Translation of SZBH (Kamiya Hiroshi & Shintani Ryoko) PART 2
Translation Part 1 here.
SZBH 99
Kamiya's message when his official site "Uta Hiroshi" was launched for his debut album "Hare no Hi".....
「歌浩史」始めました！ (UtaHiroshi has started!)
今年最大級の衝撃をアナタに…！ (This year's premium impact, for you....!!!)
(22:28)
Uta Hiroshi has started!
This year's premium despair, for you....!!!
On 26th of August, Zan Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei's ending song,
"Double suicide in the dark - In love with each other",
will be released quietly hiding under the shadow of Hare no Hi.
(Ending song info and sample)
(34:10)
R: (Mail) A few days after the episode where Terashima-san was the guest(see SZBH 80), a fujoshi I know(29 years old and single) said, "I'm definitely releasing a Sato-D x Kousei-T book in the coming summer comiket!". What Kamiya-san said seems to have caused a diaster in 3 dimension.
Sato-D = Director Sato
Kousei-T: Script-writer Tahara
(Skipping the main part and jumping to the ending...)
(36:10)
K: Let's meet again at Tokyo Big Site(where summer comiket is held) in this year's summer. Sayonara.
R: Immediately after I read that mail, Sato-san looked at Tahara-san really quickly. I felt a little "moe" at that move. Like, whatever they say, there is something.....
(Meh~~~)
R: You looked. You looked. You looked.
K: (Girly tone) Didn't look~~
R: He looked~~
K: Didn't look~~
R: HAHAHA!! Too funny!!
SZBH 100
This week's opening drama is a parody of "Ikenai Kaere Sensei" in Zan Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei ep.4. "Ikenai" means naughty; "Kimura Kaere" is actually one of the highschool girl characters but she sometimes shows up as a sexy private tutor. You can watch the relevant part at Youtube here(couldn't find one with subtitles but the content is unimportant....), or download the avi video here.
Kaere Sensei (CV: Kobayashi Yuu)
Sanosuke (CV: Kamiya Hiroshi)
Hitou Nami (CV: Shintani Ryoko)
(0:04)
Kaere: Sayonara Zetsubou Housou, episode........100!! Pi's tragedy.
Sanosuke & Nami: Ikenai Kaere Sensei!
Nami: Without considering the TPO(Time Place Occasion), a sexy private tutor has come to the studio!
Kaere: Hi~~~~. Uh~~~~uh~~~~~. Sa...Sa...Sa...Sanosuke-chan, today I AM TEACHER. Together with sensei, let's study about, ALL. KIND. OF. THINGS......shall we~~~~~???
Sanosuke: Oh!! Yoroshiku-cha!!
Kaere: Sanosuke-chan is so wild~~~~!! Today, let's first learn about "En-shuu-ritsu"(=the ratio of the circumference to the diameter of a circle).
Sanosuke: Ah~~~~?? En-shuu-ritsu is that one, right? 3......3, right?!!
Kaere: Oh~~~~Sanosuke-chan~~~~!! Exactly~~!! Let's get back to 3.14~~
Sanosuke: For real?! Hey!!
Kaere: En-shuu-ritsu is 3.14159265358979............a number that cannot be divided exactly so it's expressed as π(Pi).
Sanosuke: Hey hey, all of a sudden! Talking about "Pi"......it's this??!
(Imagine Sanosuke squeezing Kaere sensei's breasts=oppai=Pi)
Kaere: IYAAAA~~~~~~~!!! AHH~~! That's "Pi" too, but π is not that "Pi"~~~~~~
Sanosuke: En-shuu-ritsu is so warm and soft. I learn something today.
Kaere: OHH~~~~~!! OHH~~~~~~!! It's the opening drama of the memorial 100th episode.....OHH~~~~!! Sano-chan, consider the TPO!
Sanosuke: Hey hey hey, it's not me. It's the guy behind me. Hey, stop it! Kamiya!! Your reputation will get worse again!! What is "again"? It's spoiling the cool image of Hare no Hi's PV!! Consider the TPO!!
Nami: More like, the moment Sanosuke appears in the opening drama, he is already not considering the TPO.
SZBH 43
(2:35~)
Sugita(S): I'm really into exchanging the lower body of this "cardigan" and "megane" character that Kamiya-san is doing.
K: That's terrible!! Sugita-kun!!
S: There is this 300 yen figure of the G-dam's megane character that Kamiya-san is playing. At first I changed the lower body to a "Caterpillar"(tank-like vehicle) and thought it was really interesting. Then from a "wagon sale" of a second-hand shop, I bought a lot of figures from dating game and porn game that might fit, and when I gently snapped the parts together, they fit perfectly! Unbelievable!!
K: That sucks!!
S: When I fit the lower body of this megane girl from the work of (censor), oh wow!! Amazing!!
K: This idiot! He looked so happy when he showed me the picture!! (in Sugita tone) "Brother, it is amazing!" Haha!! It is amazing but also stupid!
S: I'm already 27 but when I joined the body part with a figure from a bishojo(pretty young girl) game, I was feeling all embarassed by myself in my room.
K: I think Sugita-kun must have bought quite a number of them in order to find one that fits........well.........he is a fabulous person.
S: Even you don't say it, I will die anyway.
K: HAHAHAHA!!!!! For the time being, please don't die this week and next week.
(4:45)
S: I was really embarassed when I switched the parts.
K: Sure you did!
SZBH 44
SZBH 45
A parody of Mastercard's TV commercial in Japan. Check out the original CM at the official site or download the older ones here, here and here.
(18:40)
Wine that you can't say no to after tasting it: 45,000 yen.
Spangle jeans that you don't like but can't say no after trying it on: 28,000 yen.
A beautiful dolphin painting that you said you would buy: 530,000 yen.
A lifetime of not being able to say no: Priceless.
There is despair that you cannot buy with money.
If you are in despair: SZBH.
This CM is sponsored by Zetsubou-name Maison Nippori-san.
If you are in despair: SZBH.
SZBH 46
SZBH 47
SZBH 48
SZBH 49
SZBH 50
SZBH 51
A fake CM song sung by Sanosuke(CV: Kamiya Hiroshi). Sanosuke is that ugly doll version of the character "Sagara Sanosuke" in "Rurouni Kenshin". Apparently Ryoko loves Sagara Sanosuke so on her birthday, they gave her that doll of Despair as the birthday present and it had become her nightmare ever since.
(24:15)
Sanosuke~suke~suke~ Zanbato(long sword)!!
I came in my yellow body~~!!
Sanosuke~suke~suke~ can stretch very long~~!!
I'm a healthy kid with big round eyes!!
SZBH 51 "keitai"(cellphone version)
(1:25~)
R: (Mail) In his radio show, Daichu made a "UKE declaration" addressed to OnoD saying that "If it's Daisuky(aka Ono Daisuke), I am fine with whatever he does to me. Because I like him very much(daisuki)." Please stop this "Real(-life) BL"!
K: Maybe he reckons that since he is not popular with the girls, he may as well settle for the guys.
R: If he comes here again, Kamiya-san will be in trouble!
K: I have absolutely no interest in that. Neither has Ono-kun. "Real BL" is a tough one.
R: Yeah, and he is someone we're close to.
K: I know the mail address of both of them......It's DELETE!! DELETE!!
SZBH 52
SZBH 53
SZBH 54
SZBH 55
SZBH 56
SZBH 57
(4:35)
(From a title sent by a listener)
R&K: "DESPAIR Girl ~Stories~"
(4:55)
K: Please write down how to pronounce the English word("Despair"). None of us, out of all 9 staff, knows how to read it!
(13:18)
R&K: "DISAPPEAR Girl ~Stories~"
R: (giggles)
K: It's enough!!!!
(20:40)
R&K: "Disappear.......Gir....Girl ~Stories~"
R: A lot of mails arrived for Kamiya-san.
K: Thank you!
R: From Zetsubou-name Uho!-san. (Mail) I went to the Summer Comiket. As someone in his late 20s, it was my first time buying "seiyuu-san real-life book". They were mainly selling Kamiya-san x OnoD, and also other DGS-related stuff. To be honest, I was hesitating whether I should buy it or not, because I am a guy. But the people from the [doujinshi] circle told me, "You are the 7th Dear Guy." and I thought, "Ah~~ I am not the only one", and realised it was no big deal.
K: ........................heh.
R: (giggles)
K: Ah.......is that right..........err..........what is "seiyuu-san real-life book"?
R: I'm not sure but maybe instead of pairing (anime) characters, you have seiyuu-san pairs. In this case, it is Kamiya-san and OnoD.........
K: IT'S GROSS!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S GROSS!!!!!!!!!!!
R: You never know. Maybe it is just a manga of you two talking normally.
K: It's bizarre even if it's just "talking normally"! Picking up a NOBODY 33 year-old bloke like me, what do you want to achieve?! Give me a break!
R: No, no, no, no, no. It's fun. It's about things that you won't be able to see and hear in reality. So you fill up the missing parts in manga.
K: There is no need to fill up.
R: There is!
K: For Uho-san?
R: Yeah. Also for girls.
K: Is that right.......is that right.......the 7th Dear Guy........7 guys......the "7 chosen ones"........bought the books. What do they do with it? Amazing.......there are all kinds of needs in this world......all the guys in this world can really live on without losing hope.........because even a guy like me is needed by the others.
R: No, no, no, no, no. Kamiya-san is Kamiya-san.
K: Well I am not Sanosuke.
R: Haha.......
K: Not what you meant? Hey, Sanosuke how you doing?
R: No, he is not in the mood today.
K: What happened to you, Sanosuke?...............(playing with Sanosuke)........hahaha!!
R: Let's move on to the next! Something miserable is happening!
K: Sanosuke, miserable..........(accidentally hit the mic).......
R: I'm going ahead now. Kamiya-san, are you okay?
K: Haha, nothing.
SZBH 58
SZBH 59
SZBH 60
SZBH 61
SZBH 62
SZBH 63
SZBH 64
SZBH 65
SZBH 66
SZBH 67
SZBH 68
SZBH 69
SZBH 70
(Opening Drama)
Itoshiki Nozomu(CV: Kamiya Hiroshi)
Itoshiki Mikoto(CV: Kamiya Hiroshi)
Fujiyoshi Harumi(CV: Matsuki Miyu)
Hitou Nami(CV: Shintani Ryoko)
(0:10)
Nozomu: uh.......ah........ha.........ah.........
Harumi: Itoshiki Nozomu sighs in desire. His older brother Itoshiki Mikoto appears in a white coat.
Mikoto: What happened, Nozomu?! Your face is red. You're breathing heavily. Hey! Nozomu!! Nozomu!!
Nozomu: Ni......Nii-san......I can't take it anymore.......ah.......
Harumi: Nozomu leans coquettishly against Mikoto. Mikoto holds his younger brother's body tightly, and puts his hand on his cheek.
Mikoto: It's hot! Your body is very hot!! Nozomu, show it to me.
Nozomu: No, Nii-san~~It's embarassing~~
Mikoto: What is so embarassing between brothers. Come now!
Harumi: Mikoto roughly rips off Nozomu's clothes. Mikoto puts a cold stethoscope on his brother's chest.
Nozomu: Ah~~! Nii-san! It's cold~!
Mikoto: It's alright. You'll warm up shortly. Come now. Open your mouth.
Nozomu: Ah, ah~~~~~~~
Harumi: Mikoto examines Nozomu's swelling throat. Mikoto searches his medic bag, and takes out a...............
Nozomu: !!!!!!! A new year just started, what are you trying to make me do???!!!!!!!!
Harumi: It was the first dream of this year I saw.
Nami: What? It was only Fujiyoshi-san's first dream!
Harumi: It's definitely my "dream".
Nozomu: You think you're being clever?! Don't cast me in your dream without my permission!!!!!
Harumi: You think Nozo/Miko is better than Miko/Nozo??
Nami: I think that's not the problem.
(2:17)
K: GIVE ME A BREAK!! GIVE ME A BREAK!!
SZBH 71
SZBH 72
SZBH 73
SZBH 74
SZBH 75
SZBH 76
SZBH 77
SZBH 78
SZBH 79
(31:40)
K: (Mail) Despair!!!! In his radio show "Maru-chu", "I want to invite Takuma to be the guest", "Takuma is good-looking", "Terashima Takuma is my type". Despair on Gachi-homo talk by Daichu-san!!!!! Terashima-san, please escape!!!!!!!!!
(32:00)
K: (Mail) Despair!!!! Kimura Madoka-san(female seiyuu) acknowledges the fact that Terashima-san is Daichu-san's Gachi-homo friend. Despair!!!!!!!
K: Apparently all these are true.
(32:32)
Terashima: ...............Daichu-san said that...............I will think about it.
K&R: Hahahaha~~~!!!!!!!
SZBH 80
(28:50)
R: (Mail) I am a fujoshi, but I love girls' breasts. When we go to hotsprings together, I'll stare at my friend's breasts, and if things go well I will say "How big~" while touching them. Kamiya-san, Terashima-san, do guys say, "How big~" and touch each other's? I really want to know.
Terashima(T): Please tell them, Kamiya-san.
K: (in his super kakkoi voice) Of course we don't touch each other.
R: You don't touch?!
K: Huh?
R: You don't touch?!
K: Don't touch me.
R: "Don't touch me"???!!
(29:30)
T: It's not fun [for guys to touch each other].
K: It's not the problem of whether it's fun or not.
T: Haha!!
K: You just don't do it.
T: It's not normal.
K: Try to imagine, Kousei-T(script-writer T) and Director Sato. Imagine the sight of them touching each other while saying "You are incredible~".
R: Ah~~~!!!!!
T: Gross! Gross!
K: Kousei-T is laughing but Director Sato is looking very solemn.
R: I'm sorry~~!!!!!!! I'm sorry~~~!!!!!!!!!! Scary~~~~~~!!!!
K: He's looking very annoyed to be used as an example. His face is saying, "Don't say stuff like that even as a joke!!! Damn it!!"
T: He really doesn't like it!!
(30:17)
R: You really don't touch each other, not anywhere??
K: WE DON'T!!!!!!
T: "Anywhere"?
R: (attempted macho voice) "Your biceps brachii muscle is incredible!!"
K: Why is it so pinpointed??
R: I'm trying to think only the upper body. Chest muscle or stomach muscle or back muscle, or shoulder..........(giggles)....like, "You have sloping shoulders."
K: Well, I do have sloping shoulders.
T: Definitely not happening in a hotspring. Praising someone's muscle in a gym is understandable.
K: Like, "Senpai!! Nice Abs!!"
T: That may happen for the guys in a sports club.
K: In a hotspring, you just don't peep and go, "Oh~~~! You!! Wow!!"
SZBH 81
SZBH 82
(18:23)
R: (Mail) Whenever I see a briefcase, I can't help thinking, "Must be fat stacks of cash inside!!" Don't say I am normal!!!
K: I can relate to that. Whenever I see a briefcase, I'll think, "Must be white dodgy powder inside!!".
R: Wah, wah, wah, wah~
K: In our industry, about a few years ago, a certain raw-meat-senpai........well that certain raw-meat-senpai is Morikawa Toshiyuki-san...........
R: Why raw meat?
K: Because he likes meat. Morikawa-san had a (Jean Paul) Gaultier bag, a briefcase-looking one. I always thought, "I'm sure there is a pistol inside".
R: Hahaha~~!!!!!
K: He had long blonde hair and wore really wild-looking clothes. And he carried that Gaultier briefcase in metallic colour.
R: Ah~~~~~!!
K: I was sure there was a pistol inside, but in fact he was carrying BL sample CDs. Haha!
SZBH 83
SZBH 84
SZBH 85
(20:29)
Kamiya, Suzumura Kenichi and Sakurai Takahiro are the same age(or the same year in school) but because Kamiya was born in the early month of the year "Showa 50"(=1975) while Suzumura and Sakurai were born in the later month of the year "Showa 49"(=1974), Kamiya loves saying to the other two:
"I have no idea what you guys are talking about. I'm from the Showa 50s, I have no idea what people from the Showa 40s are talking about."
SZBH 86
The convenience store Family Mart has this cash card thing where after the transaction, the shop staff has to determine the age of the customer from how he/she looks and key in the age accordingly(some kind of validation procedure I assume). But in practice, most shop staff don't actually take the procedure seriously and only key in whatever number, even though the customer can see on the screen what the shop staff has just keyed in.
(31:45)
K: I can understand that if I wear shabby clothes and the shop staff key in like "40 something".
R: Heh??!!!
K: I hate to look 40 something so even when I'm just going to a convenience store, I will dress up. And when I do that, the shop staff key in "20 something", and "female".
R: Hahaha~~!!!!
SZBH 87
SZBH 88
SZBH 89
(7:50)
R: (Mail) A question to Sugita-san. What do you think of "Bachou Mouki"-san who has been saying in a few occasions, "Tieria is cute", "I want to go out with Tieria".
K: Haha.....
S: There is such a person?.....ah......I think Tieria is cute. The story will probably move on without revealing Tieria's gender. Say Tieria becomes a girl completely, while the appearance doesn't change. The character becomes weaker and weaker, saying things like,
"What should I do? I don't know how to talk to other people."
"Wah~Setsuna just came in! What should I do?"
(Setsuna:) "Hey, how you doing?"
(Tieria:) "Hey, you jerk."
(Setsuna:) "What kind of tension is that?"
(Tieria:) "I blew it!!" and goes to hide at the back and cry. So cute.
K: .........hentai.........hentai........
S: So cute.
SZBH 90
SZBH 91
SZBH 92
SZBH 93
SZBH 94
SZBH 95
SZBH 96
SZBH 97
SZBH 98
SZBH DJCD Vol.3 Disc 2 Track 1
(The guests are Ootsuki Kenji and Narasaki, the former sings and the latter writes the theme songs for the anime. Also Kobayashi Yuu who is one of the cast.)
(0:00)
R: A special program!!
K: "Uho-hon school"!!
(Cheers from the audience)
R: Wait!! Wait!! Wait!! Kamiya-san!! Kamiya-san!! Why are you stripping at this timing? It's okay if you're hot.
K: I'm hot. I'm hot.
R: But why tripping at this timing.
Audience: One more!! One more!! One more!! One more!!
R: No~~~~~~!!!!
K: I'm not stripping, you stupid!!!!! I was going to strip from the bottom too.
R: Here we are featuring the "Uho" mails which we couldn't use in the radio.
Kobayashi Yuu: A very fitting special program for an event in Shinjuku.(Shinjuku 2-chome is a famous gay scene)
K: Unfortunately a lot of mails from "those kind of people" have been sent to this radio program. I don't know why.
Ootsuki Kenji(O): Huh.......
Audience: It's not unforunate!!!
K: Unfortunately a lot of mails came........so a special program.
R: Really a lot of them came......
Audience: That's our Kamiya!!
K: I'm really sorry, Ootsuki-san, but we're going to do this "Uho-hon school" program........
O: I'll try to catch up.
R: Hahaha!!!!
K: Narasaki-san also, please try to follow.
R: How about another drink?
Narasaki(N): Alcohol.......one more Tequilla.
R: One more Tequilla?!!!! You were drinking Tequilla?!
(1:50)
R: A mail from Zetsubou-name "Uho!"-san.
K: (Mail) Despair!!!!! I met my boss in "Hattenba"(pickup spot for gay men)!! Despair!!!!!
Audience: Uho!!! Uho!!! What a man!!!
K: This is......................what do you think?
N: Me?? I went to Hattenba recently.
R: Eh~~~~??!!!
N: I didn't know it. I was being looked at, like seriously.
K: You were being checked out.
N: I was being stared at.....If you love being looked at, then you should go there.
K: Hahaha!! Hattenba really exists!
N: There is this theater for porn movies in Shinjuku and it used to specialise in gay movies. It was incredible when I went there to get coverage of the place.
Audience: Also in Ueno!
K: Also in Ueno! There are theaters for gay movies here and there! They should put up a sign. If I happen to go in without knowing it, and the people there go "Uho??" at me, I'll be like "No no no!!!!".........right now I'm covering up my crotch.
N: Really, I was being "licked" from the bottom.
K: From the bottom.........There are really places like that. To know people in places like that............is very despairing. But in a sense, people share a common interest there. Isn't it great to get everything sorted in a handy place like that?
(3:37)
K: A mail from Zetsubou-name "Uho!"-san.
R: How many "Uho!"-san are there?! (Mail) In "Dragon Quest Five (The Hand of the Heavenly Bride)", when I get to choose my bride, I always end up talking to Flora's father. Don't say that I'm normal!!!!
(Cheers from the audience)
R: "Uho" sending a mail to this corner is not normal already.
K: Well yeah, it's not normal.
N: How many times has he played Dragon Quest Five?!
K: It's Flora's father, right? He's married and has a child, which means he's got to be straight!!!! Next mail!!
(4:27)
K: A mail from Zetsubou-name "Uho!"-san.
R: (Mail) In shinsen-gumi, I ship Hijikata/Okita. Don't say that I'm normal!!!!
(Hijikata/Okita, from Gintama doujinshi)
R: This is normal.
(Cheers from the audience)
K: Err........
R: This is normal.........sorry, shall we move on?
K: The other two have gone silent.
O: I got a work offer to write a BL scenario.
R: Eh~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!
O: Will I get a better idea if I watch more of Zetsubou-sensei?
R: Oh! Do you get it? Do you get it?
O: I'm not sure but, is it Zetsubou-sensei who is conjuring up this ambience, or is it Kamiya-san himself who is conjuring up this ambience? Which one is it? I can't tell.......
K: Both are NO!!!!!!!
R: Hahaha~~~!!!!
O: Ah, really......
K: It was that IDIOT Hikawa Hekiru who wrote "Kamiya Sou-uke"!!! Don't know where the hell he's gone now!!! That bastard!!
R: Yeah! He didn't draw Nami [in the end-card]. I'm still hating him for that.
K: In the end-card....
O: So it was a heartless lander.....
R: Heartless lander!!
K: The heartless lander thoughtlessly went public, appearing as if it were true. By the hand of Hikawa Hekiru who drew the end-card.
O: And the audience just picked it up......
Audience: Plausible plausible plausible plausible plausible~~~~~~~
K: Is it plausible?
(Cheers from the audience)
O: It must be plausible.
K: Hahaha~~!!!!
R: Fantastic timing!!!
(6:28)
R: A mail from Zetsubou-name, "My Uho cousin."
Kobayashi Yuu: (Mail) I want to sue my cousin!!! The first AV(adult video) I ever saw in my life, was a "Uho" AV. In my first year of middle school, I went to visit my cousin in his room. He was not in so I checked out his stuff and found a video with a Kinnikuman label on it.
(Kinnikuman, or "Muscle man")
Kobayashi Yuu: (Mail) Feeling nostalgic, I inserted it into the video player and what I saw on the screen was two NUDE MACHO guys playing a game of pro-wrestling. The video was right in the middle of a CLIMAX scene. They were going, "Ah~~~~~" and "Oh~~~~~". Well in a sense, it was exactly what the label said though!!
R: Fantastic! Yuu-chan!
A male audience: Kamiya. Your comment!!
K: So it's Kinnikuman....haha....it's not incorrect for the content......err.......it'll be a trauma if someone sees it in his first year of middle school........you're nodding haha.
O: Once I was taken to a club in Shinjuku's "golden street".....2-chome?? The video showing there was incredible......
K: Kinnikuman's?
O: It was like Kinnikuman.........they were using the "constrictor muscle".......
Audience: Hahaha~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!
K: Constrictor muscle......
R: What is constrictor muscle?
O: Both of the hands were like........doing this........it was incredible.........I'm sorry that I'm talking about stuff like that.
K: That's what this program is about. It's perfectly alright.......haha........constrictor muscle......
R: Where is constrictor muscle??
K: Oh come on!
Audience: Ahhh~~~ohh~~~~~
R: I'd better not ask?
K: Where do you think it might be?
R: From what is being said......upper arm? ............wrong?
O: Let this old man explain it to you.
R: I'm sorry! It's fine! I can sense from the atmosphere that I shouldn't ask.
O: That's right. There are things that are better not to know about. You will know when you become an adult.
Audience: No!! No!! No!! No!!
R: No? No? It's bad if the constrictor muscle ends up in my resume? Oh it's bad. I won't ask then.
K: The hint is, "xxx constrictor muscle". (anal)
R: (still not getting it) Eh~!! Eh~!! Special Program!!
K: Uho-hon School!!
R: The end!!
--------------------
The event was held in Shinjuku's "Loft Plus One", where the audience were allowed to put things on a table set on the stage before the show started, and someone put the figures of Tieria Erde and Koizumi Itsuki with their bodies entangled.
Disc 1 Track 1 (9:35)
K: Sorry I just noticed. What is this?
(Cheers from the audience)
R: This is sugoi!
Audience: OnoD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
K: Ah~~I see~~. IGNORE.
But Kobayashi Yuu went over and put Koizumi's figure on Kamiya's shoulder, which Kamiya chucked away later saying "Don't want it".
Disc 1 Track 1 (11:13)
Male audience: Daite~~~!!!!! (Make love to me!)
Ryoko: Haha!!!
Kamiya: Ha.....
Ryoko: There was a girl too!!!
Male audience: Dakaserou!!!! (Let me make love to you!)
"Boy-with-special-power" slashes "Pink-cardigan" is also mentioned in Disc2 Track 5 (0:45~)
--------------------
Two types of non-alcohol "original drinks" were available in the event.
One of which was "Pink Cardigan", which was just a pink lemonade apparently.
The other original drink was "Paprika Cola Sour".
"Sour" is a drink made from Japanese sake and fruit juice. Paprika is just bell-pepper in Japanese.
"Paprika Cola Sour" comes from " Patrick Colasour", a character in Gundam00.
The talk about Gundam's "armed force intervention" to SZBH is mentioned in Disc2 Track 4 (0:27~)
DJCD Vol.4 Track 9
(2:35)
R: (Mail) I'm sorry! I'm sorry that I watch Fashion Show in the wrong way. But you can't help looking at the models' breasts which can be seen through the clothes. Right, Kamiya-san?!
K: ME?!
Sanosuke: You look too?!
K: Ah~~I do. Sanosuke aren't really interested?
Sanosuke: Me?? Don't ask me!
Inoue Marina: (whispers) Kawaii.....
Sanosuke: Don't ask a samurai [about things like that]!!
(3:23)
Marina: (giggles) Kamiya-san is too KAWAII when he is playing with the doll. My heart just went "kyun-kyun"(contracts).
R: Kamiya-san, Kamiya-san. "Playing with the doll".
K: Ah.........you look at the breasts, right?!
R: Hahaha~~~!!!
(After some silly talk where Kamiya got jealous of Marina who had the freedom to squeeze Ryoko's breasts as she pleased)
(6:40)
Marina: Why don't you squeeze a guy's breasts while doing the radio show?
R: For example Sugita-san! Make him sit next to you.
K: Don't want to!!
R: Then how about Sanosuke?!!
K: Sanosuke......
Marina: He is soft.
K: Oh~~wow~~ (squeezing Sanosuke)
R: Hahaha~~~!!!
Sanosuke: You...you!! Stop it!! Don't touch me like that!! Ah~~~~no~~~~I'm going weak~~~~
Marina: Hahaha~~~~!!!
K: So this is your weak spot.
Sanosuke: You!! Stop!! Don't do it!!......I'll try.
All: Hahaha~~~~!!!
Kannou Mukashibanashi : The Monkey-Crab War
(Available at Seiyuu and Drama CD forum)
Track 5 (0:40)
Inoue Kazuhiko: Long long time ago there lived a Crab(CV: Kamiya Hiroshi). One day, Crab found a delicious-looking onigiri(rice ball) lying on the road side.
(Crabby walking: "ton ton ton ton ton ton....")
Kamiya: Wah~~what a yummy-looking onigiri!! Let me take home to eat.
Inoue: At the same time, a hungry Monkey(CV: Suzuki Tatsuhisa) picked up a persimmon seed.
Suzuki: A persimmon seed?!!! Let me chuck it away.
Inoue: Just when Monkey was chucking away the persimmon seed, it bumped into Crab holding the onigiri.
(Crabby walking: "ton ton ton ton ton ton")
Kamiya: Hello Saru-san!
Suzuki: Oh!! Well, aren't you carrying something very yummy-looking?
Kamiya: This? I picked it up from the road.
Suzuki: Well, good for you.
Kamiya: What is that, Saru-san?
Suzuki: This? This is....
Inoue: Saru wanted to have Crab's onigiri so he said...
Suzuki: This is the Miraculous Persimmon Seed!
Kamiya: Miraculous Persimmon Seed?
Suzuki: Yeah. You plant this seed, and every year it will grow into very delicious persimmon fruits. Isn't it great?
Kamiya: It's awesome!
Suzuki: Do you want it?
Kamiya: Yeah! I want it!
Suzuki: Then say you want it.
Kamiya: Eh?....okay, I want it.
Suzuki: Not like that! "I would like to have the persimmon seed of Saru-sama"....not giving you unless you say it.
Kamiya: I think I don't want it that much......
Suzuki: Ahhhh????
Kamiya: Okay okay I will say it!! I would like to have the persimmon seed of Saru-sama.....is it okay?
Suzuki: Hmm....doesn't sound right. "May Saru-sama deign to bestow this Crab His persimmon seed". Hey, say it again.
Kamiya: Eh?! No!!
Suzuki: You want me to chuck it to the river?
Kamiya: I, I will say it! I will say it!.......May Saru-sama deign to bestow this crab His persimmon seed.....is it okay?
Suzuki: No no no. You didn't say it whole-heartedly.
Kamiya: That is just.....
Suzuki: If you can't say it, (threatening voice) I can MAKE you say it.
Kamiya: Eh??
Monkey-Suzuki started to squish poor Crab-Kamiya with his feet.
Kamiya: It, it hurts....
Suzuki: (heavy breathing).....say it......(heavy breathing)
Kamiya: Saru-san!!!
Suzuki: If you say it properly, I will let you go....
Kamiya: Don't squish me....it hurts!!
Suzuki: (heavy breathing).....your shell is so rugged....(heavy breathing)....feels good.....(heavy breathing).....ah!!
Kamiya: Saru-san?
Suzuki: .......sorry, what the hell was I doing......did it hurt?
Kamiya: Yea...yeah....a bit....
Suzuki: Ah damn! Your important guts.........(SUCK SUCK SUCK)
(Kani-miso= Crab guts= a delicacy in Japanese cuisine)
Kamiya: Ah~!! Saru-san....not there~!!!
Suzuki: ......sorry! I.....I....I lost myself.....sorry.....
Kamiya: Oh it is alirght.
Suzuki: Here! The persimmon seed. Take it.
Kamiya: Ah, thank you, Saru-san!
Suzuki: If you ever get into trouble, just come to me.
Kamiya: O...okay.
Suzuki: .......bye.
Inoue: Crab went home and planted the seed immediately.
Kamiya: What a nightmare just now. But I got the seed. Must thank Saru-san. Miraculous Persimmon Seed....what kind of tree it will grow into?
Inoue: While giving water to the seed, Crab started singing.
Kamiya: Persimmon seed~~sprout quickly! Persimmon seed~~sprout quickly! If you don't, I will dig you with my claw!
(Tree growing sound)
Inoue: The seed that was planted a moment ago, sprouted and grew big quickly.
Kamiya: Wow it is really Miraculous Persimmon Seed!!
Inoue: Crab got happy and started singing again.
Kamiya: Persimmon tree~~~bear fruit quickly! Persimmon tree~~~bear fruit quickly! If you don't, I will cut you off with my claw!
(Fruits popping sound)
Inoue: A lot of persimmon fruits are grown on the tree.
Kamiya: Yeah! I can eat persimmon fruit now!
Inoue: Crab wanted to get to the fruit but Crab cannot climb tree.
Kamiya: Oh no.....what should I do?
Inoue: Monkey showed up at that time.
Suzuki: Wow, you've got the fruits already.
Kamiya: Saru-san! It really was Miraculous Persimmon Seed!!
Suzuki: I told you so, didn't I! You should thank me!
Kamiya: Yeah! But I cannot reach the fruit. I don't know what to do.
Suzuki: I will take it for you.
Kamiya: Really?
Suzuki: I said that if you ever get into trouble, just come to me, right?
Kamiya: Thank you, Saru-san!
Inoue: Monkey climbed the tree, but he started eating the fruit by himself.
Kamiya: So mean!! Saru-san!! Give me the fruit too!!
Suzuki: Shut up. I am busy eating right now.
Kamiya: So mean!! Give me just one please.
Suzuki: Just one....(evil laugh).....eat this!!!
(Fruit throwing sound)
Inoue: Monkey started throwing hard and green fruits at Crab.
Kamiya: Ouch!
Suzuki: Ha!
Kamiya: Ouch!
Suzuki: There!
Kamiya: So mean! Saru-san! So mean!
Suzuki: You want it? You want it? Says so on your face.
Kamiya: It hurts! It hurts!
Suzuki: Say it! You are excited by this, aren't you?
Kamiya: Saru-san! Why? You were so kind to me just a moment ago?!
Suzuki: This sound of the fruit hitting on your shell is just great.......hehehe.........ah!!!
Kamiya: (moans in pain)
Suzuki: (heavy breathing after rushing to Crab) .....sorry!! What was I doing........did it hurt?
Kamiya: Yeah...yeah...quite a bit.....
Suzuki: Ah! Damn! Your important guts........(SUCK SUCK SUCK)
Kamiya: Saru-san.....don't! If you do this to me......I........
Suzuki: I......am no good?
Kamiya: No.....it is not that.....
Suzuki: Is there somebody else? Besides me......your.....
Kamiya: But....that.....is my.......important......
Suzuki: I can't take it anymore. I........so much.......your.....lov........(SUCK)
Kamiya: Ah~~~~~~~~~
The story followed by a revenge mission carried out by Crab's buddies: Chestnut, Bee and Mortar(all played by Inoue). Monkey had his tail cut off by Crab's claws at the end and that's why Japanese Monkeys have short tails.....
SZBH 99
Kamiya's message when his official site "Uta Hiroshi" was launched for his debut album "Hare no Hi".....
「歌浩史」始めました！ (UtaHiroshi has started!)
今年最大級の衝撃をアナタに…！ (This year's premium impact, for you....!!!)
(22:28)
Uta Hiroshi has started!
This year's premium despair, for you....!!!
On 26th of August, Zan Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei's ending song,
"Double suicide in the dark - In love with each other",
will be released quietly hiding under the shadow of Hare no Hi.
(Ending song info and sample)
(34:10)
R: (Mail) A few days after the episode where Terashima-san was the guest(see SZBH 80), a fujoshi I know(29 years old and single) said, "I'm definitely releasing a Sato-D x Kousei-T book in the coming summer comiket!". What Kamiya-san said seems to have caused a diaster in 3 dimension.
Sato-D = Director Sato
Kousei-T: Script-writer Tahara
(Skipping the main part and jumping to the ending...)
(36:10)
K: Let's meet again at Tokyo Big Site(where summer comiket is held) in this year's summer. Sayonara.
R: Immediately after I read that mail, Sato-san looked at Tahara-san really quickly. I felt a little "moe" at that move. Like, whatever they say, there is something.....
(Meh~~~)
R: You looked. You looked. You looked.
K: (Girly tone) Didn't look~~
R: He looked~~
K: Didn't look~~
R: HAHAHA!! Too funny!!
SZBH 100
This week's opening drama is a parody of "Ikenai Kaere Sensei" in Zan Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei ep.4. "Ikenai" means naughty; "Kimura Kaere" is actually one of the highschool girl characters but she sometimes shows up as a sexy private tutor. You can watch the relevant part at Youtube here(couldn't find one with subtitles but the content is unimportant....), or download the avi video here.
Kaere Sensei (CV: Kobayashi Yuu)
Sanosuke (CV: Kamiya Hiroshi)
Hitou Nami (CV: Shintani Ryoko)
(0:04)
Kaere: Sayonara Zetsubou Housou, episode........100!! Pi's tragedy.
Sanosuke & Nami: Ikenai Kaere Sensei!
Nami: Without considering the TPO(Time Place Occasion), a sexy private tutor has come to the studio!
Kaere: Hi~~~~. Uh~~~~uh~~~~~. Sa...Sa...Sa...Sanosuke-chan, today I AM TEACHER. Together with sensei, let's study about, ALL. KIND. OF. THINGS......shall we~~~~~???
Sanosuke: Oh!! Yoroshiku-cha!!
Kaere: Sanosuke-chan is so wild~~~~!! Today, let's first learn about "En-shuu-ritsu"(=the ratio of the circumference to the diameter of a circle).
Sanosuke: Ah~~~~?? En-shuu-ritsu is that one, right? 3......3, right?!!
Kaere: Oh~~~~Sanosuke-chan~~~~!! Exactly~~!! Let's get back to 3.14~~
Sanosuke: For real?! Hey!!
Kaere: En-shuu-ritsu is 3.14159265358979............a number that cannot be divided exactly so it's expressed as π(Pi).
Sanosuke: Hey hey, all of a sudden! Talking about "Pi"......it's this??!
(Imagine Sanosuke squeezing Kaere sensei's breasts=oppai=Pi)
Kaere: IYAAAA~~~~~~~!!! AHH~~! That's "Pi" too, but π is not that "Pi"~~~~~~
Sanosuke: En-shuu-ritsu is so warm and soft. I learn something today.
Kaere: OHH~~~~~!! OHH~~~~~~!! It's the opening drama of the memorial 100th episode.....OHH~~~~!! Sano-chan, consider the TPO!
Sanosuke: Hey hey hey, it's not me. It's the guy behind me. Hey, stop it! Kamiya!! Your reputation will get worse again!! What is "again"? It's spoiling the cool image of Hare no Hi's PV!! Consider the TPO!!
Nami: More like, the moment Sanosuke appears in the opening drama, he is already not considering the TPO.
SZBH 43
(2:35~)
Sugita(S): I'm really into exchanging the lower body of this "cardigan" and "megane" character that Kamiya-san is doing.
K: That's terrible!! Sugita-kun!!
S: There is this 300 yen figure of the G-dam's megane character that Kamiya-san is playing. At first I changed the lower body to a "Caterpillar"(tank-like vehicle) and thought it was really interesting. Then from a "wagon sale" of a second-hand shop, I bought a lot of figures from dating game and porn game that might fit, and when I gently snapped the parts together, they fit perfectly! Unbelievable!!
K: That sucks!!
S: When I fit the lower body of this megane girl from the work of (censor), oh wow!! Amazing!!
K: This idiot! He looked so happy when he showed me the picture!! (in Sugita tone) "Brother, it is amazing!" Haha!! It is amazing but also stupid!
S: I'm already 27 but when I joined the body part with a figure from a bishojo(pretty young girl) game, I was feeling all embarassed by myself in my room.
K: I think Sugita-kun must have bought quite a number of them in order to find one that fits........well.........he is a fabulous person.
S: Even you don't say it, I will die anyway.
K: HAHAHAHA!!!!! For the time being, please don't die this week and next week.
(4:45)
S: I was really embarassed when I switched the parts.
K: Sure you did!
SZBH 44
SZBH 45
A parody of Mastercard's TV commercial in Japan. Check out the original CM at the official site or download the older ones here, here and here.
(18:40)
Wine that you can't say no to after tasting it: 45,000 yen.
Spangle jeans that you don't like but can't say no after trying it on: 28,000 yen.
A beautiful dolphin painting that you said you would buy: 530,000 yen.
A lifetime of not being able to say no: Priceless.
There is despair that you cannot buy with money.
If you are in despair: SZBH.
This CM is sponsored by Zetsubou-name Maison Nippori-san.
If you are in despair: SZBH.
SZBH 46
SZBH 47
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SZBH 49
SZBH 50
SZBH 51
A fake CM song sung by Sanosuke(CV: Kamiya Hiroshi). Sanosuke is that ugly doll version of the character "Sagara Sanosuke" in "Rurouni Kenshin". Apparently Ryoko loves Sagara Sanosuke so on her birthday, they gave her that doll of Despair as the birthday present and it had become her nightmare ever since.
(24:15)
Sanosuke~suke~suke~ Zanbato(long sword)!!
I came in my yellow body~~!!
Sanosuke~suke~suke~ can stretch very long~~!!
I'm a healthy kid with big round eyes!!
SZBH 51 "keitai"(cellphone version)
(1:25~)
R: (Mail) In his radio show, Daichu made a "UKE declaration" addressed to OnoD saying that "If it's Daisuky(aka Ono Daisuke), I am fine with whatever he does to me. Because I like him very much(daisuki)." Please stop this "Real(-life) BL"!
K: Maybe he reckons that since he is not popular with the girls, he may as well settle for the guys.
R: If he comes here again, Kamiya-san will be in trouble!
K: I have absolutely no interest in that. Neither has Ono-kun. "Real BL" is a tough one.
R: Yeah, and he is someone we're close to.
K: I know the mail address of both of them......It's DELETE!! DELETE!!
SZBH 52
SZBH 53
SZBH 54
SZBH 55
SZBH 56
SZBH 57
(4:35)
(From a title sent by a listener)
R&K: "DESPAIR Girl ~Stories~"
(4:55)
K: Please write down how to pronounce the English word("Despair"). None of us, out of all 9 staff, knows how to read it!
(13:18)
R&K: "DISAPPEAR Girl ~Stories~"
R: (giggles)
K: It's enough!!!!
(20:40)
R&K: "Disappear.......Gir....Girl ~Stories~"
R: A lot of mails arrived for Kamiya-san.
K: Thank you!
R: From Zetsubou-name Uho!-san. (Mail) I went to the Summer Comiket. As someone in his late 20s, it was my first time buying "seiyuu-san real-life book". They were mainly selling Kamiya-san x OnoD, and also other DGS-related stuff. To be honest, I was hesitating whether I should buy it or not, because I am a guy. But the people from the [doujinshi] circle told me, "You are the 7th Dear Guy." and I thought, "Ah~~ I am not the only one", and realised it was no big deal.
K: ........................heh.
R: (giggles)
K: Ah.......is that right..........err..........what is "seiyuu-san real-life book"?
R: I'm not sure but maybe instead of pairing (anime) characters, you have seiyuu-san pairs. In this case, it is Kamiya-san and OnoD.........
K: IT'S GROSS!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S GROSS!!!!!!!!!!!
R: You never know. Maybe it is just a manga of you two talking normally.
K: It's bizarre even if it's just "talking normally"! Picking up a NOBODY 33 year-old bloke like me, what do you want to achieve?! Give me a break!
R: No, no, no, no, no. It's fun. It's about things that you won't be able to see and hear in reality. So you fill up the missing parts in manga.
K: There is no need to fill up.
R: There is!
K: For Uho-san?
R: Yeah. Also for girls.
K: Is that right.......is that right.......the 7th Dear Guy........7 guys......the "7 chosen ones"........bought the books. What do they do with it? Amazing.......there are all kinds of needs in this world......all the guys in this world can really live on without losing hope.........because even a guy like me is needed by the others.
R: No, no, no, no, no. Kamiya-san is Kamiya-san.
K: Well I am not Sanosuke.
R: Haha.......
K: Not what you meant? Hey, Sanosuke how you doing?
R: No, he is not in the mood today.
K: What happened to you, Sanosuke?...............(playing with Sanosuke)........hahaha!!
R: Let's move on to the next! Something miserable is happening!
K: Sanosuke, miserable..........(accidentally hit the mic).......
R: I'm going ahead now. Kamiya-san, are you okay?
K: Haha, nothing.
SZBH 58
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SZBH 65
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SZBH 70
(Opening Drama)
Itoshiki Nozomu(CV: Kamiya Hiroshi)
Itoshiki Mikoto(CV: Kamiya Hiroshi)
Fujiyoshi Harumi(CV: Matsuki Miyu)
Hitou Nami(CV: Shintani Ryoko)
(0:10)
Nozomu: uh.......ah........ha.........ah.........
Harumi: Itoshiki Nozomu sighs in desire. His older brother Itoshiki Mikoto appears in a white coat.
Mikoto: What happened, Nozomu?! Your face is red. You're breathing heavily. Hey! Nozomu!! Nozomu!!
Nozomu: Ni......Nii-san......I can't take it anymore.......ah.......
Harumi: Nozomu leans coquettishly against Mikoto. Mikoto holds his younger brother's body tightly, and puts his hand on his cheek.
Mikoto: It's hot! Your body is very hot!! Nozomu, show it to me.
Nozomu: No, Nii-san~~It's embarassing~~
Mikoto: What is so embarassing between brothers. Come now!
Harumi: Mikoto roughly rips off Nozomu's clothes. Mikoto puts a cold stethoscope on his brother's chest.
Nozomu: Ah~~! Nii-san! It's cold~!
Mikoto: It's alright. You'll warm up shortly. Come now. Open your mouth.
Nozomu: Ah, ah~~~~~~~
Harumi: Mikoto examines Nozomu's swelling throat. Mikoto searches his medic bag, and takes out a...............
Nozomu: !!!!!!! A new year just started, what are you trying to make me do???!!!!!!!!
Harumi: It was the first dream of this year I saw.
Nami: What? It was only Fujiyoshi-san's first dream!
Harumi: It's definitely my "dream".
Nozomu: You think you're being clever?! Don't cast me in your dream without my permission!!!!!
Harumi: You think Nozo/Miko is better than Miko/Nozo??
Nami: I think that's not the problem.
(2:17)
K: GIVE ME A BREAK!! GIVE ME A BREAK!!
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SZBH 79
(31:40)
K: (Mail) Despair!!!! In his radio show "Maru-chu", "I want to invite Takuma to be the guest", "Takuma is good-looking", "Terashima Takuma is my type". Despair on Gachi-homo talk by Daichu-san!!!!! Terashima-san, please escape!!!!!!!!!
(32:00)
K: (Mail) Despair!!!! Kimura Madoka-san(female seiyuu) acknowledges the fact that Terashima-san is Daichu-san's Gachi-homo friend. Despair!!!!!!!
K: Apparently all these are true.
(32:32)
Terashima: ...............Daichu-san said that...............I will think about it.
K&R: Hahahaha~~~!!!!!!!
SZBH 80
(28:50)
R: (Mail) I am a fujoshi, but I love girls' breasts. When we go to hotsprings together, I'll stare at my friend's breasts, and if things go well I will say "How big~" while touching them. Kamiya-san, Terashima-san, do guys say, "How big~" and touch each other's? I really want to know.
Terashima(T): Please tell them, Kamiya-san.
K: (in his super kakkoi voice) Of course we don't touch each other.
R: You don't touch?!
K: Huh?
R: You don't touch?!
K: Don't touch me.
R: "Don't touch me"???!!
(29:30)
T: It's not fun [for guys to touch each other].
K: It's not the problem of whether it's fun or not.
T: Haha!!
K: You just don't do it.
T: It's not normal.
K: Try to imagine, Kousei-T(script-writer T) and Director Sato. Imagine the sight of them touching each other while saying "You are incredible~".
R: Ah~~~!!!!!
T: Gross! Gross!
K: Kousei-T is laughing but Director Sato is looking very solemn.
R: I'm sorry~~!!!!!!! I'm sorry~~~!!!!!!!!!! Scary~~~~~~!!!!
K: He's looking very annoyed to be used as an example. His face is saying, "Don't say stuff like that even as a joke!!! Damn it!!"
T: He really doesn't like it!!
(30:17)
R: You really don't touch each other, not anywhere??
K: WE DON'T!!!!!!
T: "Anywhere"?
R: (attempted macho voice) "Your biceps brachii muscle is incredible!!"
K: Why is it so pinpointed??
R: I'm trying to think only the upper body. Chest muscle or stomach muscle or back muscle, or shoulder..........(giggles)....like, "You have sloping shoulders."
K: Well, I do have sloping shoulders.
T: Definitely not happening in a hotspring. Praising someone's muscle in a gym is understandable.
K: Like, "Senpai!! Nice Abs!!"
T: That may happen for the guys in a sports club.
K: In a hotspring, you just don't peep and go, "Oh~~~! You!! Wow!!"
SZBH 81
SZBH 82
(18:23)
R: (Mail) Whenever I see a briefcase, I can't help thinking, "Must be fat stacks of cash inside!!" Don't say I am normal!!!
K: I can relate to that. Whenever I see a briefcase, I'll think, "Must be white dodgy powder inside!!".
R: Wah, wah, wah, wah~
K: In our industry, about a few years ago, a certain raw-meat-senpai........well that certain raw-meat-senpai is Morikawa Toshiyuki-san...........
R: Why raw meat?
K: Because he likes meat. Morikawa-san had a (Jean Paul) Gaultier bag, a briefcase-looking one. I always thought, "I'm sure there is a pistol inside".
R: Hahaha~~!!!!!
K: He had long blonde hair and wore really wild-looking clothes. And he carried that Gaultier briefcase in metallic colour.
R: Ah~~~~~!!
K: I was sure there was a pistol inside, but in fact he was carrying BL sample CDs. Haha!
SZBH 83
SZBH 84
SZBH 85
(20:29)
Kamiya, Suzumura Kenichi and Sakurai Takahiro are the same age(or the same year in school) but because Kamiya was born in the early month of the year "Showa 50"(=1975) while Suzumura and Sakurai were born in the later month of the year "Showa 49"(=1974), Kamiya loves saying to the other two:
"I have no idea what you guys are talking about. I'm from the Showa 50s, I have no idea what people from the Showa 40s are talking about."
SZBH 86
The convenience store Family Mart has this cash card thing where after the transaction, the shop staff has to determine the age of the customer from how he/she looks and key in the age accordingly(some kind of validation procedure I assume). But in practice, most shop staff don't actually take the procedure seriously and only key in whatever number, even though the customer can see on the screen what the shop staff has just keyed in.
(31:45)
K: I can understand that if I wear shabby clothes and the shop staff key in like "40 something".
R: Heh??!!!
K: I hate to look 40 something so even when I'm just going to a convenience store, I will dress up. And when I do that, the shop staff key in "20 something", and "female".
R: Hahaha~~!!!!
SZBH 87
SZBH 88
SZBH 89
(7:50)
R: (Mail) A question to Sugita-san. What do you think of "Bachou Mouki"-san who has been saying in a few occasions, "Tieria is cute", "I want to go out with Tieria".
K: Haha.....
S: There is such a person?.....ah......I think Tieria is cute. The story will probably move on without revealing Tieria's gender. Say Tieria becomes a girl completely, while the appearance doesn't change. The character becomes weaker and weaker, saying things like,
"What should I do? I don't know how to talk to other people."
"Wah~Setsuna just came in! What should I do?"
(Setsuna:) "Hey, how you doing?"
(Tieria:) "Hey, you jerk."
(Setsuna:) "What kind of tension is that?"
(Tieria:) "I blew it!!" and goes to hide at the back and cry. So cute.
K: .........hentai.........hentai........
S: So cute.
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SZBH 98
SZBH DJCD Vol.3 Disc 2 Track 1
(The guests are Ootsuki Kenji and Narasaki, the former sings and the latter writes the theme songs for the anime. Also Kobayashi Yuu who is one of the cast.)
(0:00)
R: A special program!!
K: "Uho-hon school"!!
(Cheers from the audience)
R: Wait!! Wait!! Wait!! Kamiya-san!! Kamiya-san!! Why are you stripping at this timing? It's okay if you're hot.
K: I'm hot. I'm hot.
R: But why tripping at this timing.
Audience: One more!! One more!! One more!! One more!!
R: No~~~~~~!!!!
K: I'm not stripping, you stupid!!!!! I was going to strip from the bottom too.
R: Here we are featuring the "Uho" mails which we couldn't use in the radio.
Kobayashi Yuu: A very fitting special program for an event in Shinjuku.(Shinjuku 2-chome is a famous gay scene)
K: Unfortunately a lot of mails from "those kind of people" have been sent to this radio program. I don't know why.
Ootsuki Kenji(O): Huh.......
Audience: It's not unforunate!!!
K: Unfortunately a lot of mails came........so a special program.
R: Really a lot of them came......
Audience: That's our Kamiya!!
K: I'm really sorry, Ootsuki-san, but we're going to do this "Uho-hon school" program........
O: I'll try to catch up.
R: Hahaha!!!!
K: Narasaki-san also, please try to follow.
R: How about another drink?
Narasaki(N): Alcohol.......one more Tequilla.
R: One more Tequilla?!!!! You were drinking Tequilla?!
(1:50)
R: A mail from Zetsubou-name "Uho!"-san.
K: (Mail) Despair!!!!! I met my boss in "Hattenba"(pickup spot for gay men)!! Despair!!!!!
Audience: Uho!!! Uho!!! What a man!!!
K: This is......................what do you think?
N: Me?? I went to Hattenba recently.
R: Eh~~~~??!!!
N: I didn't know it. I was being looked at, like seriously.
K: You were being checked out.
N: I was being stared at.....If you love being looked at, then you should go there.
K: Hahaha!! Hattenba really exists!
N: There is this theater for porn movies in Shinjuku and it used to specialise in gay movies. It was incredible when I went there to get coverage of the place.
Audience: Also in Ueno!
K: Also in Ueno! There are theaters for gay movies here and there! They should put up a sign. If I happen to go in without knowing it, and the people there go "Uho??" at me, I'll be like "No no no!!!!".........right now I'm covering up my crotch.
N: Really, I was being "licked" from the bottom.
K: From the bottom.........There are really places like that. To know people in places like that............is very despairing. But in a sense, people share a common interest there. Isn't it great to get everything sorted in a handy place like that?
(3:37)
K: A mail from Zetsubou-name "Uho!"-san.
R: How many "Uho!"-san are there?! (Mail) In "Dragon Quest Five (The Hand of the Heavenly Bride)", when I get to choose my bride, I always end up talking to Flora's father. Don't say that I'm normal!!!!
(Cheers from the audience)
R: "Uho" sending a mail to this corner is not normal already.
K: Well yeah, it's not normal.
N: How many times has he played Dragon Quest Five?!
K: It's Flora's father, right? He's married and has a child, which means he's got to be straight!!!! Next mail!!
(4:27)
K: A mail from Zetsubou-name "Uho!"-san.
R: (Mail) In shinsen-gumi, I ship Hijikata/Okita. Don't say that I'm normal!!!!
(Hijikata/Okita, from Gintama doujinshi)
R: This is normal.
(Cheers from the audience)
K: Err........
R: This is normal.........sorry, shall we move on?
K: The other two have gone silent.
O: I got a work offer to write a BL scenario.
R: Eh~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!
O: Will I get a better idea if I watch more of Zetsubou-sensei?
R: Oh! Do you get it? Do you get it?
O: I'm not sure but, is it Zetsubou-sensei who is conjuring up this ambience, or is it Kamiya-san himself who is conjuring up this ambience? Which one is it? I can't tell.......
K: Both are NO!!!!!!!
R: Hahaha~~~!!!!
O: Ah, really......
K: It was that IDIOT Hikawa Hekiru who wrote "Kamiya Sou-uke"!!! Don't know where the hell he's gone now!!! That bastard!!
R: Yeah! He didn't draw Nami [in the end-card]. I'm still hating him for that.
K: In the end-card....
O: So it was a heartless lander.....
R: Heartless lander!!
K: The heartless lander thoughtlessly went public, appearing as if it were true. By the hand of Hikawa Hekiru who drew the end-card.
O: And the audience just picked it up......
Audience: Plausible plausible plausible plausible plausible~~~~~~~
K: Is it plausible?
(Cheers from the audience)
O: It must be plausible.
K: Hahaha~~!!!!
R: Fantastic timing!!!
(6:28)
R: A mail from Zetsubou-name, "My Uho cousin."
Kobayashi Yuu: (Mail) I want to sue my cousin!!! The first AV(adult video) I ever saw in my life, was a "Uho" AV. In my first year of middle school, I went to visit my cousin in his room. He was not in so I checked out his stuff and found a video with a Kinnikuman label on it.
(Kinnikuman, or "Muscle man")
Kobayashi Yuu: (Mail) Feeling nostalgic, I inserted it into the video player and what I saw on the screen was two NUDE MACHO guys playing a game of pro-wrestling. The video was right in the middle of a CLIMAX scene. They were going, "Ah~~~~~" and "Oh~~~~~". Well in a sense, it was exactly what the label said though!!
R: Fantastic! Yuu-chan!
A male audience: Kamiya. Your comment!!
K: So it's Kinnikuman....haha....it's not incorrect for the content......err.......it'll be a trauma if someone sees it in his first year of middle school........you're nodding haha.
O: Once I was taken to a club in Shinjuku's "golden street".....2-chome?? The video showing there was incredible......
K: Kinnikuman's?
O: It was like Kinnikuman.........they were using the "constrictor muscle".......
Audience: Hahaha~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!
K: Constrictor muscle......
R: What is constrictor muscle?
O: Both of the hands were like........doing this........it was incredible.........I'm sorry that I'm talking about stuff like that.
K: That's what this program is about. It's perfectly alright.......haha........constrictor muscle......
R: Where is constrictor muscle??
K: Oh come on!
Audience: Ahhh~~~ohh~~~~~
R: I'd better not ask?
K: Where do you think it might be?
R: From what is being said......upper arm? ............wrong?
O: Let this old man explain it to you.
R: I'm sorry! It's fine! I can sense from the atmosphere that I shouldn't ask.
O: That's right. There are things that are better not to know about. You will know when you become an adult.
Audience: No!! No!! No!! No!!
R: No? No? It's bad if the constrictor muscle ends up in my resume? Oh it's bad. I won't ask then.
K: The hint is, "xxx constrictor muscle". (anal)
R: (still not getting it) Eh~!! Eh~!! Special Program!!
K: Uho-hon School!!
R: The end!!
--------------------
The event was held in Shinjuku's "Loft Plus One", where the audience were allowed to put things on a table set on the stage before the show started, and someone put the figures of Tieria Erde and Koizumi Itsuki with their bodies entangled.
Disc 1 Track 1 (9:35)
K: Sorry I just noticed. What is this?
(Cheers from the audience)
R: This is sugoi!
Audience: OnoD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
K: Ah~~I see~~. IGNORE.
But Kobayashi Yuu went over and put Koizumi's figure on Kamiya's shoulder, which Kamiya chucked away later saying "Don't want it".
Disc 1 Track 1 (11:13)
Male audience: Daite~~~!!!!! (Make love to me!)
Ryoko: Haha!!!
Kamiya: Ha.....
Ryoko: There was a girl too!!!
Male audience: Dakaserou!!!! (Let me make love to you!)
"Boy-with-special-power" slashes "Pink-cardigan" is also mentioned in Disc2 Track 5 (0:45~)
--------------------
Two types of non-alcohol "original drinks" were available in the event.
One of which was "Pink Cardigan", which was just a pink lemonade apparently.
The other original drink was "Paprika Cola Sour".
"Sour" is a drink made from Japanese sake and fruit juice. Paprika is just bell-pepper in Japanese.
"Paprika Cola Sour" comes from " Patrick Colasour", a character in Gundam00.
The talk about Gundam's "armed force intervention" to SZBH is mentioned in Disc2 Track 4 (0:27~)
DJCD Vol.4 Track 9
(2:35)
R: (Mail) I'm sorry! I'm sorry that I watch Fashion Show in the wrong way. But you can't help looking at the models' breasts which can be seen through the clothes. Right, Kamiya-san?!
K: ME?!
Sanosuke: You look too?!
K: Ah~~I do. Sanosuke aren't really interested?
Sanosuke: Me?? Don't ask me!
Inoue Marina: (whispers) Kawaii.....
Sanosuke: Don't ask a samurai [about things like that]!!
(3:23)
Marina: (giggles) Kamiya-san is too KAWAII when he is playing with the doll. My heart just went "kyun-kyun"(contracts).
R: Kamiya-san, Kamiya-san. "Playing with the doll".
K: Ah.........you look at the breasts, right?!
R: Hahaha~~~!!!
(After some silly talk where Kamiya got jealous of Marina who had the freedom to squeeze Ryoko's breasts as she pleased)
(6:40)
Marina: Why don't you squeeze a guy's breasts while doing the radio show?
R: For example Sugita-san! Make him sit next to you.
K: Don't want to!!
R: Then how about Sanosuke?!!
K: Sanosuke......
Marina: He is soft.
K: Oh~~wow~~ (squeezing Sanosuke)
R: Hahaha~~~!!!
Sanosuke: You...you!! Stop it!! Don't touch me like that!! Ah~~~~no~~~~I'm going weak~~~~
Marina: Hahaha~~~~!!!
K: So this is your weak spot.
Sanosuke: You!! Stop!! Don't do it!!......I'll try.
All: Hahaha~~~~!!!
Kannou Mukashibanashi : The Monkey-Crab War
(Available at Seiyuu and Drama CD forum)
Track 5 (0:40)
Inoue Kazuhiko: Long long time ago there lived a Crab(CV: Kamiya Hiroshi). One day, Crab found a delicious-looking onigiri(rice ball) lying on the road side.
(Crabby walking: "ton ton ton ton ton ton....")
Kamiya: Wah~~what a yummy-looking onigiri!! Let me take home to eat.
Inoue: At the same time, a hungry Monkey(CV: Suzuki Tatsuhisa) picked up a persimmon seed.
Suzuki: A persimmon seed?!!! Let me chuck it away.
Inoue: Just when Monkey was chucking away the persimmon seed, it bumped into Crab holding the onigiri.
(Crabby walking: "ton ton ton ton ton ton")
Kamiya: Hello Saru-san!
Suzuki: Oh!! Well, aren't you carrying something very yummy-looking?
Kamiya: This? I picked it up from the road.
Suzuki: Well, good for you.
Kamiya: What is that, Saru-san?
Suzuki: This? This is....
Inoue: Saru wanted to have Crab's onigiri so he said...
Suzuki: This is the Miraculous Persimmon Seed!
Kamiya: Miraculous Persimmon Seed?
Suzuki: Yeah. You plant this seed, and every year it will grow into very delicious persimmon fruits. Isn't it great?
Kamiya: It's awesome!
Suzuki: Do you want it?
Kamiya: Yeah! I want it!
Suzuki: Then say you want it.
Kamiya: Eh?....okay, I want it.
Suzuki: Not like that! "I would like to have the persimmon seed of Saru-sama"....not giving you unless you say it.
Kamiya: I think I don't want it that much......
Suzuki: Ahhhh????
Kamiya: Okay okay I will say it!! I would like to have the persimmon seed of Saru-sama.....is it okay?
Suzuki: Hmm....doesn't sound right. "May Saru-sama deign to bestow this Crab His persimmon seed". Hey, say it again.
Kamiya: Eh?! No!!
Suzuki: You want me to chuck it to the river?
Kamiya: I, I will say it! I will say it!.......May Saru-sama deign to bestow this crab His persimmon seed.....is it okay?
Suzuki: No no no. You didn't say it whole-heartedly.
Kamiya: That is just.....
Suzuki: If you can't say it, (threatening voice) I can MAKE you say it.
Kamiya: Eh??
Monkey-Suzuki started to squish poor Crab-Kamiya with his feet.
Kamiya: It, it hurts....
Suzuki: (heavy breathing).....say it......(heavy breathing)
Kamiya: Saru-san!!!
Suzuki: If you say it properly, I will let you go....
Kamiya: Don't squish me....it hurts!!
Suzuki: (heavy breathing).....your shell is so rugged....(heavy breathing)....feels good.....(heavy breathing).....ah!!
Kamiya: Saru-san?
Suzuki: .......sorry, what the hell was I doing......did it hurt?
Kamiya: Yea...yeah....a bit....
Suzuki: Ah damn! Your important guts.........(SUCK SUCK SUCK)
(Kani-miso= Crab guts= a delicacy in Japanese cuisine)
Kamiya: Ah~!! Saru-san....not there~!!!
Suzuki: ......sorry! I.....I....I lost myself.....sorry.....
Kamiya: Oh it is alirght.
Suzuki: Here! The persimmon seed. Take it.
Kamiya: Ah, thank you, Saru-san!
Suzuki: If you ever get into trouble, just come to me.
Kamiya: O...okay.
Suzuki: .......bye.
Inoue: Crab went home and planted the seed immediately.
Kamiya: What a nightmare just now. But I got the seed. Must thank Saru-san. Miraculous Persimmon Seed....what kind of tree it will grow into?
Inoue: While giving water to the seed, Crab started singing.
Kamiya: Persimmon seed~~sprout quickly! Persimmon seed~~sprout quickly! If you don't, I will dig you with my claw!
(Tree growing sound)
Inoue: The seed that was planted a moment ago, sprouted and grew big quickly.
Kamiya: Wow it is really Miraculous Persimmon Seed!!
Inoue: Crab got happy and started singing again.
Kamiya: Persimmon tree~~~bear fruit quickly! Persimmon tree~~~bear fruit quickly! If you don't, I will cut you off with my claw!
(Fruits popping sound)
Inoue: A lot of persimmon fruits are grown on the tree.
Kamiya: Yeah! I can eat persimmon fruit now!
Inoue: Crab wanted to get to the fruit but Crab cannot climb tree.
Kamiya: Oh no.....what should I do?
Inoue: Monkey showed up at that time.
Suzuki: Wow, you've got the fruits already.
Kamiya: Saru-san! It really was Miraculous Persimmon Seed!!
Suzuki: I told you so, didn't I! You should thank me!
Kamiya: Yeah! But I cannot reach the fruit. I don't know what to do.
Suzuki: I will take it for you.
Kamiya: Really?
Suzuki: I said that if you ever get into trouble, just come to me, right?
Kamiya: Thank you, Saru-san!
Inoue: Monkey climbed the tree, but he started eating the fruit by himself.
Kamiya: So mean!! Saru-san!! Give me the fruit too!!
Suzuki: Shut up. I am busy eating right now.
Kamiya: So mean!! Give me just one please.
Suzuki: Just one....(evil laugh).....eat this!!!
(Fruit throwing sound)
Inoue: Monkey started throwing hard and green fruits at Crab.
Kamiya: Ouch!
Suzuki: Ha!
Kamiya: Ouch!
Suzuki: There!
Kamiya: So mean! Saru-san! So mean!
Suzuki: You want it? You want it? Says so on your face.
Kamiya: It hurts! It hurts!
Suzuki: Say it! You are excited by this, aren't you?
Kamiya: Saru-san! Why? You were so kind to me just a moment ago?!
Suzuki: This sound of the fruit hitting on your shell is just great.......hehehe.........ah!!!
Kamiya: (moans in pain)
Suzuki: (heavy breathing after rushing to Crab) .....sorry!! What was I doing........did it hurt?
Kamiya: Yeah...yeah...quite a bit.....
Suzuki: Ah! Damn! Your important guts........(SUCK SUCK SUCK)
Kamiya: Saru-san.....don't! If you do this to me......I........
Suzuki: I......am no good?
Kamiya: No.....it is not that.....
Suzuki: Is there somebody else? Besides me......your.....
Kamiya: But....that.....is my.......important......
Suzuki: I can't take it anymore. I........so much.......your.....lov........(SUCK)
Kamiya: Ah~~~~~~~~~
The story followed by a revenge mission carried out by Crab's buddies: Chestnut, Bee and Mortar(all played by Inoue). Monkey had his tail cut off by Crab's claws at the end and that's why Japanese Monkeys have short tails.....