(no subject)
SO I JUST UNDERWENT AN EXERCISE WITH NISHI. ABOUT CLOUD AND ZACK. AND HOW GAY THEY ARE.
Boxy: Zack and Cloud's relationship is unacceptably gay for mainstream
it becomes even more clear when put into perspective
take two super manly icons from Americana
Boxy: like........... Bruce Willis and Vin Diesel
ok so bruce willis and vin diesel meet
Boxy: become INSTANT FRIENDS
and BOND :|b
and Vin Diesel wants to be like Bruce Willis.
Bruce Willis TOTALLY BELIEVES IN HIM :|b even though Vin Diesel kinda sucks
and is closed off around other people, but brightens up!1! when Bruce Willis is in the room. THEY FEEL AT HOME WITH EACH OTHER.
and then Bruce Willis singles Vin Diesel out in a lineup and tells him GOOD LUCK
yournewoverlord: These are amazing mental pictures. I'M FOLLOWING
Boxy: VIN DIESEL REMEMBERS WHAT HE'S SAID FOREVER
Boxy: SO LATER AFTER SOME TRAUMA FOR BRUCE WILLIS INVOLVING THE DEATH OF HARRISON FORD
VIN DIESEL IS REALLY EXCITED TO GO ON A MISSION WITH BRUCE WILLIS AGAIN. IT'S BEEN SO LONG :(
THEY BUMP ARMS
And Vin Diesel sends emails to Bruce Willis being all
"because of you I believe in myself and I'll always remember your words to me that day!!"
"And I was wondering, it's okay if you're busy, but do you want to come back to my place? to meet my mom? She makes really good stew"
Boxy: AND SO THE TWO OF THEM ARE FACED WITH THE CHALLENGE OF ..... .........WHO'S SEPHIROTH
I can't make Sephiroth manly
yournewoverlord: ... Sephiroth is hard to make manly
Boxy: rdj is reeve :(
yournewoverlord: Um ALAN RICKMAN
Boxy: OKAY
SO ALAN RICKMAN IS GOING INSANE
"MOTHERRRR"
And Bruce Willis FACES OFF AGAINST HIM. ALAN RICKMAN, HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO THE VILLAGE
I TRUSTED YOU!!!
THIS ISN'T THE ALAN RICKMAN I KNOW!!
Boxy: And Alan Rickman says THIS PLANET WAS STOLEN FROM MOTHER AND I WILL TAKE IT BAAAAAAACK and kicks Bruce Willis' ass so hard
and Vin Diesel STABS ALAN RICKMAN IN THE BACK
HOW DARE YOU DO THIS ;o;!!
BUT ALAN RICKMAN ISN'T DONE YET
AND SKEWERS HIM
BUT IN A FIT OF HIDDEN STRENGTH. VIN DIESEL TURNS THE SITUATION AROUND AND IS VICTORIOUSSS
and collapses dying next to Bruce Willis, who extends his dying hand towards him
Boxy: "You did good, Vin Diesel :("
BUT THE STORY IS NOT OVER
FOR THEN CHRISTOPHER WAULKEN APPEARS
AND SEES THAT BRUCE WILLIS AND VIN DIESEL ARE VALUABLE SAMPLES
Because of course Bruce Willis is a prime specimen, but Vin Diesel was able to take down Alan Rickman. SURELY HE WILL BE USEFUL
and so they are experimented on for five years
who knows what horrors Christopher Waulken impressed upon them
Boxy: When finally Bruce willis punched a dude feeding them in the face
Boxy: and though Vin Diesel was not as powerful and succumbed to mako poisoning, he was still alive!!
and BRUCE WILLIS WOULD NEVER ABANDON VIN DIESEL.
and so he opens his tank and catches him, and holds him gently for a moment :(
Then finds him a uniform to get him dressed. "you look good like that," he says
Boxy: And it takes NINE MONTHS
OF STRUGGLING
AND PROTECTING HIS UNCONSCIOUS BODY
and talking to him, reassuring him
"See that, Vin Diesel? These guys are no match for me"
"I'm a guy that's got all kinds of talents and skills others don't! I'll open a business that has everything!"
"What'll you do, Vin Diesel?... Just kidding. I would never abandon you."
"We'll do it together, right, Vin Diesel?"
"Because... [LEANS IN CLOSE, SMILES KINDLY]...We're friends, right?"
Boxy: AND THEN SNIPERS!! AND AN ARMY!!
AND BRUCE WILLIS HIDES VIN DIESEL. VIN DIESEL REACHES OUT HIS HAND BLEARILY
FOR BRUCE WILLIS' BACK AS IT LEAVES HIM
And though he gave a mighty battle
Bruce Willis had to succumb to the fact that the game would not continue if he didn't stop killing wave after wave of soldiers
Boxy: And so HE FELL, COVERED IN BLOOD, SHOT HUNDREDS OF TIMES
And Vin Diesel crawled across the bloody, soaked scene in the rain
to Bruce Willis' side
who managed a smile for him
and handed him his GIANT RAZOR for MAINTAINING AN ACTION STAR BALD HEAD
Boxy: And reached out and hugged his head to his chest
and told him, "LIVE, VIN DIESEL"
"YOU ARE THE PROOF THAT I EXISTED"
And though all Vin Diesel could do was blearily repeat his words
the weight of the death of Bruce Willis came crashing upon him when he could no longer open his eyes
and he SCRREEAMMMEDDDDDD TO THE HEAVEENNNSSSSS
And after daybreak, he said goodbye, and hefted the razor, almost too heavy for him
yournewoverlord: It was meant for balder heads than his
Boxy: IT WAS
And as he walked his brain slowly wiped itself out, unable to cope with the loss of Bruce Willis
And in the end, he believed he truly WAS Bruce Willis
And in his mind it was as if there had never been any Bruce Willis at all
yournewoverlord: AND SUDDENLY, NEXT MOVIE, DIE HARD'S STAR LOOKED STRANGELY DIFFERENT TO AUDIENCES
Boxy: AND CATHARINE ZETA-JONES KNEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH VIN DIESEL, BUT SHE COULDN'T BRING HERSELF TO SAY ANYTHING
But eventually Vin Diesel learned the truth of what he'd done, and remembered Bruce Willis and all he'd done for him
Boxy: And lives on. For both of them.
Because they were friends.
The end.
Boxy: Zack and Cloud's relationship is unacceptably gay for mainstream
it becomes even more clear when put into perspective
take two super manly icons from Americana
Boxy: like........... Bruce Willis and Vin Diesel
ok so bruce willis and vin diesel meet
Boxy: become INSTANT FRIENDS
and BOND :|b
and Vin Diesel wants to be like Bruce Willis.
Bruce Willis TOTALLY BELIEVES IN HIM :|b even though Vin Diesel kinda sucks
and is closed off around other people, but brightens up!1! when Bruce Willis is in the room. THEY FEEL AT HOME WITH EACH OTHER.
and then Bruce Willis singles Vin Diesel out in a lineup and tells him GOOD LUCK
yournewoverlord: These are amazing mental pictures. I'M FOLLOWING
Boxy: VIN DIESEL REMEMBERS WHAT HE'S SAID FOREVER
Boxy: SO LATER AFTER SOME TRAUMA FOR BRUCE WILLIS INVOLVING THE DEATH OF HARRISON FORD
VIN DIESEL IS REALLY EXCITED TO GO ON A MISSION WITH BRUCE WILLIS AGAIN. IT'S BEEN SO LONG :(
THEY BUMP ARMS
And Vin Diesel sends emails to Bruce Willis being all
"because of you I believe in myself and I'll always remember your words to me that day!!"
"And I was wondering, it's okay if you're busy, but do you want to come back to my place? to meet my mom? She makes really good stew"
Boxy: AND SO THE TWO OF THEM ARE FACED WITH THE CHALLENGE OF ..... .........WHO'S SEPHIROTH
I can't make Sephiroth manly
yournewoverlord: ... Sephiroth is hard to make manly
Boxy: rdj is reeve :(
yournewoverlord: Um ALAN RICKMAN
Boxy: OKAY
SO ALAN RICKMAN IS GOING INSANE
"MOTHERRRR"
And Bruce Willis FACES OFF AGAINST HIM. ALAN RICKMAN, HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO THE VILLAGE
I TRUSTED YOU!!!
THIS ISN'T THE ALAN RICKMAN I KNOW!!
Boxy: And Alan Rickman says THIS PLANET WAS STOLEN FROM MOTHER AND I WILL TAKE IT BAAAAAAACK and kicks Bruce Willis' ass so hard
and Vin Diesel STABS ALAN RICKMAN IN THE BACK
HOW DARE YOU DO THIS ;o;!!
BUT ALAN RICKMAN ISN'T DONE YET
AND SKEWERS HIM
BUT IN A FIT OF HIDDEN STRENGTH. VIN DIESEL TURNS THE SITUATION AROUND AND IS VICTORIOUSSS
and collapses dying next to Bruce Willis, who extends his dying hand towards him
Boxy: "You did good, Vin Diesel :("
BUT THE STORY IS NOT OVER
FOR THEN CHRISTOPHER WAULKEN APPEARS
AND SEES THAT BRUCE WILLIS AND VIN DIESEL ARE VALUABLE SAMPLES
Because of course Bruce Willis is a prime specimen, but Vin Diesel was able to take down Alan Rickman. SURELY HE WILL BE USEFUL
and so they are experimented on for five years
who knows what horrors Christopher Waulken impressed upon them
Boxy: When finally Bruce willis punched a dude feeding them in the face
Boxy: and though Vin Diesel was not as powerful and succumbed to mako poisoning, he was still alive!!
and BRUCE WILLIS WOULD NEVER ABANDON VIN DIESEL.
and so he opens his tank and catches him, and holds him gently for a moment :(
Then finds him a uniform to get him dressed. "you look good like that," he says
Boxy: And it takes NINE MONTHS
OF STRUGGLING
AND PROTECTING HIS UNCONSCIOUS BODY
and talking to him, reassuring him
"See that, Vin Diesel? These guys are no match for me"
"I'm a guy that's got all kinds of talents and skills others don't! I'll open a business that has everything!"
"What'll you do, Vin Diesel?... Just kidding. I would never abandon you."
"We'll do it together, right, Vin Diesel?"
"Because... [LEANS IN CLOSE, SMILES KINDLY]...We're friends, right?"
Boxy: AND THEN SNIPERS!! AND AN ARMY!!
AND BRUCE WILLIS HIDES VIN DIESEL. VIN DIESEL REACHES OUT HIS HAND BLEARILY
FOR BRUCE WILLIS' BACK AS IT LEAVES HIM
And though he gave a mighty battle
Bruce Willis had to succumb to the fact that the game would not continue if he didn't stop killing wave after wave of soldiers
Boxy: And so HE FELL, COVERED IN BLOOD, SHOT HUNDREDS OF TIMES
And Vin Diesel crawled across the bloody, soaked scene in the rain
to Bruce Willis' side
who managed a smile for him
and handed him his GIANT RAZOR for MAINTAINING AN ACTION STAR BALD HEAD
Boxy: And reached out and hugged his head to his chest
and told him, "LIVE, VIN DIESEL"
"YOU ARE THE PROOF THAT I EXISTED"
And though all Vin Diesel could do was blearily repeat his words
the weight of the death of Bruce Willis came crashing upon him when he could no longer open his eyes
and he SCRREEAMMMEDDDDDD TO THE HEAVEENNNSSSSS
And after daybreak, he said goodbye, and hefted the razor, almost too heavy for him
yournewoverlord: It was meant for balder heads than his
Boxy: IT WAS
And as he walked his brain slowly wiped itself out, unable to cope with the loss of Bruce Willis
And in the end, he believed he truly WAS Bruce Willis
And in his mind it was as if there had never been any Bruce Willis at all
yournewoverlord: AND SUDDENLY, NEXT MOVIE, DIE HARD'S STAR LOOKED STRANGELY DIFFERENT TO AUDIENCES
Boxy: AND CATHARINE ZETA-JONES KNEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH VIN DIESEL, BUT SHE COULDN'T BRING HERSELF TO SAY ANYTHING
But eventually Vin Diesel learned the truth of what he'd done, and remembered Bruce Willis and all he'd done for him
Boxy: And lives on. For both of them.
Because they were friends.
The end.