a part of him had died when he fell.
"So.. umm... " Havoc looked like a lost puppy up at Roy, his big blue eyes searching. "Now.. what?" He cocked his head to the side, silently wishing that he
had 10 boxes of cigarettes about now.
Black eyes blinked. He wasn't sure what to say. "I'm honestly not sure, Jean. If you
don't reciprocate these feelings, then there isn't a next. I would never force you
to do anything you didn't want to. I still care for you, but it wouldn't change
anything between us.
Havoc didn't say anything. He looked like he was searching for the words inside his
head, the wheel turning slowly. "I.. honestly don't know how I feel. I haven't ever
thought about having feelings for a man. I have been jealous for your prowess with
women. But I could see how they'd choose the more handsome of us two. " He blushed and looked at his useless lap. "But I guess it doesn't matter any more. I'm out of
commission, in more than one way."
It took Roy just a second to register what he had meant. He was honored that Havoc had been open enough to admit it, but it still begged more questions. "You have... no feeling at all? No movement?"
"Well, it is kinda wierd. I can't feel it, but the blood still gets there, and.. it can still..er.. rise to the occasion, but I can't really control it. If I get excited, it comes to life, but I don't feel it. I still get the same feelings through the rest of my body, the rush of adrenaline."
Roy looked at him, and after a second Havoc realized what Roy was silently asking.
"Yes, it still can... umm. make a mess." Havoc blushed even more. As he looked down,
he was somewhat horrified to see that even talking about this was starting to stir
himself awake. He wished he had a way to hide it, and he hoped that Roy didn't-
"Hmm.. I guess I see what you mean." Roy smiled. Havoc sputtered, but couldn't get
any words out. The dark haired man slowly moved his hand from where it was gently
rubbing his former comrade's upper back, down to his lower back, still rubbing in
small circles. Havoc didn't say anything. His whole body was still tense under Roy's
touch. He could feel the muscles under his thick, calloused fingers. "Please, relax, Jean. I swear I wont hurt you, or do anything you don't want. One word, and I will stop." Havoc just nodded.
Roy moved his hand from Havoc's back to his leg. He knew that he couldn't feel it,
but he could see it, and it seemed to have the desired affect. Havoc's breathing started to quicken, and a tiny bit of sweat formed on his brow. Roy could see how his body was responding in other ways as well. Roy looked at Havoc's face to gauge his reaction. His eyes were shut, and there was a soft moan coming from his lips. Roy smiled.
Roy's hand moved again, digging under Havoc's shirt- his fingers touching the warm,
bare skin of Havoc's lower back for the first time. His skin was so soft, unmarred
by scars or imperfections. It was the skin of the innocent, Roy thought. He thought
about his own skin, scarred, bumped, bruised, so well used for the fairly short time
that he had been alive- like a person who had lived twice as long.
"Mmm." Roy softly smiled. Havoc looked back, a bit confused as to what would be so good about his back, but he still tried to relax. It did feel nice, much better than
the torture that was called rehabilitation. Roy's fingers were expert in thier touch. Havoc was sure that Roy had had plenty of practice, and it showed. Eventualy, Havoc's muscles started to relax, and he let out a soft sigh, sinking a little into his chair.
His hand worked just a little further down, to the base of Havoc's spine. Havoc
leaned forward as much as he could, wishing for not the first time that he could just get out of the damned chair. He wiggled a little, and Roy noticed his figiting. He paused for a moment, but hesitated- afraid of what he was about to say. He sighed
softly, then leaned down and whispered into Havoc's ear "If you.. would feel more
comforatable elsewhere.. in a chair.. or bed.. we... can.."
That was the first time Havoc had ever seen him so nervous. He blushed and smiled,
speaking before he could think about it and talk himself out of such an absurd notion. "Uh... Okay, sir."
"Roy. Remember?"
"Oh, yeah. Roy."
It was a silent and awkward trip back to Havoc's bedroom. Havoc had plenty of practice pulling himself out of his chair and into the bed. It was awkward and slow, but he got up and as comforatable as he could. Roy smiled and piled the pillows behind him, so he was in a sitting up position, and took a seat on the edge of the bed. The mood from the other room had been broken, and he was very unsure of what to do. Thankfully, he didn't have to think about it for long.
Havoc gently patted the top of Roy's hand with his. "Um.. sir.. Roy.. That was nice,
the back rubbing in the other room. It felt good." He awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck, his cheeks deep red. "I'm still not sure how I feel, but so far this has been nice." He gave his former commanding officer a shy, nervous smile.
"I liked it as well, and I will do it again if you want me to, Jean." Roy put his
other hand on top of the one that touching him. With one calloused finger, he traced
a soft line on the back of Havoc's hand and down to his wrist. He paused for the
briefest of moments, then his finger continued up the top of Havoc's arm, around the
rough crook of his elbow- which Roy was pretty sure was the only calloused part of
Havoc- and up his upper arm and to the inside of the sleeve of his t-shirt.
Havoc sank into the pillows a bit, his muscles untensing slowly again. "That feels
good, Roy." Roy smiled, feeling the goosebumps on his arms that formed tiny mountains on his skin, marring its perfect smoothness. His hand wandered south again, inside the v-neck of his shirt to the ridge where his pectoral muscles met, a valley between two plateaus. Slowly he moved his hand to the right, running his calloused thumb over Havoc's sensitive nipple. Havoc hitched his breath, his body going still for a moment. Roy quickly moved his hand to the left, giving the same attention to the other nipple, already stiffening to his touch.
"Why... don't.. um.. we take off the shirt.." Havoc blushed thickly, already starting to tug anxiously at the bottom of the fabric. Roy smiled and pulled his hand away, watching the eager and awkward Havoc disrobe himself. He couldn't help but sneak a peak at the rest of the man in bed, and he saw that his body was indeed reacting to the attention. For a brief second, Roy was jealous that Havoc couldn't feel the painful ache that came with an erection that didn't recieve immediate attention, but the price that he had to pay for it wasn't worth that small bit of comfort, not by a long shot.
It took a second for Roy to realize that he had been staring, and that Havoc had had
his shirt off for several momemts and had been looking back at him. He blinked, shaking his head, his cheeks warm. "Oh... sorry." It was as good as he could do. He
had no real excuse about why he was staring at his former junior officer, other than
he really liked the view, and it was no use lying to Havoc. He already knew it.
Havoc shook his head and smiled. "I'm not a bright man, but I know that it isn't my
chest that you're interested in, Roy Mustang." Roy smiled, never having heard Havoc
call him by his whole name. "I don't really know what I am doing, and I really would
never understand why anyone would be interested in me, especially now that I am like
this.." he swept his arms over his lower body, "But.. I trust you. I've always trusted you..." He trailed off, not exactly sure what to say. Roy understood, another silent consent.
The older man nodded, and surprising to Havoc used the dry, flat palms of his hands
to start massaging at his chest again. For a second, Havoc was confused. He thought
that perhaps Roy had missed what he said, or even worse, had decided that maybe it
wasn't what he wanted. He paused, ready to open his mouth when the hands of the Flame Alchemist started to wander down, over the planes of his stomach, over the slight bumps of his abs, down to the soft, curly trail of sandy blond hair that pointed to regions that had not yet been explored.
"Oh..." was all that Havoc could say, and he closed his mouth again, trying to shut
out the part of his brain that was screaming at him how wrong this all was. He tried
to tell himself that if it was so damn wrong, then why the hell did it feel so good?
And why was his body reacting to it? His body and his brain, as with many times in
his life, were on totally different wavelengths.
Roy reached the waistband of Havoc's sweatpants, and stopped. The older man could
literally see the internal confusion that he was going thru. It was written on the
furrow of his brow. "If.. you want me to stop.. I will." He said softly, trying to
hide the anxious tenor in his voice.
"No, it.. it's okay. It's all so new.. but it feels nice. I want to.. er.. I am
curious about.. Er.. I wonder... " Roy smiled and put a finger to the younger man's
lips. He leaned in, his face an inch away from Havoc's, taking in all the scents of
the man. They were mostly the same as when they had been in the office- the fruity
shampoo, his particular soap. But now he smelt the musk, the sweat that was the essence of Jean Havoc, and it made his knees weak.
Before he could tell himself how bad of an idea this was, Roy leaned in and gave Havoc a short, chaste kiss on the lips. Havoc's eyes went wide, but he didn't pull away- whether from enjoyment, shock, or the lack of movement in some extremeties, neither of them were sure. When it was over, Havoc blinked a couple of times, his eyes still like saucers, his chest heaving with short quick gasps, his cheeks a shade of red that Roy had never seen before.
"Did you like it, Jean?" Roy asked, worry seeping into his question.
"Uh... well.. I.. "
"Dont think about it, just feel. What was the first thought that entered your mind?"
Havoc blushed for a second, then replied. "More."
There was no hesitation, no holding back like before. Roy leaned in and kissed him,
fully, pressing hard into the full red lips of his former solider. Roy had to keep
from smiling. Havoc's kisses were awkward and sloppy, like a teenager with his first
crush. Roy broke the kiss, and concentrated on his hands again.
Giving Havoc one last quick kiss, he repeated himself. "I will not do anything that
you do not wish, Jean. One word from you and I will stop, and we will never speak of
it again." Havoc nodded, rather dumbfoundedly. Deer in the headlights was a good way to describe his look, Roy thought. He hoped this wasn't all too much at once, but they had gone through so much already, and he wanted to show his soldier how much he really meant to him.
Roy gulped, and took a couple of steadying breaths, then tugged lightly at Jean's
waistband. It was tough, seeing as Jean couldn't lift his hips to make it easier for
Roy to pull them down, but between them they managed to tug the pants down far enough to get them out of the way. The boxers proved to be much easier by design, and Roy thanked whatever God he didnt really believe in that they had a fly hole designed into them.
Jean groaned, and Roy paused. He was more than slightly surprised at the size of what he was staring at. Havoc was a few inches taller than him height wise, and it appeared that his tall, skinniness extended to other parts of himself. Roy smiled, trying not to look too agape, but he was pretty sure of the bad job he was doing.
Havoc, on the other hand, had a sheepish grin on his red glowing face. "Is.. it really that good? I never really had many compliments from the girls that I dated.."
"Yes, Jean.. It is wonderful, just like you." Roy managed to stammer. He wasted no
time, moving one hand to the inside of Havoc's thigh, feeling the head that was
radiating from between the man's legs. It took him a moment to remember that this was really doing nothing for Havoc at all. He cursed at himself under his breath, hoping he hadn't embarassed him by forgetting. Havoc looked back at Roy, a curious look on his face, like he didn't understand why Roy had stopped. Roy just smiled, and decided to go straight to the main event.
He gripped his hand softly around Havoc's length, already hard and blushed deep red with desire. His pace was slow at first, more to see how the younger man would react. At first, he didn't. It was surreal. He could see that Roy was at the very core of himself, but he couldn't feel it. His body was still reacting though, not in his crotch but within the rest of him.. Even though it had no feeling, it was still sending signals back, and the rest of him was making up for what that part couldn't feel. He could feel his heartbeat quicken. His body felt clammy, his brow started to moisten.
Roy smiled and held a bit tighter, his pace quickening. Even though it had no feeling, he could tell it was reacting, swelling, engorging. He knew it wouldnt take long, and it urged him on faster. Havoc groaned, his arms gripping at the bed, He could feel pleasure building, but through his whole body, like it took up the slack for his lower half. He closed his eyes. He wasn't sure how it would feel, if he would even feel the orgasm. He hadn't tried anything with himself since the accident. This was a hell of a litmus test, he thought.
Faster, harder... Havoc bit his lip, his eyes rolling back and shutting. His knuckles whitened, his whole body shook. "Yesss.. MMMMrrrffff!" he shouted, arching his back and throwing his head backwards. He couldnt see it, but somehow he just knew without seeing the result.
Roy managed to stifle of sound of surprise at Havoc's reaction, and smile broadly when he saw and felt the man's seed spilling on his hand and down to the sheets below. softly, he stroked a couple more time, milking the last of his essence, then stopped, leaning down to take a quick lick of his hand, tasting the salty sweetness that he had drempt of for many years.
"Havoc... Jean... are.. you okay?" Roy asked softly. The man still had his head back, his eyes closed. He was panting, his chest gasping for air. It seemed like an eternity before Havoc looked at him, with a smile on his face.
"It.. was great, Roy. I.. didnt even think I could feel anything anymore, except pain and reget. You make me feel, whole and loved, even if I can't feel anything below my waist. T-thank you, Roy."
He smiled back at the still panting man and smiled, getting up to use the restroom to the side of the bed. He cleaned his hands, then wet a washcloth and came back. Softly, he gently cleaned Havoc, causing him to groan slightly. When he was done, he went back to the bathroom and washed off the washcloth and hung it up to dry. By the time he came back, Havoc's eyes were closed, and his breathing was soft and steady.
Roy couldn't help but grin at the relaxed smiled that played across the blonde's face. It was the happiest he had seen him since before the incident with Lust.
"Sleep well, handsome. I will let you take a nap and wake you up for dinner." Roy gently brushed some of the spikey mop of hair from his eyes, a soft, loving look on his face. "We'll have alot to talk about later, I am sure." His smile turned to
a slightly painful one. He just hoped with all his heart that Havoc felt the same
way about him when he awoke as he did when he had fallen asleep.
He shook his head and walked out of the room, closing the door softly. He rubbed his
eyes and wondered why he couldnt, just for once in his life, find a love that didn't
come with complications. One more sigh, and he started to look around the kitchen to
see what he could put togeter for dinner.