Safe (Lost Memory) - Part IV
Title: Safe (Lost Memory)
Pairing: Sehun/Kai
Rating: PG
Summary: He always carries a gun. He probably carries a code. He has never wanted to protect a man all his life. Until he is lost. Who is he protecting? And who is he protecting him from?
It's one of those days that Kai is desperate. He needs an answer, a progress. Sehun's nightmares didn't stop. It will always repeat every night. He has finally told Kai about it, about the gun and the hundred-character code, but every time he gets to the point, his memory would fade away, leaving them both clueless and frustrated.
"Try to remember clearly." Kai reminded him in a not so pushy way because he doesn't want to put the pressure on him as he wants to avoid what happened the last time. Sehun obeys but his memory wouldn't. So Kai came up with another idea. It's too risky and he knows it. But there's no other better way that he could think of.
"Roam around the city?" Sehun repeated after Kai had told him what to do.
"Roam around the city and be familiar with the places." He retold him. If Sehun had a life before this, he probably had memories within the city. And if letting him out in the open would trigger his memory, Kai would allow it.
"Is Chanyeol going?" Sehun doubted that Kai would tag along to his little expedition.
"No. Agent Park is re-assigned to another case. He can't be of much help to the both of us now."
"What case?"
"It's highly confidential." Kai dismissed the small conversation. "You are going alone."
Sehun gulped, a little surprised, he choked. "Do you hate me?"
"I'm finally letting you out. Isn't this what you want?" Kai raised an eyebrow and talked as if it's a small matter.
"But I thought you like me." Sehun accused him. "Ok, maybe not like. But I thought at least you want me alive until the case is solved."
"I like you." Kai said densely. Sehun choked again. "But I'll like you better if you can tell me what you've been doing for the syndicate."
The younger clicked his tongue. "This is all for the case right?"
"Yep." Kai answered in a cold manner.
"Right." Sehun nodded as if to say 'but of course'. "So do I come home alive or...?"
"Alive." The cop handed him his phone. "My men will be surrounding you as undercovers. I won't let you meet them so you could act as natural as you can be. You don't have to worry, if anyone attacks you, they'll have to get to my men first before they get to you."
"And if they fail?"
"I fail too."
"You sound so confident."
"I am confident."
"Then I trust you." Sehun took his phone and pocketed it.
"I trust you to give me an answer too."
"Aye aye sir." He gave him a salute.
He walked to the door and Kai called him back.
"If there's a problem, call me."
Sehun nodded.
Sehun has been going out a lot for the past week. So far, no one has ambushed him yet. Sometimes he'll notice a couple of people tailing him but he knew they were Kai's men and so he just walks naturally. Sometimes, he finds a familiar face watching him, one of the undercovers. But there is one person who always catches his attention. He always has a gun in his hand, and he would always always stare at Sehun. It scares him sometimes but whenever their eyes meet, the other would look away and act as if he knows nothing. It was strange in a way and also suspicious, but he has not harmed him so far. He considered him as one of the undercovers.
But things started becoming more suspicious when the ambush happened. He was walking alone in the street when he heard a gunshot from behind and he saw the crowd running everywhere. The undercovers had exposed themselves and kept firing at a group of people. Sehun had read the plate no. of the car, they were the same Japanese drug dealers who chased after them on Kai's birthday. He panicked. He looked around him and everyone was panicking as well. He didn't realize he was stepping backwards when his back hit a solid form, and then a hand covered his mouth from behind. He struggled. The man behind him pointed his gun forward, above Sehun's shoulder and shot a member of the Japanese group who was running towards him. The Japanese fell down, bleeding. Sehun was shocked at the turn of events and his mind processed slowly. Flashes of memories poured into him again. A car crash. Someone tying him up. The code in his hands. And then Sehun willed himself to go back to the present, to the shooting happening at the very moment. He turned his face back to look at his protector, he was the same suspicious guy he has been seeing for the past few days. And when he realized Sehun recognizes him, he let go of him. Before Sehun could shout for him to come back, an undercover had pulled him away.
"Let's go, sir." He ordered.
Sehun let himself be dragged away from the scene, the face of the man still in his mind.
Kai surprisingly went home early as soon as he heard the incident from his colleagues. He found Sehun lying on his bed, but not asleep. Kai immediately closed the door and sat beside him.
"Are you ok?" He asked worriedly.
He nodded.
"I heard you were outnumbered and we didn't expect them to come out in public like that." Kai unconsciously ran his hand on Sehun's forehead to his hair. The other was too tired to react.
"I guess the little experiment stops right here. I don't want any more attacks happening like that." He told that himself more than to Sehun, the younger just stared back at the very concerned Kai. "I'm sorry."
"There was something strange though." Sehun started. He has been thinking about it ever since he sat on the car back home earlier. "Someone saved me."
"What's strange about that? That was an order." Kai, who was still unaware that he has placed his hand on top of Sehun's head, sometimes his fingers fondling with his hair, looked at him with wonder.
"It was different. He didn't give the undercover vibe. I searched for him among the people who sent me home, he wasn't there."
Kai thought for a moment. "Can you describe him to me?"
"He was tall. And looks a bit young." Sehun went on with his description. His observation was too common for Kai to think of a specific person. However, no matter how simple his description was, he can't seem to find the right guy in his mind.
"Are you sure about your memory?" He checked.
"I can remember past the accident." Sehun can't believe that Kai doubted even his post accident memory. He hates how he can't be trusted that easily just because he's ill.
"Would you mind telling me who he is from these people." Kai put out his phone and clicked on the database of his investigation unit. He flashed each one's profiles until they reached the last person, but Sehun didn't recognize the man from the incident.
"He's not there." He told him.
A new fear crept onto Kai's skin. If he wasn't anyone from the police, who else might it have been. A new character in the case? A new involvement? The syndicate? But he saved Sehun.
"Is it bad?" Sehun read Kai's expression. He knew the mysterious man isn't part of the plan.
"It's better if you stay away from any other person." Kai decided. "You'll have to stay at home again. Would you be ok with that?"
"Yes." Sehun had enough nightmares to deal with. He doesn't want it to turn into reality soon.
"Can you go back to remembering the code and your past?"
Sehun nodded. And with that, they had an agreement.
A day passed and Sehun was left alone in the house trying to recover his own memories. Sometimes he wills himself to cling on to the nightmares he had in the morning. Even though it scares him to a point he covers his own ears when the gunshot echoes in his mind. Sometimes he'll end up crumpled up on the couch, his pencil dropped on the floor, the paper full of scratched off codes. It was hard for him. But he endures it.
Meanwhile at the office, without Sehun's knowledge, Kai is also facing a different kind of hardship. The US force has reprimanded him once for getting slow progress in the case. The heat between them shot up after the shooting in public when Kai let Sehun out by himself. They monitor his every little mistake. It always frustrates Kai, he knows that every scolding is a step away from his dream. He tries his best, but none of it is enough for the higher officials. He doesn't usually bring his problems home and tries to be as casual as he is with Sehun. But one day, he was so fed up when all the insults were thrown at him, he couldn't help averting his fury mixed with frustration towards the only person he comes home to.
Kai came in a very bad mood that evening he didn't even look at Sehun once he entered the apartment. Sehun was sprawled on the floor, currently scratching off a number when Kai walked straight to his own room. Sehun noticed the change in the atmosphere but thought it was just another phase of Kai's coldness. He stood from his position and lightly knocked on Kai's door.
"Hey. Am I cooking for tonight?" Sehun asked as he rapped the door three times. He didn't answer.
"Hey Kai. Are you tired?" He put his head closer to listen to what Kai is doing inside. It was quiet.
"I can cook. What do you want for dinner?" He was about to put his ear back to the door when it opened suddenly. He found himself face to face with Kai.
"I'm not eating. Eat by yourself." Kai said harshly, not even slightly trying to hide his tone.
"Is anything wrong?" Sehun was taken aback by this sudden expression of Kai, but he wasn't going to be a coward and just let him go through a rough night. "Did something happen in the office?"
Kai prepared to turn his back when Sehun reached for his arm.
"What's the problem? Maybe I can help."
Kai threw his arm roughly and glared at Sehun. It touched a nerve.
"You!" He said exasperatedly, his eyes darken. "You are the problem! Your incompetent mind can't even help solve your own problem. How long have you been here? Yet you're not even of any help to me? You've been useless all this time don't you know that? You think I don't want to finish this case? I want to! I badly want to end this once and for all so I can go back to America. But you don't do anything! You can't do anything! You are worthless and useless!" Kai only realized he was shouting when his ears hurt from his echoing voice. He hesitantly looked at Sehun, the other stood frozen in front of him. Sehun felt tears trying to escape from his eyes but he fought them back. He knew he was right.
Kai exhaled deeply before speaking again. "I'm not eating." He closed the door and Sehun was left standing there.
The next morning wasn't any better. Sehun didn't appear for breakfast. Kai didn't even bother to prepare anyway. The only time he went out of his room was when he also went out of the house, off to his office. He made sure the apartment was locked and tightly secured before going, however. He felt guilty for shouting at Sehun the previous night but he decided to just apologize later after work. Sehun would, he knows he would, surely not talk to him either even if he tries. He pushed the matter to the back of his mind for the meantime.
Sehun cried. He didn't stay up late to cry though, instead he took in every word Kai said. He knows it, in his heart, that Kai is right. He really isn't of any help to him, to this case. No matter how harsh Kai's words were, what he told him was right. He can't do anything.
When he decided to come out of his room, it was already past the middle of the day. He was hungry but he had no appetite. Kai didn't call him either to check on him. He slumped on the sofa and grabbed the pencil. If he was useless, he wanted to at least change that to prove something to Kai. Just anything. He sat there by 3pm. And he started wracking his brain for anything. Just for anything.
Kai came home a little later than usual as he decided to finish his work in the office rather than at home. He was trying to find the right approach on how to apologize to Sehun anyway. He could be full of pride sometimes.
He was expecting Sehun to be asleep in his room. He wasn't expecting him to have come out of his room at all in fact. But he was wrong. He came home to the lights opened in the small living room. He removed his coat and saw Sehun, head and arms resting on the table, his face buried in his crossed arms, his pencil and paper spread on the table. There was a pile of papers next to him. All of which he wrote on with his trial codes. He had written his name as well. Oh Sehun. It was a new information from him. Kai saw the energy and effort put into his whole afternoon. He felt a huge pang of guilt wash him away inside. He knows he never should have yelled at him, moreover call him useless. He knows how wrong he was, and he knows he didn't mean those things. But it's been done. All he could do now is apologize to him. He looked at the spent and exhausted Sehun on the floor. He bent down to pick him up to bring him to his room when he smelled it. A strong scent of alcohol. When he had already collected him in his arms, that's when he knocked on over an empty bottle. Liquor.
"What the... Did he drown himself in alcohol?" He wreaked of strong liquor and Kai wanted to pinch his nose, but his hands were occupied at the moment. Sehun didn't move as Kai carried him bridal style to his room.
"What were you thinking?" Kai scolded him softly as he dropped him to his bed, a soft thump echoed when he landed on his comfy bed sheets. Sehun was in deep sleep and didn't show any response. He was too drunk to function.
"Ya! Oh Sehun!" Kai flicked his forehead but Sehun just scrunched his nose as a reaction.
Kai sighed in annoyance. If he left him there he would throw up on himself any time.
"Sehun." He pulled him up by the arms, letting him sit up on his bed. Sehun wasn't awake, but he wasn't asleep either. He was too drunk to tell whether he's conscious or not.
"You need to cool down and sober up." Kai sat closer to him and tried to pull him up on his back, to carry him to the bathroom. But he won't budge.
"Sehun wake up." He said, nudging him by the elbow and Sehun let out a tiny hiccup. Kai tried to wrap his arms on his neck but they just slipped. "You are so--"
He faced Sehun as the other slowly fell over him. So slow yet sudden he didn't have the chance to react when he toppled over him, and he fell on his back to his bed. Kai's heart missed a beat or two. He felt Sehun's cold slightly wet lips touched his. He froze in their position when he thought Sehun was awake at the moment. He opened his eyes to realize that he was still unconscious and had clearly just fallen on top of him. Kai pushed him off of him, Sehun's lips sliding off of his face and landing on his bedsheet. Kai immediately sat up, his eyes wide in shock. Did they just kiss?
•
Sehun woke up with a huge headache the next day. He doesn't remember how he ended up in his room but he's too dizzy to try recalling. He walked lazily out of his room and found Kai working in the small kitchen. The aroma of what he's cooking soothed his empty spoiled stomach. He forgot that it's a weekend, meaning a whole day with Kai. A very awkward day to begin with. He scratched his head absentmindedly when he noticed the bottles of alochol set in a box at the side of the fridge.
Kai noticed him and saw him looking at the box.
"I'm taking them out." He said in a normal tone, something not really usual when it comes to him.
"Why?" Sehun asked awkwardly. He still remembers the yelling that happened the other night clearly but he didn't want to appear as if he's too affected by it.
"I found out that you have the tendency to chug them all down in one go. You can't drink that much. It's bad for your health." His tone was concerned, fatherly even, but Sehun was too embarrassed to notice. He flushed red and tried recalling whatever happened the previous night.
"So last night you..." He trailed off.
"I took care of you last night. You were a mess, to be honest." Kai wiped his hands on his apron to dry them clean.
"Did I do anything weird?" The boy whose face is red asked, not quite looking at him.
Kai's face flushed red too and he quickly looked away and didn't meet the other's eyes. "N-no." He said quickly.
"Oh." Sehun sighed in relief.
"But next time you might, so you can't drink anymore." Kai turned his back on the younger, his face hot.
Sehun nodded even if he can't see. He walked over to the couch to nurse his bad headache. Not long after, Kai was standing in front of him, holding out an ice pack for him.
"It will ease the pain." Kai placed it just above his head and held it there for a few seconds. Sehun reached out for it and muttered a small 'thanks'.
"Sehun." Kai bent down to be at level with his eyes. He crouched in front of him with a serious face. "I'm sorry. About the other night. I was... tired. I didn't really mean those things."
"No. You were mad. I understand." Sehun said quietly.
Kai stared at him straight in the eyes. "It won't happen again. If I said you were useless I might as well have told that myself. I know we're both working hard for this. I'm really sorry."
Sehun let out a small smile. "You're a good guy."
"You're a cute guy too." Kai answered with a smile. The two of them looked at each other straight in the eyes for a few good seconds in silence until Sehun broke the ice.
"I knew it Kai. You like me." He teased, still holding the ice pack on his head.
Kai poked the side of his head as a come back.
"Ouch! My headache." Sehun slapped his hand away.
"Serves you right for being a narcissist." He stood up to get back to his cooking.
"I'm not the only narcissist in this house okay." The ill one commented as he stuck his tongue out behind the other's back.
"As a make up to you, I'm going to take you out tomorrow for lunch. My treat."
"You're taking me out? Whoa since when did I say yes to a date?" Sehun chuckled and dodged on time when Kai chucked an ice at him.
"You're going, whether it's a yes or a no." He rode in with his joke.
Sehun laughed. "Powerful. Okay!"
"But no to crowded places." Kai made it clear.
"Aye aye sir!" Sehun did the salute again.