the last
i am familiar with the effect of losing someone when you percieve it is too soon.
everything is painted a little bit sweeter than it was,
i can't remember what you used to do to annoy me, or the little ways i taught you to hurt me
or that you used exactly the ammunition that i gave only to you, which you silently promised to keep safer than anything.
people need to hurt those they love sometimes
in order to watch them come back.
i think we did that less than most, but we did it.
right now, i believe that there is no possible reason that you should be gone
and you believe that there is no possible way that you could stay.
and it makes sense that we can't find each other somewhere in the middle.
people hurt those they love sometimes, and i'm okay with that,
we're just part of it.
i was asking myself the other night, if i knew ahead of time than this was going to be the price
of having you next to me and being happy for so long, would i have done it?
if someone had taken me aside and said,
"this will end one day not too far from now, just as you are becoming completely sure of yourself, just as you are risking everything. and when it ends, it will rip out your insides and you will not know a single thing to do," would i have done it?
god yes, i would have paid it 10 times over.
there are 6 billion people in the world, and i'm sure that any number of them could see the world in your eyes
so this is the last thing i'm going to write to you for a while.
i loved you, and this is just the way that love goes most of the time:
it lasts and lasts, it lifts you up, exposes you, it makes you proud, it brings your best, it turns your life up louder, and reflects everything wonderful, and then it disappears.
happy anniversary. i will miss you so much.