The Very Secret Diaries - William Hague
Lack of sleep and a nostalgic wander through the Lord of the Rings fandom caused this series to spring into life. My humble thanks to Cassandra Claire, author of the original Very Secret Diaries, which are (happily) still archived here, and my profound apologies to all of you for inflicting this upon you.
The Very Secret Diary of William Hague
Day One
Election called today. Yawn. Decided to try new ointment to cure baldness. Head gets rather cold most of the time, very annoying. Sometimes wish I had hair like Boris. Then I remember what his looks like.
Day Five
Nick Clegg has a spot on his chin. Saw it today while he was on telly. I'd still hit it, to be honest. Man is fit.
Head: Still bald.
Day Eight
Actually looking forward to tv debate as will give me a chance to hear Nick speak without people shouting at him. Suspect he as dreamy voice. In other news. Saw Theresa today. My God does that women never shut up?
No new hair today. Blast!
Day Twelve
Gordon smiling on tv debate. D: Nick does have dreamy voice. Someone told me he speaks five languages. Wonder what one he speaks during sex.
Thought I found a new hair today, but turned out to be a bit of fluff.
Day Fourteen
Nick obviously starting to find David attractive. Not fair. Why can't he look at me that way?
Must be my stupid bald head. Have redoubled efforts with ointment.
Day Twenty
David did okay in television debate. In other news. Got people to hold message behind Nick saying he is gorgeous, he didn't notice. Damn.
Head still disturbingly bald. *sigh*
Day Twenty-Five
Got tired of George going on about how he was going to kill Clegg if he tried anything so I stole his pen, his favourite one with all the teeth marks in. That'll teach him. I wish he'd grow up.
Actually lost hair today. Don't think ointment is working as planned.
Day Thirty-One
Fingers hurt. Desk drawer full of mousetraps for some reason. Wonder who did that? :(
Head update. Still mostly bald. Damn.
Day Thirty-Five
Hung parliament. We got most votes. HA! Slightly saddened that Nick looked so unhappy.
Not made any better by the fact I'm still mostly bald.
Day Forty
Colaition government agreed, Nick and David looking very coupley in the steps of Downing Street. Is coupley even a word? George has suddenly stopped talking about killing Nick, wonder why the change of heart?
Head update: STILL BALD!!
Day Forty-Five
V. happy today as I got to rub my foot up Nick's leg during Cabinet meeting. Highlight of MY LIFE! He didn't look like he minded, although did look a little confused.
Still not any new hair.
Day Fifty-Two
Oh dear. George obviously heartbroken about Laws. Suspect he has called the PM for a cuddle. Mandelson seems very unhappy about something or other. Overheard him talking about plans and something about a machine. Perhaps his computer is broken?
Have given up with ointment, doomed to be eternally balding.
The Very Secret Diary of William Hague
Day One
Election called today. Yawn. Decided to try new ointment to cure baldness. Head gets rather cold most of the time, very annoying. Sometimes wish I had hair like Boris. Then I remember what his looks like.
Day Five
Nick Clegg has a spot on his chin. Saw it today while he was on telly. I'd still hit it, to be honest. Man is fit.
Head: Still bald.
Day Eight
Actually looking forward to tv debate as will give me a chance to hear Nick speak without people shouting at him. Suspect he as dreamy voice. In other news. Saw Theresa today. My God does that women never shut up?
No new hair today. Blast!
Day Twelve
Gordon smiling on tv debate. D: Nick does have dreamy voice. Someone told me he speaks five languages. Wonder what one he speaks during sex.
Thought I found a new hair today, but turned out to be a bit of fluff.
Day Fourteen
Nick obviously starting to find David attractive. Not fair. Why can't he look at me that way?
Must be my stupid bald head. Have redoubled efforts with ointment.
Day Twenty
David did okay in television debate. In other news. Got people to hold message behind Nick saying he is gorgeous, he didn't notice. Damn.
Head still disturbingly bald. *sigh*
Day Twenty-Five
Got tired of George going on about how he was going to kill Clegg if he tried anything so I stole his pen, his favourite one with all the teeth marks in. That'll teach him. I wish he'd grow up.
Actually lost hair today. Don't think ointment is working as planned.
Day Thirty-One
Fingers hurt. Desk drawer full of mousetraps for some reason. Wonder who did that? :(
Head update. Still mostly bald. Damn.
Day Thirty-Five
Hung parliament. We got most votes. HA! Slightly saddened that Nick looked so unhappy.
Not made any better by the fact I'm still mostly bald.
Day Forty
Colaition government agreed, Nick and David looking very coupley in the steps of Downing Street. Is coupley even a word? George has suddenly stopped talking about killing Nick, wonder why the change of heart?
Head update: STILL BALD!!
Day Forty-Five
V. happy today as I got to rub my foot up Nick's leg during Cabinet meeting. Highlight of MY LIFE! He didn't look like he minded, although did look a little confused.
Still not any new hair.
Day Fifty-Two
Oh dear. George obviously heartbroken about Laws. Suspect he has called the PM for a cuddle. Mandelson seems very unhappy about something or other. Overheard him talking about plans and something about a machine. Perhaps his computer is broken?
Have given up with ointment, doomed to be eternally balding.