Anticipation has a habit to set you up
Last night was a real lesson for me. I've always prided myself on being able to be understanding (of most people) because I know they came from different contexts. Well, I failed miserably. I thought it was only for obvious contexts, like differing beliefs on religion and opinions on issues. I never realized that it was also for the way a person carries himself, like in the way he converses. This is where my upbringing in the bubble comes in: For the longest time, I've been surrounded by articulate people who say what's on their minds and say it in the most elegant way possible. So, I've never doubted that people shape their words to express their thoughts. Well, big fucking surprise, there are people who aren't like that.
Also, I've always thought that I'm a pretty laid back person, who knows that all people don't have the same preferences as I do. Again, I thought it was for obvious things, like liking "jologs" movies, or not reading certain books. It was also for, again, the manner of conversation. But I talk to one person, and it's like, "Why don't you appreciate the type of conversation that I prefer? Don't you know this is what constitutes great conversation?" Haaay. I don't know, he probably might prefer (or is used to) typical trite exchanges as, "Kumain ka na?" "Oo. Ikaw?" "Oo rin." "Ok." "Ok uwi nako." "Ingat." I think that a stupid conversation. Then again, is it stupid, or just different? I think at this phase in my life, I'm still drawing lines. What's the difference between happiness and mediocrity? What's the difference between something different and something inferior? When do you accept this, and when don't you?
Also: my perception is skewed. Last night I talked to Jeanne and Kuya Rey about it, and they spun it in such a way that makes much more sense. In the cold light of eight in the morning, I realize that what got me mad, I think, was that I construed it as a complaint, and all the things he said after it were just placations. Which probably wasn't the case. Maybe, as Kuya Rey said, he was just at a different frequency. Maybe, as Jeanne said, he has never had any inquiry-laden conversations before.
It's easy to say, "Oh, everything's just a matter of perspective." when you're happy or when nothing's challenging your good opinion of yourself. But when that happens, perception is more important than ever. How would I handle this? How did I handle the aftermath? I felt irked when I saw his message this morning, to tell the truth, and all the irritation came flooding back, but then I remember what Kuya Rey said, and try not to type out something sarcastic and cutting. Instead, I think about Jeanne's heavenly hosts rooting for me, so I refer to last night in a teasing way and I hope I did my better self justice.
One of my biggest problems is still my temper, I think. I am quick to judge and easy to anger. And when I'm angry, I really need to be taken out of myself. Maybe that's why I got Sauron in that Buzzfeed personality test. :( I promise I'll work on it, though. The next time, I hope I'm an elf. Or a hobbit.
Last night's conversation with Kuya Rey reminded me of how much I missed the years of being an applicant in UPRCY. I missed having lunch at CIS, or sitting on that ledge beside CASAA and listening to Johnny harassing people while we ate lunch. I also remembered one afternoon where Kuya Rey and I were walking to SC, and he told me bits about himself, like he had a primary complex, and that he was from Baguio. I remember walking into the tambs one day to find out that my buddy has the exact same shirt as I do (we have two same shirts, as we eventually learned). I remember playing the org game at the open space between CASAA and CIS, but I can't remember what it's called. I feel so far away from those things now, like they never existed. Thank god we have pictures and memories,