Brindo a voi e a questa vita
Students, don't ever feel like you have the monopoly in denial. Teachers have it too.
In a few hours, I'm going back to Manila and I'd have to say goodbye to my dogs and my books. It's starting again today, that ceaseless accounting of hours. Checking the time over and over again. Feeling that panic when it's already late and a new day is about to begin but there are still so many things left unfinished. I think that's what's exhausting for me - having to manage my time to get all the things I need to do out of the way and have time to do what I want. Iks once posted a picture with a caption saying, "Happiness is having no plans for the day." And that was my life during the holidays: just waking up, eating breakfast, playing games, reading books, watching TV, taking a nap, rinse and repeat. Alternatively, Pudding and I will go to the mall and just eat and have coffee and buy things. That's me, a creature of comfort (am I even using that phrase correctly?).
And that's probably my biggest hurdle not only this year, but in my lifetime. I like my comfort zone too much. I've furnished it with comfortable nooks, entertaining gadgets, and soft things. I've made my nest and I am not about to leave it. So that Saturday in December, when I was scheduled to go out in the evening, I thought of cancelling five hours before and just going home to my dogs and my books. Then again, the only thing I dislike more than going away from my nest is marking time as wasted.
Ninong once told me (as usual, quoting another motivational speaker) that I should make a life from which I wouldn't want to escape. He told me that last year when I was also in denial that school was starting again, because it pained me to leave my gold and my husband in Skyrim. Farkas, don't miss me too much. Our house in Markarth was stocked with dragon bones and scales which I had to bring to Whiterun to be able to craft light and heavy armor. In hindsight, why should they have to be brought to Whiterun? Doesn't Markarth have its own smithy? Wait, the orcs are running it. But it was so far from my house and it's always troublesome to navigate the city, what with all those stairs and my character's annoying tendency to die whenever I attempt jumping from a high place. I left my character at the outskirts of the last city I haven't explored yet, whose name I forgot. I miss fighting dragons. The best memory I have of my life in Skyrim was with the Companions, and we were going to a tomb at the opposite end of Skyrim to lay Kodlak's spirit to rest and allow him to hunt at their version of Asgard. We were running from sunny Whiterun in the north to the frozen wastes of the south and when we got to near the tomb, there was a bug that made the Companions run in circles so I had to travel there alone, which was lonely. They were already waiting inside when I got there, which was nice. That was also when Vilkas made a pass at me, even though I was already married to Farkas. What a douche.
Going back to what Ninong told me, I'm still figuring it out. I dismissed it at first because I am averse to people who live their lives according to the quotes of motivational speakers or whoever. All I know is, if I were someone who is obliged to support the family and pay for the siblings's education, and someone told that quote to me, I'd most likely feel patronized.