Yellow Zinnia
Title: Yellow Zinnia
Rating: G
Pairing: Sehun/Kai
Summary: It's that day.
The little light escaped through the gaps of the curtains and Kai tossed and turned in his bed, suddenly feeling completely awake as his body seized in a manner that something cold was running down his spine.
That feeling that he is trapped inside someone's eyes.
The wind just suddenly blew from the open windows, whooshing past the flying curtains, and the cold swept past his feet crawling up to his legs and Kai couldn't take it anymore. His tightly shut eyes flew open unwillingly and for a second, all he saw were round black eyes staring straight down at him.
Kai gasped.
His heart raced in milliseconds and while he dragged his body to sit up straight, a familiar warmth wrapped around his chest, his insides, and all of a sudden his nightmare had turned into a pleasant image he had always dreamed of.
"You scared me."
"Sorry. You were sleeping so peacefully I didn't want to wake you up yet."
A small gentle smile appeared on Sehun's face as he hovered over Kai, standing beside his bed.
"I would gladly want to be woken up by you every day, Sehun."
Another smile.
Kai sighed. Sehun sat on the edge.
"What's wrong?"
Kai shook his head. "It's that time of the year again."
"I always wait for this day you know." Sehun's voice was a lullaby to Kai's ears. He would live to hear it every moment he can. It's probably one of the things that still keeps him alive.
"What should we do today?" Kai pushed aside the sheets wrapped around him. He wasn't sure how they got there when he usually wakes up with them pooling at his feet. He shrugged knowing it must be Sehun's doing.
"I don't know. The usual?"
Kai stood on his knees and shifted closer to give Sehun a peck. But Sehun moved his head away just in time, a playful smile playing on his lips as he stood and turned his back on him.
"C'mon, breakfast time."
Kai pouted and there was a powerful tug on his heart as he watched Sehun's back disappear from his room. Right now, he couldn't afford to lose sight of him. Not a minute, not even a second.
"She's so adorable!" Sehun tickled the little white furry kitten in his boyfriend's arms.
"Sehun are you sure you want to keep her? She's so..." Kai turned his head away from the furry little cat, he calls; kitty, Sehun corrects, afraid that the hair will stick to his nose and get to his intestines and grow there, inside him.
"Don't be such a pussy, Kai." Sehun was caressing the little kitty's head and she was slowly drifting off to sleep with her tiny eyes closed.
"What did you just call me?"
"Cat." Sehun grinned and leaned in to distract his whiny boyfriend with a soft kiss. Later on, they exited the pet shop with little kitty in Sehun's hands and the rest of the bags in Kai's. He always loses to Sehun.
Sehun remained slumped in Kai's shoulder, shaking and sobbing.
He ran his hand up and down his back comfortingly. Sometimes, planting kisses on his hair. Oftentimes, whispering comforting words in his ear.
"Stop crying. I'm sure wherever she may be now, she's thankful for you. She doesn't want you to cry." The kitty, Kai finally agreed on calling her this, had somehow tried her best to be close to Kai during her days with them. Kai had learned to love her as well. But unfortunately, things had to come and go.
"She's in heaven." Sehun sniffed.
"Yeah, she will be. She'll be watching you from now on."
"I will miss her."
"She'll definitely miss you too." And Kai pressed his lips on his forehead, taking away the physical and emotional pain from Sehun.
In the end, it's always Sehun who loses.
"Kai."
Sehun waved a hand in front of Kai who was spacing out.
"Are you done?"
Kai looked down at his empty bowl. He didn't notice he finished his cereal. He was too occupied with that memory of Sehun crying in his arms.
"I just remembered that day you bought little kitty from the shop before."
Sehun raised a brow on the sudden recall of an old memory.
"That was really long ago."
"Yeah I know." Kai frowned at his bowl. He just wanted to keep remembering everything.
"This will look better on you."
Sehun pulled a button up cotton blue collared top and a matching tie to perfect the look. Kai placed the grey top back into the rack and grabbed the one in his boyfriend's hand.
Giving a wink before disappearing through the fitting room door, Kai managed to leave Sehun grunting in response.
"Hey, Kai. Did you drown in there?" Sehun rapped at the door lightly as Kai didn't come out 10 minutes later.
"What are you doing-"
The door suddenly opened and Sehun was pulled into the cramped space before he heard the lock click shut again.
"What's this?" Sehun whispered curiously in half amusement, half worry that someone might check on them.
"Just going to ask your opinion." Kai shifted closer while Sehun tensed, no matter how used he is to Kai's closeness, he can still be a surprise to him.
"Does it look good on me?" This was definitely Kai's trick. He was seducing Sehun by showing off how sexy he is in a tight cotton shirt with his chest sticking out and his arms shaped perfectly in each sleeve.
"Well, it looks decent." Sehun answered nonchalantly, trying not to fall into Kai's trap.
"Really?" Kai had actually cornered Sehun on the wall and there was no more escape when he pressed his palms against the concrete against Sehun's back.
"I think the fabric's quite itchy for a high priced item like this." Kai's lips tipped up into a smirk and Sehun breathed once, not breaking the eye contact or he'll find himself losing to him. Remember, Kai always loses to Sehun.
"Should I go out and tell the staff about this complaint of yours then?" Sehun found something witty to throw at him.
"Hmm. Maybe." Kai arched an eyebrow. "But first, can you take it off of me? I'm itching."
The smirk was more obvious now as Sehun's eyes darkened. Kai knew he was winning. Sehun would have applauded for Kai for finally surprising him with a smarter answer. But Kai always loses to Sehun.
"I think you look cute like this. I think... I want you in that top for a while more." Kai creased his forehead, not expecting such a weak comeback from Sehun. But Sehun wasn't finished. "How about we just take this one off first?"
His hand brushed past Kai's belt buckle and his finger lightly touched him down there. Kai immediately bit his lip at the sudden contact and it was Sehun's turn to reveal those white teeth behind thin lips.
Kai always loses to Sehun.
A groan escaped Kai's throat and before Sehun could claim victory, a pair of plush lips crashed on his own, forcing him to close his eyes and answer back.
The world turned upside down for 7 more minutes.
In the end, it's always Sehun who loses.
"Hey, I think you need to take a shower now. You'll be meeting with the rest, I suppose?"
Kai broke out of his daze and found Sehun sitting opposite him, his face propped up on his palms with his elbows on the table, waiting for Kai's coming back to earth.
"Yeah, yeah." Kai sighed as yet another memory filled his head. It's what he hates the most during this day. The overflowing memories with Sehun just kept rolling in like a never-ending river. It's harder when Sehun's just there, watching him like a little kid who isn't a bit bothered that he's giving him the hardest time of his life. However, it's what he'd like to call the hardest yet the only time he'd give anything for just to have it repeatedly.
"Go wash up now. Go. Go." Sehun clapped his hands to hurry him. Nothing has changed. He's still the same throughout the years.
Kai stared at him for a moment, eyes hard to read but Sehun felt the same sensation he gets every time Kai would give him this look. It's that of unending love and something else.
"Hurry up now." Sehun pretended to be mad but he immediately pulled an adorable face with matching annoying, Kai would say, but cute, Kai would definitely not say, gesture with his palms balled into fists.
It triggered a small smile to Kai's face.
"Fine." He stood up and scratched his head. He didn't want to step into the bathroom and lose sight of Sehun. As much as possible, he wanted him in his line of vision, 100%.
He turned around before he even got to the kitchen door.
Sehun looked up questioningly.
"I miss you, Sehun."
Sehun's eyes softened up and he pursed his lips into a tight smile.
"I know."
Kai nodded his head once at his response as he proceeded out of the room.
"You did not just abuse my shampoo bottle like that." Sehun whined when he saw how Kai just squeezed everything out of his cherry scented shampoo.
Kai stuck his tongue out and pulled Sehun closer to him. They fit just comfortably enough in the smooth white tub with Sehun's legs crossed over each other and Kai's spread at his sides.
"No complaining." Kai started to massage Sehun's hair with his tanned fingers enveloped in huge pinkish foams that felt good on his skin. It didn't feel any more perfect against Sehun's smooth silky soft hair tangling loosely at each fingertip.
Sehun placed his hands on Kai's knees as he relaxed while Kai kneaded the top of his scalp gently.
"Ow." He jumped up when Kai accidentally dabbed a finger on his eye, incidentally smearing shampoo bubbles on it and it stung painfully.
"What the fuck, Kai. I didn't sign up for this." Sehun complained with one eye closed, and even though alarmed at first, Kai was silently chuckling behind him.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry okay." He tilted Sehun slightly to face him and wiped the shampoo suds away from his eye.
"That stung." Sehun grumbled, opening his reddening and watering eye.
"Sorry." Kai managed to put up a serious face.
"Punishment."
"What punishment? I didn't do anything wrong."
"Punishmen~t." Sehun dragged the last syllable just to emphasize it more and sound like a whiny kid asking for candy.
"What now?"
"Run around naked for 10 minutes in the whole house after this bath."
"Are you sure you want that?"
"Yes. And this is me wishing our neighbor would see you doing the chicken dance on the table later."
Kai cocked an eyebrow at his boyfriend.
"I am not doing the chicken dance."
"Yes you are. Pun-ish-ment."
Kai splashed water on his face.
Now he was really going to have to do the chicken dance.
Kai always loses to Sehun after all.
That night, after Kai ducked down the table when their neighbor went to take the trash out, he dragged his feet towards their bedroom where he found Sehun lying, replaying his video hopping around the kitchen table in nothing but his shamed face.
"You did really well." Sehun taunted more and Kai just huffed as he plopped down on the bed.
"I decided to sleep like this." He threw a leg over at Sehun and hugged him closer, his clothed body flushed next to Kai's every exposed skin.
Shit.
In the end, it's always Sehun who loses.
Kai's eyes flew open when he realized the sharp drops of water that came from the shower hit his face. Another old memory. It sent a smile to Kai's lips. That was one he wouldn't ever forget. He has to admit the chicken dance is too embarrassing but it was fun. Especially when Sehun was dancing with him while he watched from the floor. He was really adorable.
Kai sighed again. He wouldn't let this day be ruined with his involuntary recollection of the past.
He found Sehun lying on his stomach in his room after his shower.
"Suho called."
Kai checked his phone and saw (1) Missed Call.
He grabbed his phone and sent a text to his unanswered caller. Probably to reassure him that he's coming. He always does.
"So what do we do now? We're not meeting til 1 today."
Sehun sat up and crossed his legs. "Tell me anything."
Kai pulled a plain white shirt over his head and a pair of decent jeans before sitting down across Sehun on the bed.
"I love you."
It sent a smile and a frown to Sehun at the same time.
"Tell me something I do not know, Kai."
"You know everything."
"Something you didn't directly tell me." Sehun reiterated.
"There's nothing to tell." Kai resigned immediately.
"Kai."
"Sehun."
There was an edge to his voice. But Kai found it inappropriate for the event. He shouldn't be like this to Sehun. After all, Kai always loses to Sehun.
He sighed. "Let me hug you."
Let me kiss you.
Sehun just bit his lip.
That's a no then. Kai definitely always loses to Sehun.
"Baekhyun and I enrolled to this little dance class." Kai changed the topic hastily. Deciding to tell him something he didn't directly tell him yet. "It's mostly just Baekhyun who wants to learn and he claims that he needs a motivator, hence me."
He cocked an eyebrow and smiled a little in amusement. Sehun was glad Kai opened up to him.
"There's also this guy enrolled in the same class. He's actually already good enough to be in such an amateur class." Kai hesitantly looked up. "Sometimes he's like you."
Something got stuck in Sehun's throat. That guilty look Kai threw him made him feel funnier in the inside. But why? It's not like there's something.
"Is he better than me?" Sehun's question carried out like a serious one, which he didn't intend to come out like that. "In dancing, I mean."
He gave Kai a sheepish smile but that didn't take away the surprise in Kai's face. He looked almost too sorry to have said anything about the stranger in class. Sehun felt guilty for asking such a silly question.
"He's nothing compared to you." Kai frowned.
"I didn't mean that." Sehun cheered him up, eyes twinkling as he gave him a smile.
"So you went out with that baby-faced senior of yours. Cute."
The sarcasm was screaming at him.
"I helped him out. Not went ut." Kai corrected Sehun while they both tugged at his seatbelt. Kai pulled at it so he can strap Sehun himself but Sehun just tugged harder and locked himself securely on his own.
"Helped him out to a coffee shop. Did he have to count coffee beans that he actually needed your help?" Sehun rolled his eyes.
Kai was trying to be patient.
"I helped him look for a dance outfit. He needed it for the coming competition."
"Perfect! Weren't you just so sweet? So did you already know each one's sizes?"
"Sehun." A strange tone in Kai's voice.
"How was it in the fitting room?"
"Sehun."
"Or you didn't even try anything on. I guess without clothes' much better.
"Sehun!" Kai snapped furiously at him. He almost shut the car door at him but he stopped himself on time.
Sehun turned silent but his eyes didn't leave any trace of giving up. He was furious. And he believed he had the right to be mad at him.
"No such thing happened. I only helped him pick out clothes." Sehun was about to talk back when Kai glared at him. "Shut it, Sehun. Don't push it too far."
Sehun's eyes hardened but he didn't say anything more. They drove home quietly and it was only when Kai had perfectly parked his car in the little garage did he speak again.
"I understand that you're mad."
"You know he likes you."
"And which part of this don't you understand. I don't. like him. back." His tone was softer now and Sehun only fidgeted with his fingers, not looking at him.
"When you two are alone, he could have his ways on you."
"You know I won't let it."
"What if you do?"
"Why would I?"
"I don't know. Temptation. Fascination. Curiosity. I don't know."
"Would you if you were in my place?"
Sehun frowned. "I won't ever."
"Then you must trust me that I won't either."
Sehun let out a weak sigh and looked out the window. Kai reached for his hand, this time he's calmer than before.
"I'm sorry." He kissed his knuckles. "I didn't tell you sooner because I didn't want you to react this way. If you didn't see us in that coffee shop, I would have told you when I've gotten home. I swear."
Sehun just faced him with a sad face and nodded in understanding.
"Do I have to do another round of chicken dance in the kitchen naked or...?" Kai wanted to sound amusing but Sehun just tugged at his hand.
"Just kiss me."
Kai paused and licked his lips. He pulled him into a smooth breathtaking kiss that Sehun had always wanted.
Kai always loses to Sehun.
Sehun brushed that lingering image of Kai's smile when he talked about that new guy he met in class off of his mind. He had always wondered how it would feel if Kai meets another guy. And he wasn't sure now if he wanted that feeling. But why? It's not like there's something.
There it is again. There's nothing.
In the end, it's always Sehun who loses.
"What did you prepare for today?" Sehun peeked from behind Kai as the other put on a top layer to his clothes in front of the mirror.
"Myself." Kai patted the small creases on his shoulder and ran his hand through his hair. He gazed at Sehun behind him from the reflection on the mirror. He was staring back.
"You look perfect."
Sehun complimented.
A frown fell on Kai's lips. "Do I?"
"Yes." Their proximity was too close. So close yet Kai can't do anything. He observed Sehun's face, memorizing each line and curve of his eyes, his brows, the outline of his nose and his lips, the shape of his face and the shade of those two orbs looking at him.
"Smile, Kai. For me." Sehun pleaded. He knew this day was the toughest for Kai. But he didn't want Kai to be so openly sad. He wanted him to be happy. If he had a choice, he'd rather have this day forgotten. He'd rather leave. But he knew he can't, not when Kai needed it. Not when Kai wanted it. Too much that it's become his goal to keep living. Just to get to this day time and again.
Kai forced a smile. But when he saw the broken look on Sehun's face, he tried his best to make it look more genuine. He thought of a last memory.
"Kai!" Sehun ran towards his friends at the cafeteria and Kai was knocked over by the sudden guy throwing himself at him.
"I got in! I fuckin’ got in!" He had a paper in his hand and Kai immediately took it from him and read as fast as he can. He got past the "Congratulations!" and he almost knocked the table over, his friends grabbing hold of the edges when Kai pulled Sehun into the biggest tightest hug.
"You got in." Kai pushed Sehun once before pulling him back to his embrace.
"I know." Sudden tears formed in the corners of Sehun's eyes. "I got in."
He sobbed. There was nothing else Sehun was aiming for for the meantime. He had always wanted to get in to that special school in LA that harbors dance talents and Sehun just got in. He'll be learning professional dancing for 6 months. It's his dream.
"Six months is nothing right?" Sehun asked quietly as they laid together in Kai's bed.
"What do you mean nothing? It's supposed to be everything. Make the best out of it. Bring out all you have in you. Make sure you represent us the best." Kai's thumb rubbed against the underside of Sehun's palm, reaching slightly to lock hands with him.
"I mean between us. It's a short time right? We'll see each other soon?"
Kai smiled. He had been dreading that, the distance was probably going to make him sad, but it didn't matter. Sehun was what mattered.
"Even if it takes you a year there, nothing's going to change. I'll just always be here." Kai said reassuringly, pulling Sehun close and wrapping an arm on his shoulder, letting his head rest on it.
"Distance and time will never tear us apart." Kai leaned in to give him a chaste kiss.
Kai thought it through all night. He did try to enter the same school but later on he received a failure notice. He didn't get in. He knew he wouldn't anyway. He did it for Sehun. He knew how much Sehun wanted that slot. And if there was anyone else who deserved to get there, it's Sehun. He can sacrifice his own happiness for him. That's also when he realized how far his love could go. It wasn't something he openly and usually says out loud. But it's what he's willing to show every possible chance he can.
Maybe it wasn't all Kai always loses to Sehun. Maybe it was really Kai always purposely oses to Sehun.
When only a day was left before Sehun would fly overseas, Kai made sure he left a great memory with him.
They spent the whole night preceding the day of Sehun's flight together. Sitting side by side on the couch, watching the sunset from the living room windows, Sehun's head leaning on Kai's shoulder, their fingers intertwined and Kai humming a slow song softly.
"When I get back, you should--"
Kai cut him by pressing his lips against his. Sehun relaxed as the kiss deepened and they were both pushing at each other. He would miss this the most.
Sehun's bare back hit the soft pillow underneath him. He wrapped his legs around Kai's waist tightly as they made love through the night. His moans and groans filled each second and each moment of their first time painted permanently in their memory.
Even though they've always been too intimate with each other, it was their first time. That eve of Sehun's departure, they both lost their virginity.
No one lost this time.
The smile came out naturally as the memory of their first time played in Kai's head.
"I thought back to that day."
Sehun was puzzled the first second, but he slowly understood what day he was referring to. He always brings it up anyway.
"Our first night." Sehun smiled.
Kai pictured the image of Sehun sleeping beside him. And then another image of him waving goodbye at the airport. The smile vanished.
"Our last too." Kai whispered sullenly.
"It's almost 1. We should go." Sehun managed to change the topic almost immediately. They walked out of the house together.
They've reached the intersection, waiting for the green sign before they cross the street. Kai was anxious. It's as if his time was slowly running out. He wanted to stretch the day further, he'd rather have the whole day stretch to forever. Sehun stood beside him, waiting til they can walk together to the other side of the street.
It was now or never. Kai faced Sehun, his longing etched in his eyes.
"Can I hold your hand? Sehun."
Sehun breathed deeply and let out a sigh. He knew it would come to that in the end.
Sehun inched his hand closer to Kai's and they felt the warmth and cold between their skin. Kai grasped Sehun's hand firmly in his, tangling his fingers with his and the contact sent an electric jolt inside him. He'd give anything just to hold him like this all his life.
"Can I kiss you?"
Despite the different sensation Sehun's touch gave him, he wanted more of him. He wanted to feel him. He wanted to kiss him.
Sehun tilted his head so that he's facing him too. Slowly, he closed his eyes.
Kai leaned in until they felt their lips touch. A tear threatened to escape Kai's eye, but more than feeling empty, he felt complete again. He'd go over and over this day if he could. Just to have him back.
Sehun pulled back with a gentle smile. "They're here."
Kai faced the street and the walking sign turned green. He saw Suho, and the rest of his friends, Baekhyun, Chanyeol, and Kyungsoo, walking up to where they were.
"I love you, Kai." Sehun whispered and Kai tightened his grip on his hand.
"I love you too, Sehun."
"Hey Kai!" His friends came up to him. "Have you been waiting long?"
Kai shook his head, feeling the hand slowly slip away from him.
"Do you think Sehun will like this?" Baekhyun held up a large basket of yellow zinnias. The color stood out and it reminded him so much of Sehun.
"He will. He loves those flowers very much."
"Let's go?" Suho asked and Kai just stood there, gazing at the lovely flowers he always brought him. They walked together with the basket of flowers bouncing up and down as Baekhyun skipped.
"Are you okay?" Suho asked with concern. Kai just nodded with a smile. It's already been 3 years.
Everyone opened their eyes as Suho finished saying a prayer.
"May you rest in peace, Sehun."
"Rest in peace, Sehun." The others echoed.
Baekhyun handed the basket to Kai and gave him a comforting smile. Kai bent down and placed the flowers beside Sehun's grave. It's been 3 years, Sehun.
"Happy death anniversary." Kai greeted solemnly. He closed his eyes.
The news of the airplane crash played vividly in his mind. The last goodbye smile of Sehun lingering there for a while.
"I miss you."
"I still love you."
"I will wait again for you."
A soft tap on his shoulder signaled him to be strong. Kai stood up, brushing off the few grass that stuck to his jeans before he completely faced his friends.
"He'll surely be happy that you came again today."
Kai nodded.
Sometimes, he wished he didn't lose to Sehun that time. Because if he didn't, Sehun wouldn't have lost his life.
But it's always been like that. In the end, it's always Sehun who loses.
The next day came.
The little light escaped through the gaps of the curtains and Kai tossed and turned in his bed, suddenly feeling completely awake as his body seized in a manner that something cold was running down his spine.
That feeling that he is trapped inside someone's eyes.
The wind just suddenly blew from the open windows, whooshing past the flying curtains, and the cold swept past his feet crawling up to his legs and Kai couldn't take it anymore. His tightly shut eyes flew open unwillingly and for a second, he saw nothing.
The cold air blew on his face and a fresh scent of cherries reached his nose. It was strong and mild at the same time, as if the source of it was right beside him. Kai sat up and his eyes didn't grow large in surprise when he saw that a puddle of mud trailed from his room door to the foot of his bed. Strange.
Yet comforting.
He looked around his bed. There was no sign of him. Instead, the whole space of his bed was full of petals. Fresh yellow petals.
"I know you're here."
Kai whispered as a wave of cherry scent surrounded him.
"Thank you."
Cold wind rushed in his ears as he heard that voice. Thank you? or the flowers, maybe.
"You're welcome." Kai lied back on his bed and tucked a pillow under his side. "Please stay."
He picked the nearest petal and held onto it before closing his eyes.
A soft hum echoed slowly in the room.
The same song he hummed to him before the day they parted.
~
That was a failed attempt at horror ut just think of this as a mild Halloween treat from me, too early though. Yellow constantly reminds me of Sehun and yellow zinnias symbolize daily remembrance, hence this. I hope you liked it.
Rating: G
Pairing: Sehun/Kai
Summary: It's that day.
The little light escaped through the gaps of the curtains and Kai tossed and turned in his bed, suddenly feeling completely awake as his body seized in a manner that something cold was running down his spine.
That feeling that he is trapped inside someone's eyes.
The wind just suddenly blew from the open windows, whooshing past the flying curtains, and the cold swept past his feet crawling up to his legs and Kai couldn't take it anymore. His tightly shut eyes flew open unwillingly and for a second, all he saw were round black eyes staring straight down at him.
Kai gasped.
His heart raced in milliseconds and while he dragged his body to sit up straight, a familiar warmth wrapped around his chest, his insides, and all of a sudden his nightmare had turned into a pleasant image he had always dreamed of.
"You scared me."
"Sorry. You were sleeping so peacefully I didn't want to wake you up yet."
A small gentle smile appeared on Sehun's face as he hovered over Kai, standing beside his bed.
"I would gladly want to be woken up by you every day, Sehun."
Another smile.
Kai sighed. Sehun sat on the edge.
"What's wrong?"
Kai shook his head. "It's that time of the year again."
"I always wait for this day you know." Sehun's voice was a lullaby to Kai's ears. He would live to hear it every moment he can. It's probably one of the things that still keeps him alive.
"What should we do today?" Kai pushed aside the sheets wrapped around him. He wasn't sure how they got there when he usually wakes up with them pooling at his feet. He shrugged knowing it must be Sehun's doing.
"I don't know. The usual?"
Kai stood on his knees and shifted closer to give Sehun a peck. But Sehun moved his head away just in time, a playful smile playing on his lips as he stood and turned his back on him.
"C'mon, breakfast time."
Kai pouted and there was a powerful tug on his heart as he watched Sehun's back disappear from his room. Right now, he couldn't afford to lose sight of him. Not a minute, not even a second.
"She's so adorable!" Sehun tickled the little white furry kitten in his boyfriend's arms.
"Sehun are you sure you want to keep her? She's so..." Kai turned his head away from the furry little cat, he calls; kitty, Sehun corrects, afraid that the hair will stick to his nose and get to his intestines and grow there, inside him.
"Don't be such a pussy, Kai." Sehun was caressing the little kitty's head and she was slowly drifting off to sleep with her tiny eyes closed.
"What did you just call me?"
"Cat." Sehun grinned and leaned in to distract his whiny boyfriend with a soft kiss. Later on, they exited the pet shop with little kitty in Sehun's hands and the rest of the bags in Kai's. He always loses to Sehun.
Sehun remained slumped in Kai's shoulder, shaking and sobbing.
He ran his hand up and down his back comfortingly. Sometimes, planting kisses on his hair. Oftentimes, whispering comforting words in his ear.
"Stop crying. I'm sure wherever she may be now, she's thankful for you. She doesn't want you to cry." The kitty, Kai finally agreed on calling her this, had somehow tried her best to be close to Kai during her days with them. Kai had learned to love her as well. But unfortunately, things had to come and go.
"She's in heaven." Sehun sniffed.
"Yeah, she will be. She'll be watching you from now on."
"I will miss her."
"She'll definitely miss you too." And Kai pressed his lips on his forehead, taking away the physical and emotional pain from Sehun.
In the end, it's always Sehun who loses.
"Kai."
Sehun waved a hand in front of Kai who was spacing out.
"Are you done?"
Kai looked down at his empty bowl. He didn't notice he finished his cereal. He was too occupied with that memory of Sehun crying in his arms.
"I just remembered that day you bought little kitty from the shop before."
Sehun raised a brow on the sudden recall of an old memory.
"That was really long ago."
"Yeah I know." Kai frowned at his bowl. He just wanted to keep remembering everything.
"This will look better on you."
Sehun pulled a button up cotton blue collared top and a matching tie to perfect the look. Kai placed the grey top back into the rack and grabbed the one in his boyfriend's hand.
Giving a wink before disappearing through the fitting room door, Kai managed to leave Sehun grunting in response.
"Hey, Kai. Did you drown in there?" Sehun rapped at the door lightly as Kai didn't come out 10 minutes later.
"What are you doing-"
The door suddenly opened and Sehun was pulled into the cramped space before he heard the lock click shut again.
"What's this?" Sehun whispered curiously in half amusement, half worry that someone might check on them.
"Just going to ask your opinion." Kai shifted closer while Sehun tensed, no matter how used he is to Kai's closeness, he can still be a surprise to him.
"Does it look good on me?" This was definitely Kai's trick. He was seducing Sehun by showing off how sexy he is in a tight cotton shirt with his chest sticking out and his arms shaped perfectly in each sleeve.
"Well, it looks decent." Sehun answered nonchalantly, trying not to fall into Kai's trap.
"Really?" Kai had actually cornered Sehun on the wall and there was no more escape when he pressed his palms against the concrete against Sehun's back.
"I think the fabric's quite itchy for a high priced item like this." Kai's lips tipped up into a smirk and Sehun breathed once, not breaking the eye contact or he'll find himself losing to him. Remember, Kai always loses to Sehun.
"Should I go out and tell the staff about this complaint of yours then?" Sehun found something witty to throw at him.
"Hmm. Maybe." Kai arched an eyebrow. "But first, can you take it off of me? I'm itching."
The smirk was more obvious now as Sehun's eyes darkened. Kai knew he was winning. Sehun would have applauded for Kai for finally surprising him with a smarter answer. But Kai always loses to Sehun.
"I think you look cute like this. I think... I want you in that top for a while more." Kai creased his forehead, not expecting such a weak comeback from Sehun. But Sehun wasn't finished. "How about we just take this one off first?"
His hand brushed past Kai's belt buckle and his finger lightly touched him down there. Kai immediately bit his lip at the sudden contact and it was Sehun's turn to reveal those white teeth behind thin lips.
Kai always loses to Sehun.
A groan escaped Kai's throat and before Sehun could claim victory, a pair of plush lips crashed on his own, forcing him to close his eyes and answer back.
The world turned upside down for 7 more minutes.
In the end, it's always Sehun who loses.
"Hey, I think you need to take a shower now. You'll be meeting with the rest, I suppose?"
Kai broke out of his daze and found Sehun sitting opposite him, his face propped up on his palms with his elbows on the table, waiting for Kai's coming back to earth.
"Yeah, yeah." Kai sighed as yet another memory filled his head. It's what he hates the most during this day. The overflowing memories with Sehun just kept rolling in like a never-ending river. It's harder when Sehun's just there, watching him like a little kid who isn't a bit bothered that he's giving him the hardest time of his life. However, it's what he'd like to call the hardest yet the only time he'd give anything for just to have it repeatedly.
"Go wash up now. Go. Go." Sehun clapped his hands to hurry him. Nothing has changed. He's still the same throughout the years.
Kai stared at him for a moment, eyes hard to read but Sehun felt the same sensation he gets every time Kai would give him this look. It's that of unending love and something else.
"Hurry up now." Sehun pretended to be mad but he immediately pulled an adorable face with matching annoying, Kai would say, but cute, Kai would definitely not say, gesture with his palms balled into fists.
It triggered a small smile to Kai's face.
"Fine." He stood up and scratched his head. He didn't want to step into the bathroom and lose sight of Sehun. As much as possible, he wanted him in his line of vision, 100%.
He turned around before he even got to the kitchen door.
Sehun looked up questioningly.
"I miss you, Sehun."
Sehun's eyes softened up and he pursed his lips into a tight smile.
"I know."
Kai nodded his head once at his response as he proceeded out of the room.
"You did not just abuse my shampoo bottle like that." Sehun whined when he saw how Kai just squeezed everything out of his cherry scented shampoo.
Kai stuck his tongue out and pulled Sehun closer to him. They fit just comfortably enough in the smooth white tub with Sehun's legs crossed over each other and Kai's spread at his sides.
"No complaining." Kai started to massage Sehun's hair with his tanned fingers enveloped in huge pinkish foams that felt good on his skin. It didn't feel any more perfect against Sehun's smooth silky soft hair tangling loosely at each fingertip.
Sehun placed his hands on Kai's knees as he relaxed while Kai kneaded the top of his scalp gently.
"Ow." He jumped up when Kai accidentally dabbed a finger on his eye, incidentally smearing shampoo bubbles on it and it stung painfully.
"What the fuck, Kai. I didn't sign up for this." Sehun complained with one eye closed, and even though alarmed at first, Kai was silently chuckling behind him.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry okay." He tilted Sehun slightly to face him and wiped the shampoo suds away from his eye.
"That stung." Sehun grumbled, opening his reddening and watering eye.
"Sorry." Kai managed to put up a serious face.
"Punishment."
"What punishment? I didn't do anything wrong."
"Punishmen~t." Sehun dragged the last syllable just to emphasize it more and sound like a whiny kid asking for candy.
"What now?"
"Run around naked for 10 minutes in the whole house after this bath."
"Are you sure you want that?"
"Yes. And this is me wishing our neighbor would see you doing the chicken dance on the table later."
Kai cocked an eyebrow at his boyfriend.
"I am not doing the chicken dance."
"Yes you are. Pun-ish-ment."
Kai splashed water on his face.
Now he was really going to have to do the chicken dance.
Kai always loses to Sehun after all.
That night, after Kai ducked down the table when their neighbor went to take the trash out, he dragged his feet towards their bedroom where he found Sehun lying, replaying his video hopping around the kitchen table in nothing but his shamed face.
"You did really well." Sehun taunted more and Kai just huffed as he plopped down on the bed.
"I decided to sleep like this." He threw a leg over at Sehun and hugged him closer, his clothed body flushed next to Kai's every exposed skin.
Shit.
In the end, it's always Sehun who loses.
Kai's eyes flew open when he realized the sharp drops of water that came from the shower hit his face. Another old memory. It sent a smile to Kai's lips. That was one he wouldn't ever forget. He has to admit the chicken dance is too embarrassing but it was fun. Especially when Sehun was dancing with him while he watched from the floor. He was really adorable.
Kai sighed again. He wouldn't let this day be ruined with his involuntary recollection of the past.
He found Sehun lying on his stomach in his room after his shower.
"Suho called."
Kai checked his phone and saw (1) Missed Call.
He grabbed his phone and sent a text to his unanswered caller. Probably to reassure him that he's coming. He always does.
"So what do we do now? We're not meeting til 1 today."
Sehun sat up and crossed his legs. "Tell me anything."
Kai pulled a plain white shirt over his head and a pair of decent jeans before sitting down across Sehun on the bed.
"I love you."
It sent a smile and a frown to Sehun at the same time.
"Tell me something I do not know, Kai."
"You know everything."
"Something you didn't directly tell me." Sehun reiterated.
"There's nothing to tell." Kai resigned immediately.
"Kai."
"Sehun."
There was an edge to his voice. But Kai found it inappropriate for the event. He shouldn't be like this to Sehun. After all, Kai always loses to Sehun.
He sighed. "Let me hug you."
Let me kiss you.
Sehun just bit his lip.
That's a no then. Kai definitely always loses to Sehun.
"Baekhyun and I enrolled to this little dance class." Kai changed the topic hastily. Deciding to tell him something he didn't directly tell him yet. "It's mostly just Baekhyun who wants to learn and he claims that he needs a motivator, hence me."
He cocked an eyebrow and smiled a little in amusement. Sehun was glad Kai opened up to him.
"There's also this guy enrolled in the same class. He's actually already good enough to be in such an amateur class." Kai hesitantly looked up. "Sometimes he's like you."
Something got stuck in Sehun's throat. That guilty look Kai threw him made him feel funnier in the inside. But why? It's not like there's something.
"Is he better than me?" Sehun's question carried out like a serious one, which he didn't intend to come out like that. "In dancing, I mean."
He gave Kai a sheepish smile but that didn't take away the surprise in Kai's face. He looked almost too sorry to have said anything about the stranger in class. Sehun felt guilty for asking such a silly question.
"He's nothing compared to you." Kai frowned.
"I didn't mean that." Sehun cheered him up, eyes twinkling as he gave him a smile.
"So you went out with that baby-faced senior of yours. Cute."
The sarcasm was screaming at him.
"I helped him out. Not went ut." Kai corrected Sehun while they both tugged at his seatbelt. Kai pulled at it so he can strap Sehun himself but Sehun just tugged harder and locked himself securely on his own.
"Helped him out to a coffee shop. Did he have to count coffee beans that he actually needed your help?" Sehun rolled his eyes.
Kai was trying to be patient.
"I helped him look for a dance outfit. He needed it for the coming competition."
"Perfect! Weren't you just so sweet? So did you already know each one's sizes?"
"Sehun." A strange tone in Kai's voice.
"How was it in the fitting room?"
"Sehun."
"Or you didn't even try anything on. I guess without clothes' much better.
"Sehun!" Kai snapped furiously at him. He almost shut the car door at him but he stopped himself on time.
Sehun turned silent but his eyes didn't leave any trace of giving up. He was furious. And he believed he had the right to be mad at him.
"No such thing happened. I only helped him pick out clothes." Sehun was about to talk back when Kai glared at him. "Shut it, Sehun. Don't push it too far."
Sehun's eyes hardened but he didn't say anything more. They drove home quietly and it was only when Kai had perfectly parked his car in the little garage did he speak again.
"I understand that you're mad."
"You know he likes you."
"And which part of this don't you understand. I don't. like him. back." His tone was softer now and Sehun only fidgeted with his fingers, not looking at him.
"When you two are alone, he could have his ways on you."
"You know I won't let it."
"What if you do?"
"Why would I?"
"I don't know. Temptation. Fascination. Curiosity. I don't know."
"Would you if you were in my place?"
Sehun frowned. "I won't ever."
"Then you must trust me that I won't either."
Sehun let out a weak sigh and looked out the window. Kai reached for his hand, this time he's calmer than before.
"I'm sorry." He kissed his knuckles. "I didn't tell you sooner because I didn't want you to react this way. If you didn't see us in that coffee shop, I would have told you when I've gotten home. I swear."
Sehun just faced him with a sad face and nodded in understanding.
"Do I have to do another round of chicken dance in the kitchen naked or...?" Kai wanted to sound amusing but Sehun just tugged at his hand.
"Just kiss me."
Kai paused and licked his lips. He pulled him into a smooth breathtaking kiss that Sehun had always wanted.
Kai always loses to Sehun.
Sehun brushed that lingering image of Kai's smile when he talked about that new guy he met in class off of his mind. He had always wondered how it would feel if Kai meets another guy. And he wasn't sure now if he wanted that feeling. But why? It's not like there's something.
There it is again. There's nothing.
In the end, it's always Sehun who loses.
"What did you prepare for today?" Sehun peeked from behind Kai as the other put on a top layer to his clothes in front of the mirror.
"Myself." Kai patted the small creases on his shoulder and ran his hand through his hair. He gazed at Sehun behind him from the reflection on the mirror. He was staring back.
"You look perfect."
Sehun complimented.
A frown fell on Kai's lips. "Do I?"
"Yes." Their proximity was too close. So close yet Kai can't do anything. He observed Sehun's face, memorizing each line and curve of his eyes, his brows, the outline of his nose and his lips, the shape of his face and the shade of those two orbs looking at him.
"Smile, Kai. For me." Sehun pleaded. He knew this day was the toughest for Kai. But he didn't want Kai to be so openly sad. He wanted him to be happy. If he had a choice, he'd rather have this day forgotten. He'd rather leave. But he knew he can't, not when Kai needed it. Not when Kai wanted it. Too much that it's become his goal to keep living. Just to get to this day time and again.
Kai forced a smile. But when he saw the broken look on Sehun's face, he tried his best to make it look more genuine. He thought of a last memory.
"Kai!" Sehun ran towards his friends at the cafeteria and Kai was knocked over by the sudden guy throwing himself at him.
"I got in! I fuckin’ got in!" He had a paper in his hand and Kai immediately took it from him and read as fast as he can. He got past the "Congratulations!" and he almost knocked the table over, his friends grabbing hold of the edges when Kai pulled Sehun into the biggest tightest hug.
"You got in." Kai pushed Sehun once before pulling him back to his embrace.
"I know." Sudden tears formed in the corners of Sehun's eyes. "I got in."
He sobbed. There was nothing else Sehun was aiming for for the meantime. He had always wanted to get in to that special school in LA that harbors dance talents and Sehun just got in. He'll be learning professional dancing for 6 months. It's his dream.
"Six months is nothing right?" Sehun asked quietly as they laid together in Kai's bed.
"What do you mean nothing? It's supposed to be everything. Make the best out of it. Bring out all you have in you. Make sure you represent us the best." Kai's thumb rubbed against the underside of Sehun's palm, reaching slightly to lock hands with him.
"I mean between us. It's a short time right? We'll see each other soon?"
Kai smiled. He had been dreading that, the distance was probably going to make him sad, but it didn't matter. Sehun was what mattered.
"Even if it takes you a year there, nothing's going to change. I'll just always be here." Kai said reassuringly, pulling Sehun close and wrapping an arm on his shoulder, letting his head rest on it.
"Distance and time will never tear us apart." Kai leaned in to give him a chaste kiss.
Kai thought it through all night. He did try to enter the same school but later on he received a failure notice. He didn't get in. He knew he wouldn't anyway. He did it for Sehun. He knew how much Sehun wanted that slot. And if there was anyone else who deserved to get there, it's Sehun. He can sacrifice his own happiness for him. That's also when he realized how far his love could go. It wasn't something he openly and usually says out loud. But it's what he's willing to show every possible chance he can.
Maybe it wasn't all Kai always loses to Sehun. Maybe it was really Kai always purposely oses to Sehun.
When only a day was left before Sehun would fly overseas, Kai made sure he left a great memory with him.
They spent the whole night preceding the day of Sehun's flight together. Sitting side by side on the couch, watching the sunset from the living room windows, Sehun's head leaning on Kai's shoulder, their fingers intertwined and Kai humming a slow song softly.
"When I get back, you should--"
Kai cut him by pressing his lips against his. Sehun relaxed as the kiss deepened and they were both pushing at each other. He would miss this the most.
Sehun's bare back hit the soft pillow underneath him. He wrapped his legs around Kai's waist tightly as they made love through the night. His moans and groans filled each second and each moment of their first time painted permanently in their memory.
Even though they've always been too intimate with each other, it was their first time. That eve of Sehun's departure, they both lost their virginity.
No one lost this time.
The smile came out naturally as the memory of their first time played in Kai's head.
"I thought back to that day."
Sehun was puzzled the first second, but he slowly understood what day he was referring to. He always brings it up anyway.
"Our first night." Sehun smiled.
Kai pictured the image of Sehun sleeping beside him. And then another image of him waving goodbye at the airport. The smile vanished.
"Our last too." Kai whispered sullenly.
"It's almost 1. We should go." Sehun managed to change the topic almost immediately. They walked out of the house together.
They've reached the intersection, waiting for the green sign before they cross the street. Kai was anxious. It's as if his time was slowly running out. He wanted to stretch the day further, he'd rather have the whole day stretch to forever. Sehun stood beside him, waiting til they can walk together to the other side of the street.
It was now or never. Kai faced Sehun, his longing etched in his eyes.
"Can I hold your hand? Sehun."
Sehun breathed deeply and let out a sigh. He knew it would come to that in the end.
Sehun inched his hand closer to Kai's and they felt the warmth and cold between their skin. Kai grasped Sehun's hand firmly in his, tangling his fingers with his and the contact sent an electric jolt inside him. He'd give anything just to hold him like this all his life.
"Can I kiss you?"
Despite the different sensation Sehun's touch gave him, he wanted more of him. He wanted to feel him. He wanted to kiss him.
Sehun tilted his head so that he's facing him too. Slowly, he closed his eyes.
Kai leaned in until they felt their lips touch. A tear threatened to escape Kai's eye, but more than feeling empty, he felt complete again. He'd go over and over this day if he could. Just to have him back.
Sehun pulled back with a gentle smile. "They're here."
Kai faced the street and the walking sign turned green. He saw Suho, and the rest of his friends, Baekhyun, Chanyeol, and Kyungsoo, walking up to where they were.
"I love you, Kai." Sehun whispered and Kai tightened his grip on his hand.
"I love you too, Sehun."
"Hey Kai!" His friends came up to him. "Have you been waiting long?"
Kai shook his head, feeling the hand slowly slip away from him.
"Do you think Sehun will like this?" Baekhyun held up a large basket of yellow zinnias. The color stood out and it reminded him so much of Sehun.
"He will. He loves those flowers very much."
"Let's go?" Suho asked and Kai just stood there, gazing at the lovely flowers he always brought him. They walked together with the basket of flowers bouncing up and down as Baekhyun skipped.
"Are you okay?" Suho asked with concern. Kai just nodded with a smile. It's already been 3 years.
Everyone opened their eyes as Suho finished saying a prayer.
"May you rest in peace, Sehun."
"Rest in peace, Sehun." The others echoed.
Baekhyun handed the basket to Kai and gave him a comforting smile. Kai bent down and placed the flowers beside Sehun's grave. It's been 3 years, Sehun.
"Happy death anniversary." Kai greeted solemnly. He closed his eyes.
The news of the airplane crash played vividly in his mind. The last goodbye smile of Sehun lingering there for a while.
"I miss you."
"I still love you."
"I will wait again for you."
A soft tap on his shoulder signaled him to be strong. Kai stood up, brushing off the few grass that stuck to his jeans before he completely faced his friends.
"He'll surely be happy that you came again today."
Kai nodded.
Sometimes, he wished he didn't lose to Sehun that time. Because if he didn't, Sehun wouldn't have lost his life.
But it's always been like that. In the end, it's always Sehun who loses.
The next day came.
The little light escaped through the gaps of the curtains and Kai tossed and turned in his bed, suddenly feeling completely awake as his body seized in a manner that something cold was running down his spine.
That feeling that he is trapped inside someone's eyes.
The wind just suddenly blew from the open windows, whooshing past the flying curtains, and the cold swept past his feet crawling up to his legs and Kai couldn't take it anymore. His tightly shut eyes flew open unwillingly and for a second, he saw nothing.
The cold air blew on his face and a fresh scent of cherries reached his nose. It was strong and mild at the same time, as if the source of it was right beside him. Kai sat up and his eyes didn't grow large in surprise when he saw that a puddle of mud trailed from his room door to the foot of his bed. Strange.
Yet comforting.
He looked around his bed. There was no sign of him. Instead, the whole space of his bed was full of petals. Fresh yellow petals.
"I know you're here."
Kai whispered as a wave of cherry scent surrounded him.
"Thank you."
Cold wind rushed in his ears as he heard that voice. Thank you? or the flowers, maybe.
"You're welcome." Kai lied back on his bed and tucked a pillow under his side. "Please stay."
He picked the nearest petal and held onto it before closing his eyes.
A soft hum echoed slowly in the room.
The same song he hummed to him before the day they parted.
~
That was a failed attempt at horror ut just think of this as a mild Halloween treat from me, too early though. Yellow constantly reminds me of Sehun and yellow zinnias symbolize daily remembrance, hence this. I hope you liked it.