The Seed of the Fire- Chapter 19: "Admissions" (Mustang x Hughes)
Title: Admissions (The Seed of the Fire- Chapter 19)
Author: SeaweedOtter
Pairing: Roy Mustang x Maes Hughes
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: AU, Set before the anime started, while Maes and Roy were roommates at the military academy.
Author Note: The story will mostly follow the manga, but it may have a bit of both.
Summary: The truth hurts, but in the end, it is the best course of action.
I have the awesome johns_elizabeth as my advisor.
Read all of the chapters so far HERE!
"Does she... know about us?"
"Well, I have never come out and asked, but I have a feeling she suspects something. But she has never said anything about it to me. I am not sure if that is because she respects my privacy, or because she is too scared of the answer she would get."
"And what answer would she get?"
"Well, I am not going to lie to her, Roy. If she asked if you and I had been seeing each other as... more than friends, then I would have to say yes."
There was a short pause on the other side of the line.
"Do you think that she will ask?"
"I don't really know, Roy. She usually doesn’t pry into my personal life besides our time together, so I suspect that unless something happens that really makes her worry about my relationship with her, that she won't. But I am just guessing."
Roy sighed and took another swig of his drink, adjusting the phone receiver from one ear to the other. He hadn't realized how long they had been talking until his neck had started to cramp up from holding the phone at an odd angle to the side of his ear.
"Look, why don't I come over for a bit. Gracia is at her sister's for the weekend, and there is something that I want to talk to you about."
"You can't tell me on the phone, Maes?"
"I would rather see you in person."
"It is really that important?"
"Yes, just trust me."
"Alright. Just.. hurry please. I miss you."
"I... miss you too, Roy."
As soon as Roy hung up the phone, his shaky hand reached for the bottle of whiskey that was beside him. Fumbling fingers almost knocked it over, but he managed to pick it up and refill his glass, getting the majority of it inside the container.
He took a swig, grimacing at the burning that coated his throat. It never felt any better, but eventually the numbness would take him.
Or at least, that is what he hoped.
Roy had a feeling, deep in the pit of his stomach, of what Maes wanted to tell him. He had been dreading it ever since they had gotten back from Ishbal- months ago. He took another swig and put the glass down, almost missing the end of the table.
His vision blurred, his head felt like it weighed about half what he knew it should.
"God.. please, Maes. Please don't let it be what I think it is.." He downed the rest of the drink and tried to refill it again, having less success.
____________________________________________________________
It wasn't too long before Roy heard the familiar knocking pattern of Maes Hughes. Somehow he had ended up in a chair, slumped- his eyes closed in half sleep. The knocking persisted, and somewhere in his clouded mind he knew he needed to get up and answer the door, but his body wouldn't cooperate.
He tried to stand, got about halfway up, then fell to his knees, the glass that he just noticed was still in his hand just a moment too late fell to the floor, cracking on the hard surface and rolling away from him, spilling ice and what little was left of his drink.
"I'm... com'n.." he slurred, not even sure that it was loud enough for someone on the other side of the door to hear. he tried to stand again, but fell back his hands and knees, so he crawled the few feet towards the door and unlocked it, then fell to a sitting position when Maes opened the door.
"What the hell is wrong with you, Roy? You are a mess!"
"M'ok."
"No, you are not. Let's get you to bed."
"Bu', Ya need ta tell me som'thn..."
"Not tonight. In the morning." Maes struggled, but managed to help pull Roy to his feet, where he steadied himself on a side table that was close to the door.
"No, now!" he yelled, much louder than he had intended to. He pulled his arm away from Maes' grip and tried to stand up
straight and failing miserably.
Maes shook his head sadly, closing his eyes. "No, Roy." he said firmly. Roy, thankfully, backed down, his eyes falling to the floor, his head drooping.
"M'tired."
"Yeah, I know. Come on. Let's get you into bed."
"Sleep w'me?"
Maes sighed again. "I will in a few minutes, Let's get you in bed and I will be there in a little bit."
"M'kay."
It was a bit of a struggle, but Maes eventually got him to bed. He didn't bother taking off his clothes, he just tossed the inebriated man into the bed and pulled the covers up to his head, and gave him a light kiss on the forehead.
"Mmmm.. luvya..."
"Night, Roy. I love you too." Maes gently ran a head through the alchemist's raven colored hair and went back into the main room, a frown on his face.
"If he is this bad when I just tell him I need to talk, how is he going to be when I break the news?" He let out a deep breath and took his glasses off, cleaning them with a towel and rubbing at his eyes. "What am I going to do?"
__________________________________________________________________
Fire and flame.
Destruction and death.
This was all that Roy Mustang saw when he closed his eyes, and that night was no different.
He saw the building collapse, he heard the screams of the children. Only after he had snapped his fingers did he realize that it had been a small one room schoolhouse that he had just destroyed.
A child came running out of the rubble, his ragged clothing on fire. His eyes were wide, his mouth open in a gut wrenching scream. Roy closed his eyes. He couldn't look, but he knew what he had to do. He couldn't bear to watch has he brought his fingers to bear- ready to snap, ready to end the child's pain, and life, once and for all.
Then, a gunshot. One single shot, from above and behind him. He didn't feel any pain. He opened his eyes, looked down at himself. The shot hadn't been intended for him.
The child was dead, a single shot to the forehead ended it quickly. Roy knew who had shot the boy, and silently he was glad that even after everyone he had killed in his initial firestorm, that was one less life he had to take himself.
Somewhere deep inside of him, he knew it was wrong to push the pain of death onto someone else, but at that moment, he didn't care. He had just killed so many, one less life taken wouldn't have damned him any less.
He looked behind him and up into the tower at the edge of their encampment, silently thanking the eyes of the hawk that watched over them all.
______________________________________________________________
Roy woke up with a start from his nightmare, his head plastered in sweat, his breath short and gasping. To his surprise he felt the bed shift slightly beside him as he sat upright. He looked over to see his lover sharing a bed with him.
His mind swam. What had happened earlier that night? He tried to search his cloudy brain, the beginnings of a nasty hangover headache already lingering in the back of his head.
Then it came to him.
Maes had said that he had something to tell him.. then he had started drinking, and he had already been dead drunk by the time Maes had come over. His lover had put him to bed. But what was it that his friend had wanted to tell him? He had never said before helping him get into bed.
Roy looked out the window. It was still dark. He had no idea what time it was, but it must had been pretty early in the morning. Roy knew that he wasn't going to get any more sleep that night, so he carefully rolled over to the other side of the bed, trying as hard as he could not to make the mattress creak, and got up. Maes shifted a little but didn't wake up.
He took care of a couple of things in the bathroom, and popped a few pills to try to get rid of the headache that was throbbing behind his eyes. His head still swam a bit, and he had to help keep his balance by holding onto furniture while he maneuvered around, but he eventually got into his main room, where he looked at the clock. It was just past 4 in the morning.
He had no idea how late Maes had gone to bed, and as much as he wanted nothing more than to wake his lover up so he could be with him, he knew it wasn't fair.
So he would wait.
Roy headed towards the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water. His stomach was churning- he wasn't feeling hungry at all. Even the water didn't settle his stomach in the least.
He looked back towards his bedroom, and the bathroom that laid inside. He figured that a cool shower would probably feel good, but he didn't want the noise to wake the man sleeping in his bed.
He sighed and took the glass of water to the main room and did the only thing that he could think of to pass the time. He opened up an alchemy book and started to read.
________________________________________________________________
When Maes woke up and found that Roy wasn't beside him, he sighed softly and rolled over towards the empty side of the bed, patting it lightly. There was still a tiny amount of lingering warmth from where his body had been, and he could smell his lover's scent on the pillow. He yawned and stretched, and headed for the bathroom.
When he came out, he went towards the single light in the main room, smiling as he walked in. Roy was at his table, a book spread out, and his head laying down inside of it.
He was sleeping lightly, his eyelids fluttering just slightly. He was murmuring, but Maes couldn't tell what he was saying. He had to smile. It was so sweet. It didn't look like he had been asleep long, the way he was tossing and turning.
He walked over and gently rubbed Roy's shoulder, leaning down and gently whispering in his ear. "Wake up." Roy groaned and moved a little, opening his eyes, smiling slightly when Maes came into his blurry view. "Hey."
"Hey." Maes smiled back. "How are you feeling?"
"Wonderful."
"Yeah, you look wonderful." Maes rolled his eyes. "Well, I doubt you want breakfast, and I am not really hungry, so I wont bother trying to make us anything for-"
"Maes." Roy interrupted. "You were going to tell me something yesterday. What was it? Tell me."
"Maybe we should wait until a little later when you are feeling better, Roy."
The look that Roy gave him at that moment was one he had only seen a couple of times in all the years that he had known Roy. It was a dangerous game he was playing, and he knew that if he didn't tell Roy what he wanted to know, there would be dire consequences, despite their feelings for one another.
Maes just sighed and took off his glasses, taking a seat next to Roy and rubbing his eyes. For a few moments, he couldn't say anything. He just looked at Roy, sadness in his eyes. He had already broken Roy's heart once. The pain of that flashed back into his mind, ad he cringed. But he didn't have a choice. It wasn't like he couldn't tell Roy, or it would be so much worse.
He put his hand gently on top of Roy's and looked him in the eyes. "There is no good way to say it, so I will just come out with it.. " He took a deep breath, speaking on the exhale. "I am going to ask Gracia to marry me."
The silence was deafening. Roy knew deep inside that it was going to happen. He had knew the moment he hung up the phone the day before. He just kept trying to deny it, to tell himself that it wasn't real, that he was just being paranoid and imagining things, even though he himself didn't believe it.
But it was real.
He wasn't even sure if he was breathing, he felt like he wasn't even there, it was some alternate reality where everything was skewed just left of normal. His throat closed up and his lips felt like they would crack. He tried to open his mouth, but he couldn't even form words.
"Roy... Please.. say.. something..." Maes cringed, tensing his body for what he thought would be the inevitable punch. But nothing came. Roy just sat there, like a deer caught in a light. "Roy?"
There was still nothing. Time seemed to slow down. There was nothing else but the two of them, and the volumes of space that seemed to be unfolding between the two men. He was hardly breathing, he didn't even seem to blink. For a millisecond, Maes had to remind himself that the man in front of him was alive and not just some store mannequin.
Maes got up and stood beside Roy, putting his hand gently on the alchemist's shoulder. Roy just made a low noise, almost like a feral growl, and shook his hand off. Quickly, he moved his hand away from the alchemist, glad that wasn't even dressed yet. If he had had his gloves on, would he even still be here, Maes wondered.
He backed away a step when Roy stood up, bracing himself again. He still wasn't sure that he wasn't going to be punched, and he was pretty sure that he deserved it, if Roy had. But once again, it never came.
Maes hadn't even realized that he had tensed his entire body and closed his eyes tight. He felt the heat of Roy standing next to him. He caught a whiff of Roy's distinctive scent, musk and sandalwood and just a hint of smoke and ash.
As quickly as it was there, it was gone again, and he heard Roy moving away. Maes opened his eyes to see his lover walking towards the front door.
"Have a nice life, Maes Hughes." Roy said softly. He grabbed a couple of things from the table that sat beside the front entrance and softly got up and left- closing the door to his own apartment behind him, and leaving a stunned Hughes to wonder what had just happened.
Author: SeaweedOtter
Pairing: Roy Mustang x Maes Hughes
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: AU, Set before the anime started, while Maes and Roy were roommates at the military academy.
Author Note: The story will mostly follow the manga, but it may have a bit of both.
Summary: The truth hurts, but in the end, it is the best course of action.
I have the awesome johns_elizabeth as my advisor.
Read all of the chapters so far HERE!
"Does she... know about us?"
"Well, I have never come out and asked, but I have a feeling she suspects something. But she has never said anything about it to me. I am not sure if that is because she respects my privacy, or because she is too scared of the answer she would get."
"And what answer would she get?"
"Well, I am not going to lie to her, Roy. If she asked if you and I had been seeing each other as... more than friends, then I would have to say yes."
There was a short pause on the other side of the line.
"Do you think that she will ask?"
"I don't really know, Roy. She usually doesn’t pry into my personal life besides our time together, so I suspect that unless something happens that really makes her worry about my relationship with her, that she won't. But I am just guessing."
Roy sighed and took another swig of his drink, adjusting the phone receiver from one ear to the other. He hadn't realized how long they had been talking until his neck had started to cramp up from holding the phone at an odd angle to the side of his ear.
"Look, why don't I come over for a bit. Gracia is at her sister's for the weekend, and there is something that I want to talk to you about."
"You can't tell me on the phone, Maes?"
"I would rather see you in person."
"It is really that important?"
"Yes, just trust me."
"Alright. Just.. hurry please. I miss you."
"I... miss you too, Roy."
As soon as Roy hung up the phone, his shaky hand reached for the bottle of whiskey that was beside him. Fumbling fingers almost knocked it over, but he managed to pick it up and refill his glass, getting the majority of it inside the container.
He took a swig, grimacing at the burning that coated his throat. It never felt any better, but eventually the numbness would take him.
Or at least, that is what he hoped.
Roy had a feeling, deep in the pit of his stomach, of what Maes wanted to tell him. He had been dreading it ever since they had gotten back from Ishbal- months ago. He took another swig and put the glass down, almost missing the end of the table.
His vision blurred, his head felt like it weighed about half what he knew it should.
"God.. please, Maes. Please don't let it be what I think it is.." He downed the rest of the drink and tried to refill it again, having less success.
____________________________________________________________
It wasn't too long before Roy heard the familiar knocking pattern of Maes Hughes. Somehow he had ended up in a chair, slumped- his eyes closed in half sleep. The knocking persisted, and somewhere in his clouded mind he knew he needed to get up and answer the door, but his body wouldn't cooperate.
He tried to stand, got about halfway up, then fell to his knees, the glass that he just noticed was still in his hand just a moment too late fell to the floor, cracking on the hard surface and rolling away from him, spilling ice and what little was left of his drink.
"I'm... com'n.." he slurred, not even sure that it was loud enough for someone on the other side of the door to hear. he tried to stand again, but fell back his hands and knees, so he crawled the few feet towards the door and unlocked it, then fell to a sitting position when Maes opened the door.
"What the hell is wrong with you, Roy? You are a mess!"
"M'ok."
"No, you are not. Let's get you to bed."
"Bu', Ya need ta tell me som'thn..."
"Not tonight. In the morning." Maes struggled, but managed to help pull Roy to his feet, where he steadied himself on a side table that was close to the door.
"No, now!" he yelled, much louder than he had intended to. He pulled his arm away from Maes' grip and tried to stand up
straight and failing miserably.
Maes shook his head sadly, closing his eyes. "No, Roy." he said firmly. Roy, thankfully, backed down, his eyes falling to the floor, his head drooping.
"M'tired."
"Yeah, I know. Come on. Let's get you into bed."
"Sleep w'me?"
Maes sighed again. "I will in a few minutes, Let's get you in bed and I will be there in a little bit."
"M'kay."
It was a bit of a struggle, but Maes eventually got him to bed. He didn't bother taking off his clothes, he just tossed the inebriated man into the bed and pulled the covers up to his head, and gave him a light kiss on the forehead.
"Mmmm.. luvya..."
"Night, Roy. I love you too." Maes gently ran a head through the alchemist's raven colored hair and went back into the main room, a frown on his face.
"If he is this bad when I just tell him I need to talk, how is he going to be when I break the news?" He let out a deep breath and took his glasses off, cleaning them with a towel and rubbing at his eyes. "What am I going to do?"
__________________________________________________________________
Fire and flame.
Destruction and death.
This was all that Roy Mustang saw when he closed his eyes, and that night was no different.
He saw the building collapse, he heard the screams of the children. Only after he had snapped his fingers did he realize that it had been a small one room schoolhouse that he had just destroyed.
A child came running out of the rubble, his ragged clothing on fire. His eyes were wide, his mouth open in a gut wrenching scream. Roy closed his eyes. He couldn't look, but he knew what he had to do. He couldn't bear to watch has he brought his fingers to bear- ready to snap, ready to end the child's pain, and life, once and for all.
Then, a gunshot. One single shot, from above and behind him. He didn't feel any pain. He opened his eyes, looked down at himself. The shot hadn't been intended for him.
The child was dead, a single shot to the forehead ended it quickly. Roy knew who had shot the boy, and silently he was glad that even after everyone he had killed in his initial firestorm, that was one less life he had to take himself.
Somewhere deep inside of him, he knew it was wrong to push the pain of death onto someone else, but at that moment, he didn't care. He had just killed so many, one less life taken wouldn't have damned him any less.
He looked behind him and up into the tower at the edge of their encampment, silently thanking the eyes of the hawk that watched over them all.
______________________________________________________________
Roy woke up with a start from his nightmare, his head plastered in sweat, his breath short and gasping. To his surprise he felt the bed shift slightly beside him as he sat upright. He looked over to see his lover sharing a bed with him.
His mind swam. What had happened earlier that night? He tried to search his cloudy brain, the beginnings of a nasty hangover headache already lingering in the back of his head.
Then it came to him.
Maes had said that he had something to tell him.. then he had started drinking, and he had already been dead drunk by the time Maes had come over. His lover had put him to bed. But what was it that his friend had wanted to tell him? He had never said before helping him get into bed.
Roy looked out the window. It was still dark. He had no idea what time it was, but it must had been pretty early in the morning. Roy knew that he wasn't going to get any more sleep that night, so he carefully rolled over to the other side of the bed, trying as hard as he could not to make the mattress creak, and got up. Maes shifted a little but didn't wake up.
He took care of a couple of things in the bathroom, and popped a few pills to try to get rid of the headache that was throbbing behind his eyes. His head still swam a bit, and he had to help keep his balance by holding onto furniture while he maneuvered around, but he eventually got into his main room, where he looked at the clock. It was just past 4 in the morning.
He had no idea how late Maes had gone to bed, and as much as he wanted nothing more than to wake his lover up so he could be with him, he knew it wasn't fair.
So he would wait.
Roy headed towards the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water. His stomach was churning- he wasn't feeling hungry at all. Even the water didn't settle his stomach in the least.
He looked back towards his bedroom, and the bathroom that laid inside. He figured that a cool shower would probably feel good, but he didn't want the noise to wake the man sleeping in his bed.
He sighed and took the glass of water to the main room and did the only thing that he could think of to pass the time. He opened up an alchemy book and started to read.
________________________________________________________________
When Maes woke up and found that Roy wasn't beside him, he sighed softly and rolled over towards the empty side of the bed, patting it lightly. There was still a tiny amount of lingering warmth from where his body had been, and he could smell his lover's scent on the pillow. He yawned and stretched, and headed for the bathroom.
When he came out, he went towards the single light in the main room, smiling as he walked in. Roy was at his table, a book spread out, and his head laying down inside of it.
He was sleeping lightly, his eyelids fluttering just slightly. He was murmuring, but Maes couldn't tell what he was saying. He had to smile. It was so sweet. It didn't look like he had been asleep long, the way he was tossing and turning.
He walked over and gently rubbed Roy's shoulder, leaning down and gently whispering in his ear. "Wake up." Roy groaned and moved a little, opening his eyes, smiling slightly when Maes came into his blurry view. "Hey."
"Hey." Maes smiled back. "How are you feeling?"
"Wonderful."
"Yeah, you look wonderful." Maes rolled his eyes. "Well, I doubt you want breakfast, and I am not really hungry, so I wont bother trying to make us anything for-"
"Maes." Roy interrupted. "You were going to tell me something yesterday. What was it? Tell me."
"Maybe we should wait until a little later when you are feeling better, Roy."
The look that Roy gave him at that moment was one he had only seen a couple of times in all the years that he had known Roy. It was a dangerous game he was playing, and he knew that if he didn't tell Roy what he wanted to know, there would be dire consequences, despite their feelings for one another.
Maes just sighed and took off his glasses, taking a seat next to Roy and rubbing his eyes. For a few moments, he couldn't say anything. He just looked at Roy, sadness in his eyes. He had already broken Roy's heart once. The pain of that flashed back into his mind, ad he cringed. But he didn't have a choice. It wasn't like he couldn't tell Roy, or it would be so much worse.
He put his hand gently on top of Roy's and looked him in the eyes. "There is no good way to say it, so I will just come out with it.. " He took a deep breath, speaking on the exhale. "I am going to ask Gracia to marry me."
The silence was deafening. Roy knew deep inside that it was going to happen. He had knew the moment he hung up the phone the day before. He just kept trying to deny it, to tell himself that it wasn't real, that he was just being paranoid and imagining things, even though he himself didn't believe it.
But it was real.
He wasn't even sure if he was breathing, he felt like he wasn't even there, it was some alternate reality where everything was skewed just left of normal. His throat closed up and his lips felt like they would crack. He tried to open his mouth, but he couldn't even form words.
"Roy... Please.. say.. something..." Maes cringed, tensing his body for what he thought would be the inevitable punch. But nothing came. Roy just sat there, like a deer caught in a light. "Roy?"
There was still nothing. Time seemed to slow down. There was nothing else but the two of them, and the volumes of space that seemed to be unfolding between the two men. He was hardly breathing, he didn't even seem to blink. For a millisecond, Maes had to remind himself that the man in front of him was alive and not just some store mannequin.
Maes got up and stood beside Roy, putting his hand gently on the alchemist's shoulder. Roy just made a low noise, almost like a feral growl, and shook his hand off. Quickly, he moved his hand away from the alchemist, glad that wasn't even dressed yet. If he had had his gloves on, would he even still be here, Maes wondered.
He backed away a step when Roy stood up, bracing himself again. He still wasn't sure that he wasn't going to be punched, and he was pretty sure that he deserved it, if Roy had. But once again, it never came.
Maes hadn't even realized that he had tensed his entire body and closed his eyes tight. He felt the heat of Roy standing next to him. He caught a whiff of Roy's distinctive scent, musk and sandalwood and just a hint of smoke and ash.
As quickly as it was there, it was gone again, and he heard Roy moving away. Maes opened his eyes to see his lover walking towards the front door.
"Have a nice life, Maes Hughes." Roy said softly. He grabbed a couple of things from the table that sat beside the front entrance and softly got up and left- closing the door to his own apartment behind him, and leaving a stunned Hughes to wonder what had just happened.