Dinner in Spock's quarters (Spock and Spock, private, at least for a while)
The room seemed quite empty without Leonard's presence and Spock better understood the impulse that had led Jim to take them to his quarters last night
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The door opened to him, the room familiarly dark and too-warm for perfect human comfort. Jim had been careful to not press the link too far, as if, perhaps, afraid of what he'd find there. He wasn't a coward but he was used to dealing with things head-on.
He entered, letting his eyes adjust.
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Almost reflexively, but with conscious relief, Jim held out his fingers and met Spock's. It was, as he'd reflected before, so oddly formal. But he felt the reassurance of the heightened bond, and that calmed him. Somewhat.
"You... allowed him?" He stared at Spock in frank confusion. What would prompt two Vulcans to engage in hand-to-hand combat and then... fall into bed together? "That was what I felt. Before."
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Jim looked shocked and disbelieving - the concern that had brought Jim and James to Spock's quarters morphing into uncertain anger.
"It was the most logical option at the time.
However, I apologize for intruding - I had thought my shield adequate to prevent distracting you."
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"Evidently you... worked things out," he said, trying to get a handle on the whole situation. Himself and Jim, him perhaps influenced by Spock's altercation. Was that what had caused that disturbance in his arousal, the shift when he'd wanted...
It hit him, a half-second later, that it might have gone the other way, too. Yet another reason this bond was something to be learned.
"That's not why I came," he said, glancing at Jim. "Not exactly."
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"Look, just don't kill my first officer in his sleep." He rumbled, and turned. Everything was okay, Spock was asleep, the other Spock obviously didn't give a damn about the bruise (...I wonder if the security cameras were on...) and well, Jim was obviously happy to be back with his bondmate.
He wanted a drink, bad.
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Still the anxiety coming through the bond. Spock met it with love, reassurance.
"James, I believe your presence would not be so restful but I have reason to speak with you as soon as possible, regarding the criminal you refer to as Pher."
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Still standing close to Spock, Jim reached out for the younger man. Even if Spock had been angry--and it was quickly becoming apparent he wasn't, though Jim had to look deeper--he would not want a lover going off unsatisfied and unwanted.
If Spock truly had no trouble with what he'd felt, seen... Jim felt luckier than he'd known. Love and relief flowed back to Spock, mixed still with the confusion, the need to know. But it was muted now, banked by other concerns.
"Jim, don't," he said. "Go, if you must, but... Don't go angry."
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It was with him... or he had thought it was. Now... the bond in place had tainted things. He wouldn't ask again... he felt sort of oddly guilty, like he had asked someone to cheat on their wife.
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Spock stepped closer.
"What is the matter?"
The second time he was forced to ask.
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Which was odd, because he had every indication Jim and his Leonard were finally together, and it had been sex... No. It hadn't just been sex, not with them, because however fleeting with this Jim Kirk it was never "just" sex.
So he thought he understood.
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Kirk knew about having 'just sex'. There was a lot of that in his past. Tons of it, more then most people would get in a life time. But for a few people, he could think of exact four of them in his entire history, it had been something more then... just sex.
The first girl he had ever fallen for (in a serious way).
The first guy he had ever fallen for (in a less serious way).
Bones (in the hardest way of all).
And... himself (which had no category at all).
But he wasn't a fool, wasn't blind, and despite a few... er, wrenches in the past, wasn't a relationship breaker, or interferer. Specially when he had an inkling that while it wasn't.. regretted exactly, it wasn't the same.
Course the best sex of my life would have this shit happen.
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"You are lying. However, since you persist in it, I must ask that we address it tomorrow."
He nodded to them both and headed back into the room, out of the cold corridor.
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Jim Kirk had made many of the same mistakes, had had his heart broken before. But he'd learned caution only in starting things. Like any mission, once begun, he threw himself at whatever it was for all he was worth.
Spock turned and left them, and Jim felt the absence more than physically.
Things had changed, and he needed to speak to Spock first before he picked up these pieces. To see what he needed. He smiled at Jim, his expression genuine but his eyes searching.
"I'll find you," he said. "Later, sometime. Go... find Bones."
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"...Nah." He said quietly, but what answer that was to was impossible to say.
He turned and walked away, leaving them to their closeness. He just needed to be alone for a little while.
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And they were different. Their loneliness different, their love different. It was unavoidable, no matter how well Jim thought they knew one another instinctively. It was hard to know which parts to trust remained the same. And Jim himself didn't even know what this thing with Spock was. Not yet. How could he expect the other Jim to have any concept?
He turned and re-entered Spock's room, waiting again after the door closed for his eyes to adjust. He felt exhausted and wrung-out, rode hard (twice, today) and not just physically.
It had been a good day. Sort of. Until he thought about it.
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