children's stories
Once there was a little girl named Mia.
More than anything else in the world, she wanted her very own
unholy army of death. But where ever would she get one? She asked
her parents if they would get her one for her birthday. But they
gave her a bicycle instead.
She asked Santa Claus to bring one at Christmas. But on Christmas
morning there was no unholy army of death under the tree. There
was just the newest talking doll.
Mia tried not to be sad.
On Easter, when there was no unholy army of death nestled in the
bright Easter grass in her Easter basket, she decided she could not
wait any more.
"I will find my own unholy army of death!" she cried.
First she asked the chocolate bunnies and eggs in the Easter
basket, "Will you be my unholy army of death?"
"Oh," they said, "We can not! We start to melt if it gets too hot.
And people try to eat us!"
"I see," Mia said. "I guess you're right."
Then she asked a sack of potatoes, "Will you be my unholy army of
death?"
But the potatoes just looked at Mia with their many eyes and said,
"Oh. We can not. We are to big and starchy. We move too slow,
and people try to cook us and eat us!"
"Oh," said Mia. She thought maybe she should start asking things
that people did not eat.
She found a swarm of fruit flies on an old banana in the kitchen.
"Will you be my unholy army of death?" she asked them.
"Oh," said the fruit flies, in high squeaky voices. "We can not.
We are much too small! We only live for a few days, and people are
always trying to spray us!"
"Oh," said Mia. "That will not work."
Mia did not think she would find her unholy army of death in the
house. So she rode her bicycle to the park.
There she saw a flock of pigeons. Hmmm, she thought. Pigeons can
fly! People do not try to eat them. People do not try to spray
them. They just might work!
She sat down on a bench and waited for the pigeons to come over.
"Will you be my unholy army of death?" she asked the pigeons.
"Do you have any food?" asked the pigeons.
"Yes!"
"Then we will gladly be your unholy army of death," said the
pigeons. "Where's the food?"
"Here!" cried Mia, and threw the pigeons some bread crumbs and
jellybeans.
"Foooooood!" cried the pigeons and began to eat and eat and eat.
When they were done eating, they started to fly away.
"Hey!" Mia exclaimed. "You said that you would be my unholy army
of death!"
"Do you have any food?" asked the pigeons.
"I just gave you food!"
"When did you give us food?"
"I gave you bread crumbs and jellybeans!"
"Oh!" cried the pigeons, "Bread crumbs and jellybeans sound
wonderful. If you give us bread crumbs and jellybeans, we will
gladly be your unholy army of death!"
"I don't have any more. You ate them all!"
But just then, the pigeons saw an old lady with a bag of stale
hotdog buns on the other side of the park and flew away.
Dumb pigeons, thought Mia sadly. Where ever will I find an unholy
army of death?
She decided to go see her wise friend Ratboy.
"Oh Ratboy," she said. "All I really want is my very own unholy
army of death! But I can't find one anywhere!"
"Ah," said her wise friend. "The trouble is that you are trying to
find a whole army in one place. That will not work! You must
build your unholy army of death one foul minion at a time."
Mia started to smile. "You are so wise, Ratboy!"
So Mia started to think about how she would build her unholy army
of death.
In the pond, she found a wooden duck covered with slime. "Will you
join my unholy army of death?" she asked.
"Yes! Yes!" quacked the slimy wooden duck.
"YAY!" cried Mia. That was easy! "Come with me!"
They went to find someone else to join them.
In the dumpster behind the high school, she found a dead cat that
had been used for biology class. "Will you join my unholy army of
death?" she asked.
"Yesssss," hissed the dead cat, and followed them to find more foul
minions.
It seemed that everywhere they went, they found new foul minions to
join them.
After digging and digging and digging in the backyard of the creepy
old man in the woods, they even found the skeleton of a hand!
"Come join my unholy army of death!" Mia said.
"YAY!" said the hand, dancing with glee on its long bony fingers.
Mia looked at her new army. "I think we have a great unholy army
of death here!" she said happily. "maybe just one more."
And then she knew where she would find that one more.
"Come join my unholy army of death!" she asked the dopey talking
doll that she got for Christmas.
"Oh yes!" cried the doll. "Being a foul minion in an unholy army
of death is much better than saying 'Feed me mommy!'"
So then Mia finally had what she had always wanted, her very own
unholy army of death. And even though they were all different, Mia
and her unholy army of death were very happy, and ruled the night
and the darkness for ever more.
The End.