100 Questions Meme - Jack Noir
Let's start with the standard and wholly basic information shall we?
Full name and any nicknames or titles: Jack Noir, Archagent of Derse, the Sovereign Slayer, the Ace of Spades--take your pick. Don't call me Spades Slick.
Age (both actual and human equivalence): What?
Species (if more than one please list all): Dersite.
Gender (please state if hermaphrodite): Do I look like a girl to you?
Height: Depends. Does the hat count?
Weight: Fuck, I don't know.
All done? Good! Now that that's out of the way we'll start with some simple questions!
1) What is your favorite season? Don't really have seasons on Derse. But the colours are least-hideous during your Earth-autumn, I guess.
2) What is your favorite color? Black.
3) Favorite type of music? Jazz, definitely jazz.
4) Favorite food? Black licorice.
5) What type of shoes do you like wearing most? Shoes?
6) Favorite animal (for this please use Earth animals)? Ugh, I don't know, but it's definitely not crows. I have had enough of these goddamn feathers everywhere.
7) Chunky or smooth peanut-butter, or are you allergic? What the hell is peanut butter?
8) White or wheat bread? Wheat, sure.
9) Have a lucky number? What is it? Number one, because that's me.
10) Jeans, skirt, pants, pajamas, or shorts? Don't need 'em.
Alright so let's get to know you a little better!
11) Can you sing like an angel or is it like running nails down a chalk-board? I'd say I'm pretty good, not that you would know.
12) Do you sing along to your music around people?What about dancing to your music… in public? What am I, your entertainment? I have a planet to run. And what I do in my free time is no one's business.
13) Play any musical instruments, how well? I'm the best damn jazz pianist on Derse. It's something to do when I'm ignoring my mountains of paperwork.
14) If you were taken to a karaoke bar what's the first song you'd pick (you have to sing, no choice)? I'd pick the song where I stab the person holding me captive in the throat during the first bar.
15) Any good at sports? Got any sport you're amazing at? How about terrible? Is slaughtering my enemies a sport? Because I'm really good at that.
16) Even if you didn't go to school, what would have been your best subject? Your worst subject? Economics. Do you know how expensive it is to fund a war? Derse would be drowning in debt if it wasn't for me. Worst subject... fuck, I don't know, art? Not like I'd ever use half of those ugly colours.
17) Hey, do you have a lot of friends or just a few, do you even HAVE friends? Don't need 'em. ...Well, I have my agents, but that's strictly business. They're coworkers and underlings, not friends.
18) Got a best friend? Draconian's probably the only one with more than half a brain. Maybe if he hasn't gotten himself killed by then he'll be seeing a promotion in the near future.
19) So what is your ideal job (legal or otherwise)? King. Well, what do you know, looks like I got my dream.
20) Alright, so let's say you get a day off from the dream job, what do you do on your day off? Not a damn thing.
So, how about some health questions?
21) Do you smoke, do you drink, heavily on either one? No, and only once but it was a bad idea.
22) Would you say you eat healthy? Sure, let's go with that.
23) What about your eyes? Are you blind in one of them? Both of them? My eyes are fine.
24) Can you hear or do you need assistance in that? My hearing is fine.
25) Is your body in good shape? Do you work out? My body is fine. I don't have time to work out.
26) Are you missing any limbs? Have you had to replace them? Sometimes. Though it's a pain in the ass that I have to take off my ring just to have two functioning arms.
27) Were you born with any health problems: asthma, high blood pressure, cancer, etc.?
28) Have you gained any health problems in your life: breast cancer, diabetes, arthritis, burns? Does having a sword protruding from my chest count as a health problem?
29) Is there something that is different about you mentally: split-personality, ADD, hallucinations, etc.? Are you calling me crazy? Fuck you.
30) Is your body covered in scars? I have a scar on my eye, but that's just prototypings.
I feel like I'm really starting to get to know you! I'm going to ask about your love life now.
31) First off, do you have a preference? Oh fuck no, I am not answering these questions.
32) So, do you like anyone in particular? Do they like you back? No. No one. Ever.
33) Are you a virgin? Was it lost willingly? Not answering.
34) So if you were married, would you want kids?& No.
35) List ALL of your secret kinks (feet, bondage, blood, wrists, fish-net, BDSM, cat-ears, school girls/boys, etc.) NO.
36) Do you like to cuddle? NO.
37) If you got to choose who you lost/lose your virginity too, who would it be? How about you lose your face to my knife?
38) Who was your first kiss? No one.
39) Where, to you, would be a kinky place to have sex? And a romantic place? Fuck you and your retarded questions.
40) How much do/would you actually LIKE having sex? BLUH BLUH GEE I DON'T KNOW, CAN YOU GUESS?
Feeling a bit uncomfortable? Well we're going into your family now. If you have children we're going to focus on your own childhood.
41) How many are in your family? Family? What family? I was born in a lab, we don't have "families" on Derse.
42) How many members of your family are still alive? Did you even look at my answer?
43) What's the relationship you have/had with your family? Nonexistent. Because I don't have one.
44) Do you think your parents would/are proud of you and the way you are now? Well if I had parents they better damn well be, it's not like just anyone can rise to the top like I did.
45) Since a lot of people consider pets as part of the family, did/do you have any? Pets are stupid.
46) What's a pleasant memory you have of your family? Bluh bluh learn to read.
47) What's a bad memory? Bluhhhhh.
48) Where did you live when you were growing up? Same place I always have.
49) Ever try to run away/ get kicked out? Not really.
50) Did you have your own room when you were growing up? If I was sharing my room i wouldn't be a damn archagent.
Right, so we're going to get a bit dirty now, just a little bit though.
51) List seven bad-habits (you're welcome to list more than seven). Ugh, fine. I guess I get pissed off pretty easily... I'm not an ass-kisser so I'm pretty blunt, but I wouldn't call that bad. Pretty sarcastic, too. And "please" and "thank you" are reserved for people who give a shit. Most would probably call mass-murdering for the sake of ensuring victory bad, but I think it's just good planning. Prospit can't win the war if they don't have a planet, right? But maybe I go a bit overboard, sometimes.
52) What are five major irritations/pet-peeves of yours? People who don't listen to me, people who don't respect me, people who try to tell me what to do, garish colours like on that... monstrosity of a uniform, underlings that have about as much intelligence as a bar of soap--basically, my entire life.
53) What would make you get into a fist fight, even if you were a pacifist by nature? Fist fights? Piss me off and I'll start a knife fight, one-sided or otherwise.
54) Would you ever steal for fun? Heh, depends on if it's something worth stealing.
55) If offered, would you do hard drugs? Have you already done them? Why would I get myself addicted to something that makes me more vulnerable and stupid?
56) What is your deepest fear? Fears? What fears? I'm a King and I don't have a damn thing to be afraid of. Not that it's any of your damn business in the first place.
57) What is your darkest secret? Why the hell would I tell you that? And I don't purr when my prototypings are on, you can't prove it.
58) What have you done that you are ashamed of? Putting that bunny back in the box. Why did I put the bunny back in the box?
59) Have you ever caused someone to break down into tears? Probably. The Witch seemed pretty upset the last time we talked.
60) List seven flaws, starting with your biggest (Flaw ex: racist, sexist towards either gender, procrastinator, never on time, self-deprecating, etc). I kill people, I'm selfish, rude, maybe a bit paranoid about getting dethroned, I don't like talking about "feelings" or whatever. Like this entire question list.
Alright so this part may be a little tough for you. We're going to get deep in the mud with the questions. Now answer truthfully!
61) What would cause you to murder someone? Have you murdered someone? If they tick me off enough, yeah. I've killed more than I can count.
62) Have you ever contemplated suicide? What the hell would that accomplish?
63) Have you ever been arrested for something more than a misdemeanor? I'm an archagent, there's no one who could arrest me.
64) Would you take pleasure in torturing someone if it was someone you absolutely despised and loathed with every fiber of your being? Damn right I would.
65) If you could take revenge on everyone who has ever hurt you, would you? Been there, done that.
66) What action would make you unable to look at yourself in the mirror? ...Letting someone else take control of my life.
67) Let's say you found the love of your life. You have a child with them and some unexpected life-threatening event occurs where you have to choose your child or the love of your life, whom do you choose? I don't want anyone's love and I doubt I'll ever get it anyway, so whatever. Let them both die.
68) Could you kill a child for any reason? Working on it as we speak.
69) Would you sleep with someone to gain more power/a higher position/status? No. Never.
70) Would you kill someone for power/a higher position/status? Already done it. Never liked that bitch anyway, or that asshole of a King.
Yeaaah I think a shower is in order, and maybe some comfort food. Alright, let's do something light and nice to make up for the depression I've induced.
71) Anyone you admire? Why do you admire them? I admire myself, because there's no one better to admire.
72) What do you do when you're upset? Slitting throats is great for relieving stress, but playing piano isn't as messy.
73) What would be an instant pick-me-up for you if you were having a bad day? Sticking it to the Queen and getting away with it. Looks like I need a new pick-me-up now that she's dead.
74) List seven nervous habits (running your hand through you hair, rubbing the inside of your wrist, rubbing the back of you neck, rambling, etc.). I'm Jack Noir, I don't get nervous.
75) Do you like to sleep on a soft mattress or a stiff one? Something in the middle. Not too soft, but not as stiff as a board, either.
76) Do you/did you sleep with a stuffed animal? No.
77) Do you like to sleep in late or even on days off you wake up early? Days off? What part of "running an entire planet" don't you get?
78) Any collections (bottle caps, masks, art, gadgets, etc.)? Fancy blades. They look nice on a wall and they're practical, couldn't have a better combination.
79) Any hobbies? Piano. I write the music then I play it.
80) Would you rather play board games, video/computer games, or outdoor games (assume you have enough people for each category)? No card games? Damn.
Feel a little better? Not completely? Alright so here's so more light fun questions.
81) Shower or bath? Shower.
82) Hot or cold water for the previous question? Hot. Scalding hot.
83) Favorite kind of dessert (hard candy, chocolate, jelly-beans, cake, pie, etc.)? Licorice is pretty damn good.
84) What is your favorite ice-cream flavor and what is a flavor that sounds terrible to you? Something with a dark chocolate, maybe. Anything with more than three colours probably tastes like crap. If there was a rainbow flavour I would hate it.
85) What type of toppings do you put on your ice-cream, do you put any toppings? I don't eat ice cream so fuck if I know what's good on it.
86) Driver's seat or passenger? Driver.
87) Any particular place you want to visit (can be ANYWHERE, the moon, Disneyland, anywhere)? I wouldn't mind getting back to Derse and actually being a damn King for once.
88) What animal would you want to be (again for ease please use animals on earth)? I'm already part squid, cat, and crow, isn't that enough?
89) Favorite plant (tree, plant, flower your choice)? Ugh, I don't know. Pine.
90) Favorite smell (lilacs, cinnamon, fresh laundry, blood, etc.)? Freshly-charred corpses.
Feel all better now? Good! Just a few more questions!
91) Go to a play/musical, watch a movie, or read a book? They all sound boring.
92) Do you have a religion? The Gods of the Furthest Ring are less of a belief and more of a fact of life. So no
93) Do you believe in karma? Not really.
94) If someone was broken down on the side of the road would you stop to help them? No. That's not my problem.
95) What sort of super power would you want to have (you can only have one power)? I already have plenty of power, but I guess it wouldn't hurt to be invincible.
96) A genie is giving you three wishes, what do you wish for (no wishing for more wishes)? That all four of the Earth kids are dead. That "Spades Slick" is dead. That all those gray horned kids are dead. Or could I summarize all that as just "I wish everyone I hate was dead"?
97) Where and what's your ideal place to live? Derse, I guess.
98) Setting aside whether or not you fight, what is the type of weapon would you use? Blades. Anything that's sharp will do.
99) The end of existence has been announced, you have a day until it ends, what do you do? Ignore it. If it's the end of existence, it wouldn't matter anyway.
Last question
100) Do you like yourself? That's like asking me if I like slitting throats.